Wuth Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Ok... This is a long story. But I need advice. My ex girlfriend broke up with me three months ago. We had been having troubles over the past summer, because I lied to her about sleeping with another girl. Ok... let me explain. We had taken a break in January this year coming off of two years of dating. We had been through everything together, we were each other's first love and I never thought we'd ever seperate... well, never seperate for love. Ugh. Well, January came around and we had gone through a bad december- my family was absolutely wearing on us, and she was just simply too bored with me. I was depressed all the time, for reasons I still don't understand, and it because too much for her to handle. She wanted a break. We talked about it. Then she didn't want the break- I did. I wanted to see her squirm. So we broke up. Now, what happens next I'm not particularly proud of. An old highschool crush came down to visit a friend of mine at our college. At least, I thought this girl was coming for him. She came for me however. And we slept together after a night of sweet talking on her part. It all sounded so sweet. But after thinking over things, I realized what it was. She was simply desperate for love and she had come to me because, well, she remembered how much i liked her in high school. This ended up being confirmed later, but for now I decided to cover up the affair from my girlfriend. I hid it for two weeks, then Julie, my ex, was alerted by a friend of mine. She was extremely upset with me. After only a week I'd found someone new. I felt awful... But I continued to talk to Kelsey. I thought it was all absolutely broken. Well, turns out it wasn't. I eventually broke it off completely with Kelsey, the girl I slept with. She understood and it was left behind. I never completely came clean about talking to her for so long with Julie though. Me and Julie talked from time to time, and I kept my hopes up that we'd eventually get back together. I thought I'd wait for Summer, however, as we'd actually be able to be together then. Ok, here's where things get complicated: a few weeks before the end of the semester, I go to see Julie. She crys to me, and tells me she wants to get back together. She missed me, forgives me, and well... yeah. But she comes clean about sleeping with three other men. I was hurt, and I walked away from her that night. But I came back a week later to see her. I had thought it over, it was time to try again. But when I get there, she is distant. She thinks it's over. I can't work up the courage to ask her back out. I say, "Lets wait til the week..." That monday, I contact her, she tells me why she was behaving like that: she found someone else. Ok, this is guy number three. Long story short, I get her back for the summer. I manage to manuever back into her life, quite ungracefully. I just tried to show her that I cared... But I still never came clean about talking to Kelsey. And other girls had talked to me over the semester as well, but I never so much as hung out with any of them. As the summer starts, she refuses to say we're dating, but we hang out all the time. As we keep seeing each other she starts to fall back in with me. We never officially become bf and gf, we just kind of start calling each other that about halfway through the summer. We have fun, but she doesn't trust me one bit. After speaking with people, hijacking my facebook, and just being generally nosy, she finds out I talked to Kelsey longer than I first mentioned. This breaks things further and even though we stay together, she never really bounces back. This continues into the new semester. She comes to my college to go to school with me, and meets her new roommate. Her room mate dumps her longtime bf for a frat guy. Julie begins pressuring me that she is unhappy. I start losing hope... And slowly I lose energy. As things get worse, however, I try harder. I try to be caring. It fails. After fighting for the relationship, I give up, she leaves, and begins dating the guy she dated right before summer. This lasts a few weeks, she even invites him down to school. They sleep together. I'm crushed. She did to me what I did to her. I now know full well how she must have felt. I just lose control. I'm so demoralized after all the work I did the past year goes to waste that I find it difficult to function. The next time we speak is in october. She contacts me, and she's broken it off with the guy. We hang out over halloween, sleep together twice, and she decides to imagine it never happened out of the blue. After trying me again, she has decided to keep doing what she has been doing. It gets worse for me, however. She starts hanging out with her room mate and her frat boy bf more. Here, she meets her current BF. I have no idea what happens in between now and thanksgiving. Thanksgiving comes. We speak to one another over break, see each other, and she tells me she regrets ever breaking up with me! She says she still loves me, but now it's too late to go back. I tell her I don't think I could just take her back after how badly she has hurt me, but I still loved her. I'd take her back if she'd work with me. She tells me she was sorry for not trying before, over the summer. She says she hardly tried, and regretted it. We agree to keep not speaking to one another. She tells me... the last thing she tells me... she was asked out by another man. Again, her current BF. I ask if she'd take him back, she says she doesn't know, but she wanted to take a break from men. I leave believing she still loves me. Two weeks ago. Julie tels me that she is now dating him. I get angry and tell her I don't plan on speaking to her again. Not after all this. This week. We are both back home. We speak online. I... I don't know what to do. Julie says she still loves me, but she is afraid of leaving behind her new friends to date me again. I understand. I just can't stand that I still care about her so much. I absolutely love this girl. I am willing to move on, truly, but I don't want to leave her behind knowing she still cares. You see, we have talked all week. I have told her I still care, and that I can't just walk away knowing we have all these feelings. She is now confused. She thought she was over me, but she doesn't know. I hoped that the time apart might have changed things. I've gone to therapy the past semester, hoping to repair the damage done to my own psyche, and I have rebuilt my self asteem and tried my best to fix the things I disliked about myself. I am completely retooled, and I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. I had hoped that would matter. but she doesn't believe I've changed that much. She's worried about jumping back into a relationship with me. Julie is not that into this guy. Well, from what she has told me. This... This seems like so much to jot down. So much to organize. What she's said: - She is afraid to give up the frat boy gf lifestyle - She is afraid to leave her friends for me - She still loves me - Her roommate might be breaking it off with the frat guy she's dating, which would mean she'd most likely break it off with her bf. That's if it happens. - She worries she/I haven't changed enough, or that she/I has changed to much - She doesn't know what to do or what she wants - And me rushing for the frat is not a good idea, as then things would just be weird. I agree, actually. - She wants to keep me close... but doesn't know if she's ready for the relationship. I think this means, keep me attached while she sleeps with the frat guy. What I'm thinking: - If she loved me, would it not be worth giving me another chance? - Am I still not good enough for her? Is all the work I've done wasted on her? - Is it worth repairing if I care for her so much? My personal belief is that this feeling I have, love, is simply too large or important to give up on. - I'm going to rush another frat next semester, in order to meet more people. I never thought I'd do that, but it seems worth it. Regardless of how julie feels about that, I'm doing it, but I thought maybe she'd be more interested if I proved I had more to offer - I started working out to improve my body image... At least I have that. - I can't stand by while Julie dates this guy. I just can't. It is utterly too painful. I'm trying not to force julie into anything, but after all the talking we've done, I can't ignore that she is dating this guy. - I wanted to get her a Christmas present. Here's my idea: I was going to buy her Twilight, the book, but then write a love note in the book. I was going to write a lengthy love note, then break it into chuncks and hide them in parts of the book so she's have to read the book to find them all. When she read them they'd make a big note that pretty much told her how I felt exactly. Is this too much? So... Yeah. I need advice. Can I get her back? Do you think she even still cares? Should I get her the gift? If I can keep fighting, should I? Or should I stop and save myself the trouble.
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