Cryha Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 OK so this is my situation. My wife is bisexual and wants to have sex with another girl. She has never done anything except kiss a girl before, and neither of us has ever had sex with anyone else. I am okay with having a 3-some with her and another girl, even if I don't have sex with the other girl, but I get jealous and depressed thinking about her doing things with another girl if I am not involved. She yelled at my today because she say's I am holding her back from doing things she wants to do because it bothers me, and keeps saying its not the same as having sex with another guy. I however don't see how it matters which gender someone is if you are having sex with them and enjoying it. Am I wrong to feel this way ?
2sure Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I am bi and can tell you that if is behind your back, you are not invited, or you are uncomfortable with it ...its cheating. Cheating is cheating.
norajane Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 No, you aren't wrong. Being bi or bi-curious doesn't entitle you to break your marital vows of fidelity and monogamy. It IS exactly the same as if she wanted to have sex with another man. And you aren't required to accept it! If she thinks you're holding her back from having sex with other poeple, then she needs to reconsider why she got married in the first place.
lkjh Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 No she is wrong and disrespectful. Tell her if she can't stay faithful then she shouldn't be married
Author Cryha Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 I re-read my message and I don't think conveyed how I am feeling quite right. The thing that is bothering me is that I have no problems with swinging and sharing her, I just don't like the idea that I am sharing her with another girl but she is not sharing me at all. This may not change your answers but I don't feel like I made that clear earlier so with that in mind if anyone wants to add something to your answers it would be very helpful.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 So she can boff other people, but you can't? The nerve of her, wanting to violate vows all on her lonesome. If she gets to eat cake, you should get some, too. Hey, I know! Why don't you two just get divorced, so neither of you is really CHEATING, and you can each boff whomever you want. Being Bi is no excuse for having extracurricular sex partners.
Author Cryha Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 So she can boff other people, but you can't? The nerve of her, wanting to violate vows all on her lonesome. If she gets to eat cake, you should get some, too. Hey, I know! Why don't you two just get divorced, so neither of you is really CHEATING, and you can each boff whomever you want. Being Bi is no excuse for having extracurricular sex partners. I am not interested in divorce yet or even thinking about it really. My wife and I have a good relationship and have only had minor, what I would consider "normal", problems up until this. I am just trying to find advice for how to handle this situation. Having said that if she decided to go behind my back and do things with another girl I am fairly certain it would ruin our relationship.
sxyNYCcpl Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 When the idea comes along of allowing other people into your sexuality, regardless of gender or quantity, the most important baseline is that the two of you agree on what your boundaries are. The boundaries could be anything goes or they could be numerous and strict. There is no right or wrong as long as you two agree. However, "I get to go have sex (by myself) with other women, and you are neither invited to participate nor allowed to have your own playmate" is an unreasonable, one sided boundary. Another issue you are likely to run into, even if you are successful in establishing boundaries you are both comfortable with, is that there is a reason single bi females are known as "Unicorn's" in Lifestyle circles. They are few and far between and there is high demand for them, so unless your wife already has a partner in mind that she knows or has reason to believe would be interested, finding an unattached female willing to play along while not impossible, will prove quite difficult. Swinging is for the most part a couples sport. I think you guys have a lot of communicating that you need to do before you try jumping into the water, right now you're a drama-bomb waiting to happen.
Wicked Smile Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 OK so this is my situation. My wife is bisexual and wants to have sex with another girl. She has never done anything except kiss a girl before, and neither of us has ever had sex with anyone else. I am okay with having a 3-some with her and another girl, even if I don't have sex with the other girl, but I get jealous and depressed thinking about her doing things with another girl if I am not involved. She yelled at my today because she say's I am holding her back from doing things she wants to do because it bothers me, and keeps saying its not the same as having sex with another guy. I however don't see how it matters which gender someone is if you are having sex with them and enjoying it. Am I wrong to feel this way ? She is obviously a spoiled little s**t your girl. Yelling at you because you don't feel comfortable sharing her sexually with someone else? If a 3 some does happen then you should be front and center....and behind them both. Let her see you being satisfied by another woman. A woman's worst enemy is another woman. They are HIGHLY competetive. Once she see's you playing the same game she made up but enjoying it. Maybe say make a different moan and over do the orgasm peice....she will flip her lid. But be warned. Whats done is done. There is no going back for either of you. Make sure she knows that. That she's thinking with her head and heart and not her Gspot. But if she tries to march forth, all warning aside and refuses to listen, then go all in and make that other woman look like a pro and be sure to start with your wife just a little and dive into the other woman and finish with her. Talk about the affect being driven home. She will forget all about her screwed up need to be with another woman and competitiveness will consume her. Play BALL!!!
Saville Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I tend to agree with Wickedsmile, insofar as setting the wife straight (no pun intended). However, what the hell is it with people? Guys getting off on shemales, girls watching lesbian porn, guys pleasuring themselves with gay vids, married people swinging, other couples wanting threesomes...doesn't anyone just do it the old-fashioned way? Sounds like a shyt load of sex without an intimate moment in sight. Saville
lonelyandfrustrated Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 She is obviously a spoiled little s**t your girl. Yelling at you because you don't feel comfortable sharing her sexually with someone else? If a 3 some does happen then you should be front and center....and behind them both. Let her see you being satisfied by another woman. A woman's worst enemy is another woman. They are HIGHLY competetive. Once she see's you playing the same game she made up but enjoying it. Maybe say make a different moan and over do the orgasm peice....she will flip her lid. But be warned. Whats done is done. There is no going back for either of you. Make sure she knows that. That she's thinking with her head and heart and not her Gspot. But if she tries to march forth, all warning aside and refuses to listen, then go all in and make that other woman look like a pro and be sure to start with your wife just a little and dive into the other woman and finish with her. Talk about the affect being driven home. She will forget all about her screwed up need to be with another woman and competitiveness will consume her. Play BALL!!! Getting divorced will be so much cleaner than this mess.
Author Cryha Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Getting divorced will be so much cleaner than this mess. As I said I'm not even close to getting a divorce. I love my wife and we just some some issues to work through. In the event she took it farther than I have stated I am willing to go however it would have a detrimental impact on our relationship.
sxyNYCcpl Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 However, what the hell is it with people? Guys getting off on shemales, girls watching lesbian porn, guys pleasuring themselves with gay vids, married people swinging, other couples wanting threesomes...doesn't anyone just do it the old-fashioned way? Some people engage in sexual activity purely for recreational pleasure. Others do not, some are not capable. Different strokes...
Deanster Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I'd say she's quite correct. It seems quite reasonable to me that she'd think you needed to go out and find your own other woman, instead of freeloading and using the one she's found. If I were you, I'd agree with her and move on. Tell her what she's offering is an excellent deal. You both get to sleep with other women. Sure it'd be CONVENIENT if it was the same other woman at the same time, but that's perhaps asking a bit much. You're quite happy to go find one on your own, and apologize for your thoughtlessness of asking to share. You now understand that, like toothbrushes, OW are not for sharing in your household.
That Emotion Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 No, you aren't wrong. Being bi or bi-curious doesn't entitle you to break your marital vows of fidelity and monogamy. Yeah, that. IMHO, you need to first remind your wife of these vows. After doing so, if you wish, you can try to figure out something that works for both of you. Frankly, I don't think that sex outside the marriage will ever lead to anything good or healthy for the marriage, but I'm not you.
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