Goatsbreath Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 My gf broke up with me around thanksgiving. We live together but she is in the process of finding a new place. Sometimes she comes home at night, sometimes she don't. Ive tried to deal with this the best I could but being we live together and all her stuff is here we cross paths regardless. Unable to initiate no contact in the true sense I have been a mess. I have broken down in front of her many times. I always think I will have the script, what I will say, what she will say but she never follows a word of it. I know she has expressed a interest in someone at work, a married man that has two kids and is currently seperated from his wife. At first she claimed they were just friends talking about their problems but I know she has stayed over there. She also expressed wanting to still be something but without labels. She wants no strings suddenly after two years. So, last night she text me on my way home during work in a snow storm. She says, "are you ok, in a form of shelter and safe." I text her back and said not yet. Then she calls me. She says shes at the apartment and here if I need her. So I get home and make dinner and being nice I make some for her. Then she tells me she fell today in the snow and somehow I end up giving her a massage on her rear where she fell. At this point I decide to see what she will allow. I massage her for around 10 minutes and take her pants off and continue. At some point she turns on her back and so I massage her legs and thighs around her underwear. She lets this go for a while, I didnt touch her directly but it was sexual. So then she pretends to wake up, what happen to my pants she says. Then turns away as she gets them and pretends she was sleeping. She says the massage felt good but this feels inappropriate now and acts as if she didn't know I took her pants off. I ask her where her feelings are and she says they are now at a friends level. A week ago she was saying she just needs some time, that I needed to back off for a bit and the more I questioned her the more she wanted to push me away. Apparently I questioned her to much because now she says she only feels friends and how can she feel more after the way I acted. Very jealous I guess, waiting for her outside the apartment when she got home from work. A few times she would just be in the car on her phone. I looked in her backpack a few times. I also questioned her like crazy. I did everything wrong but she really hurt me and it felt like it was in my face because I could not put her away in a box and shove it in the closet. Its in my face all the time. Anyway, what is with the other night. What kind of game is that?
EmperorR Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Seems like she is just playing games with you, and damn I don't know how you do it, I would go insane if my ex still lived with me but broke up with me.
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 Yeah, running the gambit of emotions and looking at all her stuff I feel like she is being horribly inconsiderate of my feelings. We have such a history, over 12 years but only 2 dating and I never thought she would do this to me. I hate that she has seen almost all my attempts to cope. She has seen destroyed, pathetic, begging, distant, cold, angry, nice, and then some. I'm starting to feel like I'm playing a game. Like what face should I put on today if shes around.
norajane Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Like what face should I put on today if shes around. How about no face? Do you have anywhere you can go for a while, a friend or family to stay with? Don't you have Christmas shopping or holiday parties to go to? Don't be waiting around for her to show up at the apartment. Or the "it's time for you to find an apartment and move out" face? Thanksgiving was weeks ago. It doesn't take that long to find an apartment. She should already have a lease for January. Why doesn't she? Has she even started collecting boxes and packing stuff up?
LouiseC Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 I know where you're coming from and I feel for you - my ex lives here too. He's going to find somewhere after Xmas. Mine's already got someone else and he did start going out late, but I put a stop to it. I told him out of respect for me and what we had for over 3 and a half years, please just be normal until after new year - and normal for him is coming home after work! He's agreed, so hopefully we'll be fine until then. I just can't wait til Christmas is done now!
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 I know where you're coming from and I feel for you - my ex lives here too. He's going to find somewhere after Xmas. Mine's already got someone else and he did start going out late, but I put a stop to it. I told him out of respect for me and what we had for over 3 and a half years, please just be normal until after new year - and normal for him is coming home after work! He's agreed, so hopefully we'll be fine until then. I just can't wait til Christmas is done now! Well, we had the same understanding. At least wait to throw it in my face until you are moved out but now she just don't care. We just had a huge argument about it this morning as I saw her packing extra cloths in a backpack while on her way to work. I blew up and we exchanged nasty words but now I feel a little better and I know I can focus on recovery for myself. In the past I kept holding on to a little thread of hope. I have to let that thread go.
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