fishtaco Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 So I'm back into the single scene. Saturday was the first time I got a number since I became single. At first I was just hanging out, dancing with my friends and random women that were at the restaurant (they have DJ & dance floor). Then after I danced a second time with this girl, she complimented on my looks, and danced close without much prompting from me. By close I'm mean our bodies formed a water proof seal. I took the obvious hint, asked if the guy she was with was her boyfriend. Nope, I was in the clear, so I got her number (or if he was then I'd be looking to dodge punches flying at me and make my retreat). And then we danced the rest of the night in pretty much the same water proof fashion. At the end of the night her guy friend stuck around and was obviously cock-blocking. She still wanted to party, but he was adamant about sobering up and going home. I was like fine, I'm outta here. Told her I'm going to call her, gave each other a hug & kiss on the cheeks, and that was it. I even shook the guy's hand and told him to take care of her blah blah, because I thought I was getting a date out of this, might as well be gentlemanly. As soon as I got home, she called. We chatted a bit and that was it. That was when I was dumb. She called for a reason. My brain was stuck in... get ready for bed (by then it was like 3am already). So I called her back and asked if she wanted to grab a bite to eat. But she said I should have called a few minutes earlier, she has to be home now. And asked me to call her Sunday for a date. I called Sunday, left a voice mail, not surprisingly she never called me back. In hindsight, here is the translation of what had happened. She wanted to have sex with me, I thought she wanted to go on a date with me. She called later because her cock-blocking friend was not with her anymore. I didn't get the hint until too late. By the time I called her back, she had already secured a back-up booty call. She never bothered returning my call for the date because she was never interested in a date with me anyway. That's the tough part about reading women. Very few women are up front about wanting sex, lest they appear to be a slut. Like I said I'm out of practice, I read the signals all wrong, and went for the "date" mentality, which was barking up the wrong tree. From my perspective, "slut" is a term meant for insult, and that's it. I'm fine with women wanting sex only because, hey first I benefit from it, second, why is it okay for men to want sex but not okay for women. But not a lot of people think like me, hence sometimes even when women want sex from men, it doesn't work out because being straight forward about it is somehow bad, and these "alternate signaling methods" get read the wrong way. But I shouldn't complain about the world, that's my perspective anyway, not a lot of people would agree with me. That's like complaining about not having indestructible skeleton like Wolverine. I just need to recalibrate my rusty sensors. It's my responsibility to be able to read the signals better. I'll do better next time.
Perry Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 People, both men and women do flakey, stupid things in all areas of their lives, not just in dating. Many are just downright dumb, weird, flakey.... So if you didn't leave anything out in your story, it seems like you met one of them. I don't think you did a thing wrong. If she doesn't call you back, consider that a good thing. You dodged a, flakey, bullet. Sorry, man. :-) Perry TheList.FM
Author fishtaco Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Thanks for the post Perry. I didn't leave anything out. It was a short story. Saturday night groping, Sunday no call. That was it. But my goal is to be friends with women that want to be my friend, date women that want to date me, and have sex with women that want to have sex with me. Platonic, casual dating that could lead to serious relationship, one night stands, friends with benefits, I don't care which, but I want to be able to read the signals right, and use the right approach. I don't care that this chick never called me back. Sure I'm disappointed I didn't get to have sex with her, since that was the only thing she wanted from me anyway, but I'm more disappointed in my inability to recognize the situation as it was developing. That phone call from her should have been enough of a hint. Hence the hindsight rant. Even if I did everything right with this chick, she would probably have disappeared after the ONS anyway. Knowing what I know now, the maximum amount of association with this girl possible would probably be FWB, and that would be by her choice, not mine (given that she wasn't interested in dating me, but the physical attraction was there). But I wouldn't complain, having a FWB won't stop me from dating other women and eventually get into a serious relationship. So I don't consider this dodging a bullet. More of a face-palm at myself. This is only my first try anyway, I'll get another number soon, maybe even before the end of the year. I was never a playa, just someone that understands the game and trying to make the best out of it. So back during my single days, I was getting about a number a month (except December, I always seem to do better this month). Probably low by some people's standards, but it's enough for me to work with.
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