lovelikeitneverhurt Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Hi Guys, I have been checking my ex's email lately since we broke up. I just want to know what hes up to , whether hes alright and where he is. I know its really unhealthy for me and a bad thing to do. I am not a bad person or a psychotic crazy person either. Its just that I don't know how to stop. Can someone please give me some good reasons that might make my heart stop caring and to stop checking? I know its really bad, and I do feel terrible each time I check, but I just care too much and don't want to lose him. Please give me some good help guys... Also can someone please teach me how to forget the memories. the good and the bad. the constant replaying of specific sweet moments you had with your ex..please teach me or at least tell me what is a better way to deal with this loss.
Geishawhelk Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 How about a nice fat legal lawsuit? if he finds out you've been doing this, he can get you for harassment and invasion of privacy. I'm afraid that by doing this you come across as precisely psychotic, crazy and a creepy stalker. he's not coming back. HE'S NOT COMING BACK. That's why he's an "ex". You don't so much care as are obsessed. You lost him ages ago. You need to stop this, because really, he can do you a lot of legal damage reputation wise. If you get a criminal record - which, if he finds out and presses charges, you will have - it will mess with your career. What you are doing is both immoral, and illegal. And if I were your ex, would I do the deed and have you charged? You bet I would!
Geishawhelk Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Also can someone please teach me how to forget the memories. the good and the bad. the constant replaying of specific sweet moments you had with your ex..please teach me or at least tell me what is a better way to deal with this loss. Not until you stop enjoying the Pain. You obsess about this, because hanging onto it is painful to the point of being unbearable. But at least, some connection is better than none, even if it's of the painful, self-destructive, totally negative kind. You still feel the connection. You have to wait until the pain gets ugly, and reprehensible. Until then, you'll keep playing it in your head. You have to WANT to let go. And at the moment - as your first post so startlingly reveals - you are nowhere near ready to wanting to let go. You have no desire to let go. It's all too bitter-sweet for you. So, keep sucking up the pain. Until you suck it dry. Then, you'll let go.
openbook08 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 lovelikeitneverhurt, my heart goes out to you i understand why youre doin this & i dont think it makes you look psychotic/crazy/stalker. id imagine youre a very decent person whos whole life has been turned upside down inside out & life as you know it or planned to know it is now gone & its a bloody hard thing to accept. and some people handle it differently. but legalities aside its just not good for YOU to be checkin his emails. and thats what youve gotta remember now its time to put YOU first. only you can help yourself get over it. what if you read his email someday & it becomes obvious he has a new girlfriend or hes emailin a friend and tellin him how hes really happy now.... do you think thatll make you feel better? i know my exes passwords but i just dont check it. its not good for ME. and im all thats important now. you just have to stop. no easy 123 formula just stop. as for the memories ... again i dont think theres a secret formula, theres always gonna be something thatll remind you. i guess its how you handle it that matters. sometimes i cry, sometimes i remember times when he was so nasty to stop myself from wearing rose tinted glasses! and sometimes i f'in sing baa baa black sheep in my head! its a huge rollercoaster. a massive change and adjustment. but time to look after yourself now. not him,. hes none of your business anymore lovey. work on yoursefl youll be amazed the little victories youll have and how theyll make you stronger as a person start now. its the best xmas present you can give yourself.
Author lovelikeitneverhurt Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 lovelikeitneverhurt, my heart goes out to you i understand why youre doin this & i dont think it makes you look psychotic/crazy/stalker. id imagine youre a very decent person whos whole life has been turned upside down inside out & life as you know it or planned to know it is now gone & its a bloody hard thing to accept. and some people handle it differently. but legalities aside its just not good for YOU to be checkin his emails. and thats what youve gotta remember now its time to put YOU first. only you can help yourself get over it. what if you read his email someday & it becomes obvious he has a new girlfriend or hes emailin a friend and tellin him how hes really happy now.... do you think thatll make you feel better? i know my exes passwords but i just dont check it. its not good for ME. and im all thats important now. you just have to stop. no easy 123 formula just stop. as for the memories ... again i dont think theres a secret formula, theres always gonna be something thatll remind you. i guess its how you handle it that matters. sometimes i cry, sometimes i remember times when he was so nasty to stop myself from wearing rose tinted glasses! and sometimes i f'in sing baa baa black sheep in my head! its a huge rollercoaster. a massive change and adjustment. but time to look after yourself now. not him,. hes none of your business anymore lovey. work on yoursefl youll be amazed the little victories youll have and how theyll make you stronger as a person start now. its the best xmas present you can give yourself. Thank you so much Openbook. Your thoughts mean a lot to me and they are encouraging. I am a good person thats sentimental and a hopeless romantic. I gave too much and ended up being really hurt but im not hateful or anything. I believe that if you love someone you should let them go if they need to go. I am also someone who just tries and tries until she can't try anymore, then I will let go. I have given this person my everything and tried so hard to keep them with me and make them see how much i loved them, but it wasn't enough. Anyway, enough said, I agree it is the best thing for me to stop, because i dont think i could bare to see anything about his future love life or about how happy he is i guess.. but a part of me thinks that maybe if i just see something like that , i will completely shut down and then be able to not care anymore and wont check his mail anymore. Am i lying to myself? and just going to give myself more pain? I will stop checking, I do try Openbook, i just wanted you to know. About the memories, thanks. I will just try to quickly change my thoughts as soon as i start thinking about it. i cant think of bad things about people. i cant seem to focus on bad events that happened at all. i can only remember the good times mostly which hurts. i dont like thinking about people badly. i like to remember those that i love at their best moments... anyways, thanks a lot open book. i hope i can get through this...im so upset
dns502475 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 After the last serious relationship I was in, I had her email password too. She had given it to me very early in the relationship. I tried for months not to use, but finally, I gave into the temptation and did so. Is it illegal? Yeah...but I know you could care less about that. And really unless your ex is a REAL @$$HOLE, he isn't going to prosecute you or anything if he found out. He'd probably confront you, embarrass you, and change the password to something you'd never figure out. And you'd walk away feeling like a crazy psycho-stalker chick. And, lovelikeitneverhurt, I'm sure you're not a crazy psycho-stalker chick. lol. I mean, while we're all being honest here, it's illegal to listen to your ex's phone messages or go through their phone period. But that doesn't stop us from doing it, does it? With the email, the chances are, he never will find out you have it. The real thing is...why are you engaging in such masochistic behavior? I would break into my ex's email too for a little while, but you know what? I realized that all I was doing was opening myself up to considerable pain and more importantly, I wasn't helping myself move on by doing so. So, you know what I did? I sent her a text one day simply saying: "Hi, I was cleaning out some old stuff and came across your email address and password that you gave to me awhile back. I haven't used it or anything, but I think that's something you should have the right to keep private and it's definitely not the kind of information I feel comfortable having. It would just be best if you changed it. Hope all is well with you, Thanks." It really helped me move on A LOT quicker and without the mess. Really, I would let him know you have it in some kind of way that makes it sound innocent and tell him to change it. It would definitely make things easier for you.
Author lovelikeitneverhurt Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 thanks a lot DNS your support means a lot. I will have the same courage as you and stop checking. I will move on, because by reading these posts i realised that if other people can stop checking, then I can too. I will do this.
openbook08 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 ach, i know it all too well myself i still, after all hes put me through, dont want to hate him but you dont have to "think bad" of him, just if youve any bad memories you can recall it helps put everything into perspective. this is what sometimes helps me when all the "good" memories come back.... esp this time of year when i see somethin i know hed love, i get those butterflies in my tummy thinkin of his face if i gave it to him. but i cant. and i wont. and its hard. so i understand about giving your everything i truly do. so now i give MYSELF everything instead ha ha. i recently got to fulfill a dream, by visiting new york! and ya you guessed right i bought myself everything!!! ah, i figured if i was still with him i wouldve spent so much more money on cool things for him that nya id spend it on myself!! i know you wont check his emails anymore because YES you will cause yourself more pain. you might think him having a new girlf will help you move on but youll just feel worse. thats how i feel. opens up a whole new can of worm questions thatll drive ya round the bend. so compared to now id say ur better off in blissful (ha!) ignorance. of course you will get through this. im not there yet but theres so many other inspirational and kind people on this board that have shown me there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel. how long that tunnel is depends on each individual. but know that it IS there. XX ps i love the USA!!
EmperorR Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 ah the emails, lol i had my ex's email pw, once she cheated and dumped me i went in and deleted every single email i ever sent her
dns502475 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 It can be very difficult to have that kind of information and not use it, especially if you've started to develop a compulsion about doing so. I would really suggest that you find a way to tell him to change it without incriminating yourself. It creates such a sense of relief when you don't even know the password anymore. Believe me.
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