beaniepuss Posted September 15, 2003 Posted September 15, 2003 Where to start? I'm absolutely furious with myself for being so malleable and gullible and stupid, I always end up in these really intense situations which leave me hurting and needy. I met a guy in a web chat room less than two weeks ago. We clicked straight away and I felt a connection, we started emailing and texting and long personal calls followed. This went on for a week during which time we both felt the intensity of our situation, he told me that he adored me and thought he was falling in love with me, and I began to think that there could be something really special between us. After a week we arranged to meet, following 4 hour calls every night and numerous emails and text messages, I felt I knew him far better already than partners I'd spent months or years with. We met on Friday night, we'd both been sick with nerves all day and we agreed that our date would be life-defining for each of us. I had never felt such anticipation or nervousness or excitement in my life. We met and as I thought there was an instant attraction, we held hands straight away, couldn't stop looking or smiling at each other and after half an hour he kissed me. The night went on as such, we carried on talking and laughing but there was such a magnetic attraction, he asked me to go home with him and I did. Please don't judge me too harshly, I stupidly believed that there were real feelings growing between us and I wanted to spend some time with him. I made it clear that I didn't want to have sex or a one-night stand with him, he said he respected that. Back at his house we started kissing and things progressed, I said again that I ddin't want to have sex with him because I wanted to wait, he said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend and that he was falling in love with me so he wanted to make love to me. How pathetic am I, I fell for it. I really thought he meant it so I slept with him, all the time believing that he really liked me and wanted a relationship with him. The sex was amazing, so passionate. On Saturday he was distant and frosty although it didn't stop him from sleeping with me again, twice. Or rather his distance didn't stop me. Late afternoon I realised I should be getting home, I asked when I'd see him again and he said he needed time to think. I was absolutely stunned, this man who said he wanted me didn't really want me at all now he'd had what he wanted. I got out of the car in a daze, knowing I wouldn't see him again and feeling raging bitterness, disappointment, anger and hurt. I got a text yesterday from him saying he was sorry and he'd send me an email to explain which of course he hasn't. I know I'm stupid for being taken in but I feel so hurt and angry that he'd tell me all that stuff just to get me into bed. I'm not the first woman to fall for it and I won't be the last but I'm 29 and I thought I was far too grown up and sensible for all this. How do I move on?
Reckless Posted September 15, 2003 Posted September 15, 2003 There is no age for immunity against this kind of thing - but time is on your side. Time to heal and most importantly time to learn. With age usually (no, not usually, occasionally) comes wisdom. Wisdom is putting what we know into practice. There are users and abusers out there and the internet is a user and abuser magnet, so wisdom would dictate EXTREME caution in ALL cases where 'internet romance' is concerned. You knew this, your heart didn't. It does now. Don't let it happen again. You'll get over this, hopefully with no nasty after effects, you'll live to tell the tale as we all do. Go out with the girls, get good an' mad, wish a pox on him, his family and his dog and give it time - it's on your side. Wishing you life, love and most of all wisdom, R.
moimeme Posted September 15, 2003 Posted September 15, 2003 You need to guard against the feelings of intimacy which can arise in online relationships. The intimacy is as real and is developed the same way as it is in 3D relationships; the problem is that it is inappropriate to the situation. Traditionally, people don't engage in emotional self-revelation until they have spent time enough together to have decided to trust one another. On the Internet, the first stage is skipped and people leap right to exchanges of confidences. That is a bonding activity and it works. This doesn't mean never try Internet dating again, but next time, if you start having feelings for the other person, pull back and remember that they are a product of the circumstance. It doesn't mean that you can't express your inner feelings, either, but know that, in doing so, you leave yourself vulnerable to feeling bonded.
jenny Posted September 15, 2003 Posted September 15, 2003 is there any way you would want to see it as an adventure? what's hurting you now is your twarted expectations. - i am NOT suggesting you don't have a right to be hurt, but simply that there are other ways of viewing things that allow you to have more power. just because this doofus has no staying power does not mean he was not fun, for a brief thrilling time.
NEONINK Posted September 15, 2003 Posted September 15, 2003 and remember kids, there are multitudes of people that are looking for nothing other than sex in some chatrooms. i know someone, actually female, that searches for available men partners this way. a lot of folks are out there looking for a fix; not a romance. i would go the route of dating services rather than chatrooms if you are looking for romance. ps. beaniepuss, if that was your chatroom name.... then I wouldn't wonder why he was looking for some action.
Author beaniepuss Posted September 16, 2003 Author Posted September 16, 2003 I'd just like to say thanks to all of you who have replied to my thread so far, it really means a lot to me as I thought I'd come in for some harsh judgement over this. Jenny - you are quite right, I am able to see it as an adventure but I will need time to do that. My best friend suggested that I just chalk it up as an excellent night and leave it as a good experience, I'd love to do that and think I will be able to when I'm thinking more clearly. I know that in future I need to be far more guarded and wary, I'm not good at keeping my fellings below intensity level but I'm so fed up of being hurt that I really will try to keep a lid on it next time. I don't think internet dating's for me, I always get in way too deep and try to run before I can walk. I have a full life so I'm going to concentrate on my job and home and college course for a while and have some time out from dating, mend my heart and my sanity a little! Neonink???!! I think I know what you're saying but over here that isn't rude! Beanie is my cat and when I was creating my profile she was sat on my PC yowling her head off, not what you think! Thanks for the excellent advice though, I appreciate it.
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