Murphy08 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Would you tell a guy that had a girlfriend that you were into him? This isn't just a crush btw...i really do like him a lot. Just feel like if I don't say anything I will regret it. What do you think?
Geishawhelk Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Say nothing. How dare you try to complicate his life!? If he's happy, let him be! Why should you throw a spanner in the works....? You have a BF. This girl approaches him, and tells him she has a crush on him. How respectful is that? How secure does that make you feel? What do you fear your BF will do? Please, stay out of it! Respect his space - and her feelings.
Tomcat33 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Regret what? What if he tells you "not interested I have a girfriend" won't you regret how foolish you will feel then?
dashing daisy Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I understand this is a really tough position, because you like this guy. But what good would it do to tell him? What do you hope to get out of it? He is in a relationship. Are you hoping he will break up with her because you like him? I wouldn't tell him, just because he has a girlfriend, and I think it's just rude to try to break up someone's relationship, but it's your decision. Before you do anything though, try to put yourself in his place, and in his girlfriend's place. How would you feel if you were one of them?
Author Murphy08 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 I know where you're all coming from, and I agree, I guess he would leave his girlfriend if he had feelings for me which I explained in my other thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t173670/ I guess it's just hard to accept that despite how much I care about him that he is in a relationship.
Phateless Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 This is a tough one... You're obviously not ok being just friends. Do you think he feels the same?
moonshadow Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I think out of respect to his relationship and to his girlfriend, you should keep your feelings to yourself. Think of how you would feel if you were in a relationship and some girl was going behind your back and telling your boyfriend that she had feelings for him...........I'm sure that would upset you. It's just really disrespectful on many levels. Also, it puts him into a potentially awkward situation and might make him feel very uncomfortable. Focus your heart on someone who's truly single and available.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 This is a tough one... You're obviously not ok being just friends. Do you think he feels the same? I think so, if you read my other post that I put a link for above he hinted that he had feelings for me. Plus, because I met him on the island he worked on, he spent all of his days off with me going jet skiing, fishing, horse riding and then talking on the beach all night. So I am pretty sure he feels the same.
Tomcat33 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 OK well that paints a clearer picture on where you are coming from. Still he does have a g/f and he did say this: He also said that he would never cheat on his girlfriend because he has been cheated on before and would never do that to someone. I love the fact that he is so loyal and caring and he is such a unique guy and I think this conversation had subtle hint that he liked me. so if he will never cheat on his g/f and he said he is not interested in that since he was already cheated on why would you tell him you are interested in him? To see if he breaks up with her? He may think he is not going to cross any lines but if you do tell him all you are going to do is plant the seed in his head and the most you will get out of it not a break up but some messed up situation where he is lying to his g/f, you, and himself. Seriously consider the reprocutions of telling him what you are thinking. If he were breaking up I would say differently, I'd say sure let him know what you think but wait until he is free. But that's not the case he said things are fine with his girl. Essentially you would be breaking them up, would you feel good about that? And in future would you feel good if things were fine between you and him and then out of the blue some girl comes and also tells him she has a crush on him and he dumps you?
Author Murphy08 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Tomcat33, you raise a very good point, I guess I just feel really helpless just sitting here doing nothing but inevitable, if it's meant to happen he'll be free one day. Also, he's going to europe next year for a year to do some of his uni course and I'll be in europe at the same time. I'm not sure whether he and his girlfriend would stay together for that considering she's staying home. Do think I should just wait it out and see what happens? Because I definitely don't want to mess things up.
Geishawhelk Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 For you, that is. I'm sorry. I think you're just being incredibly selfish. Back off and find someone who's available and free to date you now.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 I am in no way out to mess anything up! I came on here to ask advice not tell you what I am going to do! I have taken in the advice and I am only asking for help. I am thinking of everyone in the situation, it's just hard to say everything in here without making it incredibly long. The last thing I want is someone hurt, believe me.
Tomcat33 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Yes I really think you should just lay low. You will only hurt yourself in the end. What would you even say to him? how would you even word what you want out of your confession? Have you thought about that?
Geishawhelk Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I am in no way out to mess anything up! In that case, you already know what you have to do! I came on here to ask advice not tell you what I am going to do! ....The last thing I want is someone hurt, believe me. But if you do what you're thinking of doing - somebody WILL get hurt, won't they? So - don't do it! SIMPLE!!
510 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Would you tell a guy that had a girlfriend that you were into him? This isn't just a crush btw...i really do like him a lot. Just feel like if I don't say anything I will regret it. What do you think? Have you been in his company enough to know that you want to be with him? I guess it depends on what you want from him, although I admire a man who can just say no if he's already hooked up with someone. You said the magic word, "GIRLFRIEND" that's all she is and only he can determine how important that is to him
Author Murphy08 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 I was hanging out with him for about a week so to some that would sound ridiculous but we honestly had one of those very rare connections that not many people have. That's why it's so hard for me to just let it go but I know I have to it's just difficult for me because we just clicked so well together. I just can't believe that the first guy I have ever had such a connection with has to have a girlfriend.
2sure Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 You mntioned previously that you would be visiting his area again soon and will see him. If you send him an email or letter professing your feelings before you see him...it puts you both in an awkward postion. It seems you have contact with him, since you know his schedule, and know that he has invited his gf to come work with him. I hate to say it, but if he had the same feelings for you , you would know by now. He would have told you. In the event you dont know for sure that he would have told you... Wait and see how he reacts to you when you visit. If he arranges some freetime to see you alone you will have your answer. If not, he is more interested in his GF.
Phateless Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 He probably likes you but isn't willing to jump ship. Either that or he feels dutifully bound to her. Maybe you telling him how you feel is exactly what he needs.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 He probably likes you but isn't willing to jump ship. Either that or he feels dutifully bound to her. Maybe you telling him how you feel is exactly what he needs. See that's what I'm not sure about. I don't want to cause complications but what if he's just not sure and needs to know how I feel in order to make a decision? I am absolutely torn about what to do...nothing seems right.
moonshadow Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 See that's what I'm not sure about. I don't want to cause complications but what if he's just not sure and needs to know how I feel in order to make a decision? I am absolutely torn about what to do...nothing seems right. Nice guy he is. He's in a relationship but while on vacation he spends a week of it with another woman (you). I can only imagine how hurt his GF would be if she knew the truth. Would you want to be in a relationship with a guy who would behave this way? Would you really want to be with a man who leaves his GF for you and thereby proves to you that he's that fickle and isn't very committed or loyal and will just dump a woman if someone else comes along? If he does it for you, he'll do it TO YOU.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Nice guy he is. He's in a relationship but while on vacation he spends a week of it with another woman (you). I can only imagine how hurt his GF would be if she knew the truth. Would you want to be in a relationship with a guy who would behave this way? Would you really want to be with a man who leaves his GF for you and thereby proves to you that he's that fickle and isn't very committed or loyal and will just dump a woman if someone else comes along? If he does it for you, he'll do it TO YOU. I know where you're coming from and usually I would agree but I know this guy and he's not like that. You would have to meet him to understand. This sounds bad on paper but it's really hard to explain unless you know this guy. We were only hanging out as friends but it had that connection...nothing happened. He is very loyal and committed to his girlfriend and he hasn't dumped her for me yet anyway. But you also can't expect someone to stay in a relationship if they were attracted to someone else and they felt that they would rather be with them. If it was my boyfriend sure, I would be hurt by him leaving me, but I think I would rather he moved on than leading me on when all the while he had a thing for someone else. I think what I'm going to do is when I get there just see what the situation is and based on that leave it be or talk to him. More than likely I won't talk to him about it and see what happens in the future. But as I said I'll see what the situation is when I arrive and go from there.
moonshadow Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I know where you're coming from and usually I would agree but I know this guy and he's not like that. You would have to meet him to understand. This sounds bad on paper but it's really hard to explain unless you know this guy. We were only hanging out as friends but it had that connection...nothing happened. He is very loyal and committed to his girlfriend and he hasn't dumped her for me yet anyway. But you also can't expect someone to stay in a relationship if they were attracted to someone else and they felt that they would rather be with them. If it was my boyfriend sure, I would be hurt by him leaving me, but I think I would rather he moved on than leading me on when all the while he had a thing for someone else. I think what I'm going to do is when I get there just see what the situation is and based on that leave it be or talk to him. More than likely I won't talk to him about it and see what happens in the future. But as I said I'll see what the situation is when I arrive and go from there. Sorry, I disagree with your train of thought. Life is filled with temptation and people we could be attracted to....but if you're in a relationship, you need to either be 100% committed to your partner or leave. It's about recognizing and respecting boundaries. Most all of us have been in long term relationships when we just happen to encounter or cross paths with someone we connect with; but most of us are loyal and committed enough to our partner and relationship such that we don't cross boundaries or put ourselves into situations where we'll grow to be more attracted to someone else. You had no business hanging out with this guy, knowing full well that he had a GF back at home. That's where you crossed the line and the boundaries. So did he. Once you do this, you then slowly go down a slippery slope, which is where you're at now. If you're single and meet someone you're attracted to, for whatever reason......and you're in a relationship OR you learn that they're in one, you should back off and remove yourself from the picture. It's about respect and maturity.
Author Murphy08 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 moonshadow, You're right that I should have backed off and removed myself from the situation, but at the time I really didn't see anything wrong with me hanging out with him. I still don't to an extent because if nothing else, he is a great friend to have and I don't regret anything I did while I was with him, because we did nothing wrong. I can understand that by knowing he had a girlfriend I shouldn't flirt with him, but I didn't. All we did was hang out and talk about everything and anything. It was an amazing connection but it could be either friendly or romantic. Obviously the latter would be great but I'm not going to ruin a relationship to get it. I am definitely not that kind of person and will absolutely back off and give him space in his relationship with his gf. If it's meant to be, it will happen eventually.
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