Festive Season plans...

[OWoman]

Our first Christmas together as a family! MM's entire family will be with us over the holidays, including his kids (his BW made plans to spend the holidays with her BF, and didn't even invite the kids or give them an option of spending time with her).

 

We had been planning a huge New Year's party, to celebrate the start of a new year and a new life together... but because of BW stalling again over the financial settlement (before finally agreeing to what they'd agreed in the first place!) the final order of divorce didn't make it through the courts before they shut for Christmas recess, as we'd hoped. So celebrating the end of the old seems a little premature to me - and I'm inclined to hold off on the party until the D is through the courts and we can really celebrate. MM though is determined that our new life together should be celebrated openly and publically and that New Year's presents a perfect opportunity to do so - rather than, say, waiting for our marriage. Also, given BW's complete lack of interest in spending any holiday time with her kids, they'd be with us (unless they go to friends) and I'm not sure it's appropriate for them to be around a bunch of intoxicated adults celebrating the end of their parents' marriage (and no doubt saying some nasty things about her, given how little everyone likes her).

 

What thoughts do people have on whether we should go ahead with the NY party or not?

 

And what plans do others have for this dreadful time of year?

[CAMAYPARK]

OWoman, hope that you have a great Christmas and NY together and many many more in the future.

 

We aren't spending Christmas or NY together. We will be spending our first CNY together; which is towards end of Jan. D is now filed but his W wants everything, so he's now going through a rather painful process. I had better not hijack your thread here, I will start another one.

 

You have a good one, you deserve it, don't let the financial settlement hang over you. Both of you are together and are finally make headways, so enjoy and be grateful for all the small but momentus events

[norajane]

Why does it have to be a divorce party?

 

Just have a plain ole NY's Eve party to celebrate the start of the new year. There need not be any mention of the divorce or anything.

 

If you have friends that would say nasty things to the children about their mother, regardless of how true they are or not, tell them to take their drunk asses and nasty comments home. That's inappropriate, even if it were a divorce party.

[LavendarGirl]

OW, it's New Years, and you and your MM are together! Heck yeah, have that party, you do have plenty of reasons to celebrate!

[noforgiveness]

I find it so amusing you want to get married considering your view of marriage. What a sham that veremony will be.

[jwi71]

I would scrap the party seeing as the kids will be there - or tone it down some. No need to expose them to that "hate his ex" party it WILL morph into.

 

My .02

[noforgiveness]

:laugh:I think it's funny his soon to be ex has a boyfriend too. You've painted her as such a disfunctional freak and yet she's managed to find a boyfriend already. I think she may be celebrating this season!

 

No more spineless husband that she's been trying to drive away for years. A nice fat divorce settlement and someone else happily responsible for the kiddos while she jets off somewhere with her new love.

 

I am feeling better and better about your story.

[wildsoul]

Why does it have to be a divorce party?

 

Just have a plain ole NY's Eve party to celebrate the start of the new year. There need not be any mention of the divorce or anything.

 

If you have friends that would say nasty things to the children about their mother, regardless of how true they are or not, tell them to take their drunk asses and nasty comments home. That's inappropriate, even if it were a divorce party.

My thoughts exactly.

 

If you and your beau want to toast his divorce on your own, that makes sense. But I think including others in that is well, tacky. And never never in front of the kids. Your love has had a victory. No need to gloat the ex's loss and the end of the old. Instead celebrate your new beginning.

[Billie63]

:laugh:I think it's funny his soon to be ex has a boyfriend too. You've painted her as such a disfunctional freak and yet she's managed to find a boyfriend already. I think she may be celebrating this season!

 

No more spineless husband that she's been trying to drive away for years. A nice fat divorce settlement and someone else happily responsible for the kiddos while she jets off somewhere with her new love.

 

I am feeling better and better about your story.

 

I love your insight. You see the truth/reality of some situations in crystal clear fashion.

[OWoman]

:laugh:I think it's funny his soon to be ex has a boyfriend too. You've painted her as such a disfunctional freak and yet she's managed to find a boyfriend already.

 

If you think only normal, well-balanced and mentally healthy people manage to find BFs or GFs, you're very mistaken! :lmao: After all, she managed to snare her xH as well as MM in her lifetime, and clearly there are other guys out there who are happy to be the knight in shining armour that tries to save her from herself. And being LDR he's probably not had to deal with that much of her to appreciate the full extent of her personality yet...

 

No more spineless husband that she's been trying to drive away for years. A nice fat divorce settlement and someone else happily responsible for the kiddos while she jets off somewhere with her new love.

 

Drive away? Begging and pleading someone not to leave you is a funny way to do that - pretty effective, in some cases, albeit unintentionally so. But yeah, go ahead and believe that if you want...

[child_of_isis]

So what if W had insisted that the children spend the holidays with her?

 

Would you have perceived her as being a better mother, or a vindictive bitch?

 

Our first Christmas together as a family! MM's entire family will be with us over the holidays, including his kids (his BW made plans to spend the holidays with her BF, and didn't even invite the kids or give them an option of spending time with her).

 

[Billie63]

So what if W had insisted that the children spend the holidays with her?

 

Would you have perceived her as being a better mother, or a vindictive bitch?

 

You make a very good point. I think the wife made the right decision - no one likes her so she's not going to hang around getting in anyone's way.

 

And the kids sound as spineless as their father - I think the wife got out at the right time - I'm sure wifey realises now that there's better men out there than this autistic savant.

[stillafool]

I don't see anything wrong with the W leaving the kids with their father on the holidays. Isn't that what he wants? Why should it be strictly her responsibility? I, like noforgiveness, thought his W was some kind of a freak but; she must look pretty good if she has landed someone else already. If I were you I would be glad to keep the kids knowing that she is cultivating a new relationship with her new man.

[OWoman]

So what if W had insisted that the children spend the holidays with her?

 

Would you have perceived her as being a better mother, or a vindictive bitch?

 

That's not the only alternative. I'd have considered her a better mother if she'd INVITED the kids, and given them the option. They're teens, and perfectly capable of exercising an option. They felt slighted that they'd been "rejected" and not given the choice - no attempt to make them feel wanted, or that she'd miss them.

 

We don't INSIST that the kids join us on anything - but we do make it clear that they're welcome, should they choose to join us. She, on the other hand, made it clear that they were not welcome, and that the invite did not include them.

[OWoman]

I don't see anything wrong with the W leaving the kids with their father on the holidays. Isn't that what he wants? Why should it be strictly her responsibility?

 

Nope, that's not what he wants. He wants the kids to have the option of how they'd like to spend their time, not having them feel rejected by one parent, and reduced to being objects in a power struggle between their parents. No one is saying anything should be STRICTLY her responsibility (though nor, in that case, should it be STRICTLY ours) but I do feel that she should show some sensitivity in exercising her choice of who she'd like to spend the holidays with - dropping her kids like hotcakes just because she's found some dude who's prepared to get her rocks off for her isn't Perfect Parent behaviour IMO.

 

I, like noforgiveness, thought his W was some kind of a freak but; she must look pretty good if she has landed someone else already. If I were you I would be glad to keep the kids knowing that she is cultivating a new relationship with her new man.

 

Anyone can post profile on an internet dating site and land loads of potential dates in minutes - particularly if you're judicious in what photo you put up!

 

I'm not "glad to keep the kids knowing that she is cultivating a new relationship with her new man" - I very much doubt he's her "new man" or anything as serious as that; and I could care less about that, besides - but we are very glad to have the kids around simply because we enjoy them, and because we think they'll enjoy spending the holidays with us and the rest of the family.

[OWoman]

Why does it have to be a divorce party?

 

Just have a plain ole NY's Eve party to celebrate the start of the new year. There need not be any mention of the divorce or anything.

 

If you have friends that would say nasty things to the children about their mother, regardless of how true they are or not, tell them to take their drunk asses and nasty comments home. That's inappropriate, even if it were a divorce party.

 

NJ, I certainly don't think any friends of ours would ever say anything nasty TO the kids about their mother - but it's perfectly possible that, in a situation where alcohol is flowing freely, people may say something that might be overheard by ears around the corner, for whom the comment was not intended. It's not something I'd like to happen, and it's not something I'd like to have to clean up afterward.

 

Thing is, even if it's "just a NY party" the "new" year part of it would invite those kinds of associations and everyone's know all along about the intended timing, so if nothing was said by us, it would certainly be said by others, in whatever kind of innuendo or circumlocution.

[stillafool]

Nope, that's not what he wants. He wants the kids to have the option of how they'd like to spend their time, not having them feel rejected by one parent, and reduced to being objects in a power struggle between their parents. No one is saying anything should be STRICTLY her responsibility (though nor, in that case, should it be STRICTLY ours) but I do feel that she should show some sensitivity in exercising her choice of who she'd like to spend the holidays with - dropping her kids like hotcakes just because she's found some dude who's prepared to get her rocks off for her isn't Perfect Parent behaviour IMO.

 

Well that's ridiculous. One of them would have to give the kids up for the holiday, why not her. She has spent every other holiday with them. Cooking and doing the whole thing. Why not let their dad have them this one holiday. Besides if she did want them there'd be a big fight. They can't be split in half.

 

Anyone can post profile on an internet dating site and land loads of potential dates in minutes - particularly if you're judicious in what photo you put up!

 

Apparently the picture she posted worked because he still wanted to take her out after seeing her in person. I don't get your point.

 

I'm not "glad to keep the kids knowing that she is cultivating a new relationship with her new man" - I very much doubt he's her "new man" or anything as serious as that; and I could care less about that, besides - but we are very glad to have the kids around simply because we enjoy them, and because we think they'll enjoy spending the holidays with us and the rest of the family.

 

Well if you're glad the kids are with you why are you complaining about their mom? I can't blame their mom if she is just dating around before settling down and getting serious. Why not enjoy playing the field for a while?

[OWoman]

Well that's ridiculous. One of them would have to give the kids up for the holiday, why not her. She has spent every other holiday with them. Cooking and doing the whole thing. Why not let their dad have them this one holiday. Besides if she did want them there'd be a big fight. They can't be split in half.

 

She has not spen "every other holiday with them. Cooking and doing the whole thing." MM has, for the main, or they've gone to friends of theirs. If she did "want them", why should there be a fight? Who'd fight? The kids would simply choose what they wanted to do and that would be that. We're civilised in this part of the world, actually.

 

And yes, they could be "split in half" - they could do Christmas with one, and New Year with the other. We stay only a few minutes away, so they could even spend a part of each day with both if they'd wanted.

 

Well if you're glad the kids are with you why are you complaining about their mom?

 

That was an aside in my post - it was your response that made a big deal of it. I DO think it sucks that she doesn't want to spend time with her kids on Christmas, and that she doesn't care if they know she doesn't want them, but that's who she is and I'm not going to lose sleep over it. We had a great Christmas and the kids said it was their best, ever.

[Trimmer]

...I'm not sure it's appropriate for them to be around a bunch of intoxicated adults celebrating the end of their parents' marriage (and no doubt saying some nasty things about her, given how little everyone likes her).

 

What thoughts do people have on whether we should go ahead with the NY party or not?

I agree with your concern about having the kids around at a party that you believe might be likely to have that kind of tone. Remember that no matter "how little everyone likes her" as a person or a spouse, to her kids she is primarily their mother, and so any dirt that is thrown at her will be perceived by them primarily in that context. (I don't know how old they are, but it really doesn't matter too much...) My thoughts are not coming from the idea of defending her, but very much from the idea of protecting the kids. When it comes to children of a marriage, adults need to act like adults, regardless of the occasion or the amount of alcohol flowing.

 

So I think you are right to be thoughtful about whether it would be good for the kids to be at "that kind" of a party.

[noforgiveness]

She has not spen "every other holiday with them. Cooking and doing the whole thing." MM has, for the main, or they've gone to friends of theirs. If she did "want them", why should there be a fight? Who'd fight? The kids would simply choose what they wanted to do and that would be that. We're civilised in this part of the world, actually.

 

And yes, they could be "split in half" - they could do Christmas with one, and New Year with the other. We stay only a few minutes away, so they could even spend a part of each day with both if they'd wanted.

 

 

 

That was an aside in my post - it was your response that made a big deal of it. I DO think it sucks that she doesn't want to spend time with her kids on Christmas, and that she doesn't care if they know she doesn't want them, but that's who she is and I'm not going to lose sleep over it. We had a great Christmas and the kids said it was their best, ever.

 

 

:laugh:sounds like someone is getting resentful of the kids already. This wife is smart. She's giving him a dose of reality and what single life will be like. He has to be a dad not just their father.

 

Owoman you've skipped from mm to mm now that you landed one I see you getting bored real quick with this spineless man. Especially when his xwife walks all over him.

[child_of_isis]

H is not single, he is with OW. W is single. And enjoying her new life evidently.

 

I can see W's point...OW wanted her life....and she is giving her a taste of it.

 

Rearranging life around children is just something that goes along with her life. But, it doesn't have to be that way anymore. Any time W wants to play single, OW & H gets the children.

 

I think W is realizing what a sweet arrangement this can be for her.

 

:laugh:sounds like someone is getting resentful of the kids already. This wife is smart. She's giving him a dose of reality and what single life will be like. He has to be a dad not just their father.

 

Owoman you've skipped from mm to mm now that you landed one I see you getting bored real quick with this spineless man. Especially when his xwife walks all over him.

[noforgiveness]

H is not single, he is with OW. W is single. And enjoying her new life evidently.

 

I can see W's point...OW wanted her life....and she is giving her a taste of it.

 

Rearranging life around children is just something that goes along with her life. But, it doesn't have to be that way anymore. Any time W wants to play single, OW & H gets the children.

 

I think W is realizing what a sweet arrangement this can be for her.

 

aw yes so true. Husband went from one woman to another and hasn't had to worry about the kids and now wife has a nicely deserved kidbreak while that responsibility is heaped in owomans lap.

 

Surely owoman you have bragged on here how much the kids love you and dad and they know mom is psycho so why would they choose to spend christmas with her. Enjoy your happy made ready family and the wifes life.

[OWoman]

:laugh:sounds like someone is getting resentful of the kids already. This wife is smart. She's giving him a dose of reality and what single life will be like. He has to be a dad not just their father.

 

Who is getting resentfulof the kids?? Aside from the BW, obviously, not wanting to spend any time with them... But certainly not MM or I - we had a great christmas with them and his family.

 

And MM has always been the parent - the kids have chosen to hang with him even when they were all still together - when she was around they'd hide out in their rooms.

 

Owoman you've skipped from mm to mm now that you landed one I see you getting bored real quick with this spineless man. Especially when his xwife walks all over him.

 

"Landed one"? If you mean, had one leave his BW for me, that's hardly new. And as for getting bored, we're more in love than ever. Sorry to disappoint you...

 

H is not single, he is with OW. W is single. And enjoying her new life evidently.

 

I can see W's point...OW wanted her life....and she is giving her a taste of it.

 

Nope - I certainly never wanted her "life"! I have my own, which is just great TYVM! It was MM who chose to abandon the living death he had with BW and join me in my Life, together with his kids.

 

BW couldn't handle being single, she couldn't stand being alone after MM and the kids left her, so she's trying to fill the void of having to face herself every day with someone else. I just hope he's up to it.

 

Rearranging life around children is just something that goes along with her life. But, it doesn't have to be that way anymore. Any time W wants to play single, OW & H gets the children.

 

I think W is realizing what a sweet arrangement this can be for her.

 

Nope, the kids are with us. Occasionally, they feel guilty or worried about her being all on her own, get scared she might be drinking herself into a coma or something and so they go to visit her, but never stay long. She doesn't have to "play single", she is alone. When it gets too much for her, she travels the half-day journey to her "bf" - but because her job is here, she can't do that too often.

 

She's never had to rearrange her life aorund the kids before - MM took care of them, or they went to friends when he was away - and now she's finding it hard because she's not used to being around them. So they hardly spend any time with her.

 

It's no biggie for either of us - I'm used to having teens around and he's used to being their parent. But she's now finding that, once in a while, she has to be a parent, and she's just not had the practice.

 

aw yes so true. Husband went from one woman to another and hasn't had to worry about the kids and now wife has a nicely deserved kidbreak while that responsibility is heaped in owomans lap.

 

W has a "permanent" break, as the kids are with us. MM didn't go from "one woman to another" - he was on his own with the kids for a good while, and BW ws on her own entirely for that time, begging them all to come back every single day. Doesn't sound like a "kidbreak" to me...

 

Surely owoman you have bragged on here how much the kids love you and dad and they know mom is psycho so why would they choose to spend christmas with her. Enjoy your happy made ready family and the wifes life.

 

I don't need a ready-made family, I have my own - it's just gotten bigger with the addition of MM's kids, his family and MM himself.

 

And our life is ever so much nicer than anything BW ever had. It's quite sad, really - just last night I got hugged and thanked again for "the best christmas they'd ever ever had" because no one got drunk, no one hit anyone, no one shouted and screamed at anyone, we all pitched in and the mood was light and warm, the food was great, all the visitors had a blast and everyone felt loved and had a sense of being a family. Previously, to them, christmas was just about presents and fear. A house full of laughing, happy people was a first for them.

[noforgiveness]

 

 

And our life is ever so much nicer than anything BW ever had. It's quite sad, really - just last night I got hugged and thanked again for "the best christmas they'd ever ever had" because no one got drunk, no one hit anyone, no one shouted and screamed at anyone, we all pitched in and the mood was light and warm, the food was great, all the visitors had a blast and everyone felt loved and had a sense of being a family. Previously, to them, christmas was just about presents and fear. A house full of laughing, happy people was a first for them.

 

um yea good luck to you. No one got drunk or HIT anyone. Yea good luck.

[OWoman]

um yea good luck to you. No one got drunk or HIT anyone. Yea good luck.

 

Yep, I think it's sad that the kids used that (their previous christmas experiences) as the benchmark, but at least this one was better.