Going on 3 weeks NC-sort of

[Joker77]

Hey guys, I'm a newbie and I apologize beforehand since this will be an extremely long thread. My girlfriend of almost six months broke up with me two and a half weeks ago. She is a single mom who has an 8 year old daughter who I completely fell in love with. I have known her for two years since we both started working for the same company the same day. We both work in different locations. She apparently had wanted to date me since she met me but she was finalizing a divorce (her second) and I was in a relationship that was fizzling out. Her second husband left her in debt and told her after the divorce was final that he cheated on her. We finally got together over this past summer and things just took off. We were inseperable. About two months into the relationship, she started talking about moving in together. I thought it was a bit fast, but I kind of went along with it. Mistake number 1. About the first week of October, she told me that she felt things were going too fast with the moving in together thing and that we should slow down. I told her that if she didn't want to be in the relationship, we should split. This is my way of protecting myself. She got upset and said she didn't want to end anything, she just wanted to slow down. I was fine with that. About a month later, we went over to her dad's house to meet him for the first time. I could tell something wasn't right with her. When we got back to her place, I asked her about it. She said nothing was wrong, but after a bit of prodding, she said that was overwhelmed by the relationship and that she needed space. Again, I told her that if it was too much, we should split. She started crying and she told me she didn't want to cry in front of her daughter so I left. The next day, she texted me saying that she didn't want us to end and that she loved me. Me being the idiot I am, came back and didn't try and address the issues. I was just happy she came around because I love her so much.

 

About two weeks later, she flaked out again. She said she didn't know what she wanted and that she was having trouble financially. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong. The next day she called me like everything was great. The next two weeks were awesome. It was like the beginning all over again. She and her daughter got sick one of those weeks and I took care of them by going to the store and getting them some things for their illness. On Thanksgiving, she wanted me to go to meet some more of her relatives. She was kind of quiet but I didn't think much about it. She was very touchy feely with me and I thought everything was fine. Apparently it wasn't. Her daugher decided to stay at her cousin's so me and the girlfriend got some alone time together. We went to my girlfriend's and started fooling around. In the meantime, the tv was on and the movie Juno was playing. My girlfriend was acting very weird and I asked her what was wrong. She said that she wasn't on the pill for the past two weeks (which I had no idea) and that the movie was freaking her out about getting pregnant. She said we had sex for the past two weeks without her being on the pill, although I wore a condom. I told her it was ok and we stopped. I ended up going home and we talked one time the next day for about 15 minutes. Everything seemed ok. We didn't talk at all with the exception of texting on Saturday. That was the first time in almost six months we didn't actually talk on the phone. Sunday, she texted me to say that she was sorry we didn't hang out but she didn't feel like it. I told her not to apologize and that I loved her. About two hours later she responded that she knew I did, but she was having a tough time being in a relationship right now. That freaking hurt. I texted her back to tell her I was bowing out gracefully. As I thought about it, I felt I deserved at least a phone call or a face to face ending. She wouldn't answer her phone. About 30 minutes later she called me. She said that it wasn't me, it was her. That just upset me. I told her that I was an adult. We are both 31 years old. I told her to tell me the truth. I asked her if it was another guy. She adamantly said no. She said that was the last thing on her mind. She said that she had just gotten divorced in February and that she couldn't pretend to be happy around me when she wasn't. She said she was having financial problems which she wouldn't talk about. She said her daughter's father was threatening her everyday that he was going to kill her. She said her family couldn't figure out why she was doing this to me. She said that I didn't deserve it at all. When I asked her if I should wait, she told me not to. That felt like a kick in the testacles. With that, I told her that I couldn't talk to her anymore because it hurt and to leave my stuff in a bag outside her door. She did. About a week later, I caved in and texted her. I told her I wouldn't pretend to know what was she was going through and that if she ever wanted to talk I was there for her and would always be her friend. She texted me right back and said it meant a lot and was glad I wanted to be her friend. This really sucks because I care about her and her daughter so much. I miss her and want her back but I know any contact I attempt will just screw up any chance I have of getting her back. I'm afraid I won't hear from her again and that she will meet some piece of crap who will treat her and her daugher badly. Anyone have any advice?

[SRV]

-Sorry for what you are going through.

-Seems like she is really not over her ex-husband.

-She will treat you the way you let her treat you.

-You gave her an inch, she will take a yard then a mile.

-She knows that you will always be there for her from her treatment.

-You have relegated yourself to the "friendzone."

-I would move on in regards to this relationship to someone who truly knows what they want in life and from a relationship.

-You said that this was her second divorce, from the way she is treating you, there is a pattern on behavior. Red flag, look out for it.

[Joker77]

-Sorry for what you are going through.

-Seems like she is really not over her ex-husband.

-She will treat you the way you let her treat you.

-You gave her an inch, she will take a yard then a mile.

-She knows that you will always be there for her from her treatment.

-You have relegated yourself to the "friendzone."

-I would move on in regards to this relationship to someone who truly knows what they want in life and from a relationship.

-You said that this was her second divorce, from the way she is treating you, there is a pattern on behavior. Red flag, look out for it.

 

Thanks I appreciate it. It just sucks because of her daughter. She doesn't have a positive male influence in her life since her actual dad really makes no effort to see her. The kid loved me and I love her.

[Joker77]

What makes this situation worse is Saturday is my birthday. Two weeks before she broke up with me, she wanted to go to the hockey game for my bday so I got us a couple of tickets. I'll try and have fun either way. I feel so freaking stupid.