uptown Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Two weeks ago I exploded on my ex because I was upset that he didn't seem to want to take the relationship to the next level. (We have dated for 9 months exclusively. I am 32 and he is 38) I told him I needed to know the relationship was heading somewhere in order for me to keep going. The next day, he broke up with me because he said he just didn't think it was meant to be and he didn't want to waste my time. We talked on the phone the day after we broke up like nothing has happened. Then I emailed him and said that I agreed a breakup was the best decision, then I went for no contact. He called a week later and left a 'just want to see how you are doing' message. I send a impersonal email saying I was on a ski trip hence missed his call and hope he was doing well. I think the breakup happened because I was sort of giving him the ultimatum (commitment or get lost) and forced him to make a decision. I plan to stick with the no contact rule but haven't decided when I will break no contact (thinking about 4 weeks...I will see how I feel when the day comes). I thought he was the one, and I sure want him back...that's part of the reason I am doing no contact, so I have the best chance of getting him back and at the same time making the right decision for myself. We almost broke up half a year ago...he said he wasn't sure if we were a good match. I didn't agree with the breakup, but he left anyway...then he came back in a week, apologized for doing things that sabotaged the relationship. That kind of gives me the hope that this time he will come back again...though at the same time I am not sure if a relationship like this can actually work and is what I want. Right now, it feels to me that things are up in the air...part of me keeps telling myself to move on because there is nothing I can do about it. but another part of me is preparing for the day my ex comes back (be cool...be happy...look like I have moved on...etc), and part of me is telling me to reach out to him cause it was me who pressured him into the breakup decision. Any thoughts regarding my situation?
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I told him I needed to know the relationship was heading somewhere in order for me to keep going. The next day, he broke up with me because he said he just didn't think it was meant to be and he didn't want to waste my time. I think the breakup happened because I was sort of giving him the ultimatum (commitment or get lost) and forced him to make a decision. Any thoughts regarding my situation? I'm just going to be honest with you here... Ultimatems regarding commitment will rarely end in your favour. What were your feelings about how things were going between the two of you when you brought this up? If you were exclusive, I assume things were okay? Either of you married before? Kids involved?
Author uptown Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 I'm just going to be honest with you here... Ultimatems regarding commitment will rarely end in your favour. What were your feelings about how things were going between the two of you when you brought this up? If you were exclusive, I assume things were okay? Either of you married before? Kids involved? We had a vacation in Oct and a road trop in Nov. I met his sister and some of his friends, but I haven't met his parents. I thought things were going well...so I went ahead and poked. A few days before we broke up, I started by asking if he thought we should spend more time together, and he said he wasn't sure...then he apologized the next day saying that there were steps we could take and we would talk about it. But the same week he told me about going to a dinner and work-related party without me at the last minute, and that set me off...(He always tells me his plans at the very last minute and that irritates me cause it makes it very difficult to plan time for us, and he travels for work about 35% of the time.). So basically things were ok, at least looked ok...just had some communication issues. Neither of us has married before, and no kids involved.
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 But, you've been entangled for more than nine months right? Should have met his family by now to be sure. He sounds like he has issues with intimacy!
Author uptown Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 But, you've been entangled for more than nine months right? Should have met his family by now to be sure. He sounds like he has issues with intimacy! May I ask why you think he has issues with intimacy?
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