ATR Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Ok, i know not long ago my thread was up here but that seems to have disappeared down the pages... Ok, here's the situation. My and my girlfriend were in a long distance relationship, having a pretty good relationship, didn't have any arguements or anything upsetting. We go a few days without contacting eachother becuase i'm presuming she is wanting space (by not contacting me). So i leave her to herself for a few days. Then a couple of days later she texts me "Are you pissed or something?" I tell her "No, i'm not, are you?". She replies "Well, kinda, you haven't spoken to me in a while". I tell her that i thought she needed space etc. She doesnt text me till 2 days later saying that her weekend was fine etc... Then she suddenly shoots me down. "I have something to tell you. I can't do this anymore, i never see you but i want to, my mum won't let me visit you" This is my first relationship so i panic, "Please don't break up with me" "I promise we can make this work" etc... Ok now i am a week later after she broke up with me. Worst week of my life, which had my birthday bang in the middle of it :/ I asked her if we could meet this week last friday. She said she would think about it. But it is now monday and she hasnt replied. I sent her this message yesterday "I don't understand one minute you're telling me how much you miss me the next you never want to see me again? x" I am going to be going to a shopping centre right next to her house tomorrow, i want to see if we can talk things over, i want a clear understanding why, is there a chance to recover it etc... Arghhh, I "hate" girls:o
againstallodds Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 My ex acted the same way. I think this is a normal pattern. You beg, they run. She's testing you to see if she's making the right decision leaving you. If you start begging she know she did make the right decision. In this case you got to go NC. Pretend that you are doing fine without her till you make it.
Author ATR Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Ok thanks for the reply. Do you think it's ok if i see her tomorrow though. I just need to understand why she had to break up with me, when she could have told me and we could have worked something out.
againstallodds Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I think you should wait and let her contact you. She's confused right now and any more asking will make you look desperate in her eyes. See what happen when you didn't txt her she txt you and said she panic. So wait for her to contact you and play it cool this time don't give in so easily. Let her request to see you not the otherway around.
Author ATR Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Ok, i am taking your advice i promise. But about tomorrow, shall i tell her that i am going to be near her and that if she wants to come she can, but i am not wanting to pressurise her into a decision. Shall i just say "hey, today i'm going to be at X, i would like to talk to you, but don't worry if you can't etc" or something like that.
againstallodds Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Wait for her to contact you. You sound desperate. You already text her but she didn't respond. Just wait don't ask again. Let her contact you and if she doesn't request to see you then don't even ask. She's confuse and it doesn't help when her parent is the force behind this. I've been there, it's tough when there is family influence. She got to make the decision to see you on her own.
Author ATR Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Ok, i totally understand. However i'm still going to this shopping centre with a friend tomorrow. I think her friend works in one of the shop:p I've never met her so i will go up to her and be like "Hi xxxx" and she will be like "do i know you?" Then maybe she will tell my ex anyway:)
CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 The best strategy for winning someone back always seems to be "not wanting them anymore..." and "moving on with your life." My ex's never wanted me back until I moved on and by that time, I truly did not want them anymore and I've always been happy at that point Try it.
Author ATR Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Haha, yeah that's so annoying. I don't really want to move on though i want her in my life, we still like eachother etc. Why can't the dumpee just ask for second chances without seeming too needy
againstallodds Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 You got dumbed. It's like going for a job interview and they said sorry you can't get the job. Do you think begging them to give you a chance will help? Maybe it does but rarely workout in your favor because the ball is in their court now and not yours. They may say well, I'll give you a chance but without pay would you accept that? If it does works the outcome is never desirable.
FF84 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 We go a few days without contacting eachother becuase i'm presuming she is wanting space (by not contacting me). So i leave her to herself for a few days. Then a couple of days later she texts me "Are you pissed or something?" I tell her "No, i'm not, are you?". She replies "Well, kinda, you haven't spoken to me in a while". I tell her that i thought she needed space etc. Why would she be pissed off? It's a 2 way relationship, it's not solely your obligation to contact her. If she wanted to speak to you in those few days then she could have picked up the phone, she didn't have to wait for you. Do you want to be only one putting something into this?
Eli_Peterson Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 That is sort of basic human behavior....that is what makes stalkers so scary. Of course, stalking is an extreme behavior but still the same type of behavior. "No reaction" will get a better reaction than flipping out, begging, pleading, crying and "wanting to talk." Be strong, confident and self assured and you can win her back.....I am assuming that this was how you were when you two first got together. I assume that you didn't beg for her to fall in love with her or want to talk about how your relationship would work or what you needed to be like in order for her to fall in love with you. I am thinking that you were probably pretty cool and she fell in love with that guy...that is the guy that you gotta get back to one way or another or you got no chance, my friend....
Author ATR Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Thanks for the replies, and no i dont think i got screwed over... I know i guess most of the time is was the one initiating the conversations. Trust me my mind is going crazy. I think that's just her personality, if we were to get back together it would definately be something to ask her to work on...
CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Haha, yeah that's so annoying. I don't really want to move on though i want her in my life, we still like eachother etc. Why can't the dumpee just ask for second chances without seeming too needy Any "asking" for a second chance, no matter how confidently or innocently you ask. And "wanting" them in your life, yes I can see that, but at some point you have to accept that they made a choice to move on. Sometimes with someone else, sometimes not. Regardless, you have ZERO control over your ex, their feelings, what they do, etc. I'm telling you from personal experience and the experience of many here at LoveShack that if you pursue her, she will run away from you. They say the best revenge is a life well-lived and honestly, that's what makes you attractive to an ex. They see you moving on with your life and being happy and they may see some of the things in you that initially attracted them to you. When you are sad, whining, crying and begging for a second chance -- none of that is attractive.
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