She broke up with me like this..will she come back

[Ty Webb]

I am 35 and she is 27..Since the day we met we were inseperable. Moved in after 1.5 months, and together for 1.25 years, we both conceded immediately we were so happy we found the right person. She had the talk with me before we were sexually active that she was positive for herpes, I contracted it about two months into our relationship, knowing I would contract it at some point. I would have never slept with her if wasn’t sure she was the one. Just before she told me she wanted a break and get her own place just for a little bit until she sorts some things out she had been adgitated for a month, under a lot of stress from work and keeping up with her physical appearance by working out. I hadn’t really noticed because I had been busy chasing tournament tennis spending long hours at the club while she spent long hours at the gym. We both usually came home at the same time but late. The next day we would do it all over again. Weekends were the same, we would only really see eachother at night. It had been like this since we met, we were two very driven and busy people who liked the fact that we could do our own thing both together and apart. We did things together often, but our activities we love are usually individual sports. We were happy but she now tells me that she was never happy, that right after we moved in everything changed and its been bad ever since. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So she breaks up with me, moves out which I helped her move into her new place as much as it hurt (that was brutal). Her second night alone she got scared being alone, asked me to come over and stay the night. For the next month I lived out of a bag at her place, it was understood that I would stay because we loved each other, she just needed space and time. I couldn’t keep it up so began looking for a place near in the same neighborhood. Found a place, right before I sign the lease she asks me to move in with her because it should be great and she didn’t want me paying twice, once on my old place and new. Great, now I changed. I began really supporting her in going places more with her, I dropped tournament golf altogether which was like a second job to me, I was trying to make a future for she and I. I began attending her sports and classes and doing what ever I can to take some pressure off her because I know she is stressing. She says everything is great she is in love with me so much, all the changes I have made are wonderful and she so appreciates them and loves me coming to her activities. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]One month into it she is highly adgetated with me again, its as if she can’t stand to be around me. I left went back to my place and spoke to her later that night. We agreed it wasn’t working and she couldn’t explain to me why. If she new she would tell me. She said many things about her (its not you its me) and a lot of things about me that I have done. She can’t believe I can just change like I did. I told her she is the most important part of my life and would change anything for her not only what I have done. Only if I enjoyed it, I wouldn’t change just to keep her. I love everything I am doing now and don’t miss the tennis at all, but I sure do miss her. I am happy doing what I am doing now, which is what she and I were doing when we lived at her place. I wouldn’t change just to keep her, I was trying to become a better person for me and us. She means every thing to me and am lost with out her. She is my whole life. We told each other several times per day we loved each other, went to sleep and woke up together, we did everything together at this point. [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Now things changed quickly week by week for the next four weeks. First we were going to date, then it was a break, then it was see other people but no hook ups, then I dragged it out of her one night telling me yes we were already broken up. Two weeks go by and she writes me a love poem that she just needs time (while she is out with other guys? WTF) and it’s a battle she is facing about her body image, WTF…….So I write her three letters telling how much I love her and apologized for anything I have done that upset her, and I love everything about us now. She did too, I was the most wonderful person but she doesn’t feel the same as when we first me, well no ****, who does. We talked about the first two letters for hours but she still wants the break up but isn’t sure about the future. She intiates physical contact anytime we see each other but no sex. She even got naked in front of me three days ago while changing. I don’t make contact with her at this point but she does about every week about what ever, then we end up seeing each other just for a while at her place or out somewhere. I have conceded to her she has her space, the ability to see other people (I know she does but lies about it, says they are just friends and wants to be single), and no pressure from me. I have made it clear I just want us to have a future together and if that’s what you need right now, as much as this hurts then take it. I won’t bother you but call me anytime for anything……Which she does and its magical for both of us when we see each other. But its not a relationship any more it’s a freaking game….WTF

So my question is does she come back to me? Should I wait for her? I have no have herpes, what the point of dating if you have herpes?

[Jay34]

you were used, now you have to live the rest of your life with an std..... , i can't believe you are even thinking of taking her back, i bet you she tells everyone she loves them after a month, as mean as it sounds she probably only loved you as an object, not a person, she has already ruined your chance to date a girl who is clean. don't let her ruin your life.

[Ty Webb]

She told me she had it and i knew i would get it, but i really thought we would be together forever. Which i still think, but you know my story. There is alot more to it abviously. I read subject and posts and everybody gets back with their ex but everyone says its over too. Relationships are crazy.....

[Ty Webb]

BMP.....Any advice to me. She is still contacting me but so cold. Not even a christmas card....

[Goatsbreath]

I won’t bother you but call me anytime for anything……Which she does and its magical for both of us when we see each other. But its not a relationship any more it’s a freaking game….WTF

So my question is does she come back to me? Should I wait for her? I have no have herpes, what the point of dating if you have herpes?

 

Hey man, your situation is almost identical to mine except I dont play tennis. All the details though are real close, even the herpes. Yup, I thought she was the one and I also thought if the relationship started to crumble we would be the first to work hard at repairing it. Now I think she is seeing some other guy but she still lives with me. Its a mess to say the least. She struggles with body image, she hangs out with other guys, its all the same. We are living a parallel life I think.

 

Ok, anyway, heres my advice. You are making it easy for her to play the game when you say things like call me any time for anything. You need to take some time away from this girl. Tell her you respect her choice and can contact you if she has sorted out what it is she is feeling. Until then you need to work on yourself and maybe she will call, maybe not. Maybe you will want her back, maybe you will have moved on.

 

Trust me, if she is hanging out with other guys and thinking of leaving you or exploring options, you being there will only make it easier for her. Take yourself out of the picture. Good luck man, I know how you feel.

[Ty Webb]

Goatsbreath,

 

How do you get over the fact you made a committment to this girl for a lifetime because of the H and she ups and leaves and feels no remourse. I can understand if someone is unhappy with the other for what ever reason they should be given a chance to change which i did.I can't get over the fact we both made the committment then one of us backed out.

 

How do you date women when you have the H?

[Oscar51]

Duuuuuude. You knew she had herpes and you still did it? C'Mon bro. You got burned, literally.

 

I had a gf once who I thought was the one, and she told me she could possibly have an STD. I refused to sleep with her, even though she wanted too. We were happy together and she broke my heart 3 months later. UNLESS A RING IS ON THAT GIRL'S FINGER, and she has a STD, NEVER THROW YOUR FUTURE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AWAY!

[Goatsbreath]

Well, honestly I have not really dealt with it yet. Im still trying to deal with the breakup but yeah, its running around in the back of my head. The messy part is that you can make yourself suffer more because now you think she has to be the one because nobody else is going to want you.

 

Well, you took her and if shes out with some other guys then she must be prepared to tell them and will they accept it as well as you did. Who knows? Truthfully, Im just as scared as you are. I dont know what will happen. I imagine I will date and then tell them before sex and feel less than. I just hope they will be as understanding.

 

I dont show any symptoms as of yet. I mean, I had the initial outbreak which was very mild according to what ive heard. I here you can even run a fever and be sick. I just had a mild outbreak and tested positive then it went away and I have not seen any signs of it for about a year. I was sure it would be back during this as stress is supposed to be a factor but still nothing.

 

Anyway, Im sorry about your luck but its kind of nice to know Im not the only one. I'll be interested to see how your situation turns out. Hang in there.

[Ty Webb]

Goatsbreath,

 

Your right, I feel i am damaged goods and can't ever bring that upon someone else so i am feeling a life of solitude thinking she is the only one i could ever be with, what a nightmare. Looks like a serious change of lifestyle ahead Good luck with yours, hope it turns out better than mine.....

[peacebyinches]

I cant believe what I just read. Holy ****.

[Ty Webb]

I have no interest in dating any one at this point. I hope one day that changes, actually i would prefert to be back with her as i committed to her for the rest of my life. She still contacts me from time to time for no reason to see how things are and she tells me how great everything is for her. I can't say the same. Just trying to stay busy. The problem is everything I do reminds me of her, we used to do every thing together. Even had a tennis lesson a couple of days ago, when I was in the studio looking at the tape, she came up on the tape because I used to send her to the same instructor. I was out there trying to forget about her and she pops up right in front of me. I was watchig a tournament yesterday, it was at the last resort we vacationed at. She texts me on Christmas and calls me two the day after when I didn't respond. Why does she do this? I either want her back even though she has treated me like a piece of **** or leave me alone. I have to confess i wrote her a letter that i want to stay in contact with her because i don't want to lose her forever hoping we can make it work in the future. I think if she contacts me she doesn't want to let me go but wants her cake too. I hate this, wish i had never met her. I feel like she has ruined my life be leaving me and giving me the H. Thought we would be together forever.....

[Goatsbreath]

You know, you being there for her is stupid. Ofcourse she hopes you stay in her life. She is really not ready to let go of you yet but bye going NC you are forcing her to lose you right then and there. No Contact prevents your EX from using you to soften the blow of her emotional loss by weaning herself of you slowly.

 

So, you make it easier for her and you end up hurting even more because eventually she will move on right in front of your face into a new relationship. She will then expect you to be happy for her cus you are supposed friends....yippie. good luck with that.

[Ty Webb]

I havn't seen one post saying she might come back to me. I guess I should take that as the answer to my question and just forget about it and never respond to any of her advances again even though she is the only woman i can ever be with at this point one because i love her more than anything and two because i am damaged goods. I know she still loves me because she has told me this repeatedly but refuses to be with me because she wants to be alone with her new girlfriends. I don't think i can be with anyone who treated me like this anyway, what if it happended again? Screw her, i am done with this. Thanks for every ones posts and advice, it really helped.....

[Habibti]

She told me she had it and i knew i would get it, but i really thought we would be together forever. Which i still think, but you know my story. There is alot more to it abviously. I read subject and posts and everybody gets back with their ex but everyone says its over too. Relationships are crazy.....

 

 

Honestly, I feel seriously bad for you that you allowed yourself to contract something like that. Other people and especially their "feelings" are WAY too big of a variable to ever possibly put your life at risk like that. I hope you will stop making excuses and learn from what you've done so you don't do it again.

 

I feel bad that you followed your heart and got played like a broken record by someone but take some responsibility and don't allow her to do it again.

[Ty Webb]

So she calls me today to meet just to see each other. I agreed only because i don't want to lose her. I am so weak, i just want things back to normal. I hope that by staying in contact with her even though i NEVER initiate the contact she will get this out of her system and come back to us. I understand she may be doing this to make it easier on her but i think by me never contacting her but agreeing to meet up or what ever once in a while until she realizes what she had will turn her around.

 

I am really getting over her at this point. It seems like i am less emotional every time we see one another. I am still very angry and bitter when alone but when in her presence the rejection doesn't hurt that much anymore. I must be getting over her. I don't like the sound of it because she is really the only person i could ever be with, and i really mean that. This is the only way i know how to get her back, i am afraid if i don't see her she will no longer contact me and all hope is lost. Just a little bit at a time....Any suggestions?

[You'reasian]

So she calls me today to meet just to see each other. I agreed only because i don't want to lose her. I am so weak, i just want things back to normal. I hope that by staying in contact with her even though i NEVER initiate the contact she will get this out of her system and come back to us. I understand she may be doing this to make it easier on her but i think by me never contacting her but agreeing to meet up or what ever once in a while until she realizes what she had will turn her around.

 

I am really getting over her at this point. It seems like i am less emotional every time we see one another. I am still very angry and bitter when alone but when in her presence the rejection doesn't hurt that much anymore. I must be getting over her. I don't like the sound of it because she is really the only person i could ever be with, and i really mean that. This is the only way i know how to get her back, i am afraid if i don't see her she will no longer contact me and all hope is lost. Just a little bit at a time....Any suggestions?

 

Suggestions?

 

Seems like she wasn't firmly interested in you in the first place, but let go and move on. You'll find someone who likes you. It may be a matter of time, but when you do it'll be even sweeter than this time.

[Goatsbreath]

just curious how the meeting turned out.

[cabarc1]

I don't know what to tell you about ur relationship with her because i'm going through a terrible breakup myself except that the no contact thing is the best way to get someone back. If you make it easy for them or desperate, they won't. In reference to the herpes thing though, my first bf who i was with for 5 years and engaged for 2 had it and didn't know. We didn't sleep together until 3 years into our relationship because he was my first but i ended up with it. He felt horrible because he didn't know and i felt so dirty. Point is, don't go thinking no one else will ever want you. So many people have it. I have dated 3 guys so far and 2 didn't care and the other wasn't so sure about it. My ex is dating a girl and she didn't care either supposedly. She might have even had it herself, who knows..... Just don't think they won't want you if you tell them that. Let them get to know you and then tell them. It really isn't that bad, and just tell them to research it for theirselves.....

[Goatsbreath]

im sure Ty Webb would agree, we know we were stupid in love and accepted something beyond the rational thinking of someone outside the relationship. What if she would of been the one though, should I have never taken that chance? So far people on here have been cold toward our thinking. Thanks for your positivity cabarc1.

 

Example: [Honestly, I feel seriously bad for you that you allowed yourself to contract something like that. Other people and especially their "feelings" are WAY too big of a variable to ever possibly put your life at risk like that. I hope you will stop making excuses and learn from what you've done so you don't do it again.

 

I feel bad that you followed your heart and got played like a broken record by someone but take some responsibility and don't allow her to do it again.]

 

I mean seriously, most of you all come on here saying you lost the girl of your dreams and how you would of laid down on a train track for her, give your life but herpes, oh my god. no way! Risk my life Hababiti, really, I dont think it was risking my life.

 

Its not as horrible end all as you all make it out to be. Ive had one outbreak in over a year and it was barely noticeable. Its not the text book pictures of the worst case scenario every time of some idiot that never went to the doctor and just let things progress.

 

If you know what shingles are its a dormant stage of chickenpox that most of you have waiting until your immune system checks out and then it pops up. Thats why old people or immunocompromised people usually suffer from a outbreak of it at some point in their life. That virus that most of us will have if we ever had chickenpox is herpes zoster. This virus is herpes simplex but works much in the same manner. Keep your immune system strong and you should have less to deal with.

 

Im just saying, its really the stigma of it and so far no stigma has ever compromised my life.

[Ty Webb]

Wow carbarc1, i am gald to see you can look at things that way. I hope i can one day but i feel like i just lost my entire future to be happy with a female. The pain this has caused me i don't ever want to put on someone else. Its really not that big of a deal physically, i have only had two break outs and they were not severe. Phsycologically its devestating. I sometimes try to convince myself i might not have it and it was HPV because valtrex didn't work for me. Next visit to the doc i will have the test but i am not going out of my way for a test that she said she had. I started seeing a therapist today and she was optomistic she can get me back to my self rather than this miserable state i am in but she never brought herpes up even though i did a few times. Must be becuse she knows thats going to be a tough one that can't be fixed.

 

Any way goatsbreth, sorry to hear you have the same issue. I read some of your posts. How do you deal with it? I think you said your still dealing with the break up and not dating. carbac1 has handled it well. I have to think its different for men and women how they handle it. Your right in your post earlier, when you think she's the one and she tells you the same it doesn't matter any more becuase you don't plan on any other partners if your ready to commit. I on the other hand hate this so much i would have preferred to never meet her and not experience the last three months of hell this chic has put me through. Thearapist said no one deserves this, its constant torture by her contact.

 

I have to go no contact again after we met, i was crushed for the next three days. There was minor physical contact initiated by her as usual. We talked, laughed, made some minor plans for the weekend and possibly in the future. She was supposed to call but didn't and i wasn't about to call her. She said flat out she would call me and didn't. More games, i don't need them. I hope the therapist can fix me, i am so broken!

[fishtaco]

Love is blind, the world is full of users (equally both genders). It's better to get that out of your system when you're younger, because the cost of failure tend to be smaller.

 

Sorry bro. You made some really bad decisions.

 

Once you get over her, and you will. I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you should have gone through this sort of things before. I've had to "get over someone" a number of times. You never get used to the pain, but you learn to deal with it and do the right thing.

 

The important thing is what's the next step. I believe there are options for people with herpes to meet and date each other. Maybe some online thing, maybe some meeting or whatever. But you've just chopped off many potential women that you could have dated. While still possible to meet someone, your pool to select from is now smaller. Take this with you as an important lesson. Your partner HAS to prove herself first before you take steps forward, and don't make life changing decisions out of "love". You should ALWAYS ask yourself this question... if the "love" disappears, would I still be okay with this decision? Simple example... tattoo, excellent, tattoo of the name of your girlfriend... bad idea.