preethi Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I am Mrs. XXXXXX. My husband is behaving very hardly nowadays..I clearly found that he is untolerably money-minded and started beating me for various silly reasons. Besides being a love-married couple, I became hopeless of my future...he has changed entirely. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are sooo cruel that there opinion for me is to make suicide myself. Father-in-law never leave my husband to lead him a individual life by involving him in all his actions, decisions, all his executions there by guiding him every moment.he is giving him wrong instructions in our marriage life such that our marriage life is totally affected..he never shares his secrets or decisions or anything. just a wife for name-sake and wants money money money... and to be a slave for him and should not contact my parents, friends, or anyone..its like a hell to live. But playing a great drama-acting to the outside world that he is living for me and without me he will die..I cant bare this torture. now i am pregnant (of 4 months) and fear how this torture is going to affect the child inside.. His father and mother are seriously planning for cruel actions only regarding me and my husband is not on my side..I am hopeless and helpless without a solution for this mental torture. Is there any possibility for him to change his character? I am married since just 6 months back. please provide me suggestions for my feeling...
quankanne Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 preethi, all other problems aside, I think the abuse is the big issue here: No one deserves or has "earned" abuse, and your husband is breaking a vow to protect you and care for you when he abuses in any sense of the word (emotionally, physically, verbally). Based on your language pattern, I'm guessing you probably aren't in the United States, so I don't know what kind of assistance there is for battered women in your country. Still, I'd encourage you to see it, to cut off all ties with this family, because it's only going to get worse. At this point, it's less about image and all about safety. q
KismetGirl Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I am Mrs. XXXXXX. My husband is behaving very hardly nowadays..I clearly found that he is untolerably money-minded and started beating me for various silly reasons. Besides being a love-married couple, I became hopeless of my future...he has changed entirely. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are sooo cruel that there opinion for me is to make suicide myself. Father-in-law never leave my husband to lead him a individual life by involving him in all his actions, decisions, all his executions there by guiding him every moment.he is giving him wrong instructions in our marriage life such that our marriage life is totally affected..he never shares his secrets or decisions or anything. just a wife for name-sake and wants money money money... and to be a slave for him and should not contact my parents, friends, or anyone..its like a hell to live. But playing a great drama-acting to the outside world that he is living for me and without me he will die..I cant bare this torture. now i am pregnant (of 4 months) and fear how this torture is going to affect the child inside.. His father and mother are seriously planning for cruel actions only regarding me and my husband is not on my side..I am hopeless and helpless without a solution for this mental torture. Is there any possibility for him to change his character? I am married since just 6 months back. please provide me suggestions for my feeling... Preethi It is a little difficult for me to understand where the money minded is, Im guessing maybe he married into your family for money or something along those lines? It is hard to change character, for a man or woman, in any country. Especially in certain cultures where there is a lack of support for women. It seems your husband is controlled by his parents, and i cannot imagine what kind of people they are if they are saying they hope you go kill yourself as you carry their grandchild within you. Anyway, Im guessing from your name and manner of typing that you are in India or of Indian descent? Pakistan maybe? I could be way off, but just going on your name. No matter where you are, you should try to look online for support center for abused or battered women. The fact that he should physically hit you even while you are pregnant with his child is intolerable and unexcusable. If you have any friends or family that will support you, then go to them. I wish I could help you more, but I don't know where you live or details of your situation and it's hard to follow your post as Im guessing english isn't your first language. Please do find some social services or social center that supports women in need that are being abused. Your main concern should be yoru baby right now, and that child should not have to grow up seeing his or her mother beaten for no reason.
Author preethi Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Thank you for your concern...I am actually staying in a confused state of mind right now and searching for a solution for my mental problem. I came to my mother's home to avoid further inconveniences. But still my husband is acting as if he cannot live without me for a single moment and wants me to come back with him to his house and be a slave for his family..He is now telling that he frequently gets chest pain and blood in nose..and wants me to come back. I clearly feel that these are only tricks to make me fall down. Hope he is loving me 10% and wants 90% of my true love to be utilized for satisfying his money needs and wishes for his life and family. Because he used to speak lies often and truth rarely..I called him to tell that i am ready to accompany him to the hospital but his mother attended the call and told me that I dont have the right to take him to the doctor and only she will do that. she told me not to interfere or disturb him anymore. His parents are interested in getting divorse for us but he decided to give me life-long torture. If he is really sick he would have come with me to the hospital but he refused to do so.. and still he didn't go to a hospital (since its just a drama)... He calls me daily most of the time and telling that he is serious and going to die. This affects me alot such that he never lets me get peace at my mother's home also... I am totally disturbed and depressed. I want my child to grow peacefully but he never give a chance for that atleast for the childsake till its birth also... Doctor is telling me that i am very anaemic, had never gained weight till now and the baby was very small. What can i do? I am not able to get proper sleeps at night too.. Will these type of person change? Please suggest me a path of solution to my peace and future life.
quankanne Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I am a big proponent of marriage, but I think your best move is to take up his parents' offer for a divorce. Things aren't going to get better with them meddling, your husband isn't going to suddenly "see the light" and become less abusive and you and your baby will be the ones paying the price.
Cryha Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 You owe it to yourself and your baby to get out of this situation as fast as possible. Nothing good will come out of staying in an abusive relationship.
Author preethi Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Thank you for your valuable guidance. I am also in the same state of decision making. But still he is not ready to give me divorse. I feel he is behaving pschologically in different ways. He wants me to be a slave and forget my parents and serve his family. He behaves like a psycho and a typical saddist. At the same time, he is not giving me divorse also and crying like anything to live with me; thereby gathering a sympathy from others and making a scene that i am a heartless person .. I hope he will not give divorse to me till my death. Is there any possibility to change a person of this sort? Why should he want to live with me? He is quite handsome and young guy of 26 yrs only..he can marry someone else. Often he used to tease me that i am not as beautiful as him.. Then what can be the reason behind his doings? I am sure that after getting a divorse also he will not leave me and my family in peace. Actually, I am more worried about my parents because they are totally upset because of my marriage. I am a southindian with all superstitions and beliefs. Already my sister's life was broken because of her cruel husband and she has no child also.. Atleast they thought my marriage should be a successful one; thats why accepted for a love marriage. But god decides in a different way! Now my pregnancy factor got added up to this... Please give me a pshchological cure of solution to peace...Waiting for your valuable reply!
sxyNYCcpl Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 and started beating me for various silly reasons. I don't need to read a single other detail. Get out. There is never a reason to put up with that, period.
Author preethi Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Do you think that my case is too irritating to deal with? A soft reply can reduce the pain of a wounded heart!
anne1707 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Preethi I don't think people are finding your problem irritating. I think they are all just deeply concerned for you and want you to get out of the mess you are in. No one should have to tolerate abuse whether physical or emotional. And to have a baby in such a relationship would be even worse. Please try and find some support groups near you and ask them for help. Is there a Woman's Refuge you to go to and be safe? I know that there may be cultural pressures from both your husband's family and yours for you to stay together but if you feel this desperate after only 6 months of marriage then staying will mean condemning yourself to a life of misery and pain. Please look after yourself and your unborn child.
quankanne Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 . He wants me to be a slave and forget my parents and serve his family. He behaves like a psycho and a typical saddist. At the same time, he is not giving me divorse also and crying like anything to live with me; thereby gathering a sympathy from others and making a scene that i am a heartless person these are HUGE RED FLAGS that your husband is an abuser, and those people rarely, if ever, change for the better. I suspect you know deep inside what needs to be done, but you are concerned about others and therefore refuse to do what's best for you and Baby. It's not an easy decision, but there's no moral law that says you must endure his abusive behavior, period.
Elilmomma Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 First you have to be strong not only for yourself but for your baby, then you should get out try to get some counseling or if you have nowhere to go call a doemstic womens hotline. Maybe you should think about going to a domestic womens shelter,they can help you if you want it. You have to want it and be ready for a whole lot if changes. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find some happines for you and your baby....Happy Holidays
annieo Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Preethi, where do you live? Is this a dowry issue? I ask this because I wonder if there are social supports where you live, for women in your situation. No matter where you live, no man has a right to abuse a woman, in my subjective but widely-held opinion. You are not a slave, a possession, but a person. A person with another person growing inside her. If your parents are supportive, that is probably the safest place for you and your baby to be right now. Don't get sad, get mad. It is unfortunate that your husband is a sadistic, manipulative jerk (with enabling parents) but that does not have to be your problem forever. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. Those are your primary responsibilities right now.
Author preethi Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 I want to thank Quank, Elilmomma, annieo and everyone for their kind reply and valuable suggestions. I am happy that have got true well-wishers to care for my pschological pain..Yes as you said i have to be bold and confident at this time point atleast for the sake of my baby. I try to avoid his phone calls as it creates a mental harressment unknowingly. Kindly pray for me. Let god lead the rest. Thank you soo much..keep in contact.
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