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How long should I wait?

loveandconfusion

By loveandconfusion
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loveandconfusion

loveandconfusion

Posted
Posted
Honestly, from what I'm hearing, it doesn't seem like he's that interested in dating you.

 

You went on one short coffee semi-date, he said he'd call and he didn't, and then, after you contacted him, he invited you out when he was already going out with his friends. That's not exactly something you do if you want to get to know someone in a romantic way.

 

Unless you are really interested, and you aren't going to be able to let it go, I'd leave it up to him. Live your life, do what you normally do. If he asks you out, and you want to see him - then go for it. Otherwise there are plenty of other guys - what's so special about him? You don't know him very well, right?

 

No, I don't know him very well & I don't know what it is about him I just saw him & was like "I have to get to know him" but if I don't hear anything from him TODAY he's history .. his loss

510 Member

510

Posted
Posted
Hey everyone I need some help, last Friday (the 12th) I went out on a "date" (idk we went to starbucks for like an hour) everything went well after he had to leave he gave me a hug goodbye & asked me if i'd like to go out maybe Monday night & that he'd call me, well that never happened I didnt hear from him until Weds because I wrote him a comment on Facebook I guess he read it & then he called me & apologized & told me he's been "busy" with work .. anyway he asked me if I wanted to go out tomorrow night (which was thursday) he said he was meeting up with some friends at a sports bar if i'd like to go I said idk i'll let him know so I texted him on Thursday telling him I couldn't make it I was going over my uncles house for my cousins bday & he texted back 'no prob. have fun. ttyl." I haven't heard from him since I was just wondering if you think he's interested or not? thanks :)

LOL.. um I'm confused. What difference does it make if he's interested in you because you seem to keep using other methods of communication, like face book and texting. That is so impersonal. Make a phone call to someone you're digging and communicate with them. I don't think he's disinterested, but he seems like a person whose not interested in playing games and maybe quite comfortable in his own skin.. in other words he doesn't seem to make a big deal off of other people. Just do you..

loveandconfusion

loveandconfusion

Posted
Posted
LOL.. um I'm confused. What difference does it make if he's interested in you because you seem to keep using other methods of communication, like face book and texting. That is so impersonal. Make a phone call to someone you're digging and communicate with them. I don't think he's disinterested, but he seems like a person whose not interested in playing games and maybe quite comfortable in his own skin.. in other words he doesn't seem to make a big deal off of other people. Just do you..

 

i'm just saying if he really did like me then a text or comment would be nice I got in contact with him last

RelationshipAdvisor New Member

RelationshipAdvisor

Posted
Posted

Dear Love and Confusion:

 

If you really feel a connection to this individual, I would recommend reaching out to him one last time. If he is the kind of individual who remembers you for you, he will be happy you took the time and the initiative to try again, and will most likely respond (respectfully and humbly). On the other hand, if he doesn't respond or responds in a lukewarm way, if he is the type that is easily distracted or drawn from one pretty face to the next, or he is the type who likes to play head games. THAT is not the type of guy you want to think about trusting your feelings with.

loveandconfusion

loveandconfusion

Posted
Posted

i'm gonna contact him on Christmas I just don't know what else to say besides Merry Christmas :p

Perry Established Member

Perry

Posted
Posted

How 'bout, "happy holidays"?

 

heh heh

 

 

Oh it is. If you can pick up your cell and talk to your mother, friend, boss, or whoever, you can talk to the person you say you are interested in.

 

No one is ever too busy.

Thank you.

JohnnyBlaze Established Member

JohnnyBlaze

Posted
Posted

I agree with SG. This time of year is loco for everyone; he may well have been legitimately busy. Besides, he said that he'd give you a call if he could make it (hence the "maybe"). If something came up, he didn't call. So you set something up with him and then cancel. If I were in his shoes, I'd be wondering if it was done intentionally, out of retribution. My first thought would probably be "okay, she's mad at me and she's obviously not interested. I get it" and I'd walk away.

 

You flaked on him, so you're just as responsible for the situation as he is. Regardless of whether or not you told him to call you, you're the last one who bailed on a date, so it's up to you now to make a move and show that you're still interested.

 

Call him back (like 510 mentioned, the key word here is "call". Not email, not FB, not MSN, call). Talk to him and, though the course of conversation, find out what his schedule is over the next week. You can possibly set something up for the weekend, if he's not already busy (as most people know what their weekend schedules are like). If he agrees and flakes again, then cut bait.

 

Personally, I think you're being too quick to pin a lot of this on him. You may have given a reason, but yours was for a definite date; his was just a "maybe". So don't go into it with the attitude that he's already behind a point; after all, you're both 0-1 right now. If you do go in with an attitude, he's going to feel it right away and that's the last you'll ever see of him.

510 Member

510

Posted
Posted

Personally I say stop playing games. Is he fresh out of a long term relationship, has he been hurt recently? I just see his behavior as so common as someone who has been there and done that. Again, we are trying to place blame and there is none. You do you things the way you do and he does it his way. Some where there is a person who will offer what you need in a relationship and someone for him. His behavior wouldn't bother some women at all, especially really busy women. Honestly that wouldn't bother me, because when I was ready to see him I would contact him and meet up.

 

I think we should pay really close attention to what our needs are from another individual and remember you can't change a person so either you adapt or find someone that shares your values.

flc Established Member

flc

Posted
Posted
Oh it is. If you can pick up your cell and talk to your mother, friend, boss, or whoever, you can talk to the person you say you are interested in.

 

No one is ever too busy.

 

I agree only reasons for not calling:

 

1. Not that in to you

2. Health emergency, he or a family member is in a coma

3. Playing games, does not want to appear to be that into you

loveandconfusion

loveandconfusion

Posted
Posted
I agree with SG. This time of year is loco for everyone; he may well have been legitimately busy. Besides, he said that he'd give you a call if he could make it (hence the "maybe"). If something came up, he didn't call. So you set something up with him and then cancel. If I were in his shoes, I'd be wondering if it was done intentionally, out of retribution. My first thought would probably be "okay, she's mad at me and she's obviously not interested. I get it" and I'd walk away.

 

You flaked on him, so you're just as responsible for the situation as he is. Regardless of whether or not you told him to call you, you're the last one who bailed on a date, so it's up to you now to make a move and show that you're still interested.

 

Call him back (like 510 mentioned, the key word here is "call". Not email, not FB, not MSN, call). Talk to him and, though the course of conversation, find out what his schedule is over the next week. You can possibly set something up for the weekend, if he's not already busy (as most people know what their weekend schedules are like). If he agrees and flakes again, then cut bait.

 

Personally, I think you're being too quick to pin a lot of this on him. You may have given a reason, but yours was for a definite date; his was just a "maybe". So don't go into it with the attitude that he's already behind a point; after all, you're both 0-1 right now. If you do go in with an attitude, he's going to feel it right away and that's the last you'll ever see of him.

 

um I didn't set anything up with him, he was going out with friends & just figured he'd include me in plans he had already made with other people all I did was tell him I couldn't make it .. anyway I left him a FB comment because I HATE talking on the phone & we met once I don't feel we'd really have anything to talk about it would be weird

loveandconfusion

loveandconfusion

Posted
Posted
Dear Love and Confusion:

 

If you really feel a connection to this individual, I would recommend reaching out to him one last time. If he is the kind of individual who remembers you for you, he will be happy you took the time and the initiative to try again, and will most likely respond (respectfully and humbly). On the other hand, if he doesn't respond or responds in a lukewarm way, if he is the type that is easily distracted or drawn from one pretty face to the next, or he is the type who likes to play head games. THAT is not the type of guy you want to think about trusting your feelings with.

 

I agree, thank you.

loveandconfusion

loveandconfusion

Posted
Posted
Personally I say stop playing games. Is he fresh out of a long term relationship, has he been hurt recently? I just see his behavior as so common as someone who has been there and done that. Again, we are trying to place blame and there is none. You do you things the way you do and he does it his way. Some where there is a person who will offer what you need in a relationship and someone for him. His behavior wouldn't bother some women at all, especially really busy women. Honestly that wouldn't bother me, because when I was ready to see him I would contact him and meet up.

 

I think we should pay really close attention to what our needs are from another individual and remember you can't change a person so either you adapt or find someone that shares your values.

 

i'm not playing games, I just don't want to seem desperate or needy but I do want him to know that I like him so i'm just trying to be subtle :o

510 Member

510

Posted
Posted
i'm not playing games, I just don't want to seem desperate or needy but I do want him to know that I like him so i'm just trying to be subtle :o

See and to me that is playing games. You don't want to seem desperate so you don't reach out and call. The two don't make sense. No matter what you do or not do, he will be the same person. You control your actions and just because you call and set up a date does not make one desperate. And if he does think that of you then that's his problem. Do you know who you are or are? Now I wouldn't advise making a fool of yourself and calling him non stop. One phone call, or voice mail inviting him to meet up is ok. And do not call again. If he does not return the call or accept the invite.. then not. And when he comes back (because they always do) be prepared to give an answer as to why you stopped calling. Simply say, you seemed to be pretty occupied and I'm still a lady who believes in chivalry.. laugh it off..

 

I wish I could coach you through this.. but you can do it.. confidence. You have two feet to walk away with your dignity if it doesn't feel right

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