prettybaby Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 how true is this statement? I was reading an article that said that women should be the ones initiating the first touches, like, touching the guy's arm, holding hands, etc. Because it can be more easily forgiven to females than to males. Do you agree?
alphamale Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Do you agree? yes, but its the mans job to make the first overt romantic move. these are just signals she gives to show him that she likes him
Author prettybaby Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 yes, but its the mans job to make the first overt romantic move. these are just signals she gives to show him that she likes him So you wouldn't say that touching/holding hands is a romantic move? I suppose when it comes to male initiative, you're referring to kissing?
alphamale Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I suppose when it comes to male initiative, you're referring to kissing? yes, among other things
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 A lot of times I will kiss first because I know they want to do it but they are wondering- when? They usually love it
Isolde Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 A lot of times I will kiss first because I know they want to do it but they are wondering- when? They usually love it I'm bad at reading when a guy is ready to kiss. I can't initiate that. Sometimes I don't even know if he WANTS to kiss me.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I'm older than you and I have more practice
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I agree that the woman should initiate the very first touch, such as touching his arm in a flirtatious way. Beyond that, no, I disagree that women should do the rest, don't do it and don't have a problem not doing it. It's racked up as a man's job, in my books.
Gremio Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 The sex shouldn't matter. If you like someone and feel they want you to make the move, then do it. I personally am very slow to make a move such as a first kiss. I am extremely outgoing, but when it comes to being romantic with a new person, I err on the side of caution. If you make a move and she isn't ready, it could damage the relationship permanently.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 A lot of times I will kiss first because I know they want to do it but they are wondering- when? They usually love it that would turn me off big time... I agree that the woman should initiate the very first touch, such as touching his arm in a flirtatious way. Beyond that, no, I disagree that women should do the rest, don't do it and don't have a problem not doing it. It's racked up as a man's job, in my books. indeed
Tomcat33 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Ewww no NEVER. Don't make the first passes romantically, let the guy be in control of this. Initially it is his territory. Then once the romance is established by all means DO take the initiative. PS ESPECIALLY do not hold his hand before he is ready to, that will horrify him and make him think you are desperate for a relationship. Be cool. Let him come to you. Flirty touching is totally fine.
Author prettybaby Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 ^^ what's with the eww? We're talking about touch here, like, touching hands and such. Not BJs.
Tomcat33 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 What is with the ewww is that it is a total turn off to be so agressive as a woman. Tha's what. Already explained why hand holding is bad.
Author prettybaby Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 Obviously, you'd have to be somewhat sure that the attraction is mutual and you would have be already familiar with them. It's a logical context. Just out of curiosity: how old are you? Because I can't imagine mature men running away screaming if you tried to touch their hand
likestolaugh Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 some guys like aggressive women. I do . GO and ahead and kiss me. I sure won't mind You have to be a bit of a douchebag pompous ass if a woman kissing you is a turnoff.
carhill Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I know I run screaming when a woman kisses me. Especially the married ones Seriously, I don't think it matters, if the two people involved have a connection/chemistry with each other. It just flows. IME, I don't remember who's on first, or second, or third, for that matter
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 prettybaby, with threads like this, there's no one size fits all. While dating would be so much easier for everyone if there were specific "do's" and "don'ts". There aren't. If you're the type of woman who enjoys taking a lead in some things, go for it. If the guys you date enjoy it, then it's cool. If I recall, you're currently seeing a "shy guy". You may find yourself initiating a lot of first, second and third moves. If this works for the two of you, that's all that matters. On the otherhand, if you want to date more aggressive/assertive men, you might find that this isn't what they enjoy or prefer to do. For myself, I tend to date the more aggressive/assertive, far from "shy guys", so the need to initiate isn't necessary...at all. I'm making the assumption that this is within the initial dating process v. the confines of a relationship.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Really, guys love it when I do it. For example, we will be standing outside a restaurant waiting for the valet. He holds my hand and we are standing close, looking at each other. Then I just kiss him a little. They love it. I only do it when I know they want to. You all can disagree with me, but I wouldn't call it an aggressive move. If I just grabbed them by the shoulders and started kissing them, then it's a little different, but when you are both close to each other already....And by all means, don't try it if you don't want to. I'm just saying I've done it and it's worked out well for me.
Tomcat33 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Obviously, you'd have to be somewhat sure that the attraction is mutual and you would have be already familiar with them. It's a logical context. Yeah I took all that into account, I know you meant someone you were vibing with not some stranger off the street. Well your post is mixing two important things up: touching the guy's arm, holding hands, etc. Touching a man's arm flirty caressing is one thing holding hands is a completely OTHER thing. Couples usually hold hands when they are exclusive, it is the universal sign of "togetherness" if you were to hold a man's hand in the early stages of dating before any sort of physical contact has happened or kissed him first he might think you are desperate and get turned off. I know plenty grown men who would run for the hills at the sign of this especially extroverted types. Maybe a super shy hermit type might enjoy this because he is too shy to make any sort of move, then again I don't know those types personally so I am speculating. The only grown men I know who would love this are ones who have been marreid for ever or haven't been on a date in 10yrs Perhaps really young guys like this? But I would err on the side of conservatism, it makes a woman far more feminine and appealing than to be initiating all the significant romantic moves.
Author prettybaby Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 ^^ Right, I understand your logic now. It makes sense
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I'm just saying I've done it and it's worked out well for me. This is all that matters. If it works for you then DO IT!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I think you are all thinking way too much about this. When you are with someone you're attracted to, and they to you, doesn't it sort of just flow? I never think, gee, should I touch his arm now? Should I grab his hand on the street? When is he going to start touching me? It just flows.
Tomcat33 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 ^^ Right, I understand your logic now. It makes sense Cool! Note to self, don't start a sentence off with the word "eww" it tends to detract from the main thought. :laugh: I read the opening post and thought of all those silly articles out there trying to profess a new and improved twist to how men and women date and relate and my reaction was eww no don't tell women to be like that! Having been around the dating world and in and out of long term relationships for over 15 yrs now I can say that what I see in the real world in terms of what men like (and taking into account all the social changes that have happened over the years) is still pretty much on a deep level the same as it always was. Men feel best when they conduct the chase, they may not even understand why but it is a very basic instinctual animal need and women feel best when they are chased.
Perry Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 If a guy gets turned off by that, one wonders about his character. A woman should consider if such a guy is really the right one to have a good, meaningful, adult relationship with. Should she stay home barefoot and pregnant too? That's a a bit extreme, and I am not trying to be insulting here, but come on. Sorry, but just about all guys love it when a woman does this. I think you are all thinking way too much about this. When you are with someone you're attracted to, and they to you, doesn't it sort of just flow? I never think, gee, should I touch his arm now? Should I grab his hand on the street? When is he going to start touching me? It just flows. Exactly. Perry TheList.FM
motive2002 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 The art of it, is really steering the guy in the right direction, while making him feel like it was him that made the first move. Some guys are really bashful about making the first move... but I gotta tell ya, us guys are usually an open book. It ain't real hard to figure us out. We sometimes just need a nudge in the right direction. A lot of guys would feel wracked if their advances were rejected. It's a very awkward thing. Without feedback we may never try. I'm a little more aggressive than not in those situations. I have old age and experience to thank for that, but I remember when I was young and very bashful.. and mortified of rejection. Not every guy is as bold.
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