I killed him...

[xoAdrianaox]

3 years ago (i was around 17, 18ish), i met this guy & we fell completely in love. he was my first my love, i was his first love (we all know how those feel). we only went out for 6 months, but it felt like we had been together our entire lives. everyone was jealous of us...we were like the romeo and juliet of our town. like the stuff you see in movies, we were living it! we were just gonna run away and get married. but then reality had suddenly hit me...HARD. it was my first year at university & i decided things were moving too fast with him...i ended up cheating on him with this guy i met at the school. i started taking him for granted and didn't care much about him anymore. he was still stuck at his 9hr/day job and i had plans to go to law school. i needed MORE. anyways, I KILLED HIM. I SHATTERED HIS HEART. i told him the truth about me cheating on him. he said he'd forgive me, that we can move past it. i refused. i didnt tell him but i had plans to stay with the guy i cheated with him on. I was so young and stupid..stupid stupid stupid. this guy treated me like a QUEEN and had a heart of gold, and all that concerned me at the time was: "well hes not educated enough for me!" 2 months later, i found out he had a new gf. They have been together ever since. I became depressed for about a year. I almost died from not eating. It was really scary. I realized how much he meant to me and i begged for forgiveness, but it was too late. It's been 3 years now...and I still think about him every single day. I still can't believe a smart girl like me would do something stupid like that. Over the years, I've tried to keep in touch with him and tell him over and over again how much of an IDIOT i was...but i was young...18 yr olds do stupid things. I've grown tremendously since then.

So now, my dilemma is: What are my options? I have tried everything to get over him, I CAN'T!! I've had 2 bfs since him and neither of them helped me get over him...He's the only person I will truly ever care about and i don't know why I did something so stupid....I haven't seen him since that day I broke up with him...He told me he would faint if he ever saw me again...I'm thinking of maybe speaking with his mother before approaching him? I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I will do anything to just look into his eyes one more time. It's been THREE years, not a single day has gone by where I don't think about him. It's not healthy. I know there are a lot of older adults on this site which is why I would really appreciate your words of wisdom. Keep in mind that the "rebound gf" he had found, now has been turned into a 3 year long relationship...What hurts the most is knowing that he's the type of guy where if he really LOVES a girl, he will marry her/move in with her. We were about to do that after 4 months. He's been with her for 3 years and still nothing...

Please help me!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!

[Tomcat33]

Sorry you are in so much pain, that is a sad story.

 

Why did you break up with him in the first place? When you say you needed more, what was that more you needed? Really think of the reasons why you broke up with him. And what happened with the new guy that you cheated on him your ex with?

[Eve]

In reading your post I thought about Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. I think those two would have been great together, but I digress! All you can do is live and learn. I think that you saved this guy a lot of heartache because if you had married him you probably would have had an affair, which really would have destroyed him. In fact I dont think that you hurt him THAT badly because he moved on and is in a stable relationship now. Not being married after three years in this new relationship is probably a good thing for him! At the end of the day just see this as a lesson whereby you gave yourself time to find out what you value. Ok, the two BFs did not work out, thats ok. You are very young to be so serious but I suppose sometimes some life lessons are learned at a young-ish age! Overall, I think that you need to forgive yourself and move on mainly because I would be very surprised if you could rekindle anything after a three year gap. Regarding contacting his Mother, I am not sure that his family members would be that supportive of you because of how the relationship ended. If his Mother is a nice person maybe it would be good to hear things from her perspective if you were to call her. Maybe hearing that he is happy could help you to focus now attaining some happiness for yourself? BUT I think that you have to face the fact that if he still wanted you he would have come after you. Instead of now plotting to get in the way of his new relationship I think that you should try and carry at least five things this relationship taught you into your own life.. and live your life well.Stop beating yourself up now. You are still very young within creating a value system, just remember that this value system will be central within the upbringing of your children. So, make sure it is a good one.Regards,Eve xx

[refurb]

Unlike what movies and books teach us, in life there often is no happy ending.

 

You need to move on.

 

RF

[xoAdrianaox]

I broke up with him because I thought I needed to be with someone who was intellectually at my level...I was in University, now going to Law School and the most he had done was Police Foundations College. If I wanted to talk about philosophy, great authors, the meaning of life, science...I couldn't with him. But I have met men with which I can and they weren't so great either. So I guess I can't have it all and I would sacrifice those talks just to be able to love again. Those were the reasons.

 

The guy I cheated on him with, we dated for a year and then he turned out to be a complete psycho and abused me so I broke up with him.

 

 

Sorry you are in so much pain, that is a sad story.

 

Why did you break up with him in the first place? When you say you needed more, what was that more you needed? Really think of the reasons why you broke up with him. And what happened with the new guy that you cheated on him your ex with?

[2sure]

Contacting his mother is too strange, dont do that.

Like you said , his "rebound " relationship is not a rebound after 3 years. He moved on a long time ago.

 

Originally he wanted to get back together you. He then found someone else and realized that he didnt want to get back together you. He chose to stay in his existing relationship. You didnt kill him, he moved on quickly.

 

It was a whirlwind romance based on 6 months of young love. We have had all them. Don't stunt yourself by not moving on. its hard to get over your first love , no one can compare to that , simply because it is "first love."

 

You didnt realize you wanted him back until he found someone else - it seems your feelings may be based on jealousy and not real regret...?

 

Did your plans change also? Are you still at university?

[xoAdrianaox]

Hahah I guess you could say it is a lot like them two...except I didn't shave my head and get pregnant with a loser! hahaha

I have been telling myself the same thing..."live and learn".."good experience"..."next time will be better"...but it's like there's this magnet that keeps pulling me back towards him, no matter how many great men I might meet in the future...it's this certain "what if" factor that will forever remain in my mind..."what if I had tried to see him? what if we did fall instantly back in love?"

I know you're right, that I would've save him a lot of heartache, but that was when I was a little 18 year old girl...I'm a woman now and cheating will be the last thing I would ever do to a man I love. I've tried to explain that to him many times but I guess he doesn't believe me.

 

But let's just say....hypothetically speaking...IF i were to ever find "The One" and in a few years, get married, without having ever again seen my first love...how will I know I'm truly over him to be able to move on and give my heart to someone else? It would not be fair to him. I need some sort of closure...something, anything!

And about his mother, I was very close to her...and he told me that she preferred me over his new gf despite what i had done to him...that's why i was contemplating talking to her.

You guys are all right though...3 years to get over a 6 month relationship sounds crazy enough, but i have a feeling i'll have to endure this for a few more years...

 

 

In reading your post I thought about Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. I think those two would have been great together, but I digress! All you can do is live and learn. I think that you saved this guy a lot of heartache because if you had married him you probably would have had an affair, which really would have destroyed him. In fact I dont think that you hurt him THAT badly because he moved on and is in a stable relationship now. Not being married after three years in this new relationship is probably a good thing for him! At the end of the day just see this as a lesson whereby you gave yourself time to find out what you value. Ok, the two BFs did not work out, thats ok. You are very young to be so serious but I suppose sometimes some life lessons are learned at a young-ish age! Overall, I think that you need to forgive yourself and move on mainly because I would be very surprised if you could rekindle anything after a three year gap. Regarding contacting his Mother, I am not sure that his family members would be that supportive of you because of how the relationship ended. If his Mother is a nice person maybe it would be good to hear things from her perspective if you were to call her. Maybe hearing that he is happy could help you to focus now attaining some happiness for yourself? BUT I think that you have to face the fact that if he still wanted you he would have come after you. Instead of now plotting to get in the way of his new relationship I think that you should try and carry at least five things this relationship taught you into your own life.. and live your life well.Stop beating yourself up now. You are still very young within creating a value system, just remember that this value system will be central within the upbringing of your children. So, make sure it is a good one.Regards,Eve xx

[xoAdrianaox]

You're right. Sometimes I think I have painted this "idealistic" picture of him...and that in reality, maybe he's not even like this picture (especially after 3 yrs, he must've changed!). That's why I'm so compelled to try to see him, have my "closure" so to say. And yes, I guess it was somewhat jealousy that made me realize how much I did want him...which is stupid. But jealousy is something that goes away...I don't feel jealous anymore when I see pictures of them kissing...I feel happy for him...but I miss him...he left an empty lacuna in my heart. I want whatever makes him happy, but I believe that I would make him much much MUCH happier than his gf is...no matter how many years they've been together, no one will know him like I did. Everyone was so happy when he met me because it seemed like he became a different person, a better person. And then I went and broke his heart. He would tell me he was going to kill himself, he wouldn't show up for work, he was really depressed for those 2 months...and then it was almost like magic, he found someone else and was completely over me. During these years, we have talked over the phone and he always flirts with me and tells me that he still thinks/dreams about me...and I tell him I do too...but then I won't hear from him for another 6 months...It's very weird!

No, my plans stayed the same. I am still in university, going into my last year.

 

 

Contacting his mother is too strange, dont do that.

Like you said , his "rebound " relationship is not a rebound after 3 years. He moved on a long time ago.

 

Originally he wanted to get back together you. He then found someone else and realized that he didnt want to get back together you. He chose to stay in his existing relationship. You didnt kill him, he moved on quickly.

 

It was a whirlwind romance based on 6 months of young love. We have had all them. Don't stunt yourself by not moving on. its hard to get over your first love , no one can compare to that , simply because it is "first love."

 

You didnt realize you wanted him back until he found someone else - it seems your feelings may be based on jealousy and not real regret...?

 

Did your plans change also? Are you still at university?

[2sure]

Since you still stay in touch, even if sporadically...just meet him. Run into him, whatever you have to do without stalking him.

 

It will give you what you are looking for and is harmless enough to say hello in person. After that, you can move on.

 

Right or wrong, you have convinced yourself you need to do this...it seems like you should.

[kashmir]

After reading all of this, I'll say that I feel bad that you tortured yourself over this, but I can't say you didn't bring it onto yourself.

 

You had a great guy that you loved. While that love might have been exaggerated by your youth, it was still love nonetheless, and now that you can compare him to other guys you know he was special. Cheating on him and leaving him because he wasn't "intellectually your level" is totally idiotic. I heard this girl from my high school, who was really book smart but an air-head in every other way, once say that she couldn't see herself being with a guy who wasn't ivy league like her. Such a shallow and meaningless requirement makes her out to be an even bigger idiot than originally perceived.

 

All I can say now is that I hope you learned your lesson. He's gone. Move on.

[xoAdrianaox]

Trust me, I know.

But you're an idiot at 18, you don't understand what you have until you lose it. And I wish I could find a guy who treats me like a queen, who's perfect in every way AND who's educated at the same time. I don't think that it's "idiotic" to want those things. If I can't have it all, then I will sacrifice that, because someone treating me with respect and loving me unconditionally means much more to me than anything else. Yes I have learned my lesson but it's too bad I can't prove it to him.

 

 

 

After reading all of this, I'll say that I feel bad that you tortured yourself over this, but I can't say you didn't bring it onto yourself.

 

You had a great guy that you loved. While that love might have been exaggerated by your youth, it was still love nonetheless, and now that you can compare him to other guys you know he was special. Cheating on him and leaving him because he wasn't "intellectually your level" is totally idiotic. I heard this girl from my high school, who was really book smart but an air-head in every other way, once say that she couldn't see herself being with a guy who wasn't ivy league like her. Such a shallow and meaningless requirement makes her out to be an even bigger idiot than originally perceived.

 

All I can say now is that I hope you learned your lesson. He's gone. Move on.

[xoAdrianaox]

I was thinking about that...but I have no idea how I would "accidently" bump into him. He's moved buildings and now I don't know where he lives anymore.

 

 

 

Since you still stay in touch, even if sporadically...just meet him. Run into him, whatever you have to do without stalking him.

 

It will give you what you are looking for and is harmless enough to say hello in person. After that, you can move on.

 

Right or wrong, you have convinced yourself you need to do this...it seems like you should.

[Tomcat33]

I broke up with him because I thought I needed to be with someone who was intellectually at my level...I was in University, now going to Law School and the most he had done was Police Foundations College. If I wanted to talk about philosophy, great authors, the meaning of life, science...I couldn't with him. But I have met men with which I can and they weren't so great either. So I guess I can't have it all and I would sacrifice those talks just to be able to love again. Those were the reasons.

 

The guy I cheated on him with, we dated for a year and then he turned out to be a complete psycho and abused me so I broke up with him.

 

Sorry about the psycho guy, at least you got a good run out of that though you left the first guy for second guy and dated a year so it's not like you were out in the cold after leaving guy #1 and this was your choice. In life we can't expect to be rewarded for all the risks we take, some risks turn out to be good for us some not so good.

 

I asked you what made you break up with your ex because you SEROUSLY need to focus on those reasons you just wrote out up top. They are real needs that you had at the time that he could not fulfill. Needs that you had that were strong enough that made you realise you wanted out of that relationship with him because he could meet them. You said you felt out of love, that will happen to you again with him. Even if he were to magically leave his current g/f and come back to you those are feelings that will happen again as you relate to him. So why would you want to go down that road again?

 

Yes he was a nice guy and greated to you well but clearly that was not enough for you to sustain a long term relationship. You have made a fantasy out of what it would be like to be with him again and this is what is fuelling your emotions. You need to let go of that fantasy and focus on the reality the reality is he was not right for you so time to move on. You need a guy who has a little more to offer of what you like.

 

We had all the power to move forward from a bad break Adriana, we just need to focus on the right things in order to move on. You are focusing on the kinds of things that will keep you hooked a memory and not moving on. I am not convinced you miss HIM I think it is more you miss having someone love you and care for you in the way he did, but as a whole package you were not happy with him.

[carhill]

During these years, we have talked over the phone and he always flirts with me and tells me that he still thinks/dreams about me...and I tell him I do too...but then I won't hear from him for another 6 months...It's very weird!

 

I was thinking about that...but I have no idea how I would "accidently" bump into him. He's moved buildings and now I don't know where he lives anymore.

 

Keep in mind that the "rebound gf" he had found, now has been turned into a 3 year long relationship...What hurts the most is knowing that he's the type of guy where if he really LOVES a girl, he will marry her/move in with her. We were about to do that after 4 months. He's been with her for 3 years and still nothing...

 

Hmmm...........

[Wicked Smile]

I broke up with him because I thought I needed to be with someone who was intellectually at my level...I was in University, now going to Law School and the most he had done was Police Foundations College. If I wanted to talk about philosophy, great authors, the meaning of life, science...I couldn't with him. But I have met men with which I can and they weren't so great either. So I guess I can't have it all and I would sacrifice those talks just to be able to love again. Those were the reasons.

 

The guy I cheated on him with, we dated for a year and then he turned out to be a complete psycho and abused me so I broke up with him.

 

This brought some enjoyment to my eyes. Like there's some kind of balance to the world where KARMA steps in and beats down those who deserve it. Even so, it was a sad post. You did deserve it and I don't think contacting him when he has a woman is the right thing to do. That may work in your mind, but why put him in a bad way with his new girl?

 

Wait and see where it goes and get on with your life. You jumped ship thiking it was going to be the best leap you ever made but instead jumped onto a tug boat heading straight to the bottom. I'd give you different advice if you hadn't taken the cowards way out and actually jumped ship. Meaning to cheat is a mistake but to cheat and LEAVE him? Well good luck with the bed you made.

[xoAdrianaox]

I know, you are absolutely right. The problem with me is that my standards for men nowadays are WAY too high.

1. he needs to be good looking/MANLY

2. he needs to love his family (especially his mother)

3. he needs to be highly educated

4. he needs to have a stable income

5. he needs to make me his first priority

6. he needs to give me space if i need it

7. he needs to be funny, adventurous, spontaneous, love to travel

8. he needs to be a good kisser

9. he needs to have a wild/sexual side

10. he needs to respect me/my family

 

All the men I meet do not fill those requirements, THUS; i cannot allow myself to go for them. I sometimes feel as though I will NEVER again fall in love. Yes, it is more the idea of LOVE that I miss more than him, you are ABSOLUTELY right. I have so much love in my heart and I really need someone to give it to! But nobody has been worthy of it so far

Tomcat, thank you a lot. Your message really did help me open my eyes more. Talking about this to my friends is embarassing because they will think I'm crazy for feeling this way...haha Thank you again.

 

 

 

Sorry about the psycho guy, at least you got a good run out of that though you left the first guy for second guy and dated a year so it's not like you were out in the cold after leaving guy #1 and this was your choice. In life we can't expect to be rewarded for all the risks we take, some risks turn out to be good for us some not so good.

 

I asked you what made you break up with your ex because you SEROUSLY need to focus on those reasons you just wrote out up top. They are real needs that you had at the time that he could not fulfill. Needs that you had that were strong enough that made you realise you wanted out of that relationship with him because he could meet them. You said you felt out of love, that will happen to you again with him. Even if he were to magically leave his current g/f and come back to you those are feelings that will happen again as you relate to him. So why would you want to go down that road again?

 

Yes he was a nice guy and greated to you well but clearly that was not enough for you to sustain a long term relationship. You have made a fantasy out of what it would be like to be with him again and this is what is fuelling your emotions. You need to let go of that fantasy and focus on the reality the reality is he was not right for you so time to move on. You need a guy who has a little more to offer of what you like.

 

We had all the power to move forward from a bad break Adriana, we just need to focus on the right things in order to move on. You are focusing on the kinds of things that will keep you hooked a memory and not moving on. I am not convinced you miss HIM I think it is more you miss having someone love you and care for you in the way he did, but as a whole package you were not happy with him.

[xoAdrianaox]

Like I said, I was only 18...18 year olds make stupid decisions. I'm not that little girl anymore and could I have known what I know today, the thought of cheating on him would have never even crossed my mind, let alone leave him. I know, and i DO believe in karma. But it's been 3 years of torture...when is this karma going to end?? What I did at the time, I did not even realize I was hurting him...that's how stupid I was. I know that deep down I am a good person and I never mean to hurt people I love, I know I deserved this torture 3 years ago, but not anymore!

 

 

 

This brought some enjoyment to my eyes. Like there's some kind of balance to the world where KARMA steps in and beats down those who deserve it. Even so, it was a sad post. You did deserve it and I don't think contacting him when he has a woman is the right thing to do. That may work in your mind, but why put him in a bad way with his new girl?

 

Wait and see where it goes and get on with your life. You jumped ship thiking it was going to be the best leap you ever made but instead jumped onto a tug boat heading straight to the bottom. I'd give you different advice if you hadn't taken the cowards way out and actually jumped ship. Meaning to cheat is a mistake but to cheat and LEAVE him? Well good luck with the bed you made.

[amymarieca]

I think that you are letting this rule your life WAY too much. Think of all the things that you are missing out on because you are dwelling on this so much. It just wasn't meant to be. You have to accept that. We all make mistakes and the only thing we can do to fix it is apologize and learn from it. Eighteen is sort of young to meet the "love of your life" anyhow. I think you need to date lots of people and see what is out there and stop thinking about just one person from your past.

[Tomcat33]

Those are all realistic needs that YOU have, and you should not settle for having less than what you need. In time when you become more aware of yourself and you form your character in different ways your needs will shift, we always tend to have basic needs when we look for a relationship but as time passes and we live different experience our pririties change and sometimes we even drop some needs and substitute them with new ones. We as human beings are constantly growing and changing, it is totally natural to change.

 

So see when you lay out your needs you realise that he really did not fulfill the needs you had at that time in your life, so you are clinging to the wrong ideas here. You cannot wish to be with someone because no one else seems to fit your need list at this particular time, those are all the WRONG reasons to want to be with someone and when you do that you only set yourself up for MORE failure. I can guarantee you that if you did get back with him the exact same problems would creep up and create problems in the relationship again. You REALLY need to be aware of this which is why I asked you to focus on the reasons you broke up.

 

Going back with him is NOT the answer and I understand you feel lonely at times and yern to be cared for like this guy did, you WILL get that again I can promise you that. You will find other guys that fit the same criteria that appeals to you but in an even better combination. For the time being you need to consciously change your focus from the fantasy of "oh what we could have had" to "how am I going to become a better person for the next guy who will fit needs more apropriately?" You can do that by taking full responsibility on your actions and in how you treated your ex in leaving him for another guy. You must make it a personal goal to NEVER do something like that again, never ever treat another human being like that again. Focus on ways in which you can become a better person and when you least expect it the person that is better suited for you will come back into your life.

 

Let time heal the ending of your relationship and help yourself move on. He was not right for you.

 

Don't worry about Karma and all that nonsense or let other posters get you down with their silly comments, we all make mistakes the important thing is not that we make a mistake it is that we actually learn from it and never go back to doing the same things twice. For the simple reason that there is a LOT of pain to be had if we don't do things the correct way, as you are experiencing now it is not easy trying to make better the wrong you have done in the past. So chin up and time to really move forward. Stop focusing on the past you can't change it, but you can change where you go next starting today.

 

And be patient you will find the right guy to devote all that love, and receive it back.

[xoAdrianaox]

Wow...what you said almost brought tears to my eyes. Who would of thought I'd speak with such great people online? Haha Everytime I think about the good times we had, I'll try to remember the bad. I'll try to remember my meaning in life: I want to be a lawyer one day and help others. He would never fit the picture of my "goal". I want someone to challenge my mind, he never did that. I need to have debates with that man.

Tomcat, I will be honest with you. I did meet someone not too long ago who did meet every criteria. I think he was the first guy to really make me forget about my ex. The only problem was: as soon as I told him I won't sleep with him, he stopped talking to me. Maybe that's why I'm feeling hopeless more than ever right now. I'm not your typical girl who's in it for the "fun times", I'm serious about my future. Just seems that nowadays, men think all women just wanna "have fun". I almost feel like I have to "put myself out there" and look "easy" so that I may find someone finally. You are a very wise person, and you are right with everything you have said. I must simply be patient now and try to remember that love does exist.

 

 

Those are all realistic needs that YOU have, and you should not settle for having less than what you need. In time when you become more aware of yourself and you form your character in different ways your needs will shift, we always tend to have basic needs when we look for a relationship but as time passes and we live different experience our pririties change and sometimes we even drop some needs and substitute them with new ones. We as human beings are constantly growing and changing, it is totally natural to change.

 

So see when you lay out your needs you realise that he really did not fulfill the needs you had at that time in your life, so you are clinging to the wrong ideas here. You cannot wish to be with someone because no one else seems to fit your need list at this particular time, those are all the WRONG reasons to want to be with someone and when you do that you only set yourself up for MORE failure. I can guarantee you that if you did get back with him the exact same problems would creep up and create problems in the relationship again. You REALLY need to be aware of this which is why I asked you to focus on the reasons you broke up.

 

Going back with him is NOT the answer and I understand you feel lonely at times and yern to be cared for like this guy did, you WILL get that again I can promise you that. You will find other guys that fit the same criteria that appeals to you but in an even better combination. For the time being you need to consciously change your focus from the fantasy of "oh what we could have had" to "how am I going to become a better person for the next guy who will fit needs more apropriately?" You can do that by taking full responsibility on your actions and in how you treated your ex in leaving him for another guy. You must make it a personal goal to NEVER do something like that again, never ever treat another human being like that again. Focus on ways in which you can become a better person and when you least expect it the person that is better suited for you will come back into your life.

 

Let time heal the ending of your relationship and help yourself move on. He was not right for you.

 

Don't worry about Karma and all that nonsense or let other posters get you down with their silly comments, we all make mistakes the important thing is not that we make a mistake it is that we actually learn from it and never go back to doing the same things twice. For the simple reason that there is a LOT of pain to be had if we don't do things the correct way, as you are experiencing now it is not easy trying to make better the wrong you have done in the past. So chin up and time to really move forward. Stop focusing on the past you can't change it, but you can change where you go next starting today.

 

And be patient you will find the right guy to devote all that love, and receive it back.

[sumdude]

Well as a guy who just found out his ex wife married the man she moved in with and probably cheated on me with?

 

He won't want to see you.. trust me on that.

 

Move on....

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Sorry about what happened.

 

Lessons learned I suppose, next time you´ll care for what is important.

 

I think it´s wonderful that you lived that experience with your first love, just keep in mind that things keep changing and all is temporary.

 

Embrace your reality now.

[fishtaco]

How much of it is because you're still in love with him, how much of it is because of guilt?

 

3 years is a long time. I think you still care for him, which is fine, but maybe you want to get back together with him so you can "do it right this time" to appease your guilt?

 

The fact is, you did him a favor. Having your heart smashed is a rite of passage to adulthood. If you didn't do it, someone else would have. He learned a lot about women, relationships, and himself by having had that experience. You don't need to feel guilty.

 

Tomcat33 is right, there's no such thing as karma. It is everyone's own personal responsibility to stand up tall and face the tough times. You yourself will have heart breaks and heart aches coming. Just like all of us. That's just how it is. It happens. Sometimes out of malice, sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of randomness.

 

Water under the bridge. You need to move on. I think he has moved on.

[Trimmer]

I want whatever makes him happy, but I believe that I would make him much much MUCH happier than his gf is...no matter how many years they've been together, no one will know him like I did.

This is the kind of language that comes from people with obsession problems. Part of your letting go will be accepting that he is responsible for his own decisions and his own happiness, and that you are not, and cannot be, a player in any of that any more.

 

Like I said, I was only 18...18 year olds make stupid decisions. I'm not that little girl anymore and could I have known what I know today, the thought of cheating on him would have never even crossed my mind, let alone leave him.

And to continue this "lifelong learning" analogy, if you could know NOW what you will probably understand in 3 or 5 or 10 years, it would be more clear to you that he has moved on and that you need to do so, as well.

[xoAdrianaox]

You guys are all very very right.

I have been trying my very best to move on but I will just keep trying.

I guess what I am afraid is...finding my perfect man, maybe one day marrying him and then accidently bumping into my ex one day and realizing my husband is not the man i want to be with and still wanting my ex back

If I'm going to be with someone, I need to get over him. It won't be fair to the next man if I'm not. But after 3 years of trying to get over it...how much longer is it gonna take? How can I get my closure?