marie09 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I am having some sort of a "thing" with a married man. I wouldn't call it a relationship. I'm going to contridict myself and say I'm not that stupid. Quiet obviously I am if i'm foolish enough to get involved with a married man. To make matter worse he has a very young son. If you had told me 4 months ago I'd be doing what I am now I'd have jumped on my high horse and read you the riot act. This man is a family friend, I'm in my late 20's, he's in his mid 30's & I have always gotten on well with this man and then suddenly at a family function we ended up alone together and had sex. Even seeing it in print is quiet unbeliveable. Admittedly I always found him attractive but my god never in a million years would I have pursued him. He has been married for 4 years and with his wife for about 4 years before then. I've heard rumours from different sources that he was never the most faithful in the world. I never bothered much with those whisperings as it wasn't my place to pass judgement like I said we always got on very well. Since that night I've been working in a different area. I haven't seen him but we have been texting.... a lot. I'm due home in the next few days and he wants to meet up. Apparently he's been wanting me for years and now sees this a perfect chance for us take us some sort of shadowy sex arrangement. I'm so caught up in this "thing" that I don't know what to think or do. Over a week ago I tried to finish whatever it is he wants to start. He somehow won me back around. I'm under no Illusions. He didn't marry his wife for the fun of it and they have son together. There has to be something there between them otherwise he could have walked away long ago. I just think he's so self confident and choses to try live the best of both worlds by going out having casual sex and then home to his wife. I do know that since the birth of their child almost a year ago that things haven't been going so well. I knew this before I had sex with him. I'm not making excuses for him or myself. I wasn't forced into this, I am allowing myself to be led into it. I just don't know what to do. I don't even think I want a relationship with this man. I certainly don't want him to leave his wife.
Lizzie60 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Humm... what's your question. This post looks like a post a BS would write.. If you're not comfortable seeing him.. then stop.. simple. If you think you can have sex with no strings attached.. then do... simple. It's all about YOUR decision.. you are the master of your own destiny.
carhill Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 You know, the first thing that came to my mind was all the family functions I've been to and how I could've had sex at them. I mean, how is that possible? Interesting world... Well, anyway, sounds like the OP just wanted to share a story, so thanks for that.
Lizzie60 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I mean, how is that possible? Interesting world Hummm... you'd be surprised Carhill.. I've known a man who had a party at his place one night... and he had sex with a 'friend' in a closet.. must have been a real 'quickie'..
Athena Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Marie, I am sure his reputation precedes him and the fact that he is a known wandering spouse may have allowed you to drop your defenses with him. Point is, he's done it before in his marriage, and he will do it again, and again. Quite frankly, I am NOT surprised that "since before the birth of his child a year ago, things have not being going so well for him" in his marriage, BECAUSE that is the normal and inevitable Fallout of affairs in a marriage -- the cheating spouse has to be guarded about the real goings-on and this shut down affects the emotional intimacy in the marriage in a negative way. The betrayed spouse may not even know or understand the real reason for the distancing, but they feel it and the marriage takes a knock. So -- here is a man with a reputation for cheating -- he was having affairs even before his Marriage started not being so good (right? according to the gossip you heard before and paid no attention to). So -- it's a given that he will continue to cheat no matter who he is with. Whether remaining with his W or moving on with another woman -- and that includes you, even though you may not believe this... Think about it -- at SOME point he really loved his W and thought she was special but cheated nonetheless. Something is lacking within him and he needs to do what he does. It is not because of his W that he does what he does. It is not because of you being so special that he is eying you out now and has you in his sights... it's because you are an attractive AVAILABLE woman open to his stupid set-up. So, Marie, despite you behaving out of character for yourself -- and you should be aware that your natural inclination is going to push you Towards this MM BECAUSE you are normally a very moral and ethical person. This is because you will be trying to align your out-of-character actions with that of adjusting your thought process, and the way to do that is to say to yourself that he is special, and that you are special to him. Sadly, you are not special to him. He is just setting himself up with 'some' on the side and he is hoping you will agree to it. He will feed you whatever lines you need to hear in order to fully let go of your values, so that he can get what he wants from you. You will land up getting very, very hurt. There is no way I would recommend you go into this affair with your eyes open and give him what he needs at your own expense. The fact that you will only be able to have him out of sight of his W and the community, means you will ONLY be getting the left overs of him. You will begin to fall in love with him and he will continue to only give you crumbs of attention... some phone calls, texting, whatever minimum it takes to make you patiently wait on the sidelines for him. And the whole clandestine relationship with him will be ON HIS TERMS ONLY. Never when you need or want him. As attractive as the man is, you MUST pull out now so as not to get more deeply entangled with him. It is not only highly unlikely he will be fully yours, but it is not even worth your while to service him on his terms, while suffering from being apart from him. Also, you will feel worthless having settled for tidbits. Do yourself a favor and sidestep the whole messy set-up. I promise you in a short period of time he will find another woman willing to get involved with him and have his cake and eat it too, set-up. In the meantime, forgive yourself for having fallen for his reputation as a lover, and for his charms, and move on. Go No Contact, because he has a silver charming tongue and the minute you start negotiating and explaining yourself to him, you will be charmed over by him. He is practiced.
Saville Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 There is a peculiar addiction to "cheating," it is like a narcotic that once whiffed makes us senseless. You may have a voice in your head that says, "run," "cut them loose," but nevertheless, this voice will be over-ridden by a tangle of senses that want their fix. Even when the sh*t is hitting the fan with this MM, and even when you feel that the shadows is no place for a relationship, you will be unable to pull away, because you are addicted now, and it will surely be so wonderful once you are together again. And, maybe it will be, and all the romance you ever dreamed of will be there, with the accompanying fireworks and having orgasms at exactly the same moment. You have entered into a the exotic den of cheating, where sultry nuances abound and sensibilities are sent scattering. You are here, you are looking for a way out of this den that while intoxicating, you realize is no good for you. Before you have another hit, another fix of this MM, extricate yourself from this amplified aroused state, and stand in the light of day. This is not a judgment of morality, but really, more one of mental safety. For as exciting and life-giving as an affair may seem, in reality, it is sucking something vital out of your person, and damaging your psyche. I wish you strength. Saville
lkjh Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 He is using you for sex and you are disrespecting his wife and child. If you are ok with being someones a** on the side and don't mind the fact that he probably doesn't care about you then go ahead with it.
2sure Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 It isnt so far of a stretch to say that it isnt out of the question that you find him attractive and intriguing. Obviously, since you are an adult, and this man no stranger to you, you feel that the sex is worth the risk. Most of the time, someone finds out about these things. A friend or the betrayed spouse. In your case, the people finding out would most likely be family members. They will always associate you with this affair, regardless of the outcome. Always - that means even when you come over with yout own kids. Is the sex with the risk of being labelled that way amongst your own family? Ewww.
norajane Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I am having some sort of a "thing" with a married man. I wouldn't call it a relationship. (sex) suddenly at a family function we ended up alone together and had sex. I've heard rumours from different sources that he was never the most faithful in the world. (sex) Apparently he's been wanting me for years and now sees this a perfect chance for us take us some sort of shadowy sex arrangement. I'm so caught up in this "thing" (sex) that I don't know what to think or do. Over a week ago I tried to finish whatever it is he wants to start. He somehow won me back around. (sex) choses to try live the best of both worlds by going out having casual sex and then home to his wife. I wasn't forced into this, I am allowing myself to be led into it. (sex) I don't even think I want a relationship with this man. (sex) It's good you don't want a relationship, because that is certainly not what he is offering. He is only offering sneaking around behind his wife's back sex. He must be really hot for you to take such risks in a family setting just for some sex. Whether you continue to have sex with him or not, at least be clear what this is about and be honest with yourself what this is about: sex If you had told me 4 months ago I'd be doing what I am now I'd have jumped on my high horse and read you the riot act. Give some thought to reading yourself the riot act, lest you freely give away your life-long ethics, values and self-image for sex.
gettingoverit719 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 This man has a son and a wife. Maybe you should put their feelings before your own. How do you think she will feel if she found out? Let me tell you from my own experience. It's horrible! With so many men in the world why him? Do his WIFE and his SON a favor. END IT!
Mr. Lucky Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 If you had told me 4 months ago I'd be doing what I am now I'd have jumped on my high horse and read you the riot act. Forgetting the impact on his wife and son for the moment, how do you reconcile your self worth with what is being offered to you here? Here's the deal you're accepting: 1). Your value to him is based only on your ability to meet his sexual needs. 2). You're sharing him with his wife. 3). You're sharing him with whatever else he's got going on the side. Is that what you deserve? Mr. Lucky
vnqsh2001 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I am having some sort of a "thing" with a married man. I wouldn't call it a relationship. It is a relationship. It's just not the kind you normally want or seek. It's not a relationship you would define as healthy and conducive to your own happiness. I'm going to contridict myself and say I'm not that stupid. Quiet obviously I am if i'm foolish enough to get involved with a married man. If you had told me 4 months ago I'd be doing what I am now I'd have jumped on my high horse and read you the riot act. Almost everybody thinks they would never give in to temptation. But a lot of people apparently do. You're not stupid. You're just human. The truth is that we never know what we're going to do until we are actually faced with the reality of the experience. Thinking about morality is a lot different than doing the right thing when the circumstances present themselves. He has been married for 4 years and with his wife for about 4 years before then. I've heard rumours from different sources that he was never the most faithful in the world. I never bothered much with those whisperings as it wasn't my place to pass judgement like I said we always got on very well. This is probably one of the reasons why you were able to give in to the temptation. You don't blame yourself for his infidelity. You probably figure that he's been doing it before, so you are not the one corrupting his marriage. You can't break what is already broken. In a way, that makes him seem less like a married man and more like someone who is single and available; which he is not. Since that night I've been working in a different area. I haven't seen him but we have been texting.... a lot. I'm due home in the next few days and he wants to meet up. Again, this is a relationship. You are involved with him now. Apparently he's been wanting me for years and now sees this a perfect chance for us take us some sort of shadowy sex arrangement. I'm so caught up in this "thing" that I don't know what to think or do. He probably wants more than just you. He probably sees women he wants all the time. You're just one of them. You seem to know what the right thing to do is. The question is, are you going to do it or are you going to be a bad girl and take the risk of potential harm to yourself and others? Nobody ever said doing the right thing would be easy. Over a week ago I tried to finish whatever it is he wants to start. He somehow won me back around. Under current circumstances, that's going to happen every time you talk to him. If you really want to get away from him, you've got to just give him up cold turkey and resist the urge to talk to him. You've got conflicting emotions, so every time you talk to him he is going to feed that side of your thoughts that want him with his sweet words. The side that resists him will lose ever time. It may take some time to forget him, but I doubt it will take long. A new man will come into your life and this experience will seem like a bad dream before you know it. I'm under no Illusions. He didn't marry his wife for the fun of it and they have son together. There has to be something there between them otherwise he could have walked away long ago. For all you know, the love and romance between him and his wife was much better than what the two of you have. Look how that turned out. Don't just look at the present thrill, look at what's going to happen to you down the line. I do know that since the birth of their child almost a year ago that things haven't been going so well. I knew this before I had sex with him. I'm not making excuses for him or myself. Welcome to marriage and relationships 101. Life isn't a fairytale. It isn't all roses and candy. We have to deal with hardships too. Things haven't been going so well for them? Do you mean their relationship has problems just like everyone else's? What a surprise. I wasn't forced into this, I am allowing myself to be led into it. I just don't know what to do. Are you saying that you have no sense of morality? Are you saying that you can't tell what is best for you? Didn't you say at the beginning of this post that you would have read us the riot act if we had said you would be having an affair with a married man? You are allowing yourself to do what you know is wrong, but the truth is that you know what you should do. You are letting yourself do something you know is harmful to yourself and others. It's exciting. It's fun. It makes you feel more alive for a while, but it's still harmful. I don't even think I want a relationship with this man. I certainly don't want him to leave his wife. No, he's not the sort of man you would want for yourself, is he? He's a real selfish man; one that you could never trust in an ideal relationship. You don't want a relationship from him at this point. You just want sex and attention. You want the excitement he gives you. You normally want a relationship, but suddenly you find yourself wanting something else. You have awakened to a side of yourself you probably weren't even aware of, but you are treading on dangerous ground. There is a reason you normally seek real relationships with worthy men. You're better off sticking to that formula.
You'reasian Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I am having some sort of a "thing" with a married man. I wouldn't call it a relationship. I'm going to contridict myself and say I'm not that stupid. Quiet obviously I am if i'm foolish enough to get involved with a married man. To make matter worse he has a very young son. If you had told me 4 months ago I'd be doing what I am now I'd have jumped on my high horse and read you the riot act. This man is a family friend, I'm in my late 20's, he's in his mid 30's & I have always gotten on well with this man and then suddenly at a family function we ended up alone together and had sex. Even seeing it in print is quiet unbeliveable. Admittedly I always found him attractive but my god never in a million years would I have pursued him. He has been married for 4 years and with his wife for about 4 years before then. I've heard rumours from different sources that he was never the most faithful in the world. I never bothered much with those whisperings as it wasn't my place to pass judgement like I said we always got on very well. Since that night I've been working in a different area. I haven't seen him but we have been texting.... a lot. I'm due home in the next few days and he wants to meet up. Apparently he's been wanting me for years and now sees this a perfect chance for us take us some sort of shadowy sex arrangement. I'm so caught up in this "thing" that I don't know what to think or do. Over a week ago I tried to finish whatever it is he wants to start. He somehow won me back around. I'm under no Illusions. He didn't marry his wife for the fun of it and they have son together. There has to be something there between them otherwise he could have walked away long ago. I just think he's so self confident and choses to try live the best of both worlds by going out having casual sex and then home to his wife. I do know that since the birth of their child almost a year ago that things haven't been going so well. I knew this before I had sex with him. I'm not making excuses for him or myself. I wasn't forced into this, I am allowing myself to be led into it. I just don't know what to do. I don't even think I want a relationship with this man. I certainly don't want him to leave his wife. Sounds like a tough situation. If you don't even want a relationship with the man, just tell him.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I just don't know what to do. Its easy. You grow the female equivalent of a set of balls and just end it with this guy. Don't even say its not that easy. It is. pure and simple.
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