hanginthere Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I have now been in a relationship with a guy for 1 month, we text daily, seen each other 3x and live an hour away from each other and we have slept together 2x now. Today he texted me to tell that he would be in my town with some other girl, I asked if it was a date he said not really, and then I am sure that you still see guys. And I have gone out on dates since meeting him, but the last time we were together my feelings changed a bit. I let him know this subtly and that I was not sleeping with anyone but him. He seemed good with this, but it was not a exclusivity talk. I am not even sure I want that but I do know now that I like him. So I texted back that Yes, I do see other guys but I am only sleeping with him and I have not heard back from him yet...although he is on his "not really date". I know that he will text back. I am not sure what to do, I do not want to push him away. What do you think? What do I do next? I am not a clingy person at all, just like to know where I stand.
amymarieca Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 No, I do not think you should ask him where you stand. Most guys get scared when you have "the talk." Unless he brings it up, you should avoid the conversation. If a guy feels like he has won you over without even trying, he will lose interest. Women love to put labels on everything. It is not uncommon to date other people when you first start seeing someone. How can you know that you want to be in a relationship with someone after such a short time? It has only been one month. I always judge things based on how well it is going between me and the guy I am seeing. Things need time to develop. If you are going to end up in a relationship then it will just happen. You have to be patient.
shockandawed Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Not to sound like an old prude, but I typically gauge the exclusitivity when I begin having sex with someone. I am pretty up front about that. I can casually date with the best of them, but when we get intimate, I expect an exclusitivity. At my age, sex without feelings is kind of empty, and frankly, too many things can go wrong for me to want to risk it with someone I am casually dating. He is having sex with you, you have a right to ask him anything you want.
edinsvet Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Hmmmm.... This is a tricky situation. Becuase it sounds like you want it to be exclusive but you are still dating and so is he. I think the third date is really early to go exclusive. Even if you already slept together twice.
Author hanginthere Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 I agree it was all the texting it kinda got intimate which sped things up more and felt like the 4 or 5th date. It got confusing.
Rubix718 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 As hard as this may be, I think you should just be upfront with him and tell him how you feel about this. Most guys like the direct rout and aren't into head games. If the two of you can see eye to eye, then great, you can advance from there. If not, then continue with the casual dating or just move on.
PrincessPeach Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Most guys get scared when you have "the talk." Unless he brings it up, you should avoid the conversation. If a guy feels like he has won you over without even trying, he will lose interest. Women love to put labels on everything. ...I actually find that the opposite tends to more often be true in mine and aquantances' experiences. Often it is the guy who asks way too soon. As a woman, I don't like to put labels on that sort of thing at all early into getting to know someone, but guys seem to want to put labels on things much sooner (I notice the same trend in threads on loveshack, the guys do it here much sooner and more frequently than the girls). I had been dating the current guy I am with for a little more than five months before we had the exclusivity talk.
Perry Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Take what you said in your post, and tell him just that. But CALL him. Drop the juvenile texting. Hope it works out for ya.
moonshadow Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Call me old-fashioned but it seems quite "a$$-backwards" to be having the "exclusivity talk" AFTER you've already been sleeping together. In this day and age of STDs, what is the rush to sleep with someone? Why not take things a little more slowly and wait until you see where things are going, have "the talk" and establish that you're both on the same page and THEN sleep together? If you've been out with him 3x and you've slept with him twice, that means you slept with him the second time you went out - whoa, what's the rush? Of course he's dating (and likely sleeping) with other women, why wouldn't he? For him to tell you that he assumes you're seeing other people, so in essence he doesn't see it as a big deal that he's seeing other women, there you have it -- he's continuing to date and sleep with others. Be careful! Though why he told you he was coming to your town and would be going out with another woman is beyond me. That's kind of a stupid thing to tell someone, IMO.
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