heart tickled Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 i will try and make this as short and informative as possible... there is this guy in my church who is getting married in less than a month and i am so crushed. and i think i am in love with him. ive known him for about 10 years. he was always so quiet. im shy too. but we would talk jus saying hi or in a small group of other parishoners. i found out he was seeing somene earlier this year (around march). when i found out that stabbed me good in the heart but i hoped that it wouldnt last long. then around july i heard through word of mouth that he proposed to her. i didnt want to believe it so i just let some time go past until i could be sure. a few weeks ago, i overheard conversations that "the day" was coming up soon. i knew about it before its just that i didnt expect it to be so soon. i saw him wednesday night and he handed me the invitation and kept walking. i already knew what it was and didnt want to open it. instead, i cried driving home, cried AT home, and went to sleep....crying...My health is not the best (cancer survivor) and the next day i went home sick from work because i got too emotionally stressed thinking about it. the thing is i have these strong feelings for him but i just didnt want to be "pushy" as it were, letting him in little by little. but i feel as if i lost my chance and that my so called idea didnt work. i also have others in the congregation telling me that his fiancee looks like me, which hurts even more. i also think some of the things i have confessed to an elder (which happens to be his father) has something to do with it. but what happend to me was not my fault ( another different story). im just wondering should i let this go since we never had anything? but then why do i feel so involved and now rejected because of his upcoming marraige to someone who looks like me? im really hurt by this. i dont want to go thru my whole life thinking i made a mistake and not telling him before he goes and gives his life to someone else. please only mature, thoughtful, helpful answers. i appreciate it.
JooLee Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 hmm, this is a hard situation. how long have you been in love with him for? my advice for you is to let this one go. He is in love with someone else, HE proposed to HER, he WANTS to marry HER, he is HAPPY with her. and if you love someone so much, you just want to see them happy,no? i dont think you confessing your love for him would change the situation, perharps it will only make things awkward between you and him. what you got to do now is stop feeding the emotions you have for him. im just picturing a scene just like the one in Grey's anatomy where Meredith tells Derek to "pick me, marry me, love me" and he walks away. Imagine how you would feel in that situation. i guess this time, you gotta think rationally instead of with your heart because you were never his girlfriend and he is going to spend his life with someone else. if he has something for you, he would have come to you not her. so there it goes. life as it is. such a bitch sometimes isnt it.
Peter_pan Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 i say tell him but be prepared for rejection and maybe future awkwardness. or simply let it go. but dont live in regret
Author heart tickled Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 thx for your reply joolee =) in response to your question i would say about 2 years. i know he wants her but then i always have those stupid "what-ifs" popping up in my head. i have to learn how to dispel them...they seem to have taken over the mjority of my thoughts. i know i should move on, but its so much harder done than said, like crazy s. and peter's replies. and you are right - life VENGEFUL bitch. i know telling him would be awkward but i thought maybe he should know. maybe he should know what he was missing out on. and we girls usually tend to think with our heart. i just thought he was the one for me
Author heart tickled Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 ...and peter your quote is hilarious...thx for the laugh
Jenny123 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Say nothing, I think it will open a can of worms. Wotever will be, will be. Have some faith:)
Mystique01 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Awww, poor Heart_Tickled.... I kind of know how you feel, since I like this guy at my church too, but he likes another girl. Worse part is though, he knows that I like him (basically), and so at times things are awkward between us. (Long story!) Anyway, your best bet is to just let this one go. Honestly. If you and him never really had anything, and you guys never really dated or talked, then I wouldn't waste my time, emotional energy, and risk even MORE feelings of rejection and awkwardness by "confessing" your "love" for this guy. :-( I know it may be hard, but the best thing to do is just suck it up, be happy for them, and just tell yourself that the NEXT time you like a guy (and trust me, many more will come! Probably even better than this guy right now) , you will in SOME way shape or form show your interest in him...even if it's just a little bit. Then, you won't be wondering "what if". Sometimes guys DO need just a LITTLE bit (not TOO much!) of a hint that you're interested...or at least OPEN to their pursuit. So, bottom line, don't do/say anything that would be out of line. He's about to get married. Just go to the wedding like the great guest I know you'll be, and be happy for the couple. OR...if it's too painful for you to go to the wedding, then don't go! There's nothing saying that you HAVE to go. But just be prepared if they start going to your same congregation after they are married. Might as well face reality some time. :-/ I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, but sometimes this is how life is. If you just simply MUST say something to him to let him know that you MAY have been interested in him, the next time you see him (hopefully his fiance won't be there!) just walk up to him, give him a coy smile and say: "I got your wedding invitation. Congratulations! Your fiancee is a lucky girl" and then walk away. That way, you haven't said too much, and you seem happy for him, but at the same time you've gotten him thinking: "Hmmm...I wonder what she meant by that?" You could have been talking about her being "lucky" because he's a nice guy, God-fearing, or just simply because he's "hot". LOL! Either way, he won't know! haha~! Hope that helped! ;-) ~*Mystique*~
Peter_pan Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 ...and peter your quote is hilarious...thx for the laugh take it how you want but its they way i would look at it
Author heart tickled Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 Awww, poor Heart_Tickled.... I kind of know how you feel, since I like this guy at my church too, but he likes another girl. Worse part is though, he knows that I like him (basically), and so at times things are awkward between us. (Long story!) Anyway, your best bet is to just let this one go. Honestly. If you and him never really had anything, and you guys never really dated or talked, then I wouldn't waste my time, emotional energy, and risk even MORE feelings of rejection and awkwardness by "confessing" your "love" for this guy. :-( I know it may be hard, but the best thing to do is just suck it up, be happy for them, and just tell yourself that the NEXT time you like a guy (and trust me, many more will come! Probably even better than this guy right now) , you will in SOME way shape or form show your interest in him...even if it's just a little bit. Then, you won't be wondering "what if". Sometimes guys DO need just a LITTLE bit (not TOO much!) of a hint that you're interested...or at least OPEN to their pursuit. So, bottom line, don't do/say anything that would be out of line. He's about to get married. Just go to the wedding like the great guest I know you'll be, and be happy for the couple. OR...if it's too painful for you to go to the wedding, then don't go! There's nothing saying that you HAVE to go. But just be prepared if they start going to your same congregation after they are married. Might as well face reality some time. :-/ I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, but sometimes this is how life is. If you just simply MUST say something to him to let him know that you MAY have been interested in him, the next time you see him (hopefully his fiance won't be there!) just walk up to him, give him a coy smile and say: "I got your wedding invitation. Congratulations! Your fiancee is a lucky girl" and then walk away. That way, you haven't said too much, and you seem happy for him, but at the same time you've gotten him thinking: "Hmmm...I wonder what she meant by that?" You could have been talking about her being "lucky" because he's a nice guy, God-fearing, or just simply because he's "hot". LOL! Either way, he won't know! haha~! Hope that helped! ;-) ~*Mystique*~ thx mystique the days keep going bye and seems like it gets better little by little (i only cried once last night). nice to know im not the only person that has gone thru this. i was thinking about what u said about them being in my congregation and me seeing them together. thats why i think i have decided to move. move out of the city, i need to get away. im trying to force myself to be "ok". and i am gonna go to the wedding. im also forcing myself to do that. and im not going to say anything that would make him feel "awkward". now that i have been thinking about it, its useless and wouldnt solve the problem at hand. i KNOW that there is that one guy out there for me but damn im getting older! i dont want to be an "young-old" lady with 300 cats. *sigh* i guess i will be waiting. now to overcome my debilitating shyness...
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