I read my daughter`s diary .

[Benique]

Yesterday evening my daughter went to her friend to spend a night at hers . I was doing her room when suddenly my eyes stopped at a red notebook . The notebook was laying on the table . I opened it and realized it was my daughter`s diary .

I know,what all of you will tell me. I had no rights to read it,but I couldn`t resist .

I read. I did not sleep the whole night after it .

Here it is :

 

 

My Darling Friend,

I am calling you a "Friend" as 'friends forever' we were ,

lovers may depart or break up ,

but friends forever would not ,should not ever ..

 

However something had happened between us,we broke up .

In the middle of October you sent me words that shattered my soul to the deepest most ...

Yet now I cannot tell what that really was ,why you had to do that to make me feel so down,so low,so worst of everything and all ..

I would not ever care if it was done by someone other,but done by you ,it hurt me like hell .

 

I told you once I love you like a daughter loves dad ,

yes,

I love you like a mom loves her baby ,

I still do ,

but no one will see it,you will not ever know ,as my diary will hide this between its papers for eternity, I know .

 

Your friend told me ,you were feeling a s*cker . I am sorry for that . I did not ever want you to feel like that .

...

I felt same .I felt same s*Cker and *refuse* as you had been feeling recently,my Friend. You made me feel that .

I still do not know why ..

I got deeply confused and so frustrated ..

"why?"

"what for?"

 

You knew I was in such a deep love with you . This love cant be shattered or destroyed by anything ,you knew..

But the humiliation you made me feel was too deep . I will never forget that day you made me feel this ..

It was a deepest pain,the deepest pain I had ever had . All was crashed . My trust was crushed ..

I know , you were feeling not good either last two months ..

Now you know how I felt .

 

Now you know the feeling ..

 

...you will never ever meet a girl so Committed and so Faithful like me ,as I am to you . You will never ever be loved the way I love you, you should know that . It`s not a curse .. Noway . The only 'spell' I may say of you will always be Blessing ,Blessing and Blessing for you . How can I curse you ? That wont ever happen as the love , even 'love' is a weak word ,

I feel towards you , is too deep . It`s a Cosmic Love,when one just wishes The Best ,The Best of All and Everything to the Beloved ..

 

 

...now you know how it feels to be * a refuse* . Now you know what it is to get it all in your face . Now you know . Now you understand How exactly I felt when you threw those words to me ..

I wanted you to know this what I felt .

 

 

...I will never ask anything .U know me . Its me and cannot help . Even these words will be forever left in my diary ..

but I will have been sending big amounts of love straight from my heart to your my soul -as your soul is mine,and my soul is yours , I will believe in this till the end of my life ,even if you are never back - and you will feel that love ,that you are loved and you are loved very deeply and truly ,my Friend.

 

I wish you the best .

Now we both learnt a lesson .

You learnt yours,

I learnt mine.

I love you as a daughter loves dad,

I love you as a mom loves her baby,

I love you incredibly deeply ,

I love you the most of all,

You are the one and the only one ,who once became my ALL .

I wish you the best whether you are back or not .

It`s up to you .

Now we both learnt our own lessons . You- yours, me - mine .

Perhaps we needed to learn .

I wish you the best .

I love you the deepest way one ever can ."

 

 

 

It is the letter I read . I should not ,but it came my way . My daughter is still at her friend`s,she will stay there for a day else at least .

I need some advices from parents how they would behave in this situation . She does nt talk to me about anything , she simply is avoiding any meetings with me even crossing ways in our house .

Thank you in advance .Please,help .

[Faded]

Don't do anything. Don't even hint that you read it.

 

She will become more distant and probably hate you for invading her privacy.

 

If she needs help, she will seek it. I never told my parents when I was that age yearsss ago.

[FF84]

Reading it was bad enough, but publishing your daughters diary on a public internet forum is even worse.

 

Perhaps she doesn't talk to you because she knows she can't trust you? Sorry if that's harsh, but take a look at yourself here.

[lady_door]

Reading it was bad enough, but publishing your daughters diary on a public internet forum is even worse.

 

Exactly what I was gonna say.

[Benique]

Thank you for your responses .

Internet Forum like this one is the only place I could publish it asking for an advice and help .

I can`t tell this anyone IRL . So I aksed here .

My daughter does not come to such forums. She actually prefers papers rather than blogs and forums,rarely on net if at all .

 

I know,it was not right I published,but I had to share with anyone .

 

I will never tell her or even hint , she will hide herself even more than once I do this ..

 

 

Are there any ways to ease her life or should I leave her alone with her feelings and thoughts ?

[BikerBeagle]

As a parent myself, I would have to second the suggestion that you do nothing at all about this. I'm guessing your daughter is 14-17? It's an awkward age for the child/parent relationship.

 

She needs to learn how to deal with these things herself ...and it looks to me like she's doing a pretty decent job of it by using her diary. Unless she starts experiencing severe symptoms of depression or suicidal tendencies, I'd just let her handle this on her own. It's good experience for her.

[Citizen Erased]

I suggest you never read her diary again and never mention this to anyone. She has every right to privacy and you have violated that. I can understand the temptation but it's still wrong.

 

My dad did this to me once. The fires of hell that came down on his head ensured he never made that mistake again, at least not to my knowledge. It made me feel horrible, still does. To have anyone know my most secret thoughts, it made me feel ashamed, sad, angry, you name it.

 

It's just not cool is my point.

[sunshinegirl]

Thank you for your responses .

Internet Forum like this one is the only place I could publish it asking for an advice and help .

I can`t tell this anyone IRL . So I aksed here .

My daughter does not come to such forums. She actually prefers papers rather than blogs and forums,rarely on net if at all .

 

I know,it was not right I published,but I had to share with anyone .

 

I will never tell her or even hint , she will hide herself even more than once I do this ..

 

 

Are there any ways to ease her life or should I leave her alone with her feelings and thoughts ?

 

Ugh. Give me a break, you would have gotten the same advice without publishing your daughter's diary. Really, don't act like your hands are tied and you HAD to do this. You have violated her privacy twice now - or, actually, three times: (1) You read her diary while cleaning her room. Bad. (2) You read it again in order to type it onto the computer. Right? That was too long to memorize. Bad. (3) Despite saying you knew it was wrong for YOU to read her diary but you have have now also shown your daughter's diary to an unknown number of total strangers. Say it with me: bad.

 

If you want more open lines of communication with your daughter, start by respecting her and her boundaries. As others have said, never ever ever read it again, no matter how much you are tempted to.

[sedgwick]

My mother read my diary when I was in high school and it was one of the most devastating things that ever happened to me. I'm 37 now and I still remember it, and how much it hurt, and how it damaged any trust that existed between us for a long, long time.

 

If I found out she had also posted excerpts on the internet (had it existed at that time), I would have been HORRIFIED, and I'm horrified now on your daughter's behalf. What you've done here is one of the most evil and damaging things you could ever have done to her, period, end of story.

[Diamonds&Rust]

Also, it seems fit to mention with all the (deserved) jeers at you reading the diary: it doesn't seem like she's in trouble.

 

She has a penchant for the dramatic and is using writing as a way of coping with loss. This is healthy. She expressed no suicidal ideation (which in and of itself is also normal) and nothing about the diary entry would make anyone alarmed.

 

The feeling you're really dealing with is a bizarre form of emotional betrayal, and it's not warranted. You and the diary serve different roles for her. Please take our advice and never, ever do that again.

[FindingMyselfAgain]

It is the letter I read . I should not ,but it came my way . My daughter is still at her friend`s,she will stay there for a day else at least .

I need some advices from parents how they would behave in this situation . She does nt talk to me about anything , she simply is avoiding any meetings with me even crossing ways in our house .

Thank you in advance .Please,help .

 

Here's your help: You had no right to read that. Therefore, you should behave as if you did not. Put it out of your mind. Forget it.

 

You have wronged your daughter. The way to make amends is to not repeat it, and not mention it.

[FindingMyselfAgain]

Of course, I could demonstrate the problem better by giving you contrarian advice:

 

"What you did was spectacular! In fact, I would immediately announce that you looked at the diary to your daughter. It is best if you say this with a demeaning sneer. Then bring her over to the computer, and show her that you posted the entire thing to a website you put up called www.WhatAFreakinLoserMyDaughterIs.com, and show her that you have gotten many of her friends to come over and make snide remarks.

 

Then slap her around a little. The b***h deserves it."

[Lizzie60]

Whhoooaa people.. give her a break..

 

I don't know why you read her diary.. I know it's tempting when it's right there...

 

What if she would be depressed and talk about suicide in her diary.. I think you would have had different responses..

 

I didn't read the whole thing 'carefully" but I doubt she's in trouble right now.. it is healthy that, at least, she puts her feelings in writing.. a diary is one of the best 'tool' for a teenager..

 

My daughter kept one from the time she could write.. up to her 20s.. I'm not sure if she's still writing in it.. she probably has 'boxes and boxes' full of notebooks.. she wrote every day when she was travelling around the world..

 

If I were you, I wouldn't say anything.. just be her support if she ever needs support... make it clear to her that she can count on you for anything.. and leave it at that.

 

ps... I would probably have done the same thing..

[laRubiaBonita]

Whhoooaa people.. give her a break..

 

I don't know why you read her diary.. I know it's tempting when it's right there...

 

What if she would be depressed and talk about suicide in her diary.. I think you would have had different responses..

 

I didn't read the whole thing 'carefully" but I doubt she's in trouble right now.. it is healthy that, at least, she puts her feelings in writing.. a diary is one of the best 'tool' for a teenager..

 

My daughter kept one from the time she could write.. up to her 20s.. I'm not sure if she's still writing in it.. she probably has 'boxes and boxes' full of notebooks.. she wrote every day when she was travelling around the world..

 

If I were you, I wouldn't say anything.. just be her support if she ever needs support... make it clear to her that she can count on you for anything.. and leave it at that.

 

ps... I would probably have done the same thing..

 

i would have read it too!! if you leave it out it's fair game.... and i bet her daughter learns to hide things!

 

i think diaries are dumd because it always leads to trouble.... someone always reads it at some point.....

[Lizzie60]

Nooo.. I don't think they're dumb.. I think, in some cases, it's good self-therapy.

[Trialbyfire]

Benique, all teenagers and many twenty-something girls are drama central. I don't see anything worth being concerned, that needs to be addressed with her.

 

On the otherhand, I'm not her mother. You know your daughter best. What do you see within those words that you feel needs some action taken on your part?

[wierdmunky]

Wow if I found out my own mom posted my most inner private feelings for the world to see I would for sure have a lot more to write about in my diary (titled: anger, hurt, humiliation from my mom). For me that would be like me telling her a secret I would have a hard time saying in the first place, and her then making flyers out of it. I wouldn't tell her that you read it - and posted it. I don't think she would be ready for that since she already has some feelings she can't express out loud, and then having to deal with that right back. I agree with everyone on pretending like it never happened. This would definitely not be fun for her to find out. It might not be a huge deal for you, but this is someone else, imagine yourself - at that age, and not with the brain you have right now. If there was an issue to deal with (which it doesn't sound like) I would stick to the issue, no diary involved.

[lkjh]

People really need to calm down. In a time where drugs and std's run wild it is perfectly ok for a parent to INVADE their CHILDS privacy. Your kids need parenting not someone who treats them like an adult and ignores their problems. If children were capable of parenting themselves then they wouldn't need adult supervision. With that said it does not seem like your daughter is in trouble so I would just wait and see.

[lkjh]

I have to agree that is wa pretty dumb to post her diary online. You should contact LS and see if they can take it off.

[sedgwick]

In a time where drugs and std's run wild it is perfectly ok for a parent to INVADE their CHILDS privacy.

 

I could not possibly disagree more. I was not doing drugs or having sex, and my mom read my diary because she suspected I was. Does the fact that other teenagers were doing things they shouldn't give her the right to spy on me?

[Trialbyfire]

I'm quite torn about this issue.

 

On one hand, the thought of parents invading something as private as a diary, disturbs me.

 

On the otherhand, I look at kids who've committed suicide on the Internet and wonder where the parents were, while this was happening within the sanctuary of the teenager's bedroom.

 

I think that parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

 

If their child lives with them, I think the parents have the right to invade, if they have a strong belief or concern that there's something wrong, considering how uncommunicative and secretive, teenagers can be.

 

I suspect I would throw out my belief in the right to privacy for any child I had, if I were concerned about anything serious, like hard drugs, suicide or an alcohol problem. Beyond that, I would maintain privacy.

[sunshinegirl]

The OP mentions no concerns about or issues with her daughter that led her to seek out the diary to find out what's going on (which is still questionable in my book). She was cleaning the girl's room and 'happened upon' her daughter's diary.

 

She was a snoop, plain and simple. And she violated her child's privacy three times in the process. I'm pretty peeved at the mother's behavior.

[Trialbyfire]

I need some advices from parents how they would behave in this situation . She does nt talk to me about anything , she simply is avoiding any meetings with me even crossing ways in our house .

 

Here's the part that would concern me, if I were a parent.

[sunshinegirl]

Here's the part that would concern me, if I were a parent.

 

I did that as a teenager. I was intensely private and didn't want to discuss anything with my parents. I wasn't "up to" anything, I was an honor roll kid and kept my nose clean. Like many teens, I was just antisocial with my parents.

 

That in itself does not justify snooping of this kind.

[whichwayisup]

I think it was a big mistake to post your daughters private thoughts on a public forum. Bad enough that you read her diary, and now you just have to push it out of your head and not look at it again. It's not like you can talk to her about this as she'll be very upset and feel hurt that you snooped.

 

What you CAN do is, bond with her. Make her feel special and loved. Go out to a movie together, take her shopping, something fun that will put a smile to her face. If she isn't a talker, just let her know you love her, and will always be there for her no matter what. Maybe she'll open up one day, when she is ready to.