Having problems with my born-again wife, so I'm after another lady.

[vash the stampede]

my problem is sorta similar ,except i been married 6 years and have 3 kids with her and she had 3 other from past experiences .we been having problems since before we were married , thinking to my self there was no one else for me, i married her but i loved her and still do or do i?im so confused, i've took my head out my ass and still i dont know what to do .my wife is a born again christian and so im I .Shes nice to me sometimes and sometimes she can become the devil himself.weve been through a lot .we are continuely argueing about the kids, all 6 of them and always questioning my parenting. ok i might not be the best parent in the world but i try . we cant see eye to eye on the issue . weve tried marrige counseling but nothing sinks in ,i went to jail earlier this year for getting in fight with her. ive tried almost everything,im i wrong for what i do or what i try?is like IS THERE A GOD? you have your belive and faith but yet you dont see him . sometimes i feel alone in an empty world with out a cause,without reason of being...... ok this girl i fell in love or became very attracted to , she has a wonderful personality. i've thrown very big hints her way but she has said nothing or maybe she hasnt cought it , or may be she thinking right ,because im sure as hell not. please give me some helpful advise........No one can direct a path for someone who asks advise, but merly help him on road that has less distruction .UNR.

[Tony T]

Hey, I'm right there with you. I'm just as confused about your situation as you are. God is busy with another thread now so for now you'll have to put up with us mortals. So you are in love with this lady who has six kids, three yours, three from other men, but you argue with her...she's sent you to jail once...you're not happy with her...you argue about the kids...you argue about just about everything...nothing you do is right...etc., etc., etc. Well, with six kids, it's real hard to get out of a situation.

 

Now, if I read you right, you met another lady for whom you have fallen and have given hints of interest. I think you are insane for getting involved with another woman right now. You need to resolve your primary relationship now. If you aren't happy, get out of it and get several jobs to meet the child support payments. Then you can go after love elsewhere. I can understand your misery but trying to stay in one relationship while seeing somebody on the side will make more problems for you than you can comprehend and you don't need that now.

 

Life is way too short to be putting up with the crap you're enduring right now. Get out of it the best way you can, be sure the kids are well taken care of, and then go out and find a woman with no kids who cares about you and with whom you get along well. I wish you great luck. Just don't make a lot of problems for yourself right now that you don't need.

[EnigmaXOXO]

IS THERE A GOD? you have your belive and faith but yet you dont see him .

 

If there is, I suspect he must be exercising some well needed "tough love."

 

I think if the resentment in your marriage has escalated to the point where someone is being hauled off to jail, and counseling isn't working, it might be best (especially for the children) that you both go your separate ways.

 

After you are legally separated from your current wife, and are "available," other women might take your advances more seriously. I suspect the lady you have developed a crush on already knows you're married and has set higher standards for herself...FOR VERY GOOD REASON.

 

You should follow her example...

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

i feel the person responsible for changing what i first typed in is very wrong in doing so.

[midori]

Moderators change the headings of posts if they feel the original was too vague to attract the attention of people who might have specific insight into the question at hand, or, in rare cases, if the heading is misleading or contains inappropriate language.

 

Don't construe it as an editorial critique of what you've written. The purpose is to guide more people to your question.

[ilovemybabies]

You need to talk to your pastor, PRONTO. You make darn sure your kids are cared for. You married her for better or worse, and those kids will suffer no matter the outcome if ya'll don't get a handle on this thing. Going out and screwing some chickie is NOT going to help things. If you must divorce, at least give it some time before you go hunting !

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

i never said any thing about screwing her or even had a thought like that ,all i said was that i was very attracted to her. so next time READ before you accuse.

[ilovemybabies]

Originally posted by VASH THE STAMPEDE

i never said any thing about screwing her or even had a thought like that ,all i said was that i was very attracted to her. so next time READ before you accuse.

 

I read very well, thank you. While you never said you were screwing her, you seem awfully interested. You are playing with fire, mister and you are going to get burned, big time. I personally hope you get help before you decide to get to know a woman outside of the marriage. You need to get your poop in a pile, and then you can go hunting.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

i never said i was interested in screwing her or even had any intensions of .i now i was playing with fire but ive took some advice.so explain to me where do you see that im interested.......what sentence ,or paragraph make you say that .im not that type of person.i was just a little confused but now im on track with the door crooked

[ilovemybabies]

Originally posted by vash the stampede ok i ok this girl i fell in love or became very attracted to , she has a wonderful personality. i've thrown very big hints her way but she has said nothing or maybe she hasnt cought it , or may be she thinking right ,because im sure as hell not.

 

Sorry if I misunderstand, but if you are "throwing hints" at another female, then doesn't that constitute interest?

And you state that you have either fallen in love with, or have become very attracted to this female.

 

Please explain if I am wrong in what you said.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

because you fall in love, that automaticly means you want to sex with them.

is that the way you were brought up??IT DOES NOT mean sexual attraction

INTREST does not mean sexual attraction.

also throwing hint of my feelings does not mean i wanna bed her

 

i was emotionaly drawn to her. that's it.

[ilovemybabies]

No problem, but I hope you can see why it seemed you were out to get something. Hope all goes well for you and your wife.

[ilovemybabies]

Originally posted by VASH THE STAMPEDE

because you fall in love, that automaticly means you want to sex with them.

is that the way you were brought up??IT DOES NOT mean sexual attraction

INTREST does not mean sexual attraction.

also throwing hint of my feelings does not mean i wanna bed her

 

i was emotionaly drawn to her. that's it

 

No, I was brought up that married people do not pursue people outside of the marriage, even emotionally. And you?

[wildfire4689]

Not saying that is what you have done b/c I don't know how you and the new girl interact around eachother.

 

I think due to being human, we often make mistakes and sometimes that includes selecting a life partner, it's possible that one can just simply make the wrong choice. People change and sometimes it can be a factor of the girl you married has changed into someone whom you don't know.

 

I was in a situation similiar to yours once, but I was the "other" girl. The guy was so miserable with his wife, and it was b/c she changed after she had their son. She went from the sweet charming new wife to the gripping, nagging and horrid one that we all swear we will never be like. He was drawn to me, we had been friends for 9 yrs prior to him meeting her, and he said I was everything that she wasn't and that if he had it to do over he would've pursued me. But you choose a path for your life and hope it's the right one, sometimes it's not....but there's not really much you can do at that point unless you are either ready to stick with your current partner or pursue a new one.

 

I'm all for working out a marriage unless someone says that they will stay cause of the kids or b/c they are comfortable. A marriage without love, is pointless. When you look at her, do you love her? (not the friend type love, the lover type love; you gotta know how to distinguish them) Do you feel that she loves you?

 

What I find people often forgetting is the foundation of what the whole relationship was founded on....being lovers. Before you were a husband and a father, you were her lover and same for her, before she was a wife and mother she was your lover. It's important to hold on to that, b/c with out it I feel that the rest just crumbles away to nothing.

 

It's important for everyone to feel loved and wanted, I think that by what you say you aren't getting that at home. Maybe you should talk to your wife about it and if she's mature about things, then she should undersand cause I will almost bet she's had the same thoughts as you about this whole thing. Everyone needs love, and you two need to figure out if it's there still or not, if so, work on fixing things, if not, throw in the towel and find someone who will treat you better and give you what you need.

[Hisplan]

In ourselves we tend to fare not well! We were never made to fare well in ourselves. You admit both you and your wife are Born Again Christians. If this is so then both of you have a big targets tattooed on you by the devil. His mission is to destroy Christian homes/Families. If he can destroy the Family he can delay God's plan here on the Earth(ie buy him some more time before he is cast into Hell). Everything you need to kick his butt is found in the Bible( of course if your Bible is rarely read, and you are not faithful in prayer and your church attendance...then this is 100% of your problem....you won't stand a chance against the Devil...he will beat your brains out and keep you living a defeated life and absolutely no threat to him).

 

Your are much more than a conquerer in HIM(God). Jesus totally whipped the devil when He rose again 2000 years ago. The devil has already lost all he can do is to have you buy his sales pitch of deception. Satan runs in the emotional realm. If you and your wife will seriously commit to coming together and reading God's word and praying together on a daily basis and lay all your cares on Him...I guarantee you will have the marriage God intended you to have( excellent/far superior in every way). If you do not attend a real church that isn't afraid of offending people by preaching the unedited version of God's word...then seek and God will lead you to where He wants you to attend. Too many churches today are social clubs and not churches that are there to instruct,correct(ye-ow!), and encourage you to grow in the Faith.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I think people are confused here at to what you're asking for: are asking for help to save your marriage or are you asking if you should get with this other woman?

 

Use the bible as your source of direction and guidance in your family life. The bible contains some very, very, very good information that can improve your situation. The problem is that just reading it is not going to be enough...you also have to apply what you are reading. If you take the lead in this as the husband in the household, your wife and your children may follow suit. It's going to take time, perhaps months or years. It's not something that's going to happen over night, and so it take alot of patience and long-suffering.

 

As far as having feelings for this other woman, that's understandable. You have emotional needs that are not being met and that you want met. But if getting with her is something you do not want to do or are not sure you want to get into, then you need to direct your thoughts of her elsewhere.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

Originally posted by ilovemybabies

No, I was brought up that married people do not pursue people outside of the marriage, even emotionally. And you?

 

I had no father, he died a deservingly death when I was 6.

My mother was sorta off in the head.

 

It was an emotional thing that I'm over with.

I can't believe I was so stupid and senseless to have even thought of something like this.

 

I've straighten out my thoughts and feelings,I don't see a reason to destroy my marriage more than it was.

 

Hisplain,

I've taken into consideration what you have said,and you are so right .Christians destroyed because of lack of knowledge in God.

I try to be a better Christian and/or a better person but, at times its extremely hard.But you have to move forward.

 

ThisGirlNameKD,

I don't know what the hell I was asking,I was at the time confused my self.

But ,I'm trying to save my marriage.

I'm doing a good job so far and see the way I am and see why she would be so arguetive.

It seem to be both of us,our attitude toward the way of handling situations.

We are working on it and seem to be doing GOOD.

[TheFaithfulWife]

As a woman who has been through the other side of this equation, I say talk to your wife and explain that you feel that you are drifting apart. Tell her what you feel and what you want.

My husband told my sisters, his sister, his best friend etc. but failed to tell me that he was having problems with our relationship. He assumed that someone would clue me in.

Since we have been going to counseling and the affair he had is over our relationship has changed, I am finding all the things again that I loved initially about him and he is discovering that the woman he had grown tired of is actually a pretty fun person. We have revitalized our marriage.

 

Maybe your wife is as discouraged about how things are going as you are? try romancing her again, send her flowers, send her a love note. You might find that spark again.

If you find that it isn't working then end the relationship, but for everyones sake don't start another relationship until this one is over.

TFW