major guidance needed :(

[SarahT111]

Whats so wrong with me :(:(

 

Right now I am so devastated

The past events of this year have lead me to depression.

 

I have been left for someone else twice now

Its the most gut whenching thing ever.

I just cant work out why.

Please help me

 

I am 20 and both relationships have been Long distance (we both did the same sport but trained in different cities)

My first boyfriend I was with for 1.5 years.

He lived 1.5 hours away by plane.

It was the happiest I had ever been in my life

But he dumped me after 1.5 years saying I was not a longterm gf and he saw no future for me.

The next day I found out he had another gf. It tore my heart to shreads. I know it must have been going on behind my back.

 

I was so hurt and devastated. I honestly would have died from heartache had that been possible.

 

The girl he left me for was beautiful, studying to be a physio with A grades and represented her country at dance.

I couldnt fault her and it ripped me apart.

 

Anyway a year later I recovered and met another guy. He knew my back ground with my previous ex and promised he would never cheat on me or hurt me etc.

I became involved but I was so scared.

Anyway he had a bestfriend who was perfect. She was blonde,blue eyes and studying to be a doctor. She is also on our countries team to go to worlds for our sport.

I was really good friends with her and I cant fault her, shes lovely.

She had a longterm bf so I didnt worry to much.

However she never left my the bf alone.

They constantly sent each other txts saying how much they loved each other etc and spent every moment together.

 

I asked my ex about her once or twice and he said I have absolutly nothing to worry about and he had never liked her and she was just like a sister.

Eventually she broke up with her bf and my then bf started to become really distant. It carried on for about a month.

I felt hopeless as I wasn't there with him so couldnt do anything about it.

He dumped me finally and then again the next day I found out they were together.

 

Its just all to much for my heart to take.

Why is there always someone out there that little bit better looking or more successful

I dont know why my last relationship ended, I honestly felt I couldnt have been a better gf to him.

I was kind and supportive and made him laugh all the time. I never got angry or picked fights yet he found someone else.

 

What is wrong with me?

With my second ex that was the best person I could possibly be

He treated me like crap then left me for his best friend and it just seems so unfair.

They have planned a holiday to europe together next year already and my heart just aches so bad!!!!!!!!!!

 

I am having MASSIVE trouble coping and I really need your help!

Even if you want to tell me what im doing wrong!!

I know I sound depressed here but I never was in my relationships, I was always happy and caring for the other person and I never came on to strong.

Yet they left both times for someone better

 

Is it hard to do LD at 20?

And if you were doing LD would you get bored and go find someone else?

 

Whats wrong with me?

 

I am majorly depressed and I honestly just want to end everything. Im not good enough for anyone and it has just ripped me apart to see both my longterm bfnds leave for someone else and carry on a very happy life.

 

I dont think I would do anything thing stupid but if someone shot me right now I honestly think id be thanking them

[Sexy Kitty]

I'm sorry you have to go through this hun. It's never easy. I don't know why this kinda stuff happens to good people. It's bad enough to happen once but for it to happen again is not good. Nothing if wrong with you though! Obviously those guys arent worthy of you. They may have left you for someone else but that doesnt mean it will work out with the other person either. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but stuff like this is never easy. I am going through heartache myself. I was with a guy for almost a year. Loved him to dealth. We had different life styles though and were fighting alot so he left me. I didnt expect it really and was crushed. I didnt want to leave my house for a month. I was so sad. It was so hard. Then a month later I tried to move on. So I ended up dating a friend that I had never met but who I would talk to online for a year as friends. We finally met and I really liked him. He knew what I went through with the previous bf cuz we would always talk about our relationships etc with each other and said he knew not to make the same mistakes or to hurt me. He sent me flowers at work, said he loved me, introduced me to his family etc...Hell, he even put we were married on facebook. Only to dump me a month later. I was shocked also. He wouldnt talk to me on phone or in person. He would only do it over msn when he was breaking up with me. All he said was that he wasnt ready to settle down which I know isnt true. Said he doesnt want to date right now but I found him on a dating site and that he didnt like how I said I wouldnt move to his city (city next to mine) Well, I dont really like it there but after a month it was too early to talk about moving in anyways. Then he said when hes ready if Id have him back that he would want to get back together but I dont think I believe that either since hes on a dating site and he totally denied that to me. He totally changed on me and now Im crushed. So thats strike number 2 for me. It doesnt matter what you look like. I'm told Im really attractive and the guys I go for are average. Those are the kinda guys Im into. Yet, I cant even keep them! Having a LD relationship is tough Im sure. Ive never done it. I dont think I would either. I have felt the same way as you. Feeling like things will never get better and a feeling like Im lost and not good enough. Days are hard. Anyways, try to keep your head up. I wish I could help you through this tough time. Its so hard when xmas and new years is right around the corner. xoxo

[SarahT111]

Thanks for that reply.

 

Im just hurting SO bad right now. I didnt think this pain was possible. Ive just finished being physically sick from the pain.

I KNOW I cant cope.

I think its the holiday together in Europe thats finished me off.

If there is a god he must hate me.

I NEVER probed for any of this info I took a step back from the situation just so I wouldnt hear anything but it has ALL come to me.

This is the most heartbreaking thing ever, and on top of the disappointment with my first ex I know I cant cope.

Loveshack you have been an unbelieveable help.

But theres only so much you can guide me and right now I just give in.

I dont have the fight left in me anymore.

I fought and fought to get my life back after the first major breakup and I did it only just. But this time I cant. Its pushed me to far.

I know the problem must be with me.

I cant top and blonde haired blue eyed doctor whos representing her country at worlds.

I just cant take it

[IcemanJB]

Sarah, I'm not one to write touchy-feely posts about people, but I can tell you're an awesome, kind, genuine person at heart. I know this pain sucks. But do not tell yourself you can't cope with it. I realize it's the hardest thing you've probably every gone through; it was for me too. My ex split with me in October; the time I was with her was the happiest I'd been in my whole life. Then she came over in tears one night and for reasons I won't get into, we broke up. Caught me TOTALLY off guard and I was (am) completely devastated.

 

But you know what? Each day gets better. Slowly but surely you'll rediscover yourself. I know it's impossible to believe or see this right now, but trust me it happens. It just takes time.

 

Those guys are complete fools for leaving you. I mean that too! There are much better guys out there that would never pull this ****.

 

Allow yourself to be sad, but don't dwell in it. Sitting around being idle is the WORST thing you can do right now. You gotta hang out with friends. Hell, if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears (just send me a PM). Also, excersize is a huge plus! When I would get really sad (actually, this just happened yesterday) I would go play racquetball with friends and just play as hard as I could.

 

I don't know what else to say, other than I'm praying and hoping for you. Please hang in there.

[Dmoney28]

the emotional pain can be quite intense. Like everyone else says...just give yourself time to grieve. After the breakup of 3.5 years, i was a wreck. I thought the pain would never go away. But it does. 4 months later its way better. It still hurts, but its managable. You will get better. Just give yourself time to heal...like a broken leg. Cry and be sad, just dont give in too long. After awhile, you have to pull yourself up by the boot straps. Hang in there

[hereandnow]

I know exactly how you feel. I honestly haven't had a good day since my breakup. I have had some fun though, and I have had times when I don't think about it (usually brief).

 

It's hard, I know. It's hard for me to comprehend the amount of pain in the world when you think that almost everybody has gone through something like this. But think of all the people who have gone through breakups like this and then found true love later. So many people. We're not down for the count, we're just hurting, sometimes real bad.

 

Please keep posting your feelings, I know it helps me so much.

[EmperorR]

I know how it feels, first girl I really got close to we werent dating or anything but we talked on the phone for hours daily went out every week etc., then one day she stopped picking up her phone just like that I was crushed. I met my ex were together for 3 years no fights, in love everything good. Went away for 2 weeks and cheated on me crushed me, and kicked me to the curb, a week later already in a new relationship, all you can do is wait have patience time is really the only thing that works. every day I feel a little better its been like 4 months now, and I'm moving on.

 

That's one of the worst things, the person knows how you were treated in your past relationship or experience with the other sex, and they tell you oh I'm not like that etc., and they end up hurting you even worse.

[dns502475]

You're really doing much better than you think.

 

This heartbreak stuff is literally close to some of the WORST stuff a person will go through in life.

 

You're supposed to be sad. You're supposed to be hurt. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.

 

I think you're expecting that every relationship you find yourself in is supposed to last forever. And that's just not true.

 

Believe me, the whole "she must be better than me" thinking is natural to fall into. But it's not true.

 

There's an old saying: "for every beautiful person out there, there's someone who's tired of putting up with their s***."

 

Please, try to be much easier on yourself.

[smiiiley]

Sarah,

I read on your other thread that you were considering going to therapy..

have you went yet hun?

Hugs I'm sorry to hear you're hurting...I know how that feels.