I cant take the pain..thinking about suicide

[Evaevaeva]

I can no longer take the pain I am going through. My boyf as we speak is on holiday with his ex girl in teh carribean after us agreeing to have NC for a couple of weeks. I broke it and tried to call him but found out he is with her.

He doesnt know i know that they are together and has been sending me text messages saying he wants to be with me and I am the only person to make him truely happy and that he will explain everything when he returns. He misses me and loves me. Everytime I ring his phone is off and I cannot get through...

I just feel like ending it all. I am actually looking forward to ending my life...it has been filled with nothing but people who let me down. I was actually smiling for the first time in ages thinking about not feelings anymore but I dont want to hurt my mother who I know will be devastated...but Im ready to go

[dns502475]

Eva...

 

It's natural to feel this way after a major relationship comes to an end. But it's a long-term solution to a short-term problem.

 

Suicide is "letting them win". In time this pain you're experiencing passes.

 

The first thing you have to do is take of Eva and put her first. Do yourself a favor and cut off contact with this guy, because he's really making you feel worse.

 

Love doesn't do that, Eva.

 

You sound like you're close to your mother. That's great. She loves you. And in times like this it's important to remember that there are people out there who simply love you because you're you.

 

Give her a call and tell her how hurt you are or call a friend and talk to them.

 

Talking about your pain is the key here.

 

If you're really considering taking your life, then please call a suicide hotline or go to a hospital immediately.

[justdoe]

I am a firm believer that we as humans have the right to make the decision to live or die. Think about this.. Do you really want to take your life because another broke your heart? You must feel pain like this. I felt it for the first time in April. Thought I just wanted to die. Instead, I grew as a person. Started reading more. I cried a million rivers. I still think of him every day. But, I do not hate him. You are here with others who are in pain. DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE!! I don't want to see you as another statistic of a lady who gave up because of a man. A Broken Heart cant kill you. It just hurts like....well you know. Time will pass. You have to stick it out. You will grow. Grow strong and aware that love is good and wonderful. But it does hurt. I care. I really do. Please dont hurt yourself. Hurting or killing yourself will not mend your heart. But to readers who care. It will feel like someone stepped on our hearts if you give up. PLEASE PLEASE. When it is your time to go THEN GO. This is NOT.

[southernvixen]

Eva,

This guy thinks he can get away with cheating on you and that's why he's doing it. You don't need him in your life and the pain you feel will lessen over time. Keep in mind that everyone deserves love and he isn't giving you what you need. It also seems like these feelings have been going on for awhile - you might be clinically depressed. I recommend seeing a doctor and talking to him about your feelings. If you are depressed, medications and therapy can help. Just remember that the pain will go away, even though you can't see it right now.

 

Good luck!

[LouiseC]

The man I thought I'd spend my life with broke up with me last week after three and a half years, and I admit at first I felt like dying, I contemplated it for a while. But then came the anger. It was then that I remembered that I'm a good person and my life is worth something more than throwing it away on some man who wouldn't know a good thing if it bit him on the arse. Yes it hurts - I've never felt pain like it. But I'm a strong woman, and I can heal.

 

AND SO CAN YOU! Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Talk to someone - your family and friends. They love you, and they can help you.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Eva please take this to heart.

 

Suicide is a PERMANENT SOLUTION to TEMPORARY PROBLEMS.

 

Do you understand? Suicide is not the answer. It is PERMANENT. Your problems ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You need to seek PROFESSIONAL HELP TODAY. You can beat this and by God you can smile again and see the sunshine. Would you really rather face blackness/hell for eternity, rather than smelling things you love and seeing the beauty of nature? Suicide isn't reversible. You are condemned and that's it. There's no turning back. You can get help and avoid that whole damnation and see life and sunlight again.

 

YOU NEED TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP AND BEAT THIS.

 

You need to go out on an expedition and explore forests and other natural sights. Get away from everything!!! Your problems won't always follow you! DO NOT KILL YOURSELF! IT IS PERMANENT

[EmperorR]

I thought about this to after I was cheated and dumped, but trust me dont do it. You will feel better shortly.

[californiadreaming]

Eva-

 

I could not see this posting, and not reply. I didn't read what you wrote word for word because I know the feeling, and despite the reasoning, I know the feeling.

 

There was a day when It was really gloomy, I think 2 weekends ago on a Sunday. I remember waking up feeling so horrible. I went to the park, I sat and talked to myself. The park was completely empty, not a soul in site. It felt good, but I had pumped myself up so much thinking that she was going to call me that I even gave into breaking NC that day - You can probably go back into my past post and read about that day - I was a total wreck that day, and suicide entered my brain, heck .. entering into a mental hospital entered my brain. All I can think of was if I did take my life, what would that solve? I would not only not see her again, but I wouldn't see all of the other people I love as well. On top of all of that, I wouldn't have what I want.. Her! Suicide is a very selfish thing. Think of all the people you hurting yourself would hurt.

 

You are someones daughter, sister, friend, cousin, grand daughter. So the line that ties you to hundreds of people would now be no more. And it wasn't by accident, or in other words it wasn't your time to go, you chose to make it your time, and life is not intended to be that way. Man / Woman can not over power the creator.

 

So please chill out. If you really feel this way SEEK HELP FAST. But know, that things will get better. I am having an extremely hard time dealing with losing my woman, not working for a year and a half, living in my parents garage, and a whole lot more. But, as much as I fall apart, I pick myself back up, and pray that everything pans out the way it was intended.

 

Good luck - God Bless

[carhill]

OP, you've been at this crossroads before. Remember that?

 

How old are you?

 

I'm sorry the men in your life have disappointed you so. It is not what I would've wished for a daughter.

 

Is mom nearby? Can you go to her or call her? I think she'd like to hear from you. Mothers can be lonely at the holidays. My mother is in a dementia facility. She doesn't recognize me anymore but I still go and hold her hand and talk to her. It helps with the pain, the pain of loss.

 

I hope things get better for you

[Evaevaeva]

Thanks everyone.

My mother is living with me... I moved back here about 9 months ago.. the break made me loose my home, job and friends... She has enough on her plate and so do my friends...I dont want to worry anyone.

I just know I am not going to recover from this....

[carhill]

Just so you know, mothers never have enough on their plate when it comes to their kids. There's a difference between worrying, which is what she does when you're silent, and being supportive, which is what she does when you share with her. Right?

[californiadreaming]

I just know I am not going to recover from this....

 

 

I feel like this too, but as time has gone on I have gotten alot better, and so will you.

 

My wound is still fresh, and hard to deal with as far as the pain goes. Especially because we got together 5 years ago around this time (Dec.18) and especially because she called me last Sunday, and I knew from our 45min conversation how much she was still hurting. - Infact I had no idea how much this was affecting her.

 

Point is I am recovering, everyday! - Some days I am alot sadder then I was the day before, but ultimately, I am doing everything I can to better myself for myself, and for her if she comes back.

 

If I learned anything in this whole thing, it is that time is your best friend. I still have issues with that, but as the days go buy, I know that I personally needed this to happen in order to move on into the next portion of my life, and right now I am being tried with patience.

 

So be patient. Patience shows alot of your character. If you can make it past a frantic you, and learn to be patient, learn what was the cause of all of this, better yourself, and keep it pushing, then you will receive the blessing that is in store for you after the lesson has been learned.

 

For now it all seems so far fetched, and painful, and honestly there is noting you can do, PERIOD! - You can't stop breathing, you cannot stop living, you can not allow yourself to be stuck, and miserable. - Go on about your life for now, and do you.

 

Just know that the pain is there but if you can manage it, and keep building you will be fine.

 

" Time can heal what reason can not"

 

-Best

[DSM-IV Tom]

Yes you can recover from this. That's stupid, and I've heard at least 10 different people say that in my lifetime... all of which have recovered. All 10+. No exceptions. And they were dealing with things such as the loss of their childrens lives, coupled with other tragedies..

 

One door closes, another opens. One window closes, another opens. Sometimes, multiple openings become present.

 

You may not recover to be who you ONCE were, but you WILL recover to become someone better. Stronger, smarter, funnier... etc.

 

You don't have to become who you once were. You can be BETTER.

[crackerjax9]

eva...this is so normal! your broken hearted of course you feel like you want to die but it gets better!! im broken hearted too and feel like i want to die but its stupid to actually think about killing yourself...guys not worth your life... **** that.. your prob a gorgeous girl and you can and will find out there what you deserve!!

[D-Lish]

Eva,

 

If I can survive a divorce dealing with my ex husband getting another woman pregnant... you can survive this. You will. I was with him for almost 9 years.... I survived and so will you.

 

I don't think you are actually wanting to die... or you wouldn't be seeking strangers in the night to talk to- you'd just do it.

 

It's always a default "thought" when we feel like the pain is too great to deal with. You obviously care about your mother- imagine what killing yourself would do to her. Really think about that.

 

Is another person worth harming yourself? No. Let's talk about why you don't see that.

 

Talk to us.

[Dmoney28]

Ok, let me tell you a real life story. After my ex dumped me, her co-worker said her fiance of 4 years cheated on her. She dumped him. He was overcome with grief and guilt he tried to kill himself . His mother walked in on him...he was trying to cut his throat. He was placed in a psychatric ward for 3 weeks for observation and tratment. His parents wouldnt take him back after the incident. So he had to move back in with his finace. For the past 4 months, he is so crazy he actually thinks thier still together, and wont admit he screwed up majorly. Her life is hell living with him. The moral of this story is any attempt at taking your life will not end in anything positive. Only pain and chaos. The pain WILL go away, trust me. Just hang tough...you're stronger than you think.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I can really empathise with this post because I have felt the exact same way. The pain feels so constant and overwhelming that you just feel you can't take it anymore. For me, what snapped me out of it, was telling my mother than I wanted to kill myself. In floods of tears she called a therapist, the therapist drove round to see me, and with some well put words, someone that hit me like a slap to the face.

 

I can tell you don't really want to kill yourself because you've reached out. People that really want to die don't tell anyone because they don't WANT someone to talk them out of it, they are convinced of it. People that do tell people clearly have some doubt, some concern and some reluctance. They want someone to say something that will talk them down from the idea. You don't want to kill yourself. You just want the strength to get through this. You CAN cope with this. A human being can put up with an unbelievable amount of emotional and mental trauma. We only have 1 life - it is short. Don't throw it away. Yes sometimes life can be absolutely not worth it (or so it seems) but you don't know yet what may come. It's true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone...but also that you can't appreciate something you don't have yet (who knows what or who may come into your future).