Girlfriend has feelings for another guy--should I give her his ex's number??

[jason83]

Ok, trying to keep a long story short here but my gf and I have been dating for about 8 months. About 2 months ago she was talking to another guy behind my back. He is VERY VERY charismatic. As in if he wanted to be president, he could! He is 32 years old and has not been single since he was 20. He overlaps every single relationship with another woman and has cheated one every single girl. My GF showed interest in him when I was going through a rough patch in my life and still has interest, apparently, as she just told me tonight. She says she loves me and knows the other guy has nothing to offer her...but she doesn't understand why she has these emotions towards him. She's says it's more than infatuation but not love...and she KNOWS nothing between them would ever work out. He is living with another girl, he doesn't believe in God and she is very active in church, my gf's family hates him and so does all of her friends. They literally have told me that he is a scumbag and if she ever went for him, it would be the biggest mistake of her life! I'm 25, she is 24, and she says she doesn't like the age difference or the fact that he will never get anywhere in life.

My question is, I know some of his ex's and contacted one of them. Unfortunately she didn't have much advice for me but said she would be happy to talk to my girl. Would this be a good idea or bad idea? My GF seems to think that this guy has some good inside of him and has never cheated on anyone....but I know darn well he has and his ex can testify to this along with 3-4 other girls that he has cheated on as well.

 

I just want him to leave my GF alone and I need her to realize how slimy this guy is....and I want her to forget about any emotions she might have towards him. What are your thoughts??

[Davey McG]

I hate to break it to you, but this guy isn't the problem - you're girlfriend and you are the problem!

 

If she was still interested in you, she wouldn't be looking at this guy. The problem is that she is looking elsewhere and she's only holding on to you until something better comes along. No informing your girl of his past or putting her in contact with his exes will help. It will only make you look petty and needy.

 

You need to drop her like she's hot - go No Contact and let her see what her life without you would be like. To be honest, your relationship is probably beyond saving so you should go out and start enjoying your life without her.

 

Alternatively, you could wait until she's f***ed him a few times and then be there as her backup when he gets bored of her because thats what will happen if you hang around like a puppy begging her to love you.

[Adri Ana]

I hate to break it to you, but this guy isn't the problem - you're girlfriend and you are the problem!

 

If she was still interested in you, she wouldn't be looking at this guy. The problem is that she is looking elsewhere and she's only holding on to you until something better comes along. No informing your girl of his past or putting her in contact with his exes will help. It will only make you look petty and needy.

 

You need to drop her like she's hot - go No Contact and let her see what her life without you would be like. To be honest, your relationship is probably beyond saving so you should go out and start enjoying your life without her.

 

Alternatively, you could wait until she's f***ed him a few times and then be there as her backup when he gets bored of her because thats what will happen if you hang around like a puppy begging her to love you.

 

 

 

I agree with Davey McG partially .

Your gf has to understand her own feelings herself. She needs to decide what she really needs .

She has to 'work out' these emotions in her self by her own .

 

 

The fact that she liked him does not mean at all that your relationship with her had gaps or she did not get enough of you . Do not stress yourself by such thoughts . It does not happen necessarily so . Simply they got some definite chemistry which is stronger than yours with her . Hard to hear , but true .

The only person who would decide how to solve the 'triangle' is your gf .

 

 

Sadistic methods like making the gf talk to his one of exes will not lead to those results , you may think of .

 

 

__________________________________________

When a person kills another, he is called a murderer ; when he kills hundreds,he is called a hero,and when the count goes to millions,he is God !

[FF84]

The fact you feel the need to get another guy's ex to warn YOUR GIRLFRIEND off him should be a pretty big, no, an absolutely HUGE red flag.

 

Get out now and let this girl sort her own problems out. She doesn't sound good for you. Show yourself some respect.

[jason83]

Ok, I'm not drinking now and I've thought about this a lot....and have consulted with almost every close friend I have. I've talked to her and we're supposed to get together a little later tonight. I have all of her stuff packed up and plan on handing it to her and pulling the trigger on this.

 

Ultimately, it's not fair to me. A breakup will either put her emotions into perspective or quicken what is ultimately bound to happen anyway. It's not what I want by any means, but you all are right....this is what needs to happen.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Hey bring a camera please and take a picture of her face as soon as you tell her to go F off. The face she makes will be priceless, and I would much enjoy the laugh.

[Knight_Ctrl]

Listen to my story friend. I had a girl for the same amount of time (about 8 months) and she too started talking to a very charismatic guy who happened to be a friend of mine. I was cool about her being friends with him but all that happened was they talked more and more. Although she told me initially that she had no feelings for him eventually that changed, then slowly she fell out of love with me completely. Less than a month later I find out she is dating him. Just think about that.

[californiadreaming]

Man this sh*t sound like some Jerry Springer sh*t. - Dude explain to me why are you still chasing a woman who tells you about her side gigs? I know your asking for help or venting, but dog.. You owe it to yourself to be true to you.

 

Right now it sound like she is wearing the pants in this relationship, and that is okay if you two were in a committed relationship, and you didn't mind.. But that is not the case.

 

I wouldn't even be trying to salvage anything with this woman. It is too early in - 8 months is long, but it ain't long enough to get wrapped into. Your better off moving on before you waste a crap load of time, and find yourself posting on here in 2 years with the same issues, new issues, dealing with the same woman.

 

Answer: Move On!

[jason83]

Well, it's over. I asked her to meet me somewhere close to her place, she said she couldn't, so I asked if I could meet her at her place....and I did. She lives with her parents so that was very akward but we talked in the family room while they were all in the living room. She was completely shocked that I broke up with her, saying she thought we WERE communicating and working through this...and that she thought I would give her time to work things out....to which I told her, "That's what I'm doing right now". It hurts a lot because I truly do care for her....but I know that what is happening is not right. Even tonight I told her that I haven't seen her in a week and that if she really does feel the way she claims she does, none of this would be an issue.

 

She acted really sad and said I would have my stuff back tomorrow. She even tried holding my hand at one point saying she loves me. I simply told her this isn't what I want but that she needs to wake up....that she is missing out on the best thing in her life....at which point I said "Goodbye" and walked out the door.

 

I guess I should feel happy now....but man I really wish we could've worked this out

[lkjh]

Dude go no contact with her and let her know that the two of you can not be friends. If she keeps you around as a friend she will not miss you. She needs to know that its real. Also be careful because during this break she may hook up with him and thats a big maybe.

[You'reasian]

My GF showed interest in him when I was going through a rough patch in my life and still has interest, apparently, as she just told me tonight.

 

Lots of issues to deal with. This girlfriend lost interest in you.

 

My question is, I know some of his ex's and contacted one of them. Unfortunately she didn't have much advice for me but said she would be happy to talk to my girl. Would this be a good idea or bad idea?

 

No offense, friend - but this question doesn't sound like its coming from a secure 25 year old male. It sounds like its coming from an unsure 16 year old boy. Sounds like there may be a lack of resolve in your relationship with her, which is why she is interested in the other man?

 

I just want him to leave my GF alone and I need her to realize how slimy this guy is....and I want her to forget about any emotions she might have towards him. What are your thoughts??

 

The ball is not in your court. You and your girlfriend should seek couples counselling if she agrees to it but otherwise move on and find someone else.

 

Best of luck!

[Davey McG]

Jason,

 

Good work. I know it hurts right now but you did the right thing and you've saved yourself a lot of pain in the long run.

 

Good luck with No Contact - it can be tough.

[Jay34]

she is no good, she was talking to you like she thought for some reason it was ok to explain why she wasn't with him, you probably just got the tip of the iceberg, mine thought it was fine to do that as well and thought it was fine, its wacko behavior

[jason83]

Thanks guys. I never heard anything from her last night but she did tell me she would bring me my stuff today. If she does do that, we'll see how that goes. She broke up with me once before and when she brought me my stuff, she tried getting back together...and I took her back after a few days. I'm trying to stay strong. Thanks for your support

[The Collector]

I think you are doing the right thing.

 

As a side issue, why do you think this other guy is so attractive to women? Define his 'charisma.' Maybe there's something you could learn from him, despite his cheaterness? Then you could have the pick of the women.

 

Warning a woman off a man usually has the opposite effect anyway. She'll imagine she's the one to tame him. What a challenge. Etc.

[RecordProducer]

I just want him to leave my GF alone and I need her to realize how slimy this guy is....and I want her to forget about any emotions she might have towards him. What are your thoughts??

She doesn't need to realize that he's bad and you're better than he is. There will be many guys who will really be better than you are in one aspect or another. Love and loyalty is when we love our partners exactly the way they are. Can you say that she's madly in love with you and having "more than infatuation" for another guy? She is basically cheating on you in her mind. Why do you want a woman who is not fully devoted to you?

 

I hate to break it to you, but this guy isn't the problem - you're girlfriend and you are the problem!

 

If she was still interested in you, she wouldn't be looking at this guy. The problem is that she is looking elsewhere and she's only holding on to you until something better comes along. No informing your girl of his past or putting her in contact with his exes will help. It will only make you look petty and needy.

I absolutely agree with this!