WoW So I am out having drinks with my family and then..

December 21, 2008

The weirdest thing happens.

For starters I haven't went out with my family(mom,dad,g-ma,cousin,brothers gf) ever, and my immediate family probably since 2006. My family is very divided. Well, my mom puts a plan to go to this Mexican restaurant for drinks tonight, My younger brothers in town with his new gf, but ditches her and goes to Knott's Berry Farm, so I am kinda like lets roll.

So the night is going good, My parents are dancing, doing karaoke, having fun. I will say that I am actually having fun. The Dj is playing majority fast music, so its a good time. Then once people disappear from the bar, a bunch of slow music arrives. I'm kinda like cool, I can hang no biggie, pass me another Corona. - My limit tonight and every weekend now is 2 tall boys(48oz) so I actually was having so much fun that I had a 5th Corona before the tab was closed. - With me newly being single, and hating it I am glancing at the eye candy(which is only 2 women in the whole bar) to take my mind from wondering on my ex. But then they leave!

Well as this couple walk in , I look and automatically I get sad because besides my family, there is 2 couples in the restaurant, the one I am speaking of, and another couple.

Well one of the the girls stands up to do karaoke, and when I hear her raspy voice, I think of my ex's sister. - She sings " I will survive" - Now it can be because I have had a drink or two, but I am sitting in this bar, screens all over the place, showing the words of "I will survive" - Please someone tell me why when I begin reading the words My heart stopped. I have heasrd the song a million times, but this time it killed me. I immediately got up from our table, as I heard my family noticing that the words were killing me, and I went outside.. Brfore I got to the door, I had tears in my eyes as 2 more couples walked in, and looked at me like "wow, I wonder whats wrong?".

I honestly left! text my mom, got no reply. bought another beer, they just pulled up. went inside the house with out asking if I was ok or not, and that is it. And you see the support system I have-

But, its cool.. My family is a whole other issue. Anyways I got 24oz of beer to finish. I will feel like sh%t tomorrow, but owell. I had fun tonight until the song ruined my night!

- had to vent..sorry, and NO I will not be drunk dialing! I am going to bed when I finish the beer.

December 21, 2008

Hey Cali,

yeah man, i had a case of the phantom tears today. My childhood friend had invited me to a event with him and his wife...i was like cool. I needed to get out. Well while at the event my ex txt's me that she's heading up to vegas to visit her sister and its snowing....ok, whatever i tell myself, didnt respond back. After the event my friend and his wife want to go out to eat with 22 of there friends to Outback....80% of them are couples. So im sitting in a party of 22...most of which are couples. I ordered 3 long island ice teas....i need to get numb real quick. The problem was that Outback was my ex and i's favorite resturant. So im sitting around all these couples laughing and holding hands. Calling each other by pets names, the whole 9 yards. I just got up, went out side, and shed some tears...it sucked. And her txting me earlier didnt help....3 days NC, had to fight hard not to respond to her, and it killed me. So yeah, im there with you.

December 21, 2008

Hey Cali,
yeah man, i had a case of the phantom tears today. My childhood friend had invited me to a event with him and his wife...i was like cool. I needed to get out. Well while at the event my ex txt's me that she's heading up to vegas to visit her sister and its snowing....ok, whatever i tell myself, didnt respond back. After the event my friend and his wife want to go out to eat with 22 of there friends to Outback....80% of them are couples. So im sitting in a party of 22...most of which are couples. I ordered 3 long island ice teas....i need to get numb real quick. The problem was that Outback was my ex and i's favorite resturant. So im sitting around all these couples laughing and holding hands. Calling each other by pets names, the whole 9 yards. I just got up, went out side, and shed some tears...it sucked. And her txting me earlier didnt help....3 days NC, had to fight hard not to respond to her, and it killed me. So yeah, im there with you.

Sorry that is what I am listening to right now. Anywho, man! all I can think is " Man, if I could take it all back, and have known what I know now". I am so strong dude, but it hurts so bad. All I can think of is us being happy again. - I miss her so much. I have never cried so much in my life. The water works are on.

It is hard D.. I could never imagine being in this type of position ever dude... ever! I am not sure what anyone gets from this, but I know that GOD wants me to know not to ever miss treat a woman ever again, and as the days go by it is instilled in my head with every tear to remind me. Every ache of the heart. - With that said, I never knew that that place in your chest that they call the heart / where the heart is really could ache. Well it does. I just had a thought of driving past her crib. - Man I need to kill this beer and go to bed, and I have only taken 2 sips.

December 21, 2008

i guess if there is a silver lining to all this ugliness...is that we woke up. Some people never wake up to how horrible of a person they were. Great tradegy brings great change. Sometimes change can be hard, it can be painful. But without change a person cant grow or become better. BTW do not drive by your ex's house. 1. you feel like crap when you get back home. 2. if she or her family see's you drive by, you'll look like a total stalker. 3. Not worth a DUI. But time is the only thing that helps our situation...time is the only thing. It heals us, it gives s time to grow and mature, it gives our ex's the ability to forgive...or move on with a final descion. Patience is also important. If you try and rush anything, it will only result in disaster. We have to sit back, be tough and wait out the storm. The result of the aftermath can be positive or negative. But either way we have to wait and see the final outcome. All i know is in my next relationship im going to be the best partner possible. The amount of growth i have made is profound. I dont feel like the same person anymore. I see things with a greater clarity now. I saw what kind of idiot i was. Through these months i use everyday to better myself through reading and psychologist sessions. But i do miss my ex really bad. Her million dollar smile...her deep dimples. Her funny quirks and quick sharp humor. But if we never get back together...at least i have those fond memories of her. So time and patience i guess.

PS... her sex was on fire( kings of Leon).....damn it was good, lol.

December 21, 2008

Um... I think I heard too many pointless details about how you spend two hours of your life.

Sorry about your pain due to the break-up. It gets better with time. Cheer up!

December 21, 2008

i guess if there is a silver lining to all this ugliness...is that we woke up. Some people never wake up to how horrible of a person they were. Great tradegy brings great change. Sometimes change can be hard, it can be painful. But without change a person cant grow or become better. BTW do not drive by your ex's house. 1. you feel like crap when you get back home. 2. if she or her family see's you drive by, you'll look like a total stalker. 3. Not worth a DUI. But time is the only thing that helps our situation...time is the only thing. It heals us, it gives s time to grow and mature, it gives our ex's the ability to forgive...or move on with a final descion. Patience is also important. If you try and rush anything, it will only result in disaster. We have to sit back, be tough and wait out the storm. The result of the aftermath can be positive or negative. But either way we have to wait and see the final outcome. All i know is in my next relationship im going to be the best partner possible. The amount of growth i have made is profound. I dont feel like the same person anymore. I see things with a greater clarity now. I saw what kind of idiot i was. Through these months i use everyday to better myself through reading and psychologist sessions. But i do miss my ex really bad. Her million dollar smile...her deep dimples. Her funny quirks and quick sharp humor. But if we never get back together...at least i have those fond memories of her. So time and patience i guess.

PS... her sex was on fire( kings of Leon).....damn it was good, lol.

Yea the sex thing never got to me until I downloaded a bit torrent of Lee Jenkins, Female Orgasm e-book, lol.. then it was on! Man, I have been crying for 30 minutes straight, heads pounding, and still got half a beer, The shins are on repeat, and I keep crying more, n, more.

I am really hating myself for being such a bad person. Its sad but I look at myself like F**k how could I have been that person for so long. This woman was so FUDGE'N true to me. I promise I won't find a woman with the same love, heart, and loyalness as her. And I had been this assh8le since I was young. It kills me to even know that I had that in me.

I am happy for the change, and I know that patience n time is all I have. So I am not going to call her and tell how bad of a person I think I am. I am going to stay focused on the test GOD is giving me, and myself.

With that said I am gone, I give up on the beer, going to bed.. Holla at you tomorrow. - oh I posted in that other thread, we are locals I am in W.Covina. - Calis in the build'n g!

December 21, 2008

Bro, dont beat yourself up on what happened in your past with her. It happned, thier is nothing you can do about it. No amount of wishing or hoping can change that. All you can do now is focus on the here and now. All you can do is make sure that none of your past actions repeat themselves. I felt the same way 3 weeks after my break up. She was the best woman i ever had a relationship with. But i messed up. I did things i am ashamed of. But it happned, its water under the bridge. I forgave myself....you need to forgive yourself. If she cant forgive you, you have done all you can. Hell my ex still hasnt forgiven me...yet she feels the need to contact me during this whole ordeal. I dont need her forgivness at this point, because i forgave myself...it would be nice to hear those words from her, but i dont expect them.....you're so money and you dont even know it.

December 21, 2008

listening to the Shins as well........Phantom Limb

December 21, 2008

hiya californiadreaming and dmoney!

i just wanted to tell you to stop bein so hard on yourself. you both sound like youve really come a long way since your break ups. unfortunately sometimes youve gotta learn the hard way

but youve given me hope that maybe one day my ex will wake up and realise what a great girlfriend he had and if i thought he did even a fraction of the work on himself that you two have then i might not feel so bad.

i cried this morning too. i wanted to go shopping in one of our cities & my friend pulled out on me at the last min. none of my family wanted to go & today i jst dont feel strong enough to go on my own. and it hurts that the nice girl is sittin at home crying and lonely while he, the nasty one, got a girlf straight away has moved on no probs (if you knew how he messed with my heart all Summer....how can someone be so thoughtless over & over) and has someone who'll always be there to go stupid shopping with!

its not fair.

but youve given me some hope that people can change.

maybe one day he'll be sorry too.

hope you guys feelin better today. wanna go shopping?

merry christmas XX

December 21, 2008

Dmoney and Cali, just keep hangin in there. Glad to hear you guys are being strong and ACTUALLY making changes to better yourselves. Keep it up, and make it permanent.

In a weird, creepy way I wish my breakup had something to do with something I did that was bad, lol. Then I would know why it ended...I still don't know exactly why it's over, and that makes it so hard to accept. She isn't seeing anyone, so I'm now 100% sure it wasn't because of another guy (I was sure even during the breakup it wasn't because of someone else). But really I wish I didn't care about that. I'm on day 28 NC (yes I'm patting myself on the back because it's awesome ) and slowly getting better.

Yesterday kind of sucked, other than the fact that I finished all my final exams. I got home, and my sister was already back. Within a half hour she told me TWO stories of my ex; just random things. They're best friends and living together next year...and my sister and I are very close. I had to leave the house...then later than night I was watching a basketball game with my dad, and a freaking ROTEL commercial gave me a case of the phantom tears. That's right, ROTEL is a commercial for salsa or something. I think it happened because before every Wisconsin football game on Saturday I'd watch the pregame show waiting for my ex to join me (before we left for the game...), and that commercial would be over-played.

Now THAT is weird and pathetic. A freaking salsa commercial. hahaha...keep hanging in there guys.

December 21, 2008

Man I know the feeling my sister lives in a apartment building right across from my ex, it's been 4 months and i sitll cant go visit my sister because I know i'll break down.

December 21, 2008

yea, I had no clue to the power of this all. I will say, my head is pounding, it's 8:30am, and I feel like a sunken ship. - Anywho, I just read all of your post, and like I said the power of this all is amazing. I have been so strong, doing well, but somethings .... like the " I will survive" song just broke me down in front of a group of people.

It's all water under the bridge, and I know that, but the pain still hurts. The good thing is like open said, I am fully aware of my wrong doing, and ultimately hate the fact that I could have been that guy. But it makes sense to why I am where I am now, because of that guy..allowing certain things to happen.

Oh well, 2009 is mine.. That's what I am on right now. - I feel it, and I am doing everything I can to do so. Thank you guys for everything.. Its people like D, Ice, and open who make alot of this courage, and power present.

I am done shopping as of yesterday, yay! But if your a local I might would take you up on that offer Open -

December 21, 2008

congratulations on your 28 days of NC iceman. im starting day 4 and i feel way better. Its funny how we all cry over the most mundane things like commercials and songs. But you guys have been a great support system...all of you. Its just one of those painful life experiences that alot of people go through. But whether we get back with our ex's or not.....we'll appretiate our next relationships even more.

December 21, 2008

But whether we get back with our ex's or not.....we'll appretiate our next relationships even more.

Tru dat, da, dat, du, da dat, dat, dat!

& Although I am in no rush for it, whether it is my ex or someone new I look forward to it. -

December 21, 2008

oh ya sure california im just a hop skip and jump away in Ireland!!

decided to get up off my sorry ass & head somewhere a bit closer , when who should i meet on the road... ya!...and im pretty sure she was with him. i kinda did this squinty thing where i could just see enough road not to crash & yet not make eye contact with him.

course my original upset of him havin someone to love away his days with while im crying over shopping was founded

sometimes you just cant win .... i did get a new sexy dress & all that walkin is payin off so silver lining and all that! plus shes a dog* so i do feel a little smug

* ah she did nothin wrong, as far as i know he wasnt with her when he was asking for me back & she wouldnt have known he was still schmoozing & sweet talkin me the first few weeks of their rship so have to feel sorry for her more than anything. still a dog tho!! ha ha ha ha. forgive me im im wicked form now

December 21, 2008

congratulations on your 28 days of NC iceman. im starting day 4 and i feel way better. Its funny how we all cry over the most mundane things like commercials and songs. But you guys have been a great support system...all of you. Its just one of those painful life experiences that alot of people go through. But whether we get back with our ex's or not.....we'll appretiate our next relationships even more.

So true. I'm really really looking forward to the next one. It will be special, no matter who it's with.

So I'm about to make a decent step toward moving on tonight. I went out ONCE after the breakup, and I ran into my ex that time; the last time I saw her. I'm leaving in about an hour to have a few at the bar with some friends (not to get hammered; don't really do that anymore). Nothing like -10*F and -30*F wind chills to bring people together. The ex is 170 miles away in Chicago so I don't have to worry about that; I'm just going to have fun.

Hopefully I don't have a PT (phantom tears) episode there, but you never know! I'll let you guys know if anything as humorous as a ROTEL commercial happens to me again. Keep it up guys.

December 22, 2008

So true. I'm really really looking forward to the next one. It will be special, no matter who it's with.

So I'm about to make a decent step toward moving on tonight. I went out ONCE after the breakup, and I ran into my ex that time; the last time I saw her. I'm leaving in about an hour to have a few at the bar with some friends (not to get hammered; don't really do that anymore). Nothing like -10*F and -30*F wind chills to bring people together. The ex is 170 miles away in Chicago so I don't have to worry about that; I'm just going to have fun.

Hopefully I don't have a PT (phantom tears) episode there, but you never know! I'll let you guys know if anything as humorous as a ROTEL commercial happens to me again. Keep it up guys.

My brothers in town, the thing that sux is he is involved in gangs, and right now as I jumped out of the shower, my family was running for cover, as if somethig was going to happen. Come to find out his rivals pulled up to my house- Its the first time this has happened in all of his so called gang life. It really took my mind off of things with my ex. But now the stress of my brother out in the streets chasing his rival is killing me. No drinks, I am gonna get in the car and head west. Drive the route me and my ex did from the inland to the beach for a few hours. So I will be back after awhile with the latest on all of this crazy emotional draining bs thats going on.

December 22, 2008

yep good job guys, go out and have some fun...sorry to hear about that whole gang situation. My ex is in Vegas, partying it up with her girlfriends, so i guess i'll get a txt at 3:00 am again how she's having fun clubbing....sigh, Oh well , another txt to ignore. Im heading to the bar to get f'ing smashed. Perfect wat to wrap up the weekend.

December 22, 2008

See until a man - let me rephrase that - until a young man grows up to be a REAL MAN nothing will faze him. Just like some rich people take money for granted, or a druggie takes drugs for granted, and od's .. They will not know,understand, and then learn. And then in some cases, the young men have to go through it a few times. My past 3 girlfriends left me, but I didn't care.. My mind state was one of a mack.. and at the time my longest relationship was a year .. I was happy when my ex b4 my last ex dumped me. I had just turned 21, and was able to tear the streets of Hollywood up.
It wasn't until I met my ex, spent 5 years with her, and got dumped until I realized that I was ready to be a REAL MAN.

Damn cali, i swear im your chocolate twin or something. I read your post from the other thread, and you said some ish that i posted on youtube for my ex after our break up. Its funny, me and you are like mirror images in alot of ways. A young man dosent mature sometimes til something tragic happens to force them to grow up.

December 22, 2008

come on record producer everyone deals with this crap differently...

i too was an arse and messed up my relationship. AND im female.

it doesnt matter what gender we are - we all have regrets if we caused the breakup..

you guys go off... sometimes women are crap at relationships too LOL..

and you sound like a strong woman RP... so thats great.

but it doesnt matter sometimes how strong you are.. a song, whatever can set you off.

my lighter wouldnt light up my cigarette outside during my lunchbreak (its hot and windy in melbourne, aus) and i just about burst into tears.

quite laughable really but hey D at least your ex is talking to you LOL

xxx K

December 22, 2008

well, you can look at her talking to me as a good thing...but it feel like it isnt, lol. She knows she has me in her hip pocket. But i took back control through some good ol plain NC on that @$$. She's like "we cant be together"...then she says "you'll never know, we could end up together again"...yeah, ok, whatever

December 22, 2008

Damn cali, i swear im your chocolate twin or something. I read your post from the other thread, and you said some ish that i posted on youtube for my ex after our break up. Its funny, me and you are like mirror images in alot of ways. A young man dosent mature sometimes til something tragic happens to force them to grow up.

LOL- yea we must be twix. But, ain't it the truth?! - Yea, I took that drive thru Pasadena, to Silverlake, to Hollywood, back thru west Hollywood, and came up Melrose. I was gonna take it all the way to the beach, But by the time I got thru Silverlake, I started getting a little bit of that heart ache thing that I was talking about.

I managed to get thru it all though. -See me and my ex used to get in the car and take the same 4 or 5 drives every weekend on a Sunday. We called it our motivational cruise. I really hadn't been able to take that cruise in the past week, but I was able to today! Progress homeskillets, I am on my Obama!

Anywho.. I am still a little sad right now but hey who isn't?

December 22, 2008

come on record producer everyone deals with this crap differently...

i too was an arse and messed up my relationship. AND im female.
it doesnt matter what gender we are - we all have regrets if we caused the breakup..

you guys go off... sometimes women are crap at relationships too LOL..
and you sound like a strong woman RP... so thats great.
but it doesnt matter sometimes how strong you are.. a song, whatever can set you off.

my lighter wouldnt light up my cigarette outside during my lunchbreak (its hot and windy in melbourne, aus) and i just about burst into tears.

quite laughable really but hey D at least your ex is talking to you LOL

xxx K

- you are on the ball sistah!

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WoW So I am out having drinks with my family and then..

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