AM1 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 ...so here's the situation. i've gone out on a couple casual dates (drinks at a bar) with a girl from work (we work at the same company of 2500 employees, different dept, different hours, never see each other at work), whom i've had a friendship for about 3 months. she's roughly 3 years older then i am, not big deal in my opinion. we are in our 20s. anyways, on the second get together, after like 6-7 hours of talking and hanging out at a bar (not alot of drinking), she is on her way home. i walk her to her car. i tell her there that i've started to form a crush on her. i never have come out and just told anyone this before. usually i just keep playing things out. i realize i kind of came out of nowhere with it, but after i told her, i went in for the kiss. she accepted and it was a nice little 1st kiss. i then tell her goodnight, and she's off... i do not regret any of that at all. i think it was a success. (people from work tease me and her when were alone. saying we look like little school kids together and such. obviously, people who really know me, know that there are feelings on my behalf.) the next day she messages me about what happened last night. she ended up saying that she is already seeing someone. i told her the truth and said i knew she was seeing someone. i questioned why she has never talked about or mentioned him. she never touched base on that subject still. this all happened a week ago, and she still has never really said anything about him. she referred to him once since then, and that was today. from what i've been told, she's been seeing this guy for roughly a year. she calls it just dating. my last relationship was 3.5 yrs living with a girl, which ended 6months ago (nothing since then either, no desire), so i don't know what qualifies as a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, or just dating, not like it matters in this case tho. (btw, this isn't a really belated rebound. i had my heart broken, and there was nothing that could fix it before. i can honestly say i'm all better now. new outlook on life.) we are still just as close, if not closer since this has happened. she's told me secrets about herself no one else knows, and i've done the same. she tells me i'm really easy to talk to and such, and she really appreciates what we have. right now, i can only describe it as a real close friendship, with it's share of flirting and such. the real question i'm getting at is, now that she knows how i feel about her and seems to accept it, should i hang in there for a little while and see how things pan out. she still is talking about going out again sometime soon, and mentions it almost everyday. i figured she would of backed off a bit if the situation bothered her or something. i have no problem with taking it slow and seeing with it goes, but i don't want to waste my time, and in turn loose a friend. i'm really looking for insight from the ladies. would you stay close to a friend that liked you if you didn't feel the same or see something else to the situation? i'm not one to dwell over a girl or a situation, but it just feels right. PS, the biggest thing that is keeping us from some of the casual get togethers is me not having a car, and a 40min drive. we usually meet after work when i'm off.
Gremio Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Whoa whoa whoa... if I read this right, I have to ask are you serious?!? 1) You knew this woman is in a relationship 2) You started dating her 3) You made a move and kissed her 4) Now you're here looking for advice on what to do? You know what to do. You wouldn't have come here and had to ask if you didn't already. You are a cheater just as much as she is.
Author AM1 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 i wouldn't call it cheating... it was nothing more then a kiss. and all she is doing is "dating" (from what she told me)... dating to me doesn't mean i'm taken.
Gremio Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 i wouldn't call it cheating... it was nothing more then a kiss. and all she is doing is "dating" (from what she told me)... dating to me doesn't mean i'm taken. You don't "date" for a year. You mentioned you knew she was with someone before she admitted to it. Well, what did you know? Do what I do... put yourself "out of body", in a third perspective. This woman started seeing you knowingly hiding the fact she was with someone. Do you really want to be with a coniver? That is a huge warning.
Author AM1 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 You don't "date" for a year. You mentioned you knew she was with someone before she admitted to it. Well, what did you know? Do what I do... put yourself "out of body", in a third perspective. This woman started seeing you knowingly hiding the fact she was with someone. Do you really want to be with a coniver? That is a huge warning. i didn't know anything but a name, and that she was just "dating" him. this was from a few people at work. she wasn't really hiding the fact. if i asked her about it, i'm positive she would of told me. i totally understand where you are coming from, and i wouldn't of pursued anything if there was anything to believe it was so much as semi-serious. i don't expect it to make sense, because it's very hard to explain.
loveandconfusion Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 kissing is cheating plus if she were ever to start a relationship with you, she'd do the same thing to you behind your back do you really want someone you can't trust?
DollWelch Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Why didn't she tell you sooner in words to your face that she was dating someone for close to 1 year? That's what I don't get. Doesn't matter if she's "Dating", "Seeing", or "Living" with someone for 1 year, it's all a romantic relationship of some kind. It's her fault for dating and kissing you. AND. It's your fault for going along with it, without investigating and without putting the brakes on. What should you do now? 1. I recommend that you ask her why she didn't disclose any of this information to you. 2. Slow down. Exercise caution. 3. IF you are very much in like with her, then wait it out until she gets her $h!t together (i.e. breaks up with her guy). 4. BE gentleman. Refrain from acting like anything less than a gentleman.
spookie Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Meh... all's fair in love and war, or whatever they say. Guard your heart, because it sounds like she's still unsure.
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