SarahT111 Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Hey there Im here asking for your advice on my situation. My life has been really rocked by breakups. I am only 20 and have had two major breakups. Both have pushed me over the edge. My life hasn't been the same since the breakup from my first love one year ago. I am no longer happy. My mother finally got me to a doctor who diagonised me with depression. She wants me to talk to someone and also to go on anti depressents. Heres where I want advice. Do you think anti depressents are truly the answer when going through a breakup? I feel kind of embarrased, almost like a failure. So many people breakup and move on but I just cant seem to and now im stuck in a depression. Why am I like this? Why do I get hurt SO bad that I become severely depressed and lose all will to live? I just feel like ive failed myself and everyone else for letting this happen. I haven't told anyone besides my mum as I dont think they would understand. If you meet me you would think I am one of the happiest and confident people out there. But its all fake. I remember my last bf having a conversations about antidepressents saying he didnt believe in them and you cant go running to them everytime something goes wrong. Im worried what him and everyone else will think if they find out. I dont want to be like this, I want to be happy again. Is there anyone out there who can advise me on this?
orangehose Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Seems like everyone's having a bad spell around this time - maybe it IS the holidays. Regarding antidepressants: Some people will disagree with me, but I think if you're REALLY down in the dumps, to the point that it's interfering with your daily functioning, then do yourself a favor and give them a try, along with talking to a therapist. I don't have personal experience with these meds, but if I felt I had "lost all will to live", as you describe, I wouldn't hesitate to try them. Ignore the people who accuse you of taking the 'easy' road out - instead pat yourself on the back for recognizing your needs. You WILL be happy again. It does take work, but don't give up!
smiiiley Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Sarah, I feel how you're feeling...well not sure how you;re feeling exactly but i feel STRAIGHT UP MISERABLE and its just a terrible place to be in emotionally..I thought about "anti-depressants" and therapists and even getting away for awhile...but at the end of the day i feel like i would STILL come back to THIS...my problem is not having him and nothing i do will change that...it feels like a problem with no solution and although i do want to live and am very thankful to be healthy and everything...i am living with so much pain and i just cannot seem to get over my ex...i dont know what advice i would give you, i'm sorry i'm feeling depressed out of my mind...but just wanted to post here to let you know that i'm here for you and that you're not alone in your hurting.
PinkToes Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Hi Sarah, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are definitely not alone, but I know that doesn't really help when you are in so much pain. You are definitely not a failure, and reaching out for help is one of the most courageous things you can do. The thing about antidepressants that some people don't realize is that if your brain doesn't need them -- if there isn't a chemical imbalance that needs to be fixed -- they simply won't work. They are not a 'happy pill' and they are not a cop-out for when you can't handle the stresses of daily living. If your brain needs the medication, there is almost nothing you can do to get around that. There are other things than can help you feel less depressed -- exercise, talking to someone, a healthy lifestyle, for example. But sometimes that just isn't enough. And it is not an indication that you have failed or that you aren't trying hard enough to feel better. It's just reality. A painful breakup is one of the things that can 'trigger' a major depression. You may have a family history that makes you more prone to it, or it may come out of nowhere. But depression that lingers or makes you feel like you can barely cope with life is not the same as the pain (or even short-term depression) of a breakup. Antidepressants are not a shortcut through the pain of loss. But they can help you get your feet back under you. If your body needs this type of medication -- in the same way a diabetic needs insulin -- what you will feel is a stronger sense of yourself, and your ability to cope. You will feel like a 'normal' person who is grieving, not a helpless, hopeless mass of constant darkness and pain. You will still go through all the stages of grief. The difference is that you will go through it, and come out the other side. If your doctor is recommending antidepressants, I would take her advice. You may have to try a couple of different medications before something works. And some of the newer ones take effect fairly quickly -- sometimes within a week or so. Also the newer ones tend to have fewer side effects. But on the chance that what you are going through really is depression, and not just a painful breakup, I think it is definitely worth a try. And as I said, if your body doesn't need them, they won't do anything. Sarah, you will find your way out of this darkness, I promise you that. You are not a failure. You deserve to be happy; you deserve to feel that you have something to look forward to, and that you will not always feel so stuck in shades of black. And if you decide to give the medications a go, your family and friends don't even need to know. Stay strong, and please keep posting. You'll get there.
Author SarahT111 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks for that response. It really helped. Actually my family does have a history of depression and I want to steer clear of that! The way I have been feeling has been going on for a year now I split from my first ex in dec 07 and life hasn't been the same since. The massive hurt had gone but an underlying depression has set in. I used to be one of the happiest people out there but I just cant seem to get back there. I cry almost everyday now and my heart aches constantly. I hardly eat or sleep anymore and I just feel like I dont want to be here I feel totally unlovable and completely worthless. I finally decided last night after crying all night long that I cant go on like this and I went for help. I originally wanted to stay away from antidepressents as im scared il become addicted or something but my doctor reccomended trying half a pill a day just to see how it goes. Im also getting refered to a counciller. I spent the entire time in the doctors surgery just crying my eyes out for no reason! The poor doctor didnt know what to do!! I do feel like a failure I feel mad that Ive let this happen, that im not strong enough to handle things myself. I feel so ashamed that my ex had pushed me to this. He wins, carries on his happy life with his new gf while here I am admiting defeat finally and being diagonised with depression. I just hope he never finds out I would reccomend to everyone to really fix the pain from their breakups and not to try and rush things as this is the result. The HUGE pain goes and you think you are over it but deep down a depression sets in and hits you when something small goes wrong. I tried to rush the pain by finding someone else to fill the gap. It worked but this is the result. Sitting here admitting ultimate defeat.
PinkToes Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Hey there, I am soooo glad you're getting help. The happy person you were before all of this happened is still in there, and hopefully the antidepressants will help you find your way back to her. Seriously, I am so proud of you for taking that step. Now, the one thing I want you to realize is this: You didn't 'let it happen' and it has nothing to do with your not being strong enough. Trust me on this. If you were diagnosed with cancer, would you refuse medical treatment because you thought you ought to be able to handle it by yourself? This is no different. Deciding that you don't want to live in such pain anymore is the smart thing to do. And no matter how much it hurts inside, to go to the doctor and ask for help tells me that you're a fighter. And that's how I absolutely know you're going to get through this!
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