Bet your never heard this excuse before!

[Star Gazer]

If it takes so long to like someone, as you claim, then why do people chose not to go out with someone more than a certain number of times, if not at all?

 

While it's difficult to know whether it WILL work out, it's a LOT easier to figure out when it WON'T work out. This is such a situation.

 

It's very easy to point the finger in a generalized way and to spin perception. Relationships are hard enough as they are, without partnering up with someone who can't or won't participate in something you spend a lot of time doing and enjoying.

 

It's like forcing someone to be a homebody, when they're a social butterfly or vice versa. Makes no sense.

 

Just let it be. One date... Neither you or her is a bad person. Sure, rejection is tough to take but you don't have to demonize the other person to handle it.

 

Great post.

[Star Gazer]

I think it's an excuse, however I do see the other side as well, as many others have suggested.

 

It actually may even be a combination of the two. My boyfriend LOVES football and will watch it all day on Sunday. I on the other hand hated football because I didn't know how to keep score and I thought it was boring. So my BF sat me down and showed me how they keep score and the different aspects of it. Now I love watching football. We even went to a Steelers game together!

 

That being said, I'm sure skiing is different than watching football, however unless she goes EVERY SINGLE DAY then I don't think that it's that big of a deal if you each do your own thing one day. My BF has a season pass for snowboarding bc he gets a discount through his work. I would have to pay full price to get a season pass for skiing so we compromised and said that I would go skiing with him 3 times during the winter (and he will treat me skiing for my b-day). That way we still get to be together but he gets his own time to go as well.

 

Moral of the story: I do think you can have seperate interests and still be a couple.

 

You're right, comparing passively watching football on your couch to actively pursuing a sport like skiing are completely different. Your comparison isn't helpful at all.

 

To become a skiier takes patience, dedication, and a lot of time. I personally plan on spending every single weekend up at Tahoe this season - and yes, the entire weekend. Why would I want to date someone who has no interest in going skiing if for every weekend (and two long holiday weekends) from mid-December through mid-April I'd never see him??

 

The avid skiier I've started dating is SO into skiing that he has a home in Tahoe and even travels around the world to hit the slopes year round. If I didn't like to ski as well, I would totally understand if he felt we were incompatible at a base level.

[kashmir]

I don't see why you can't compromise though. Why does a guy need to go with you EVERY weekend to ski? Maybe he does have an interest to ski, but apparently because he doesn't do it as frequently as you means he's not compatible with you. I mean, jeez, no one is perfect...

 

Something about the attitude here just screams snobby (probably because we're dealing with skiing, which you need some money to do). I just don't think you'd find this attitude with something like surfing or rowing (2 sports I do). I mean, I wouldn't want to row competitively with my girlfriend...I wouldn't want to row competitively with any girl for that matter. Just because she doesn't row though doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to see her and be compatible with her, and rowing takes up 2-3 hours a day at least, as well as any time off from school when everyone else is going places on vacation. If she was willing I'd even like to go out with her in a small boat. Even though it would be totally off balance and not be exciting to me, that wouldn't matter since I would just enjoy being with her and I'd be happy that she's trying one of my own interests.

 

TBF, maybe my point about teaching works only for guys teaching girls, but I don't think so. Like I said, I have no interest in teaching guitar, but if there was a girl I liked I could see myself having fun teaching her. You're taking "teaching" too seriously, as those we need to meet a strict standard. No, it would just be her with a guitar and me showing her how to do stuff, along with laughing and joking and whatever else. Instead of viewing it as a burden where the other person needs to learn something, you've gotta view it as just an activity you're doing together, which you happen to know better than her.

[Trialbyfire]

kashmir, I'm openly acknowledging my limitations in teaching, based on patience level. It's worthwhile to know your strengths and your weaknesses. You don't have to force yourself to do anything you don't want to do kashmir, after one date. It's really okay!

[Star Gazer]

I don't see why you can't compromise though. Why does a guy need to go with you EVERY weekend to ski? Maybe he does have an interest to ski, but apparently because he doesn't do it as frequently as you means he's not compatible with you. I mean, jeez, no one is perfect...

 

Not every weekend, but often enough. Even once or twice. But someone who has no interest in skiing won't even do that!

 

Not being a skiier doesn't mean someone isn't perfect or wonderful in their own way. It just means they're not perfect FOR ME. Why settle for anyone who's not perfect FOR ME?

[kashmir]

kashmir, I'm openly acknowledging my limitations in teaching, based on patience level. It's worthwhile to know your strengths and your weaknesses. You don't have to force yourself to do anything you don't want to do kashmir, after one date. It's really okay!

 

Point taken...no need to suggest teaching someone after one date.

 

But to cut someone off after one date for mainly that reason is weird, as long as the person didn't express a burning hatred for your passion. As I mentioned before, I wouldn't like it if a girl had no interest whatsoever in my music, but I would give her a chance to warm up to it and not cut her off so fast.

[carhill]

OP, I really liked the bestiality response methodology

 

Seriously, waste not one more moment on this. This potential is unfulfilled. Everything she told you is her truth, even if it sounds like cr@p.

 

"I realized that we have more differences than similarities with our interests and ideologies."

 

Thanks and have a nice day

[Star Gazer]

Point taken...no need to suggest teaching someone after one date.

 

But to cut someone off after one date for mainly that reason is weird, as long as the person didn't express a burning hatred for your passion. As I mentioned before, I wouldn't like it if a girl had no interest whatsoever in my music, but I would give her a chance to warm up to it and not cut her off so fast.

 

That's the difference between you and me. I want someone who's open minded and willing to try from the get go. Not someone who's closed off.

[kashmir]

That's the difference between you and me. I want someone who's open minded and willing to try from the get go. Not someone who's closed off.

 

I want that too, but unfortunately it's not so easy to tell when someone is open or closed. In the first few encounters you have with someone, they're probably not going to enthusiastically state their desire to try one of YOUR interests. I've never met a girl who said to me on one of our first encounters "I want to hear your music!" That doesn't necessarily mean she has zero interest in hearing it...it could mean that, but it could also mean that she just needs more time to get to know me as a person before she jumps into my passions.

 

But weren't you implying that you'd turn down a guy who doesn't ski, regardless of whether he wants to learn or not?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Haha, that's funny!

 

I got dumped once, after dating for a couple of months, because I don't eat seafood. Seriously.

[Star Gazer]

But weren't you implying that you'd turn down a guy who doesn't ski, regardless of whether he wants to learn or not?

 

Uh, no. Not what I said at all.

[ratingsguy]

ratingsguy, let's pretend that you enjoy watching a particular sport, where it's playoff time. Let's pretend this woman hates watching sports and considers anyone who does this, a couch potato and instead wants someone who will go out and party with her all the time, forget the sport. Would you disqualify her?

 

Perfect example -- I attended game 5 of the World Series, which the Phillies won. (yay!) I paid $850 a ticket to go. So it was a big deal to me. Would I expect her to come with me? Not if she wasn't going to have a good time. But on the other hand, if she's going to give me crap about going, then we have a problem. I would be supportive if the role was reversed whether or not I wanted to attend the event with her.

 

People aren't going to share everything in common. I think that's an unrealistic expectation... that I think some women actually have.

[ratingsguy]

I agree that it's valid too, but if she really liked you she would suggest teaching you to ski. If she did really like you but wasn't willing to help you learn, then she's a snob. Teaching people you like is fun and is a great way to spend time with them.

 

I totally agree. And I did tell her that while I've never skiied before, I would be open to trying it. So not wanting anything to do with it wasn't the issue.

[ratingsguy]

Sounds like a cop-out and your 1st impression was right. She either wasn't really interested or the type of woman that obsesses over how she can plug you in to her lifestyle rather than looking at what you have to offer. It's not like you said you hated skiing or wouldn't try it.

 

Wow, that's a really good point. I never looked at it from that perspective.

 

Incidentially, her profile on the dating website said concerning her job she, "works in an administrative position at a prestigious Ivy League university". That really does sound a little prissy.

 

But I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Too bad she couldn't reciprocate.

[Trialbyfire]

Perfect example -- I attended game 5 of the World Series, which the Phillies won. (yay!) I paid $850 a ticket to go. So it was a big deal to me. Would I expect her to come with me? Not if she wasn't going to have a good time. But on the other hand, if she's going to give me crap about going, then we have a problem. I would be supportive if the role was reversed whether or not I wanted to attend the event with her.

Imagine if you could afford this every weekend and was intensely interested in it. How much time would the two of you spend together?

 

To use the skiing example, I grew up on skis. It was part of our family thing to hit the slopes during the winter. When I finally got married, it was to someone who loved it even more than I did, so there never was any conflict over this.

 

People aren't going to share everything in common. I think that's an unrealistic expectation... that I think some women actually have.

It's not unrealistic to find someone who skis or snowboards. It's actually pretty easy, reliant on where you live.

[justdoe]

I am so sad and just feeling like the world is falling on my head. UNTIL. I read that pathetic, simple minded, well I just sit here and shake my head and giggle. Not at you but at her. I don't like to ski. So she would probally say the same thing. From a female point of view. Here you go! READY?

she is NOT dumping you

you did NOTHING wrong

SHE IS INSANE

never contact her again

not even to say something smart or rude

I doubt it would matter anyway.........

may be hard for her type with a pole stuk in her ski bunny booty

 

do you mind if i share this other people??

[ratingsguy]

Not being a skiier doesn't mean someone isn't perfect or wonderful in their own way. It just means they're not perfect FOR ME. Why settle for anyone who's not perfect FOR ME?

 

Because true perfection is impossible to find. If someone settles for anything less they will end up being single for a LONG time. My own opinion is that too many women are focused on finding the 10s, when they give no consideration to the 9s and 8s.

[carhill]

OP, you ain't gonna change women. If they want 10's, good on em. I don't let their breeze ruffle my hairless head as they blow on by.

 

I have a male friend who's darn near a 10. Perfect in nearly every way. Gorgeous, well-healed, white collar professional, mid-40's, never married. In fact, I don't think he's had a GF for more than a year. Dated some real nice ones too. Bought his first house a couple weeks ago, a nice big one. I'm happy for him

 

He's looking for a 10 too..... know anyone? He skis (and snowmobiles)

[Star Gazer]

Because true perfection is impossible to find. If someone settles for anything less they will end up being single for a LONG time. My own opinion is that too many women are focused on finding the 10s, when they give no consideration to the 9s and 8s.

 

You're not listening.

 

This has nothing to do with being a perfect person, or a 10 or an 8 or anything else about them personally. Rather, it's about who we are TOGETHER. Perfect for ME is quite different than perfect in general.

[Bells]

A few Saturday nights ago, I had a date with a woman I met on-line. We spoke on the phone and she seemed nice, so we decided to meet. We went to a nice restaurant and had a couple drinks at the bar. I got the impression that she was a little stuck up, but despite that, I liked her. In any event, we chatted for about 3 hours about all kinds of things. We were hitting it off pretty well, I think. After the date, she suggested that we get together again soon, which sounded good to me.

 

So the next day I sent her an e-mail thanking her for the date and saying that I looked forward to seeing her again.

 

Here was her response:

 

It was nice meeting you, too. However, I realized that we have more differences than similarities with our interests and ideologies. In addition, skiing is an integral part of my life and that is very important for me to share with someone who is on a similar level. I wish you well with your journey through [the dating website].

 

So I'm disqualified in-part because I don't ski?

 

Seriously -- in your opinion, is that petty or perfectly valid? Just wondering what everyone thinks.

 

Yeah, it's like of like when a Harley babe must date other riders....lame, I know....but life isn't fair.

 

I saw a profile of a woman that was a golfer, same applied to golfing.

 

What's lame is, I'm big into Sci-Fi and stuff, but the woman I date doesn't necessarily have to be into Sci-Fi and other nerdy stuff.

 

Why you ask? Because not many women are into that kind of thing. lol.

 

Back to the Skiing woman, I can't see anyone can afford to go skiing frequently.

 

That means you have to book a hotel, pay money for the hotel, pay for travel, etc etc. That can get quite costly!

[Trialbyfire]

You're not listening.

 

This has nothing to do with being a perfect person, or a 10 or an 8 or anything else about them personally. Rather, it's about who we are TOGETHER. Perfect for ME is quite different than perfect in general.

Exactly!

 

I'm a brunette, you're a blonde. I'm guessing there are men who are interested in you, who aren't interested in me. It's really, really okay!

[fral945]

Because true perfection is impossible to find. If someone settles for anything less they will end up being single for a LONG time. My own opinion is that too many women are focused on finding the 10s, when they give no consideration to the 9s and 8s.

 

While I agree 100%, it's futile to argue with women who have high expectations. They'll either get what they want eventually, live alone the rest of their lives, or lower their standards and settle. Let that woman keep on searching for her perfect man who is 6' tall with dark hair and blue eyes, skis, plays 6 musical instruments, and speaks 4 foreign languages fluently. There are plenty of women out there for you that are less nit picky.

[allina]

I'm curious if/how the OP was going to reply to her. I didn't see him mention anywhere if he was going to or if he was going to just let it go.

 

Not to take this off topic but guys (and girls) whatever you in situations like this, do NOT email back something pissy or insulting, you end up looking psycho and making your date grateful for rejecting you. I think emailing back something like "Ok, take care" is most dignified in this situation.

 

And it looks like not wanting a second date is always a lose-lose situation. If you disappear on the person then you're a coward and jerk for not telling them why, if you kindly explain why, like the woman here then you're a stuck up bitch

[Isolde]

Just my perspective: It's ridiculous not to date someone because they don't participate in your favorite hobby. Compatibility is about values, not about activities. If people share similar values, they can probably learn to participate to some level in each other's favorite activities. It is also true that people with similar lifestyles will tend to have similar hobbies, but this does not necessarily mean they will be compatible.

 

Seriously, it sounds like some people really DO make laundry lists: must ski, must have blue eyes, must eat seafood, must be such-and-such age.

 

My lifestyle includes a lot of "creative" and "solitary" interests, like reading, writing, art, and so on, but that doesn't mean that someone I'm compatible with is necessarily going to participate in them. I WOULD want someone I'm dating to read some of my writing and have some interest in literature and the way it works, but being a writer or knowing what happened in Chapter Ten of Crime and Punishment would not be necessary.

 

I understand some of your perspectives here, but it sounds to me like you might be weeding out people who'd be really fulfilling partners all in the name of superficial (not deep) incompatibilities.

[johan]

Respond and tell her she had something in her teeth the entire time you were out together.