whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 It was nice meeting you, too. However, I realized that we have more differences than similarities with our interests and ideologies. In addition, skiing is an integral part of my life and that is very important for me to share with someone who is on a similar level. I wish you well with your journey through [the dating website]. So I'm disqualified in-part because I don't ski? Hi RG, long time no see! Well, atleast she was honest about it. I think she threw in the towel too quickly though. I mean, it could've been fun for her to teach you how to ski! Her loss buddy.
Isolde Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I think it can be valid, I am on my bike 8-10 hours a week, my partner has to be able to either join me or decide that she is willing to lose me for that amount of time. This is one issue that contributed to my divorce my wife did not ride and resented me being gone even though I made sure to keep it to an hour after work a night and early 7a-10a on weekends. But not compromising about this stuff in a relationship is very different from using this as an excuse not to date someone. Clearly, she didn't feel general chemistry with the OP either.
sunshinegirl Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 But not compromising about this stuff in a relationship is very different from using this as an excuse not to date someone. Clearly, she didn't feel general chemistry with the OP either. Right. Lack of chemistry was almost certainly the real reason...and chemistry is largely out of our conscious control - we're either attracted to someone or we're not. As I said before, if she had felt mad chemistry with him, the skiing thing may not have been an issue at all. And, also like I said before, no one is giving this woman any credit for being straightforward and not leading the OP on, whatever else we may think about the mention of skiing.
CommitmentPhobe Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Why are you bothered anyway? she's the type of person that attaches sticks to her feet and uses them to get down a hill in the freezing cold.
CommitmentPhobe Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Just my perspective: It's ridiculous not to date someone because they don't participate in your favorite hobby. . Yeah. In fact I'd go so far as to say it would bug me if my partner participated in my favourite hobby, that's my me time not my us time.
Shygirl15 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 How does ANYONE "really like" someone after one MEETING?? Oh, it happens A LOT, SG dear. Or don't respond. What a moron. Exactly.
Shygirl15 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Why are you bothered anyway? she's the type of person that attaches sticks to her feet and uses them to get down a hill in the freezing cold. Yes, yes, yes.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 "No one should ever reject anyone for any politically incorrect reasons like height, lifestyle preferences, weight, breast size, hair colour or hair length. We must date them no matter what."
Isolde Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 "No one should ever reject anyone for any politically incorrect reasons like height, lifestyle preferences, weight, breast size, hair colour or hair length. We must date them no matter what." It's legitimate to reject people for whatever reason; I wasn't debating that. However, whereas height and many other physical things can't be changed, interests/lifestyle CAN change or be learned over time, and there is a lot more room for compromise there. I was merely saying that someone with such strong preferences is going to have a smaller dating pool--and perhaps, will blind themselves to serious incompatibilities by believing that shared interests are EQUAL to compatibility.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 It's legitimate to reject people for whatever reason; I wasn't debating that. However, whereas height and many other physical things can't be changed, interests/lifestyle CAN change or be learned over time, and there is a lot more room for compromise there. I was merely saying that someone with such strong preferences is going to have a smaller dating pool--and perhaps, will blind themselves to serious incompatibilities by believing that shared interests are EQUAL to compatibility. Well no, lifestyles can't always be changed. Living a healthy lifestyle isn't everyone's cup of tea and shouldn't be something that's inflicted on anyone who believes otherwise. Would you date a chain smoker? If not, why not? They could quit smoking for you.
Isolde Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Well no, lifestyles can't always be changed. Living a healthy lifestyle isn't everyone's cup of tea and shouldn't be something that's inflicted on anyone who believes otherwise. Would you date a chain smoker? If not, why not? They could quit smoking for you. I'll grant you that everyone has things that would be dealbreakers no matter what. To have "non-skiier" be a dealbreaker strikes me as a bit weird. That doesn't make it invalid, but I definitely think there was more to the rejection than just this. Skiing is the kind of thing that people can take up and learn by themselves. Participation can vary from novice to expert. It's a lot different from the black and white rigidity of smoking vs. non smoking. I mean, I think it's safe to say that most people won't be as stringent as the woman the OP was talking about--whether she SHOULD have been stringent wasn't really the issue.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I'll grant you that everyone has things that would be dealbreakers no matter what. To have "non-skiier" be a dealbreaker strikes me as a bit weird. That doesn't make it invalid, but I definitely think there was more to the rejection than just this. Skiing is the kind of thing that people can take up and learn by themselves. Participation can vary from novice to expert. It's a lot different from the black and white rigidity of smoking vs. non smoking. I mean, I think it's safe to say that most people won't be as stringent as the woman the OP was talking about--whether she SHOULD have been stringent wasn't really the issue. Each person has their dealbreakers. If skiing isn't a big deal in your life, sure you're not going to understand it. Imagine a guy who has bad breath. More than likely he could change this if he wanted to. Would you continue dating him, in case he's willing to change it? Put everything into perspective. This is a first date off an online dating site. We're not talking about the two knowing anything about each other or having any investment or real interest in each other. One date...between two strangers.
Star Gazer Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Each person has their dealbreakers. If skiing isn't a big deal in your life, sure you're not going to understand it. Imagine a guy who has bad breath. More than likely he could change this if he wanted to. Would you continue dating him, in case he's willing to change it? Put everything into perspective. This is a first date off an online dating site. We're not talking about the two knowing anything about each other or having any investment or real interest in each other. One date...between two strangers. Exactly. There are plenty of things that people might see as a big deal in their life: religion, politics, geography, available time, desire for children, etc. All of these can be changed, but there's nothing wrong with them being a deal breaker after ONE DATE for those who really care about these things.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 It was nice meeting you, too. However, I realized that we have more differences than similarities with our interests and ideologies. In addition, skiing is an integral part of my life and that is very important for me to share with someone who is on a similar level. I wish you well with your journey through [the dating website]. Ok, yes, I think the skiing thing is kind of funny, but let's look at the rest of the message. First of all, the poster was right who said we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. If I blow the guy off, I'm a jerk, but if I send him a message, I'm too picky and a snob. Let's just call it for what it is. Like Trial said, it was one date between two strangers, and the chemistry wasn't there. It isn't there for 99% of all meetups, so this shouldn't be a big surprise. Second of all, the letter is actually quite nice. The woman responded when she could have left the OP hanging. She said it was nice meeting him and she wishes him well on his dating journey. It's a nice letter all in all. OP, don't be sad it didn't work out. Don't be annoyed that she didn't want to see you again because you don't ski. Be HAPPY that you met a nice person to spend a couple of hours with. The person could have been a big jerk and then you would have that bad karma hanging over your head before your next date.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Funny how certain threads bring back nostalgic memories. It's made me crave the slopes. For those of you who are fanatical about this sport but haven't done it in awhile, you'll understand what I mean. You're standing at the lip of a double-black diamond run. You peer down for the first time. It's close to but not quite a 90 degree angle. You take that first deep breath, a tiny thread of fear runs through you and your adrenaline starts pumping madly. You inch forward a bit more, to see what path you're going to take, through moguls as high as your chest, while trying to avoid the outcroppings of rock. You gather your nerve, point downwards and literally jump off that lip, bodyweight on the front of your skis, trusting that you can skill or muscle your way out of anything. You reach for that first mogul with your pole. Reach, plant, carve off the side of the mogul, airtime, reach plant, carve off the side of the mogul with more airtime, over and over again. Right, left, right, left...and then....you're at the bottom of the run. You look out at the beauty surrounding you. You turn around and see what you've just accomplished. If you know what I mean, you'll know what I'm feeling.
Star Gazer Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 If you know what I mean, you'll know what I'm feeling. That made me hot, TBF. Luckily, it wasn't all in my imagination,as I spent the morning on the slopes. Only half of my favorite mountain is open, so I ended the day by 1 - but I still had a fantastic time. I'm still very green (er, technically "blue" - ha!) so I don't stand on the tips of double-blacks, but I understand what you mean. Now I'm snuggled up by a fire, ready for Day 2. I can't imagine spending extended romantic time with someone who doesn't share this feeling...
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 That made me hot, TBF. Luckily, it wasn't all in my imagination,as I spent the morning on the slopes. Only half of my favorite mountain is open, so I ended the day by 1 - but I still had a fantastic time. I'm still very green (er, technically "blue" - ha!) so I don't stand on the tips of double-blacks, but I understand what you mean. Now I'm snuggled up by a fire, ready for Day 2. I can't imagine spending extended romantic time with someone who doesn't share this feeling... Okay, I'm truly envious but at the same time, happy for you. My adrenaline level hasn't stopped pumping since writing that. Lord, I so miss it desperately. I can smell the icy cold air and snow, feel myself panting from exertion, the front of my thighs feeling like jelly at the end of the day, from pushing myself. *sigh*
Isolde Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Each person has their dealbreakers. If skiing isn't a big deal in your life, sure you're not going to understand it. Imagine a guy who has bad breath. More than likely he could change this if he wanted to. Would you continue dating him, in case he's willing to change it? Put everything into perspective. This is a first date off an online dating site. We're not talking about the two knowing anything about each other or having any investment or real interest in each other. One date...between two strangers. I never said that it was wrong to reject him--I said there probably wasn't enough chemistry between them to override the dealbreaker. If they had had a connection, most likely this would not have been a dealbreaker, therefore it was somewhat silly for her to mention skiing. I would certainly date a guy with somewhat bad breath if he was everything else I was looking for, including cute. I'd simply have to tell him later on in the relationship that it was a problem if he wasn't actively trying to do something about it. Everyone has different thresholds. I'm superficial physically but very lenient about interests and activities. And that's okay--we're all learning what works for us. I don't have anything more to say on this topic.
Star Gazer Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I'm superficial physically but very lenient about interests and activities. Then you don't really care about what makes up the person on the inside.
Isolde Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Then you don't really care about what makes up the person on the inside. Nothing could be further from the truth. People who have different interests/activities from me stimulate my interest and desire--as long as there's enough common ground between us, too. For example, I'm terrible at science, but I'm good at talking about it theoretically, and I have enough of an interest in it to sustain a conversation about it. Inversely, I could totally date someone who was bad at writing, but could hold a conversation about it and found it important. I like men that play a sport or two, though I'm not that athletic myself--I would take one up if I had more time. People change throughout life and having a partner who inspires a latent interest in you is a good thing.
Jake Barnes Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Funny how certain threads bring back nostalgic memories. It's made me crave the slopes. For those of you who are fanatical about this sport but haven't done it in awhile, you'll understand what I mean. You're standing at the lip of a double-black diamond run. You peer down for the first time. It's close to but not quite a 90 degree angle. You take that first deep breath, a tiny thread of fear runs through you and your adrenaline starts pumping madly. You inch forward a bit more, to see what path you're going to take, through moguls as high as your chest, while trying to avoid the outcroppings of rock. You gather your nerve, point downwards and literally jump off that lip, bodyweight on the front of your skis, trusting that you can skill or muscle your way out of anything. You reach for that first mogul with your pole. Reach, plant, carve off the side of the mogul, airtime, reach plant, carve off the side of the mogul with more airtime, over and over again. Right, left, right, left...and then....you're at the bottom of the run. You look out at the beauty surrounding you. You turn around and see what you've just accomplished. If you know what I mean, you'll know what I'm feeling. Thats kind of how I feel when I look at the tap at the Bayern Stube
johan Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I get that feeling each day when I log on to LS for the first time. Such a rush.
Nemo Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Thats kind of how I feel when I look at the tap at the Bayern Stube :lmao: :lmao:
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