Ive just found out that he was using me....feel hurt... but should i tell him this??

[qqqq]

I found out this guy was totally using me. He said all the right things. i believed him. He was my FIRST. he knew this. yet he did it anyway. He only wanted sex - even tho he told me he didn't.

 

I also know that he is chatting with other girls - with one planning hook ups (phone numbers and address have been exchanged) and with other saying he wants a relationship.

 

If he lost interest fine, but he was stringing me a long. it was like he just wanted to score a virgin.

 

Now these past few weeks, i spoke to him about how it was going - i did not know all of this then. He would still make plans with me, but cancel them right before saying he had to work. I wasnt to know he probably was lying - I was still confused and on saturday asked if i could talk to him and he said "not this again". "feels like your saying extreme things to get my attention you dont have to" Then start of the last week he tells me "i still smile at your photos very cute".

 

I told him i haven't been well. he says "you can tell me. im here".

 

right, well, now i know what kind of guy he really is... theres no way in hell i want to be with him again. But if i see/speak with him again - i think i might, not very soon tho - should i tell him why i haven't been well?

 

the dude has got no idea.

 

i have been sooo scared. probably made me act a little different. why? i thought i was pregnant. to the point where i got blood test done. i was freaked out.

 

Also, the way my first time happened, not the sex, the way it happened, has been haunting me...

 

Theres nothing to be done from him. but i kinda in a way want him to know...scare him a bit. lol. think of what he put me through.

should i tell him? ..........

[ElevenOfSpades]

I'm really sorry your first time had to be with such a low-life. You could pretend you still think you're pregnant, but that would be cruel and possibly stooping to his level. You should just tell him straight up. "I know you just used me for sex, and I know you're looking for other girls on the side. We're done." Then just leave. He may or may not be upset or even surprised, but don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Maybe he'll realize how much it sucks to have the other person not care about you. Unlikely, but possible.

 

Good luck.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm really sorry your first time had to be with such a low-life. You could pretend you still think you're pregnant, but that would be cruel and possibly stooping to his level. You should just tell him straight up. "I know you just used me for sex, and I know you're looking for other girls on the side. We're done." Then just leave. He may or may not be upset or even surprised, but don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Maybe he'll realize how much it sucks to have the other person not care about you. Unlikely, but possible.

 

Good luck.

 

Please don't pretend you are pregnant! That is TOTALLY stooping to his level. I agree with what Eleven said regarding just flat out telling him what you know. Even if this guy apologizes and wants you back, how do you know he is really being sincere? Maybe he will still want a roll in the hay?

[amymarieca]

I don't really think that telling him about your experience is going to make him feel bad. Obviously this guy isn't looking for a serious relationship. Sometimes people figure this out the hard way. I have been told lies by guys to get me in to bed and I admit it has worked before. Sometimes these things just happen. Just move on and don't even give him the time of day. I would just completely disappear and not take any of his calls.

[qqqq]

thank you for the replies

 

 

When i spoke to him before few weeks ago, he fed me all these lines (he was scared) plus lot more. I have no experience. how was i to know he was lying lol.

 

The next day we seemed to agreed to be friends. Then he suggested we could have sex still. Red Flag! I saw him on the weekend and he said to go for friends for now /not ruling it out - continued to be touchy feeling. At the time i did not know what i know now! Egh im a fool. Plus other stuff, h was keeping me on a string.

 

When i tried talking to him last weekend, i was not in any way trying to get back with him. maybe he thought i was....

 

thats kinda why i want to... i dont know scare him a bit. probably wont work lol. but i was so scared these past few weeks, i dont want a baby, espically not his now. and the way my first time happened. seriously he's dumber than i thought if he doesn't think he talked me into it or put pressure on me. I was 'ready' to have sex, dont have any issues with virginity, but he talked me into it. he knew i never had. he said all the right things. it haunts me how it happens.

 

i dont know why i want Him knowing this - okay he probably wont care, but he'll know. I dont want to stoop to his level at all though. I wouldn't make a big issue, just that why i was acting the way i was, coz i thought i was pregnant. leave it at that. thoughts will run through his mind.

 

 

and the thing is, i can't just get him out of my life. he owes me money. we made it legal, and even tho hes a complete jerk, i do think he'll pay. i do wonder now if the story he told was true....so once i get my money back, he's outta my life for good.

 

Everything he tells me "i care about you too" "you can tell me, im here". are all lies.

 

and here i was at the start of the month, saying how much i care for him. im here for him. i think he's great. IDIOT! he tells me "i think yoru awesome" "ive never met anyone like you"... once again all lies

[Hajnalka]

I hope that you'll value your dignity and self-esteem over any money he might owe you.

 

The economy does suck though - if you really need the $ I think you should harden your heart to him and treat this as a business transaction.

 

I don't think you should tell him how hurt you are right now. Either he already knows and doesn't care, or (worse) telling him will give him more power over you.

 

You WILL be fine without him. I'm really angry for you that your first sexual experience involved subterfuge!!! It almost sounds like the guy might have a personality disorder.

 

You sound like a reasonable, decent, intelligent woman. Please take care of yourself. I agree with the poster above that faking pregnancy would be a big mistake! - I'm glad you're not!

 

Sexual and romantic feelings can definitely cloud our judgement. Keep this in mind, and also don't be too hard on yourself. Be good to yourself. You need peace and solace. You're not going to get that from him: stay away.

 

I wish you all my best.

[moonshadow]

I'm sorry that you're going through this but hopefully this is a real 'wake up' for you. You've been afraid that you were pregnant; I guess that would indicate that you didn't exactly practice "safer sex" so you could have easily picked up a temporary or permanent STD, too. You gotta be real careful these days. Really take the time to get to know someone before you jump into bed with them, take things slow - and by doing so, you'll be better able to weed out the players versus those who are actually looking for a real relationship.

 

You say he owes you money and I get the impression that you'll continue to see him/communicate with him, "until" he pays you back. Why did you lend him money?

 

How long did you even know him prior to sleeping with him/lending him money?

 

Never ever lend money to someone you're dating - ever.

[qqqq]

i might have worded that wrong. i only wanted to tell him i thought i was pregnant as it would explain why i have been freaking out/acting a bit different. he knows i have been worrying and stressing out but he has no idea over what. thats why. i dont know why i want him to know that tho. i really dont.

 

as in... i would say i was "late". he should figure it out. but wiht that, and a few other things, made it all worse

 

 

he doesn't know that i know who he truely is. if there was no money lending, i would cease contacting permantly. but it was a bit of money. i trusted him too much. yes. stupid! i do think he'll pay it back. i do actually. i dont know why lol. but at least i know what kind of man he really is, i wont get sucked back in.

 

ive been a fool.

 

 

grr i keep going back and forth. i know hes scum. but i think i gotta "keep the peace" until i get my moeny then i dont want to hear or speak with him again.

i fell for everything. i'd never had a boyfriend or had guys interested in me that way. im in my 20's but dont really have any guy friends.

 

he said all the right things.

 

i hate the way the first time i had sex happened. i dont know what came over me. it happened SO fast. i told him i didn't want to have sex straight away

 

he didn't force me. god no. i wanted the sex sure, ready in that regard .... but i do feel like he pressured me /talked me into it a bit.

 

i was so niaeve. and gulliable. i thought he was genuine.

 

well the money, he told me he was being threatened about an old debt and they were going to hurt him. He knew i cared for him so he probably used that. He said somethings that definatly helped me believe him. i dont know if it was a lie. we made it legal tho. i mean he gave me his bank details aswell.

 

i have been told im too nice. lol. i get walked over a bit by the people i shouldn't

the only way i can stop that happening is getting a bit colder. which isn't me.... grr.

[xpaperxcutx]

If you don't trust him, you can't be friendly with him. You have to be stricter with him about giving you back your money but then your interaction should just end there.

 

I'm sorry you gave your first time to him, but holding on to hateful feelings will only bring you down. I hope you can learn to accept what's passed is past and you can only move on from here. Sometimes we all do things we come to regret but we also learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. What you need to do is to stop filling yourself with so much hatred about him and start spending more time loving yourself. You see soon that he's just a little speck of dust in this universe.

[qqqq]

If you don't trust him, you can't be friendly with him. You have to be stricter with him about giving you back your money but then your interaction should just end there.

 

I'm sorry you gave your first time to him, but holding on to hateful feelings will only bring you down. I hope you can learn to accept what's passed is past and you can only move on from here. Sometimes we all do things we come to regret but we also learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. What you need to do is to stop filling yourself with so much hatred about him and start spending more time loving yourself. You see soon that he's just a little speck of dust in this universe.

 

 

Thank you xpaperxcutx

 

 

I just read what i posted before. My mind is so confused! I can't work out what to feel or think or do.

 

But your right. i dont trust him any more. at all. Im in shock that he could do this. I allowed him into my life, my home. I didn't think someone could be that cruel. Im usually a fairly guardd person.....he has not helped. he's made it worse

 

but yes, ur right. i will be stricter to get my money back. we are going to set it up soon - doing a wired thing, so at least i can check its coming in, without having to contact him. ...

 

yeah. i do feel hate. and regret. a lot of what he's said, now, i dont know if it was true... you know the nice things, did he realy meant it. i guess i'll drive my self nuts with that!

 

yeah. well. im trying to get back out there. meet people. but not jump into anything. maybe i'll meet someone who is nice, and CARING and wants to know ME and i'll be blown out of the water so to speak coz this guy really wasn't thinking back to it.

 

. ive had a gut feeling that i was being used for a while. next time i know to trust that feeling.

[mortensorchid]

I'm sorry to hear about this situation you were in. If I were you, I would just move on, even though it's hard.

 

As to your thinking you were pregnant, best not to let him know that. Chances are he will either not care or think that you were doing this to get more attention. I'm sure that you really thought you were, going so far as to get a blood test.

 

Remember, you are going to give yourself to the wrong man time and again before finding a good one. Often times, the first one we choose is a dud. Ask some of your other women friends and I'm sure they will tell you that too.

[xpaperxcutx]

qqqqq, about your tests, I hope you also went in for an std test just to be safe. I honestly wish you all the best because I can very much relate with you about losing your virginity. But I also know that if you give yourself time you can move on with a much clearer head about things, and see things much clearer.

[qqqq]

thank you mortensorchid & xpaperxcutx

 

thanks. I wont let him know about the pregnancy. Thinking that i was. I wasn't trying to get his attention by saying it - not at all - more of an explaination but i dont want him thinking that!

 

I have a other health issue - which he knows about - i cant believe i told him! but its been bad, and he knows it, so i'll blame it on that why ive been odd - if it comes up.

 

Ive been worrying so much. lost so much weight. he's has been making me very confused.

 

in one way i wish i didn't find out. he told me he felt we were getting to close and he's scared to get close to anyone - HA a lie. but wonder if im better of believing that - and on the other way, i now know what kind of man he is, and wont get sucked back in.

 

Yeah. i guess i just thought it'd turn out differently. i really thought he was a good guy. how wrong could i be! I dont know that many people. My closest friend got used by a guy - we started seeing them about the same time. But she didn't go as far as i did. Im too embrassed and ashamed to tell any one.

 

It haunts me how quick we had sex. I fell for it all.

 

Yes. im going to the doctors again and getting tested for stds.

 

the thought entered my mind a few weeks ago ..what did i really see i him? b4 i knew this. i couldn't work it out. there isn't much in common...i honestly dont know what it was that i liked about him. there are better looking guys. yeah thought he was hot/cute the usual but seriosuly, i can not work it out for the life of me, why i liked him?......he was never THAT nice. i had to pay for drinks if we went out, pick him up. It might have been a lie, but he wasn't working much and had no car. see im too nice. i get told that too. i need to toughen up a bit. say no to people.

 

 

 

****Question:****

 

unfortunatly, im bound to see him again, due to money lending. if it comes up - ONLY IF - he asks, how ive been or what was wrong...

 

do i tell him that it really scared me how quick we had sex, and i do feel like u talked me into it or pressured me.

 

im not blaming him in ANYWAY. im kicking myself more lol. and because of that, i was, worried, very confused but also holding back soooo much when i was with him... but also annoyed

 

or will that just give him power and satisfaction or laugh at me behind my back? l

 

ol im getting mixed views on weather to tell him that. is there any point? he probably wouldn't care. or would care to my face....lie. these last 2 months have been hell.

 

if it wasn't for the money, i wouldn't bother. i wonder if the story he gave was just a lie.

[MN randomguy]

WOW

 

that's crappy. I will say this. If you can find a way to destroy his confidence you will be doing a great many women a service.

 

Maybe, I don't know how much he owes you, but, you could fake preggers and tell him you want money for some kind of premium expensive abortion.

 

If you know any girls he's working with tell them how he gave you herpes.

 

Tell him that your STD test came back positive for the HIV. You lied to him and are actually far from a virgin.

 

I've met a lot of women who've been through an experience like this and years later have misdirected hostility towards all men. If you've got hostility direct it properly. Then, he'll hate you and won't want anything to do with you. This may save you if you ever feel like going back to him.

[qqqq]

WOW

 

that's crappy. I will say this. If you can find a way to destroy his confidence you will be doing a great many women a service.

 

Maybe, I don't know how much he owes you, but, you could fake preggers and tell him you want money for some kind of premium expensive abortion.

 

If you know any girls he's working with tell them how he gave you herpes.

 

Tell him that your STD test came back positive for the HIV. You lied to him and are actually far from a virgin.

 

I've met a lot of women who've been through an experience like this and years later have misdirected hostility towards all men. If you've got hostility direct it properly. Then, he'll hate you and won't want anything to do with you. This may save you if you ever feel like going back to him.

 

 

 

Hey

 

thanks Randomguy

 

 

Yeah pretty crappy.

 

 

how can i find a way to destroy is confidence? lol

 

 

he lead me on soooo much.

 

see, i spoke to him at the start of the month. i had been worrying so much that he was just using me then! gut feeling shoulda went with it! But took advice from a friend who said to speak to him, and well that didn't help at all.

 

I said should we just go with friends and he said 'yes think that might be best'. Then he said some stuff and also mentioned'we can still have sex if u like'. which totally confused me. then when few days later he opened up, about a problem, i thought he was being true, maybe not.

 

i saw him few days later and he said to go for friends 'for now/im not ruling it out' then continued to hold my hand and rub my leg. confused me even more. and theres been a few things since that he has said. i might have took them wrongly tho,

 

but egh. and then on monday, i find out he's giving out his address and phone number to chicks online for sex. theres probably soooooooooooo many red flags i didn't see or chose to ignore. When i asked if i could speak with him on the weekend he said 'i haven't been feeling well lately and have a lot going on..jus dont take it personal hun"... bull ****. he's been feeling fine! lol.

i wanted to speak with him coz he was confusing the hell out of me. this was before i knew he rest.

 

 

Yeah thats what im affraid of. because of this jerk, im gonna think all men are like it.

 

Haha i dont think i could pretend i had an STD to scare him. that'd be low! lol.

[MN randomguy]

 

 

how can i find a way to destroy is confidence?

 

 

Take the feeling of control from him. Sex and power intertwine.

Also, if you've studied deceptive communication. A good liar can present their story in a convincing way just as well as an honest person. To be a good liar you must act sure of yourself. You must feel sure that you can pass it off. You've reinforced that with him. Grabbing a V-card is a pretty big feather in his hat.

 

If he got played, you and your friends get together and laugh at him. He is now a eunuch. Its not about being "low". Its behavior modification.

[Star Gazer]

PLEASE don't lie about him giving you an STD or getting pregnant. That is just so wrong on so many levels.

 

If you want to hit him where it hurts, tell him he sucked in bed and had really hoped for SOME amount of pleasure.

[Citizen Erased]

God no, never be as desperate and weak as to do this to him. He's an arse but you're only being selfish and pathetic if you do this.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting but you are dragging yourself down to his level if you did that.

[qqqq]

haha thanks

 

no i couldn't pretend i had an std. im waiting back on test results. couldn't take the risk in not getting check. dirty bastard.

 

i wasn't going to lie or fake being pregnant. i genually thought i was. i had blood test done. thankfully, its negative. but i was freaking out a bit. due to that and other stuff probably made it worse.

 

do i tell him i dont appreaicte what he has done....? about it happening so soon, him talking me into it. pressuring me... yes probably wont care, but would it help me to move on...?

 

he probbaly just wanted to score a virgin. he's a damn good actor. i never thought someone could say those things to your face and be a complete lie.

 

but yes, i guess to put it bluntly, he never got me off. lol. i wasn't really impressed........he can't really say anything about that i was bad, because hello, never done it before mate. how am i to know? its one thing to watch it on tv, but its another to do it, when u haven't before lol.

 

 

it kills me what i have done for him tho. seriouslly. finding him work, picking him up, buying the drinks (no job, no money - well thats what he told me!).

i cant believe i let him into my home tho. egh.

[qqqq]

God no, never be as desperate and weak as to do this to him. He's an arse but you're only being selfish and pathetic if you do this.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting but you are dragging yourself down to his level if you did that.

 

 

by telling him i was late and freaking out?

 

im not going to. i wasn't sure which is why i came here. if he asks, i'll say its a other health contidtion - which he knows about - i trusted him and told him. egh. not serious tho.

 

i dotn want to go down to his level. he is a jerk. he has no idea that i know he's already screwing other chicks.

 

ill get over it eventually.

 

part of me wants him to hurt/suffer...is that normal? lol.

[qqqq]

PLEASE don't lie about him giving you an STD or getting pregnant. That is just so wrong on so many levels.

 

If you want to hit him where it hurts, tell him he sucked in bed and had really hoped for SOME amount of pleasure.

 

 

no im not going to. i couldn't lie about having an std. i wasn't going to lie about getting pregnant. i *thought* i was. late. had blood test. but not pregnant thankfully. i was freaking out tho a bit.

 

hahaha, would that really work? seriously, i wasn't that impressed. he always took, never gave. he's kinda the one who's suposed to show me! i got nothing out of it.

[MN randomguy]

would that really work? seriously, i wasn't that impressed.

 

 

Yeah, that would work.

[qqqq]

Yeah, that would work.

 

 

haha.

 

how would i tell him that? to his face?

 

 

 

do i tell him that he talked me into it, pressured me a bit. and that i hated the way it happened...or will that just...do nothing and be pointless?

[qqqq]

i want to cut this dude out of my life, but he owes me money so i cant just yet. despite all this, i do think he'll pay. maybe wishful thinking lol

 

funny thing, he said "i could never screw anybody over, its just not in my nature, i was raised better than that".

 

oh the lies.

 

but. i have been helping him find work (sending him jobs to apply for) pretty much from the start. he only works casual.... well this is from what he has told me. and just last week he said to send jobs through. never did tho.

 

but, Do i keep "helping" him in that regard? ........i dont want to help the jerk any more, but im thinking more of the lines that the sooner he gets a damn job, the sooner he pays me back and the sooner i can get him out of my life. lol. thats it.

 

i dont want to help the prick. if he asks tho..do i give him any? im so likely to give in.

 

 

the dude is actually rather stupid.

 

he gave his HOME address. to a girl he was chatting to online for 10 mins with out knowing her name. her phone number or seeing what she looked like! - - for a hook up.

 

he is truely a creep.

 

i read (might have been here) that i keep with the hatred feeling for him, it wont help. it will keep me down...how about a feel that he's a complete idiot? lol. How dumb do u gotta be 2 give ur address to a stranger!!! i thought he was brighter than that!

[amymarieca]

Ok I am going to give my honest opinion here. You are investing WAY too much emotion in this jerk. No offence, but he is probably not thinking about you to this extent. I wouldn't tell him anything, even if it is just telling him you are hurt by the situation. There is nothing this guy will say that is going to make you feel any better. Call him up, tell him you need your money within two days. Get the money and never look back. You don't even have to say anything when you get it from him.

 

You've already learned everything you need to know about this guy, so you just need to move on. I would take all the time you have invested in this situation and spend it on a guy who actually deserves your attention. You're worth it.