Dmoney28 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 this is more of a min rant. Why is it when your ex clearly knows you are trying to go NC. They txt you with a message of "concern" "is your sick dad ok" "its been 4 days, are you ok" "is your sister feeling better" "i heard your mom isnt doing to well" i mean, i understand that MAYBE they care to a certain extent...but cmon, we both agreed to NC. Why try and contact me over some BS reason. It almost guilts you into replying. its like " if i dont reply, they'll think were a hartless monster because they ask a question about my well being or a family members. Granted its better than a call. But we both agreed to NC for a month. Sorry, just getting venting.
audrey_1 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Well, because they probably do care, and they're not as disciplined as they should be...I am guilty of this. Breaking away from someone, even for a short time, is so hard to do. Probably those who do break NC aren't as strong as they should be. I know I'm not.
Joker77 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Going through the same thing. I was going on two weeks of NC when she texted me happy birthday tonight. Her sister also has texted me tonight as well and even asked who I was with. I know that had to be the ex wondering. It kind of builds my ego but it also makes me sad.
openbook08 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 its a f*****g joke thats what it is i wish theyd just p*ss off and leave us alone i dont care if you care you broke up with me you dont wanna be with me so LEAVE ME ALONE selfish sh*ts * aplogies for the profanities if youve read any of my other posts youll know this is a sore spot
JooLee Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 i think they do it because they really do care and you mean something to her/him. i feel it is much better they show their care and concern rather than you just treat you cold and heartless and cut you off like that. it is only human to miss the companionship that they once had. in a way they are reaching out to show you that, eventhough situation and time does not allow for you both to be together, and perharps you will never be together as a lover ever again, but they still care to the extend they would do what it takes to help you out in the times of need. it is called friendship. its not fair, but sometimes we just got to accept reality as it is and try our best to move on. just keep ignoring her texts and she'll get the hint.
EmperorR Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Because they still want to make sure they have their backup, their emotional stability, the guy who always treated them good within their grasp. I remember my ex after cheating on me dumping me, making me cry for the first time ever, not eating for weeks, I go NC for 5 days and she text me how I'm doing. Like you diddn't care how I was feelign when You slept with a guy 3 times that you just met, you didn't care when you dumped me, you didn't care when I was crying for days losing weight. But as soon as I start to ignore you, you suddenly care? Go care for your new man, I don't need you thinking about me
californiadreaming Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Dang, I wish my ex would text me. I mean I was surprised that she text me that she wasn't ready to talk to me, but wanted to ask about the car payment. And then changed her mind and decided to call me and talk to me for 45min. So maybe she does care. If I know my ex-She saw how confident, and strong I was, and she saw that I saw she was still a wreck(crying on the phone,feeling as she doesn't know if she can change how she feels,etc..) and now she is going to go NC, and actually work on healing herself. When will the text start, or come again? we shall see.. However I think they do it because they care. and it doesn't help our causes but atleast you know that this woman has love for ya boy! All I know is man I have been debating on writing a book on this experience because this ish is bananas!
Geishawhelk Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Just reply: "No contact. Remember?!?" (if you want to, you can now add "get Lost!!") But this will probably make them respond with "Geesh! I just wanted to <fill reason here>! I'm sorry I asked!!" THEN - you don't respond. With anything. Nada. NC means NC. They need to get the message that you don't need to get a message.
TG84 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Dmoney -- I'm with geisha on this. "NC means NC" type of text is an honest, succinct way of telling her you don't want to hear from her right now, ESPECIALLY if adversity hits you in your life
Knight_Ctrl Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I had something similar, don't let her trick you into talking to her again. Just tell her to stfu and go back to no contact. It really is for the best. Edit: Also if you two broke up as in relationship over I'm not sure I agree with NC having a deadline. If its done its done, what is going to happen is if you get to the end of the month and you talk you may have not been quite over it and its just going to set you back. If you were talking about getting back together...then maybe go for it. I just don't want to see you get hurt friend.
2sure Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Dmoney - If I remember correctly - your ex is really hooked on you aplogizing, begging for forgiveness, being extra nice and romantic ...while she decides whether or not to forgive you. While you should be doing all of those things - it became time for her to make a decision. She liked all of the attention of her being the victim (which she was) so much , that she decided not to decide. She misses the attention and so she texts you. Hang in there. This is still the best thing you can do for both you and her.
Author Dmoney28 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Thanks for the advice everyone, espeacially 2sure. I understand i cant rush anything with her. Its just really hard to deal with this weird limbo of "i will forgive you at some point". I understand she misses me, and i miss her. She even contacts me about things she's just doing. During most of the time is was No First Contact. This worked out pretty well, excpet during the days we wouldnt talk i missed her even more. After a 2 days i start to grow distant...then i get a call and back at the point of really missing her again. So given my personal circumstances i will just continue with NFC. But eventually NC might resolve things months from now. I'm a strong person, but emotionally we all can bear only so much. Thanks again for all your opinons and advice.
Eli_Peterson Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 But if your intent is on getting the relationship back together it might be good to know that she does still care and use that tidbit of information to your advantage. Not that I condone playing games but I know that withholding information or not replying as quickly as I might normally drives her crazy! One word answers are the worst or cutting a call short usually gets the same response....yes, I would agree that her contact is for her own head and you could probably come up with some good BS reasons to contact her if you really wanted to but what it all comes down to is that a big chunk of her is gone and she craves that contact that she had...that's my 2 cents at least
MWH Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Any time my ex pulled on of her "How are you doing?" routines it was for HER not me. She serves only herself and the only reason she does/did that was to assuage her guilt. If she really gave a damn about me she would have treated me good while we were TOGETHER duh! She's so predictable and transparent. Ugh. Peace, MWH
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