Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 My experience with men is that if they really want something, they go after it. Even if he has a gf, if he had feelings for you, he would be in touch in some way. Email, IM, whatever. He's not, though, right? I know what you are talking about with those rare connections. I've had that on occasion with a few people over the years. You can practically feel the electricity in the air when they are around. It is physical chemistry+mental chemistry. It does feel amazing, and like it's something that should play out...but often it doesn't. I can tell you briefly about an encounter I had years ago. We had that "thing" you are talking about. Right from the very start. It almost felt otherworldly. I was in a long relationship but I was kind of wanting to take a break because I really wasn't sure of him. He was in the same situation. So we both took a break from our SO's. We went out for three very intense months, but when it came time for him to go back to school, it soon fizzled out. Actually, when he first got there, he was begging me to come visit but when I did he was completely cold to me. I was devastated. I wrote him this very long, sappy letter and left it for him. It was terrible. We stayed in touch, and he would often hint he was unhappy, but then he would state that he couldn't leave her again. Pulled me in, pushed me away. I cut him off eventually. Years later, half a continent away, I met someone who knew him and his gf back then. It turns out that he didn't break up with her, even though I had "taken a break" from my bf. He didn't, though. He went back to school, she was there, and yep, I was out. They eventually got married, although the person who knows them says that it is a terrible marriage and he thinks that the wife would be better off without him. Turns out he's a real schmuck. Food for thought.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 My experience with men is that if they really want something, they go after it. Even if he has a gf, if he had feelings for you, he would be in touch in some way. Email, IM, whatever. He's not, though, right? We are still in touch via facebook so yes we talk. I really hope that he is not like the guy you described but I really don't think he is. Then again I guess you never really know. The connection you describe with electricity is so true. We just get along so so well and we have that cheeky banter going on with witty remarks etc. He's so much fun! But yes we are in touch so what do you think of this situation?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Murphy, I just feel you are playing with fire. If the guy likes you, let him find you. If he's not happy in his relationship, then he will find a way out of it. She doesn't have him trapped in a dungeon. He can leave if he wants to. So you say you are going to the island again? You could just tell him on FB, hey, I'm coming back in January for a week. Let me know if you want to catch up. There is nothing wrong with that, since that is something that any friend could say. See if he bites. Who knows. They could be broken up by then. But if you are going to contact him, you really should keep it strictly on a friend basis. At some point you just have to trust that people will figure things out for themselves. You really want him, you're not sure how he feels, so you're trying to control the situation. Doesn't work. If the guy is not making advances, there is a reason and it's not because he's unsure of how you feel. Another example. I had that "connection" with someone a couple of years ago. First guy I had felt that way with for years. I just knew in my heart that there was something there. He flirted with me and made suggestive comments about coming to the bar I like to go to. He was like, yeah, if you're there, I'll go. Well, he never showed up. I mentioned to his friend that he should come. Finally the guy called me. He didn't have my number, but he got it through his friend. Long story short- I wasn't sure if he knew I was really interested so I passed the message through his friend. He did call in response, so I though he was interested. But HE never initiated the call. We did talk a few times and went out once. The one time we went out it was an absolutely awesome time. Then I didn't hear from him again. Fast forward 6 months. He wants to talk to me. Tells me he felt bad about what happened. He really did like being with me but he was having MAJOR personal issues. Like, major major. So, the moral of the story was......yes, he was attracted and liked me, but he did not initate because it was NOT THE RIGHT TIME for him. You have no idea what this guy is thinking. He might think of you every day. He might be getting ready to break up with this girl. One day she might snort her soup out of her nose and he is like, that's it! I'm out! Ladida, next thing you know, he's sending you a message on FB. When you coming back? That is what I mean by trusting that things will unfold, one way or another. He might also be very happy with his gf, and you are becoming a distant memory. It doesn't really matter. Just leave it alone and let the chips fall where they may.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 That is what I mean by trusting that things will unfold, one way or another..... Just leave it alone and let the chips fall where they may. Thank you so much for your help I totally agree and just needed someone to open my eyes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Thank you so so much x
510 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 yes, Cherry Blossom I have found that timing is everything and its amazing how situations evolve. Most of the time if you lay low, however as a friend you'll get your answer one way or another..
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