Need theatrical ending to epic romance

[Complexity]

Dear friends,

 

 

Please read on if you can think out ofthe box, and feel really creative right now. For this is my personalchallenge to be shared only among creative spirits.

 

 

This evening, I am in a rush ofinspiration to complete a masterpiece I have been working on since afew years, yet I crave for an ending touch, the last episode, a finalnote, a theatrical exit, a coup-de-grace that will crown the creationand enshrine it forever so I can end it and move on to new worlds.

 

 

For the past 5-6 years I have askedadvice on internet forums like this one for almost every personalissue I had and, for some reason, I always ended up doing somethingthat I didn't feel were my own actions or my own decisions. I feel Ibecame more and more dependent on the advice and opinion of otherpeople and consequently less and less responsible, less and less thecarpenter of my own life. I am not criticizing advice forums, nor thepeople who use them and their ideas (some of which are extremelybrilliant!) but I am criticizing my increasing addiction tothem, and how I am sometimes unable to decide on life's simplestchallenges without first posting a thread about it on a forum,without having discussed every detail, sometimes even spending moretime debating on the forum rather than tackling the actual problem(As a result facing more problems than I had initially :-) )

 

 

I want to set sail from this lifestylebecause I feel it enchains me to the opinion of others, to a kind ofcomfort zone that limits the full extent of my creativity. To do so,I would like to ask you one final advice – no! not advice, but anIDEA – an idea to end a story that began four years ago.

Yes! just imagine that I'm a novelistwith writers' block, asking for some plot twist ideas for his hero,that will necessarily lead to a scenic ending – doesn't matterwhether it's a happy or sad ending, it just needs to be'spectacular', 'theatrical' (that's simply how some artists like tolive their lives)!

 

 

I have already written a few threadsrelated to this story on this forum, but they all contain scatteredinformation and lack the updated points of view about it. They don'tdepict the greater picture I currently have, so please focus on whatI say here. Furthermore, I lost the password to that account sometime ago had to format my computer, so it would add to the complexityof my current issue.

 

 

Here is the story:

Four years ago, while I was in a periodof many changes that contributed to my personal growth and I was inmy final years at highschool, I got to know a girl during an exchangecamp. I used to flirt with everyone so I never focused on one womanalone, but somehow she sent so many romantic messages that I startedliking her. We carried on the little romance via internet for a fewmonths (since she lives in a different city) with an e-mail or twoevery week. Then, we didn't hear from each other for four years.

 

 

During these four years I changed alot. I cannot say I became more mature, but more aware of otherpeople, and more aware of the evils in the world, death, sorrow,hunger, disaster, etc. A year ago I also met with an accident thatchanged my overall view of the world. I became more aware that if Iwanted to make something useful out of my life, I had to do itquickly, since death might arrive unexpectedly... I think that thiskind of thoughts and attitude made me more inclined towards searchinga soulmate, perhaps even someone to marry and make babies with. Iabandoned my 'player' mentality.

 

 

This summer, she contacted me again,via instant messenger. She had moved abroad to study at a top worlduniversity, and by the way she spoke, she still seemed very flirtyand interested in me. I was also getting more and more interested inher as a person, and tried to learn more about her instead of just'playing'. She started sending romantic text messages on my phoneagain, and I was quite happy to have found a person like her.

 

 

Unfortunately, my mind detectseverything that sounds a bit fishy. Unfortunately, my mind is toocurious and my heart follows this curiosity. Despite being a verybusy person (I cover several leadership roles in student unions andsocieties, and own a little design business) I invested some time toinvestigate on my doubts so that I could really trust her:

Two months after she contacted meagain, I discovered (merely using tools such as Google and Facebook),that she had become a model. She had never told me. While I wasinitially happy about that, I then started reading all comments byother men and her quite flirty replies to them. Which made me alittle... not jealous... but unsure about her emotions towards me. Ifshe gets so much attention why would she spend hours on the internetjust to chat with me, a guy she hasn't seen since her teens? Perhapsshe's actually chatting with all those men, too?

 

 

My paranoia grew over time, and somehowI had to make an effort not to reveal my doubts to her. Speaking withher was so connecting and soothing even if we were separated by morethan thousands of miles. I didn't want to destroy the atmosphere withnegative questions.

Initially we just messaged withmessenger, then moved to Skype for audio conversations, and duringthe last two months (November, December) also via webcam.

Also the length of our conversationsgrew. While at the beginning they were around half an hour, onaverage we chatted 5-6 hours every day, and at times even 8 hoursafter midnight.

All these details had been spirallingin my head. I was constantly wondering: Is she serious? Or is shejust stringing me along?

 

 

At last, during mid-November, I made adiscovery (through my investigations) that changed everything:

An older man, who was also in some ofher online photos (I thought it was her father...), apparently aquite famous business and political figure of her city, more than 30years older than her, had been having an affair with her since almosttwo years. I also discovered that he still visits her every 2-3 weeksat her university abroad and takes her to fancy restaurants, casinos,cruises, etc. around the world.

There are just two things I am stillnot entirely sure about as of today:

1) The exact nature of theiraffair. Is it merely material, is there some form of romance, or akind of intimate teacher-student relationship (like pederastry)? Orall together?

2) Is it actually a secret affair? He ismarried, but she puts photos of her with him on Facebook...

The only thing I know for sure is thatthe political party (something that has to do with moral values,traditions, integrity etc.) this man belongs to would chase him ifthey discovered this, especially because she was a minor whentheir affair started.

 

 

I slowly became obsessed about theseinvestigations that I literally forgot all my other responsibilitiesin my personal and professional life. This probably harmed my directcommunication with her as well, since I always had to hide fromrevealing my knowledge about her, and yet I was so attached to hercompany. There were instances in which she would ask me something andI would pause for a few seconds because I had to be careful aboutwhat I said... I think she started noticing this, especially when westarted webcam conversations, but I always said I had a phonecall orwas busy, etc.

 

Despite all my doubts about heremotions towards me, I enjoyed talking with her. We spoke aboutphilosophy, science, current affairs, world cultures, and then aboutlove. Sometimes we also had cyber- when we were so intensely missingeach other that we couldn't do anything else.

I simply couldn't confront her aboutwhat I discovered. And my friends told me that it would have beenrude to tell her that I had been 'investigating'...

 

 

Right now I am writing all this with aquite calm attitude, but trust me I was devastated by thosediscoveries. I had started falling in love with her, and her wordswere so intense and spontaneous that – if taken at face value –meant that she totally reciprocated my love. Yet, with all thediscoveries, I was too confused to understand the truth, and becamemore and more indecisive and unspontaneous when talking with her.

 

 

About two weeks ago, she came to visitme. It was heaven and apocalypse simultaneously.

 

 

She announced her visit just a week inadvance. She had to visit her family urgently, after which she wouldcome and see me. The day before she came she started calling meenthusiastically, sending me love messages on the phone, writing thatshe would make our visit unforgettable, etc. But due to my negativebackground knowledge about her, I didn't believe her until I actuallysaw her in person.

 

 

Before I tell you what happened whenshe came, there was one important conversation.

 

 

Shortly after she told me she wouldcome and visit me, she wrote to me, via instant messenger,

'Sometimes we meet people who aresupposed to stay secret... I already got carried away quite a lotwith you... You know... I am in a wonderful relationship since almosttwo years. He has given me so much... You aren't jealous, are you? IfYOU told me something like this, I would be jealous of you, jealousto death!... He taught me so many things... how to live happily, howto make our life worth living and smile at the world... '

Basically, she was telling me thatI was her secret lover. She didn't tell me anythingelse, no details about him, nothing. I simply told 'Well, I'm happyfor you.'

And soon thereafter we started doingcyber- again. And never spoke about this issue again.

 

 

She came.

I was so excited and nervous that Ihadn't slept the night before. I didn't even have breakfast. When Isaw her I was both extremely happy and extremely confused by all thebackground knowledge and paranoia I had accumulated throughout themonths. I think that the mix of insomnia, nervousness and confusionmade me delirious.

After I picked her up from the station,I was literally disoriented: Took the wrong bus direction, got lostin my own building, couldn't find the gates, didn't know when orwhere to cross the road (on my own street), etc. Whatever hadhappened to my brain, on this day I did and said the weirdest thingsI had ever done or said in my entire life. I was totally zoned out.

She noticed all this.

We had planned to have lunch together,at a quite elegant restaurant. I had a plan, and wanted to stick toit. Instead, she wanted to go home to leave her luggage. I tried toleave home, but she pulled me on the couch and we started talking.She brought me some presents (I didn't have any for her...).

We spoke for a while, getting closerand closer, and before I even noticed we were making out and removingour clothes... saying romantic things at the same time.

We were in foreplay for at least 3hours.

I was extremely happy yet with the samestate of confusion I had when I saw her at the station. I still hadthat distracted appearance in my eyes I guess. It was all sounexpected, and I was talking like a zombie. At a certain point Ieven said, 'Your parents would be proud of you.' I can't rememberwhat else I said but I was totally weird and out of my mind. Totallynot myself.

Then, she started dry-humping on top ofme. But I had become totally unreactive.

She:'Hey. Are you feeling ok? Issomething wrong with you? Are you hungry? Do you want to go out andeat? Shall I cook something for you?'

I:'Ah, dunno... you decide...'

She:'What? Come on, tell me!'

I, checking my watch:'Ok, perhaps we'vebeen here too long... and we're hungry... let's go to therestaurant...'

 

 

I think that did it! I don't rememberwhy I said that. Perhaps I was so confused that I didn't know what tosay. I was still thinking about the older man. I was so happy abouther being with me, but my thoughts were uncontrollable.

 

 

We cuddled and talked for one morehour, making out. But she slowly seemed to become cold toward me. Iwas also really tired to notice it at that time, but remembered itonly retrospectively.

At the restaurant, she even became abit angry with me because when she asked me what I wanted, I toldher, once again, 'You decide...' I think I came through as apeople-pleaser.

She paid our meal.

Again, I was a bit disoriented on theroad, and took some time to find the bus to the station. Whilegetting there she was listening to her MP3 player and spoke to mewith a quite cold shoulder.

She didn't let me kiss her when sheleft. She just said, 'Bye'. Nothing else.

 

 

She didn't talk to me thereafter. Nocalls. No Skype. Nothing. On messenger, I asked her how she is, andshe suddenly started scolding at me. She had never used that tonewith me before that. She was really angry.

She said,

'You never speak to me when I ask you,you always tell me to decide...'

'I thought you had a strongpersonality, instead I found a weak character...'

'You don't know what you want. Youdon't even know what you want to eat, damnit...'

I managed to calm her down a bit, but Iwas so confused by her words that I didn't know what to say. I wastrying to find excuses for everything, but didn't say the mostobvious thing: that I hadn't slept enough the day before andtherefore was a bit delirious.

That was the last time we spoke to eachother.

'Goodnight :-)' was the last thing shetold me, two weeks ago.

 

 

After that conversation, I was indespair, trying to figure out what happened. Only retrospectively Irealized that it had just been an unfit day for me. I didn't contacther, nor did she contact me.

 

 

I am blocked.

 

 

I don't know what she's doing rightnow.

I don't know whether she only wanted amoment of passion with me, or whether she really liked me andrespected me as a person as well.

In either case, I don't know whetherafter the day she visited me she wants to hate me and forget me.

I don't know whether there's still anyhope for anything between her and me.

 

 

But I want to finish this story.

 

 

I need an out-of-the-box idea. I wouldlike you to think differently, creatively. To draw as littleas possible from your experience and as much as possible from yourdreams. To think about how YOUR favorite hero would behave inthis movie (which means, save the world but stick to reality!).

 

 

Most people I have already told aboutthis story foresee a quite pessimistic ending. There is indeed aprobability of 95% that, whatever I do, I will fail, that Iwon't win her back. Still, I want to do something that will leave theaudience (and the other main character of the story) aghast.

 

 

I want to take on the risk. I reallyhave nothing more to loose now, apart from a lot of time perhaps, butI have Christmas holidays anyway :-)

 

 

What should your hero do?

[2sure]

Whatever you decide to do, don't write her a letter.

[kizik]

I think you need to watch the Seinfeld episode "The Opposite", and do what Costanza does.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Before this can be answered, I think we need more info. Primarily, do you actually decide anything, or do you let her do it all? If you do let her decide everything, the first thing on your "Honey Do" list is to grow a pair. What do you want? Do you want her in the short term, her in the long term, or just not to lose her? You said the last time she talked to you was two weeks ago; did you call her since? If not, why not? You're asking us all of these questions about her, but did you ever ask her? She'll know the answer a lot better than we will!

 

Have you ever seen the movie Swingers? There was an absolute classic line in it (part of the "Bear" speech):

 

I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie. You know' date=' the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad man, bad man.[/quote']

 

Why is the rated R guy better? Easy, he has an edge to him. The audience isn't quite sure if they like him yet because he's not the perfect knight in shining armour. He gets mad sometimes, he gets jealous, he doesn't always say what everyone wants to hear. All of those qualities make him just a little more unpredictable. And that's why people watch movies; unpredictable is interesting. The same holds true for people. If you always ask what she wants to do, you get boring. She could do all that stuff without you. You need to give her a reason to want to be with you.

 

Flashy movie endings are cute, but you have to remember two things. First, movie endings are pre-ordained. Rarely will the hero of the movie come up short. In reality, sometimes the dragon wins. Secondly, you've got a major uphill battle here; you can't out-flash Daddy Warbucks. So take his tactic and use it yourself. She's not necessarily attracted to the money he has, but the life he leads. He's taking her places and doing things with her that she wouldn't normally do. He's bringing her into a whole other world. So you have to figure out what her world entails, what parts of yours differ, and exploit that gap! There's always a gap, and with a little thought, there's almost always a way to use it.

 

As an example, I'm far from rich, but I ride bike. Most girls I know only see the world of bikers on the Discovery Channel; they've never seen it up close. So when I take them out on a poker run, it's a whole other experience. They may know the roads we're on, but they've never done it our way before. They've never done it with 100 other bikes around them, riding as a pack with the wind in their hair, ignoring stop lights and smiling as the cops only look on, unable to stop us. It's a new world to most girls, and it's a rush. That first time they ride through a red light with the pack, they feel invincible, and they start to equate feeling invincible with being with me.

 

If I were in your shoes, here's how I'd settle matters. First step would be to put some loud, heavy music on the MP3 player and hit the gym. I don't mean for any long-term fitness gains, but for the rush. If the gym has a heavy bag, get some time on it; get the testosterone flowing. Get pumped up to the point where you want to start a fight with someone on the street just for the sheer benefit of hitting a human being. Then call her. Don't email or IM; call. You want to hear her voice, and you want her to hear yours. If you can talk to her in person, so much the better.

 

Now's when you get your answers. Don't dance around anything, ask her outright. "Hey, I saw all those pics of you hangin' on that guy. What's the story with you two?" If she asks what business it is of yours, tell her flat out. "I like you, and I'm pretty sure you like me, too. I thought we might have something going here, but I don't want to be second fiddle to this guy, or anyone else, for that matter." Yes, it shows you're jealous. It shows you want her, and you'll fight for her. [This is why the pre-call gym session. If the testosterone & adrenaline are still flowing on high speed, it'll come through in your voice and give you more of a "take charge" attitude.] You'll either get another chance, or you'll get your answers (and then get hung up on). But either way, the stalemate will be over.

 

This is definitely reserved for the "do or die" scenarios. But, from what you've said, it sounds like you're already there. Of course, I have a tendency to go all-or-nothing.

[Complexity]

JohnnyBlaze, first of all, thanks a lot for your reply

 

Let me answer your questions.

 

I think the day she came to visit me I was, in general, totally sleepy and confused. I spoke utter nonsense without even being aware of it until many days afterwards when thinking about what I did...

She got a totally flawed impression of who I really am... but I don't think telling her "I am different. I only had a bad day" will help. She will likely take it as a lame excuse. (That was her attitude when we last chatted)

 

Apart from that, I think that since it was the first time we met after so many years, I was also cautious about not being too open. Something she probably interpreted as indecisiveness.

 

I don't know whether she understands this. I don't even know whether there had been other reasons why she suddenly stopped contacting me after that day. She could be sincerely hurt and might have been waiting for me. Or she thought (after meeting my sleepy side) that I'm a real jerk not worth the time...

 

What I want from her?

Anything, but not the cold treatment. We had so many wonderful conversations and I see that she's a very smart, intellectual and interesting person that, even if I won't be able to marry her, at least I would like to stay very good friends with her.

However, if I still can get more than that, then I will do my best to get it. But I would never want to loose the friendship I have already established with her (by "friendship" I mean all the non-romantic aspects of our relationship).

If she wants sex, I can give it. If she wants love, I can give it as well. I think I have fallen in love with her, but regardless of that I hugely enjoyed her company as a friend.

 

Why I didn't call her?

I don't know. Perhaps I was (and still am) confused about her true intentions. She said I'm a "weak character" and all, but why did she stop saying "Hi!" whenever I log on the messenger chat? Why doesn't she send anymore text messages? Even to see how I am?

My answer: Either she got hurt and is waiting (waited) for me to make the first step to break the ice, or she thought I am a real looser and doesn't want to waste time with me anymore...

 

I think what you wrote next are true pearls of wisdom that I had failed to understand. Unpredictability.

I thought that in order to keep her attracted to me, I had to somehow fit the "ideal boyfriend" image, and therefore ask what she wants, put her needs first, etc.

Even when we were about to make love and she was dry-humping on top of me, I was half-nervous and half trying to be as "ideal boyfriend" as possible.

 

I did have the testosterone rush you were talking about. It might be too extreme though...

My idea was to actually go and surprise visit her in person, during a ceremony she will be attending in the coming days, with a big bouquet of flowers, and show all my true colors, to her and anyone around her (including the old man, if he's there). I am a kind of a showman, an entertainer. I am actually very good and inspired when I'm in front of 1000s of people. I could do some public performance/speech. And make funny allusions about the old man. And show her that I care for her. And also ask everything directly.

(If I am right, my stage skills were one of the main traits that caught her attention when we first met four years ago... but those skills were totally absent when she came to visit me two weeks ago.)

That was my plan for ending the story. But I do have some warning signals deep inside: What if she gets even angrier? What if the man is really there

and will challenge me, or perhaps even harm me (he's rich and powerful...)?

 

Whatever I do, whether a big show in front of 1000 people in which I ask her to choose between me and him, or a secret visit to her house... my primary goal is to at least be in a friendly relationship with her again.

 

Coldness/stalemate sucks.

[Complexity]

wrong repetition of above post

[Trialbyfire]

My hero would go "Sayonara. No sloppy seconds for me".

 

Seriously Complexity, this woman has been dicking you around forever. She failed to tell you about her ongoing relationship until the very last second. Even then, you have to wonder about why someone would get into a relationship with a married man, then play hand ball with you.

[Complexity]

Sorry, I must point out that that's not a very out-of-the-box hero

 

Any normal person in my position would do exactly that.

 

I had also thought what you said ("playing hand ball"). I was thinking about that possibility until the last moment, when she came to visit me and brought me gifts, offered me lunch, etc.

 

When I say "out of the box" I also mean out of the box in a societal sense. Even though I am monogamous, I don't believe that everyone in the world is, nor that everyone should be.

 

1) So what if she is in an affair with an older man? Does that automatically mean she cannot fall in love with someone else (me, for example)?

 

2) Even if she was "playing handball" with me (if she did, then she played a really damn good game... I would admire her simply for her acting skills.

Re-read my story: she stayed on webcam for 8 hours a night, for several days in a row. Is that biologically possible just for the sake of playing around? Why would a person waste so much time just to play handball? Why with someone over the internet? She spent money on me.),

does that necessarily exclude the possibility of developing a potential friendship/relationship?

[JohnnyBlaze]

In response to your responses (and in no particular order)...

 

First, the "ideal boyfriend" is a paradox. The ideal boyfriend isn't an ideal boyfriend. Most girls I know talk about the "ideal" as being the guy who calls when he says he will, doesn't blow her off to go hang with his buddies, and is always doing nice things for her. And then in the same breath, they turn around and talk about their boyfriends and all the crummy things they did..."but there's just something about him I can't say no to...". Besides, different chicks go for different guys. Some like the sweet ones, some like the funny ones, some like the dangerous ones. They're all out there. So don't worry too much about being an ideal boyfriend.

 

Secondly, you're going to be in a tight spot with what you want from her. In this case, I think there is a good chance that you will have to risk any friendship you have if you want to advance this relation. So you have to decide if the possibility of her as a girlfriend is worth risking losing her as a friend.

 

Third, I wouldn't worry too much about the other guy doing something. He can't. As long as you're civil and don't imply any physical violence, then his hands are tied. After all, if she so much as touches you, you call the cops on him for assault. And how would that look in the local paper? "Local politician arrested for assaulting young man at young model's house". The papers wouldn't really care about you, but boy, would they have fun with the happy couple! A story like that would draw too much unwanted attention to himself. If he wants to retain his political position, he has no choice but to stay quiet.

 

I don't know if I'd go after her publicly. If she experiences any embarrassment, it may manifest itself as anger towards you. Plus, you'll get very short answers, even if they should be elaborated upon. It's good that you're comfortable as a showman, but she may not be as comfy in the spotlight. Besides, I don't think you really want anything else around to distract her.

 

As to the lack of contact lately, this is the one thing I wouldn't bother thinking about. Either of the reasons you suspect lead to the same practical conclusion. If she's waiting for you to call, then do it! If she thinks that you're weak, then prove her wrong. Take the reins and call! It'll show her that you're not going to wait around for her to take the lead any more.

 

Although logically, I should agree with TBF and tell you to cut bait, I won't. I know where you're coming from, and I know you don't want to let this one walk away; I wouldn't either. So go for it. Call her, see her, talk to her. Show her you're large and in charge. Sure, it may not work as planned, but personally, I'd rather feel bad for something I did than something I didn't do.

[catastrophe]

I can'tread this longpost becauseyourspacekey mustbe broken anditreally doesn't makesense.