stuckinoz Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Wow.......I thought that the holidays would be hard... But not this hard. How do you get thru the first one? (And we will be spending it at the house that I moved out of)
2sure Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Stuck! Hi again. I'm sorry , I didnt realize you had moved out. I cant help but feel glad you made the decision. I was just telling another poster how everything - good and bad - is SO magnified by the family holiday and the coming new year. Seperation at holiday must be the hardest, regardless of knowing you are doing the right thing. This magnification of everything has sent me into a relapse of grief over my husbands infidelity. I was doing great! Suddenly, I was overcome with gried, anger, hopelessness...and nothing had happened or changed - except the season. We have to try just for the next 2 weeks to keep breathing and moving forward . Put as much of the dark feelings as you can away - you can look at them again on Jan. 2. (in a new light I think). But yeah - XMas in your broken home sucks...there is no cheerful upside to that.
wisebutnotperfect Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Just reach out for all of the hugs that you can gather in. Holidays for me has become more about seeing smiles from the little ones. make sure that the kids remain aware of your love to them and how much their love means to you. treasure the relationships that are GOOD in your life and try and be thankful that the negativity that surrounded you and your family last year is slowly removing itself from your life.
Author stuckinoz Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 It is especially difficult when your husband (like mine) is having a hard time too & says things like.....I miss you, I love you & We Belong Together....which is making me second guess. Although today I did answer those words with "We will discuss this at another time, I think that come January 3rd you will feel differently"... I am finding myself near tears just at seeing 2 people in a grocery store holding hands. Silly, Possibly. Right now I feel like the little engine that could.....repeating over & over again...Just get thru Christmas, Just Get thru Christmas..... And, we will all be spending Christmas Eve & Day together at the house I moved out of. Very Difficult Time.........And I know that there are lots & lots of us out there in this very same boat.
skinman Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 I feel for you all...this will be my first Christmas alone in almost 20 years...To think for the past 15 years I have woke up with my wife and family... seeing the joy in my daughters eyes as they sneak down to peak at what they got... well not this year....... I will be alone while they do what we used to do..... it breaks my heart... will they think of me ??? will they even miss me ?? I wish you all the best... Be strong and and know that even though your alone.... your not alone.
ReeWoo Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 it sucks during the holidays. The only bright spot is to think of where you want to be this time next year - don't think about how bad it is now, think about how bad it has been and how much better it will become -- or just think about how bad it has been and don't think about the future. Good luck,
peteyj Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 This will be the first. For the past 7 or so years I was either married to my wife or was dating her. We went to my family, her family, them we moved out west and then spent time together by ourselves cause the rest of our families were 3000 miles away.. Last year we went back east to visit my family and it was fun.. But the reality is it would have sucked without her.. We recently are done as she's seeing somebody else, even though we aren't divorced yet cause she doesn't sign the papers, but I'm going back to visit my family...last minute thing as I didn't want to be stuck in a city where I just moved six months ago and don't know anybody but co-workers who will all be with their families and friends. But while i love my family, it was always better with her than before her. My family can be a pain in the neck to see sometimes....She was always by my side during some of the arguments or shouting matches or drunk fests..... This year I'll go home and I have no clue how it's going to feel. When asked I told my mom that it was just me coming and then I told her we're getting divorced.. So this will probably be one of those go home and they ask me what I did wrong crap. My family was always like that plus a lot of people think it's always the guys fault anyway. I don't know what to say...... I wish things were different but holidays haven't always been my favorite time of year to begin with...but when I was with her...they became something special.. We always did something stupid that was special... Even the stupid shopping became fun cause I like buying things for other people if I have the money.. THis year I haven't even gone shopping because it hurts...... Maybe I'll just get drunk and not remember the holidays....
stray_cat Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 yeah my holiday this year will suck as well. i just posted a thread about this. christmas used to be such a joyful moment for me and my STBXH but now it just highlights my loneliness and sadness.
emmanuel Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I think that this year will sucks for a whole lot of people, not only because of break ups/ divorces, but mainly due to the bad economy, I don't know many people who had a good year 2008, layoffs, homes lost, divorces, business down, many people will have a grim face for Xmas and New Year, me included.
Author stuckinoz Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 I would agree with that! Just when we think that we are dealing with the most horrible thing ever - there are others feeling just as down - if not worse than we do. Merry Christmas to you all - Chin Up! I suppose all we can do is perservere & hope that next year will be a better one.
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