shylight200 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I met this really nice guy the other day and we hung out once, sorta like a study date. We have a billion things in common. He's prefect pretty much.... ...except...he's really short. I mean really really short. I'm not that tall, I'm about 5'6 and he's a few inches shorter than I am. He barely comes up to my shoulder. This is such a turn off for me. I like tall guys, or even guys that are my height. but this, this is just way too short for me. He asked me out on a date after winter break is over and I told him I would think about it. I"m leaning towards no because of the height thing. But I feel really bad if I turned him down because of something he can't help. It's not his fault he was born short.
runner Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 i don't think so. to each his/her own. just let him down gently and if he had his wits about him, he'd figure that it just isn't gonna work out. i don't think you should date this guy (right now) if you're leaning on no cos then you'd just be leading him on.
SDSJ Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Dont deel bad for this , people say looks dont matter . But in reality attraction ties up looks and personality . Beauty rests in the eyes of the beholder and if you dont feel confortable , then you are not being shallow but being honest with yourself and the guy , instead of following through and leading him on to leave him later for a much better looking guy in your eyes. So you are doing the right thing and dont feel bad , you have to feel in a cloud and completely in love with everything about your partner.
sultry33 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 :laugh:hey op im exactly the same and i feel pretty bad about it but i just cant do short. we all have our preferences but just be honest to not lead him on but dont say its cause he is too short / not that you would;)
norajane Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I like to think I'm generally not shallow, but I can't recall ever being attracted to a guy who's shorter than my 5'6". A guy my height is ok, although I do prefer taller. Short...just doesn't attract me. Short and skinny is a definite deal-breaker. I guess that makes me shallow, but I haven't yet met a guy who's been so wonderful as to change my view on this.
Yamaha Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Just don't ask him to be friends. You know he wants to date you and he isn't looking to be just friends.
Jaytb Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 honestly it seems shallow, but the fact that it's a problem off the bat means that the relationship won't work out. My rule is that if for any reason something appears to be a problem going into a relationship, no matter what the problem is, then the relationship shouldn't be started in the first place. Even if it's shallow or not, it doesn't matter, just the fact that it's a problem for you means it's not worth it. If you could overlook this problem, then I'd say go for it. If you can't, which is what it sounds like, then don't do it.
JoeNewbie Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 He asked me out on a date after winter break is over and I told him I would think about it. I"m leaning towards no because of the height thing. But I feel really bad if I turned him down because of something he can't help. It's not his fault he was born short. You are not being shallow, you're being honest. If I had to feel bad for all the girls I find unattractive, I'd be permanently depressed.
vanilla87 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I met this really nice guy the other day and we hung out once, sorta like a study date. We have a billion things in common. He's prefect pretty much.... ...except...he's really short. I mean really really short. I'm not that tall, I'm about 5'6 and he's a few inches shorter than I am. He barely comes up to my shoulder. This is such a turn off for me. I like tall guys, or even guys that are my height. but this, this is just way too short for me. He asked me out on a date after winter break is over and I told him I would think about it. I"m leaning towards no because of the height thing. But I feel really bad if I turned him down because of something he can't help. It's not his fault he was born short. I have complete sympathy for you. I have the same pet-peeve about short guys as well. I'm 5'5" and I've been with a guy who was once 5'5", but that even got under my skin cause I was only shorter then him when he was in shoes and I wasn't. If you feel that irked, then just tell him you want to be friends or just break it off, cause the irking feeling won't go away unless you completely accept the fact that he won't ever be taller then you. But aside from the fact that he is shorter then you, if he has all your looking for and more then any guy you've met, then think twice about this whole shortness thing, cause he could be what you exactly need. Looks can be deceiving sometimes...
El Scorpio Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Give the guy a chance. It's not like you're going to marry him.
Citizen Erased Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I have to wonder what the responses would be to a man asking if he is shallow because he won't date a woman without enormous boobs. This place is funny sometimes. But anyway, it may be shallow but you can't really help that, we're all selfish creatures. But if it is that big of a deal to you then it is simple, don't date him. I don't suggest you let him know your lack of interest is because of his lack of height though, too cruel. But for the love of God do not pity date him!
zenith Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I'm about 5'6 and he's a few inches shorter than I am. He barely comes up to my shoulder so he is a midget? and yes, you are being shallow, bro
Rudeger Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 To the OP I've just got a question. Is the reason you don't want to date him because it's your personal preference (makes your uncomfortable) to not date someone that short, or are you perhaps worried about what people who view you 2 as a couple will think? To me personally I don't think I would be able to date a woman who was a whole head taller than me. And I think the reason is partly because I would feel uncomfortable, and also that we would stick out very much while being in public. That said though, for her to be a head taller than me she needs to be like 6 foot 7ish.
O'Malley Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Just don't ask him to be friends. You know he wants to date you and he isn't looking to be just friends. Bingo! And don't tell him his height is the reason you're uninterested. Everyone's preferences are shallow, precisely because they're arbitrary. It's ok that you don't want to date shorter men as long as you accept some guys will reject you due to their own criteria. I've also noticed when you feel chemistry with someone, your 'list' suddenly becomes unimportant.
D-Jam Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I won't judge if you are shallow or not...but I will reiterate what I keep saying on this. How are your options? Are you meeting loads of new men all the time and really feel you could find someone like him, only taller? If you can...then don't worry about it. If you can't...like it seems the taller they get the worse they act, then you might want to really think about if height is that important to you. Seems like many times I find men and women who are stuck. Where it seems anyone they find physically attractive doens't act like the kind of person they want as a mate, whereas the ones who do act the way they want aren't physically attractive in their eyes.
Confusedalways Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Shallow or not; i'm not sure. I went through the same situation with a guy except he was too fat for me. I still wonder what we would have been like dating, but I know I would have been embarrassed to introduce him to friends/family, which is really too bad because he's an awesome guy. I guess I'm saying... think it through before you do anything, but it sounds like you know what you are going to do
Isolde Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 My opinion--not wanting to date a 5'6 or 5'7 guy would be very shallow. Not wanting to date someone who barely comes to your shoulder despite your being average height? That's not shallow--I feel like 98% of women would agree with you. There are plenty of 4'10-5'3 women around to date this guy.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Give the guy a chance. It's not like you're going to marry him. To give someone a chance who you see no future with would be a waste of BOTH of your time. What you are, and are not, attracted to physically - IMO - is not shallow.
Author shylight200 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Just don't ask him to be friends. You know he wants to date you and he isn't looking to be just friends. I was going to agree to a movie and dinner with him, but then adding something like "it's so great we're friends" or something. Because I do want to be friends with him. I would love to hang out with him as just friends. He's really great. I don't understand why I can't be friends with someone who wants to date. I don't think that'll be an issue. I have to wonder what the responses would be to a man asking if he is shallow because he won't date a woman without enormous boobs. This place is funny sometimes. But anyway, it may be shallow but you can't really help that, we're all selfish creatures. But if it is that big of a deal to you then it is simple, don't date him. I don't suggest you let him know your lack of interest is because of his lack of height though, too cruel. But for the love of God do not pity date him! Lol, trust me, I'm definitely not going to tell that that's the reason why. I'm thinking of saying something like, "at this point in my life, I'm not looking for a relationship. but i would love to be friends" or something along those lines. To the OP I've just got a question. Is the reason you don't want to date him because it's your personal preference (makes your uncomfortable) to not date someone that short, or are you perhaps worried about what people who view you 2 as a couple will think? I don't really care what other people think. It's just a personal issue. Everyone has their thing, and height happens to be mine. I don't even like dating guys my height. I don't know why, I guess it's cause i feel more "protected" if that makes any sense, when I'm with a guy taller than myself. I won't judge if you are shallow or not...but I will reiterate what I keep saying on this. How are your options? Are you meeting loads of new men all the time and really feel you could find someone like him, only taller? If you can...then don't worry about it. If you can't...like it seems the taller they get the worse they act, then you might want to really think about if height is that important to you. Seems like many times I find men and women who are stuck. Where it seems anyone they find physically attractive doens't act like the kind of person they want as a mate, whereas the ones who do act the way they want aren't physically attractive in their eyes. I don't have dates every day or anything. But I do meet guys that are tall and i can connect with them. The thing about this guy is that his personality is amazing. I don't know, it's weird, but he's the complete opposite of me, yet we have so much in common and so much to talk about. I can't seem to be able to get past the height thing....if only he was taller.... My opinion--not wanting to date a 5'6 or 5'7 guy would be very shallow. Not wanting to date someone who barely comes to your shoulder despite your being average height? That's not shallow--I feel like 98% of women would agree with you. There are plenty of 4'10-5'3 women around to date this guy. I just feel bad that that's the reason why I don't want to date him. I honestly can't think of any other reason. It just makes me feel really superficial and shallow and mean.
BentSpine Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I would love to hang out with him as just friends. He's really great. I don't understand why I can't be friends with someone who wants to date.For the same reason that most women don't want to be friends with benefits.
Yamaha Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I would love to hang out with him as just friends. He's really great. I don't understand why I can't be friends with someone who wants to date. I don't think that'll be an issue. Because he is physically attracted to you. When you hang out and have fun he will just want more than friendship ( if you have a connection ). The friendship will not last in the end so do both of you a favor and just wish him luck.
crfsti Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 yeah, don't lead him on or date him, i would be crushed if a chick just dated me out of pity and really wasn't interested in a long term relationship.
MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Just don't ask him to be friends. You know he wants to date you and he isn't looking to be just friends. True dat Its about setting priorities. Is this a deal breaker? If it is then it is.
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