Jay34 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I have broken up with the girl i loved more than anything, we had broken up in the past but it only lasted 2 weeks, it was very odd because she had dumped me and came back immediately, was very upset when i didn't contact her for her birthday and basically reeled me back in, unfortunately things went back to the same ole same ole, it seemed that the 2nd time around it was more of a game, since we were long distance. She seemed to be trying to make me jealous all the time, i think it was her insecurity and her need for attention, she had gone out dancing, telling me she had so much fun dancing with other men, how this guy said this and that one said that, and it did work, i was jealous. There are many times she has done things to get me jealous. I Didn't seem to be the priority that i once was to her, it wasn't as important to see me anymore, which partly i attribute to the fact she did not have her own place anymore, she lived at home with very controlling parents, which i have witnessed, but when she did have her own place i never made a real effort to visit her, and she was very adamant on asking, almost all the time, i let her down in that aspect, but despite not being there i gave her a lot of my time, For the first 8 months or so, our communication was at least 3-4 hours a day, then she went home and it kind of dwindled, eventually to maybe 10-20 minutes a night, and it seemed like just calling me because she had too, i freaked out started chasing her, getting mad at her, chasing her even further away, but i was upset, it went from her calling all the time to never, she had met someone else, i didn't know that at the time, so i immediately has a long talk with her, convinced her we needed to talk, and made a visit out there, everything pretty much unfolded there, he parents weren't happy with it, threatening to kick her out. i saw it first hand, things were very inconsistent, she was very up and down, but by the end of the trip after telling me she wasn't sure i was the one, that she didn't want to have a relationship but wanted to try when she was less stressed. all the bs they tell you, by the end of the week that had changed, she realized "how much she loved me" But once i left things were not the same, they reverted back to the way they had been before, i planned to talk to her about our relationship, she was hesitant but agreed, when i called she didn't answer, i called 2 more times, again she didn't answer, so i said forget it and i didn't call her again and a week later she comes with an apology and that she just didn't want to talk, she then told me she had betrayed me, and that's why she was breaking down so easily, she kissed another guy, but that she had not seen him since, and realized how stupid she was, she said she didn't feel like she could trust herself, who knows if any of the reasons are true, we agreed to talk about it later in the day. Yet Again, she did not answer the phone, so i said forget this, deleted her from everything, and after 2-3 days she started contacting me, first as a friend, i didn't answer until i got an actual call, she said she wanted to see me, i gave it some time, she wouldn't stop contacting me and i finally gave in. I had planned to see her in about a month, and the month to say the least was not the greatest, she was up and down, but the communication was a lot more solid, though still a lot more on her terms than mine, but i was getting a lot more calls, i thought things would get better, the visit went great and we really connected on all levels, we were away from her parents so i noticed everything was easy going, but once the parents started calling, she again turned into a different person, giving me the silent treatment. She had pointed to pushing me away as a fear of commiting to someone she would never be with, but i think theres more too it. She told me she wanted to see me, so i arranged it, after that the excuses came, Parents, money, they are relevant, but we can't keep going on this roller coaster. i dumped her because she was not being considerate of my feelings and doing things i didn't agree with and hurt me. Yet again all the messages, calls came in, this time after 2 weeks, how she missed me, will always love me, needs to talk to me, then after i don't the mean stuff starts, pictures of her with other men, removing me from friends online. I think she may have BPD or Bipolar, I have never met someone who despite all these problems that i have bonded with so well, maybe it was all an act, maybe she only loved me when she needed me, i miss her like hell, the first 8 months were great and even a lot of the time after that wass good. And to be honest it isn't all just her, i have done a lot of the things i have mentioned that she has done, but i have still always been there by her side. I believe we could both benefit from therapy. Do i ever give this another chance and talk to her, do i wait it out awhile to see what is going on, i don't want to jump back in and her to think she can come back whenever she wants, is there any hope? I still love this girl and i haven't lost hope yet. Anyone with any input please, i would appreciate it
kreens Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 well hey i actually have bipolar and started reading your post thinking - man it sounds like she has Bipolar!!!. i couldnt at all diagnose but to go up and down is one symptom (although there are many more).. i wouldnt keep letting her go up and down like this. You have to talk to her. if she has a mental illness and is not medically treated, your relationship is headed for total disaster and you will end up hating her (trust me ive been dumped and hated during an unmedicated period). but ppl do go up and down alot... so it could mean she is just unsure of what she wants right now. just food for thought from a girl with Bipolar, (but medicated lol) xx k
Author Jay34 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 Thanks Kreens I have not been in contact with her for about a month now, i put an end to the relationship over an im, because i could not reach her. I really don't know how to approach her on this, she has mentioned taking medication in a joking way and kind of knows things aren't right, almost in a child like way. i always felt like i was taking care of her. I kind of fear telling her when and if we talk again right at first because i don't think it would help until we got each others trust back, but maybe i can, i am not sure. I am struggling to know if i really ever knew her or just what she wanted me to see, she would tell me passively at times, she thought she was a mess, i think she told me more so i would validate her and help her, but i cant help her, i have tried. The fact is i still care for this girl and i am afraid of going back into it and being hurt, being forced to not care. Is there anyway the first time we talk i can offer some support, i still feel conflicted because she is doing things to hurt me, she never has a straight approach, its more to control what i do, how i react, not just a straight approach, like i am sorry for all the stupid things i have done, can we please talk, it is always underhanded, or even when it is straight, if i don't react right away there is an underhanded action. Thanks Again Kreens Any more help or similiar situation is greatly appreciated just curious kreens how did you come to realize that you had a mental illness, that it was more than just a little quirk.
kreens Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 hey there Jay i was diagnosed 2 years ago but it took me about 18 months to accept it and actually go on medication for an extended period of time. at the time my ex husband and i were having problems (mainly due to my illness in hindsight - i was all over the place) and i was under alot of stress. I was drinking alot as i didnt know what was wrong with me. which of course made me worse. i was very up and down - all over the place. Spending alot of money too. Also i felt i needed attention from other men when we were at functions 2gether. i dont know why but apparently flirting/overtly sexual characteristics are other symptoms of bipolar. I actually was at a wedding with my husband and i was that drunk i kissed another guy. I had NEVER in 12 years done that.... so it kind of seems a bit similar to your GF behaviour. Maybe she jokes abot taking medication but the bottom line is - if she is mentally unwell she needs to GET HELP fast. if i was you i would try an get her when she is on a high state - calling you etc and get hard with her. tell her you are not prepared to put up with this off/on behaviour and if she really is under stressed and feeling like she needs medication then you support her going to a doctor. but cant be friends with her being like this (i mean you are constantly hurting yourself) my relationship ultimately ended as i didnt take my illness seriously - but 12 months down the track my ex husband and i are good friends and i get along with him better than i have in a long time. its impossible for me to go NC with him as we share custody of our two daughters. i still have crap times... as you prob read about my recent relationship with my neighbour..which i completely wrecked because i was off my medication at the time... and now he hates me.. so id hate that to happen to you. But it can happen hope this helps xxx k
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