Author xoAdrianaox Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Trust me Trimmer, if I could...I would!! I want to!! I've wanted to get over him all these years and I've tried every possible way.... This is the kind of language that comes from people with obsession problems. Part of your letting go will be accepting that he is responsible for his own decisions and his own happiness, and that you are not, and cannot be, a player in any of that any more. And to continue this "lifelong learning" analogy, if you could know NOW what you will probably understand in 3 or 5 or 10 years, it would be more clear to you that he has moved on and that you need to do so, as well.
Angel1111 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 You were too young to be in a relationship this serious. You didn't know who you were or what you wanted. Sometimes the only way to figure that out is to have experiences. Some young relationships stick, but not many of them do. If you felt that he wasn't on the same intellectual level as you, this wouldn't get any better and would continue to be an issue. Just because you met a few guys who didn't measure up doesn't mean someone better isn't out there. I think you're just beating yourself up about something you did, but the truth is something was missing in that relationship that made you want to explore. There's someone out there who's a better match for you.
youngandhopeful Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I know this situation well, however i was the lad who was cheated on. If my ex came back to me now, i would tell her where to go. She had her chance, no matter how good it was, it never would be the same, ever. Its harsh but you've got to stop obsessing over this person. There is more than ONE person you will ever have these feelings for. The longer you stay thinking about this guy, the less time you will have finding a new partner.
Author xoAdrianaox Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Well the thing is...I did cheat on him, but it's not like I slept with the guy, we only kissed...doesn't really make a difference though, does it?
MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 OP.... It would be entirely selfish for you to bother him again. If he knows you'd want him back and it sounds like he does the loving thing to do is to let him go. Will you get over him? IDK. If he does all of this so right and puts all of the work into doing things right, and is happy, why can't you let him be happy? It sounds like you need too much drama in your life. Had a good thing, but decided that that wasn't fashionable enough. Now he's happy, you want more drama. You date other guys to get over him. How do those guys feel? Therapy? the increase of depression in our society may stem from too much time worrying about ourselves. Maybe volunteer for the less fortunate. I'd for starters suggest instead of depriving yourself of food deprive yourself of Romeo and Juliet stories, O TV network, lifetime channel and any form of Romance novel or US weekly.
MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I know, you are absolutely right. The problem with me is that my standards for men nowadays are WAY too high. 1. he needs to be good looking/MANLY 2. he needs to love his family (especially his mother) 3. he needs to be highly educated 4. he needs to have a stable income 5. he needs to make me his first priority 6. he needs to give me space if i need it 7. he needs to be funny, adventurous, spontaneous, love to travel 8. he needs to be a good kisser 9. he needs to have a wild/sexual side 10. he needs to respect me/my family All the men I meet do not fill those requirements, THUS; i cannot allow myself to go for them. I sometimes feel as though I will NEVER again fall in love. Yes, it is more the idea of LOVE that I miss more than him, you are ABSOLUTELY right. I have so much love in my heart and I really need someone to give it to! But nobody has been worthy of it so far Tomcat, thank you a lot. Your message really did help me open my eyes more. Talking about this to my friends is embarassing because they will think I'm crazy for feeling this way...haha Thank you again. Are you sure you can't fudge a little on any of these requirements? 5 & 6 could be contradictory. I think you are not allowing yourself to go for guys. Instead of telling the truth about being emotionally unavailable you're coming up with impossible requirements. Now its their fault it can't work instead of yours. Nobody is worthy? Your ex isn't worthy. Remember he's uneducated. What if you met a guy that was smart, but didn't have the right financial opportunities growing up to go to college? Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting?
LostNLonely Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 A guilty conscience keeps you returning to the scene of the crime. Your inability to forgive yourself has kept you from being able to turn the page.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I killed him... I rather suspect that this is 180 degrees from being accurate. Yet he was innocent in so doing.
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