NatalieLouise Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 A friend of mine, not a very close one, but one I've known for a couple of years, has asked me out to a concert. Actually we had a bet and I won. But suddenly this doesn't feel like night out with a friend anymore. He's yet asked me if I wanted to join him for another concert but I told him that I wasn't sure if I had time. So, my problem is that I have the feeling that he sees something more than just a friend in me... I mean as soon as I go online he's sending me messages like "hi natalie, what are you doing?" and if I don't answer he's writing stuff like "nat, are you with anyone? is someone visiting you?". and when I put on facebook a message saying "Fedor, I'm dying to see you as soon as possible" he wouldn't stop asking who Fedor was(Fedor is a childhood friend of mine that I've known my whole life long). Other than that mentioned that friend is calling me almost everyday now, before we talked every once in a while but hardly more than once a week. Anyways, I'm going to go to that concert with him next saturday and I feel kinda weird and don't wanna lose him as a friend or so...and I'm somewhat afraid that he'll try to get closer to me.. So what I wanna know is: Do you think I need to be worried about this? Do you guys think he really wants more than a friendship? What would you do going to the concert? How should I behave? Please give me some advices... thanks in advance, Natalie
Joyvke Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Erhm, just tell him you just want to be friends? Does seem kinda weird how he goes and asks about that stuff and if you don't answer if you're alone or not . Just act normal and if he tries anything just back off, unless you like him as well I suppose. Else make clear prior to that you're just friends.
Author NatalieLouise Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 I just realized how stupid and naive my post must have sounded... I mean it must sound just like such a typical situation, something you hear about so often... But for me personally I just feel like that every step I do, every word I say could turn this into something really embarrassing and strange or even destroy that friendship which is what I want to avoid but am not sure how to manage...
Ronni_W Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Not that you sounded stupid or naive...you sounded like a concerned person and friend, is all. The thing is, if he has romantic feelings for you then it isn't fair or friendly for you to withhold from him that you don't reciprocate. Even though you fear loss of the platonic friendship, it still would be unkind and 'unfriendlike' to not be honest about your own feelings. If you mix your honesty with lots of kindness, that very seldom turns out to be embarrassing for either party. He may be disappointed but that is life, too. You can't protect him from life. That is, allow him to make his own decisions when it comes to his romantic feelings being, er, rejected. (At the end, that will be HIS experience of it, regardless of your own intentions and wants for the platonic friendship.)
Coco1985 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 its a hard situation as you wanna be a friend but u dont wanna lead him on... what you could do is go and encourage him or start conversations about him dating or trying to hook him up with someone act niave.. hell get the message and save him soem embarrassment!! xx
Joyvke Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I just realized how stupid and naive my post must have sounded... I mean it must sound just like such a typical situation, something you hear about so often... But for me personally I just feel like that every step I do, every word I say could turn this into something really embarrassing and strange or even destroy that friendship which is what I want to avoid but am not sure how to manage... I'm sorry, I didn't meant it like that. It didn't sound stupid or naive. I understand where you're coming from. If you really don't want anything I think you should just be upfront with him about it.
Author NatalieLouise Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 Thank y'all for the advices! I've received like 6 mails/messages within the last two days from that guy which kinda scares me so I can't wait to get saturday over with... I have already decided that I'll give that friendship(or whatever I should call it now) a break. I just don't feel comfortable with the situation.. I'm not going to go to the other concert with him but since I accepted the invitation for saturday's I feel like I should go there. I'm already laying out a plan for that day. my sister is going to pick me up after the concert so that I don't need to go with him. Any suggestions for decent conversation??? There are couple of things like ice hockey, studies, music we've always talked about when we met up before but I don't really want to emphasize the things we have in common this time...
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