xpaperxcutx Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I recently got together with a friend of mine, and we decided to become an official couple. Of course everyone is happy for me, and I even decided to post the news on Aim to let all my friends know. One of the people on my buddy list is my ex, who I recently got back in touch with. The thing about my ex is that he's in a relationship with someone else when I initiated contact, and we had both talked about our feelings for each other, which we decided to put in the past and pursue being friends. Of course, we were both totally honest that we still had feelings for each other but for the sake of his girlfriend, he decided that we can't resume our previous relationship. He chalked it up to bad timing, and I decided that I wouldn't come in between anybody's relationship. So I moved on to my current boyfriend, who's a real sweetheart. And I can honestly say I can definitely be friends with my ex without emotions coming in between us. Except my ex isn't particularly happy with my relationship status, and he got violently drunk and mocked me about my boyfriend. I was absolutely stunned at his reaction. He questioned me on why I'm even talking to him since I now have a boyfriend, and I only thought it was logical to reply that he's in a relationship as well and he had still decided to talk to me. But he blew up on me and told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore. Honestly at this point I'm very confused. He was the one who decided to stay with his girlfriend, and I had respected his decision to move on rather than hanging on. But apparently he can't respect my decision to be with someone else who can make me happy. Why is he so selfish?
Gremio Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Some people can be very possessive. It's extremely common, and I feel that most people, get that bug at least a little bit. It can hit a nerve seeing an ex with a new person, but you need to just let it go. Alcohol is never an excuse to go off on someone, it just made it easier for him to show his true feelings. Just let him go. He's an ex... in your past. That is where he belongs.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Some people can be very possessive. It's extremely common, and I feel that most people, get that bug at least a little bit. It can hit a nerve seeing an ex with a new person, but you need to just let it go. Alcohol is never an excuse to go off on someone, it just made it easier for him to show his true feelings. Just let him go. He's an ex... in your past. That is where he belongs. I don't understand where his possessiveness comes from. He told me that he will stay with his girlfriend because she's nice to him, but he also said that he can't let me go because he still had feelings for me. I didn't want to be the third wheel in his relationship so I wished him all the best. I know that he's an ex, and should stay in my past. But I was willing to overlook our past to maintain a friendship. He was more than willing to talk to me before, but it seems he lacks any respect for others feelings except his own. He doesn't understand how selfish he is. He told me recently that he hadn't known what to do, he couldn't break up with his girlfriend, but had still wanted to be with me. I told him he could make his own decisions instead of pulling others into his mind games, because emotions can't be thrown out freely. Of course he stuck by his " I can't do anything about it" ideal so I decided to be with someone else.
Gremio Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 You made me just think of something... you can't really be friends with an ex. What is a relationship with your partner? It essentially is an intimate and close relationship with a good that progresses. If you couldn't keep that relationship going, your friendship, your bond, has been broken.
Fierce Grace Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 alcohol and exes never work.. trust me... its something about guys and drinking and rekindling old feelings and it all comes out... I think his decisions previously sounded like the right thing to say but deep dow in his heart of hearts wasn't what he wanted... but what's he to do if he can't have u both... i'm about 6 years removed from a relationship (ex-finance ; ex best friend) we can talk on the phone and discuss our relationships... we can even hang out and have a great time .. but add alcohol to the situation and then all the underlying truths about my past current or potential relationships come out... and i realize the friendship I've coveted soo much may not be the sort of friendship i believed it to be... so i'd say tread slowly ... its a very tangled web ....understand the boundaries in order to salvage the "friendship" if u want it.. for me our friendship is over 20 years in the making and i don't want to throw it down the tubes but i also have to understand what the limits of it are due to our current circumstances.. but u have to set those and then hold him to them
amymarieca Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I seriously don't know how you held back from giving this guy a piece of your mind. He is in a new relationship and he is going to give YOU a hard time about having a boyfriend? That's just plain immature. I would question whether you want to keep him as a friend. First of all, because he is your ex and secondly because he is being selfish. Why would you hang on to a friendship with someone who speaks to you that way when there are lots of other people in the world who will treat you with respect? Ditch him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 You made me just think of something... you can't really be friends with an ex. What is a relationship with your partner? It essentially is an intimate and close relationship with a good that progresses. If you couldn't keep that relationship going, your friendship, your bond, has been broken. I also believed that too. But I have to say that he was one of the exes I truly loved and sometimes I had wondered if I had been too harsh in my beliefs in ending all contact with someone.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 alcohol and exes never work.. trust me... its something about guys and drinking and rekindling old feelings and it all comes out... I think his decisions previously sounded like the right thing to say but deep dow in his heart of hearts wasn't what he wanted... but what's he to do if he can't have u both... i'm about 6 years removed from a relationship (ex-finance ; ex best friend) we can talk on the phone and discuss our relationships... we can even hang out and have a great time .. but add alcohol to the situation and then all the underlying truths about my past current or potential relationships come out... and i realize the friendship I've coveted soo much may not be the sort of friendship i believed it to be... so i'd say tread slowly ... its a very tangled web ....understand the boundaries in order to salvage the "friendship" if u want it.. for me our friendship is over 20 years in the making and i don't want to throw it down the tubes but i also have to understand what the limits of it are due to our current circumstances.. but u have to set those and then hold him to them Yeah I remember how alcohol used to make me feel. It was just I never exepcted such an outburst from him. I had hoped he would understand that I had wanted to move on as he had decided to move on with his new girlfriend.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 I seriously don't know how you held back from giving this guy a piece of your mind. He is in a new relationship and he is going to give YOU a hard time about having a boyfriend? That's just plain immature. I would question whether you want to keep him as a friend. First of all, because he is your ex and secondly because he is being selfish. Why would you hang on to a friendship with someone who speaks to you that way when there are lots of other people in the world who will treat you with respect? Ditch him. I wondered that myself. But he has a tendency to not see his own faults and always ended up making me guilty.
Recommended Posts