D-Lish Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I used to keep my diary in a hole in the drywall I kept hidden behind a Bon Jovi Poster. I also kept my cigarettes and other stuff there. The maid found it and read it and gave it to my mother... I had been writing about smoking and drinking and other teenage angst ridden stuff. That b**ch maid was the bane of my existance as a teenager... she cleaned my room and snooped and ratted me out to my mother constantly. Teenagers have a right to their privacy. If you snoop... just don't mention it. Your daughter will freak if she knows this happened.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I did that as a teenager. I was intensely private and didn't want to discuss anything with my parents. I wasn't "up to" anything, I was an honor roll kid and kept my nose clean. Like many teens, I was just antisocial with my parents. That in itself does not justify snooping of this kind. Perhaps that's the difference. I wasn't anti-social as a teenager with my parents. Sure, I didn't tell them everything but I can't imagine not talking to them at all. Even as a hormonal teenager, I was pretty tight with both of them.
lkjh Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I could not possibly disagree more. I was not doing drugs or having sex, and my mom read my diary because she suspected I was. Does the fact that other teenagers were doing things they shouldn't give her the right to spy on me? Just because you were not doing anything wrong does not mean other kids aren't. Thats nice that you were a good kid but I was referring to the bulk population not one individual. There is a stat out there that says 1 in 4 boys and 1 in 5 girls under the age of 18 have an std. There are also studies that show that a large amount of minors have used alchol and drugs. This does not make them bad kids because after all most of us have done these things. Personally I don't use drugs but I did drink when I was a kid. Parents have to snoop because kids are not going to come out and admit these things until its to late. Turning a blind eye is not parenting its ingoring.
sunshinegirl Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Just because you were not doing anything wrong does not mean other kids aren't. Thats nice that you were a good kid but I was referring to the bulk population not one individual. There is a stat out there that says 1 in 4 boys and 1 in 5 girls under the age of 18 have an std. There are also studies that show that a large amount of minors have used alchol and drugs. This does not make them bad kids because after all most of us have done these things. Personally I don't use drugs but I did drink when I was a kid. Parents have to snoop because kids are not going to come out and admit these things until its to late. Turning a blind eye is not parenting its ingoring. You're setting up a false choice. Parents don't have to pick between "turning a blind eye" and "snooping". Though I guess I should ask: what's your definition of snooping? Kids who are struggling or getting in trouble in one way or another are going to be leaving all kinds of clues and hints about it. An attentive parent--who is not caught up in the mentality that 'my kid could never do anything wrong'-- will notice the clues as to what's going on with their kids. The kids' teachers notice things; the kid's friends' parents will notice things. As a parent, are you in touch with the other adults in your kid's life? Do you know who your kid's friends are? Etc. etc. There are plenty of ways for parents to gain more info about what's going on in their kids' lives other than stealing and reading their kids' diaries - which IMO crosses the line into snooping.
BentSpine Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 You made several monumental violations of privacy. If you confess and apologise sincerely and she MIGHT forgive you one day. Thing is, except if you have a decent crystal ball there's no way for you to find out what she's doing unless she's willing to tell you herself. And for her to tell you she must trust you first. Reading her diary is a surefire way of preventing her from trusting you in the future. And just like cheating, if you don't confess, the relationship you build will be based on a lie. I think you should contact the mods to have your post deleted.
dns502475 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 When I was growing up it was made CRYSTAL CLEAR that I lived in my PARENTS' HOUSE! My moms and old-dude told me flat-out that my privacy was NOT a right during this age, but rather a PRIVILEGE. And that if I wanted privacy, I could get my own job and my own place, and THEN I could have ALL the privacy I could stand. As I get older, I understand this even more clearly. And, I had A LOT of freedom and autonomy growing up. I didn't have curfews or unreasonable expectations placed upon me, or overbearing parents, etc. None of that kind of stuff at all. This kind of ridiculous attitude towards parenting is why certain kids grow up and commit acts like Columbine or wind up hooked on drugs, and the parents look mortified and stunned and say things like "we had no idea" or "he seemed completely fine"... Whatever. This is YOUR daughter. You're the person who loves her most in the entire world. You're the one who will be there for her through anything. Guess what? Everyone here can give you their opinion and tell you how "you were SO wrong for doing this" but they aren't going to do a D*** THING to help your baby girl when she's in trouble, are they? Nope. You're the authority and the last word when it comes to how you deal with your daughter. Not some strangers on a forum. I would absolutely talk to her. I wouldn't go into the whole diary thing, but I would definitely find a way to bring up relationships and talk to your daughter about heartbreak and loss and how to handle it. This is the kind of stuff that turns children and their parents into "friends" later down the road.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 If you think about interactions with others, no one person likes everyone or is liked by everyone. The same applies to parents and children. Quite often, I find the things that children don't like in their parents, are the things they don't like in themselves. With this in mind, how does a parent, parent, if they don't have a strong communication bond with a child who's retreated within themselves? Sometimes it's just a matter of personality differences. Introvert/extrovert. What matters more? The safety and well-being of your child, or the child's personal privacy? While I have no children, I do know that the safety and well-being of children, trumps all for me.
dns502475 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 If you think about interactions with others, no one person likes everyone or is liked by everyone. The same applies to parents and children. Quite often, I find the things that children don't like in their parents, are the things they don't like in themselves. With this in mind, how does a parent, parent, if they don't have a strong communication bond with a child who's retreated within themselves? Sometimes it's just a matter of personality differences. Introvert/extrovert. What matters more? The safety and well-being of your child, or the child's personal privacy? While I have no children, I do know that the safety and well-being of children, trumps all for me. I totally 100% agree. Trialbyfire is completely right.
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