sedgwick Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 God, another of Joe's friends just sent me a friend request on facebook. It's the second one she's sent me. I don't know what to do. I just hit "ignore" again, but I'm feeling really bad about ignoring these women I was getting to be friends with. Why are they both trying to get in touch with me after a year and a half? I just can't deal with seeing anything at all about him or his band. I can't deal with pictures of him coming up on my facebook page. But I don't want to say anything to S & Z (the friends) about why I can't add them -- I don't want him to know I'm out here pining for him, and I'm afraid they'd tell him. I don't want anyone to know how pathetic I still am (except you guys, heh.) I struggle so much with thinking he didn't want me because I'm ugly and untalented, and these two women are both musicians and cuter than me. I feel like it would just crush what little self-esteem I've built up if I knew anything about them. Sorry this is essentially the same post as the other day. I'm just struggling a lot with it.
RogueAC Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Why are they both trying to get in touch with me after a year and a half? Because you are an awesome and talented woman and they want you as a friend/to part of their lives. It is your decision to include them or not. But I don't want to say anything to S & Z (the friends) about why I can't add them -- I don't want him to know I'm out here pining for him, and I'm afraid they'd tell him. Just ignoring the friend requests seems to cause you unnecessary stress. You know best, but you could send them a message that gently explains that you are no longer interested in a friendship with them. You don’t need to give the reason. You don’t even need to mention the ex. Or, use the Block User feature on the privacy settings. Then they won’t be able to request you as a friend, search for you, see your profile/posts, etc.
openbook08 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 it took them a year and a half to figure out they want to be friends with you?? YAWN. i think youre entitled to hit ignore for about the same length of time till you decide!! its causing you too much stress and anxiety darlin, if it was me id be hittin the ignore button too. actually i did one better i deleted facebook altogether!! ahh *breaths sigh of relief* , i still miss him but its one less way to fuel my heartache even further. bear in mind, no matter how nice these women seemed, they could also be fishin for info on you to report back...just a thought ive only been readin your posts a few weeks and i think you sound like an amazing person it certainly wouldnt take me a year and a half to let you know i wanted to be your friend! even if after the break up they had said , look ive really enjoyed your company & was lookin forward to building a relationship with you but i know this is an awkward and sad time for you so know that im here & if/when you wanna reconnect you know where i am! i bet you look just as fab as you sound too! no matter what we all "look" like if yove got a good heart - which you do - you cant measure it by waist size or leg length!! i would be selfish right now & look after myself!
Zapbasket Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 it took them a year and a half to figure out they want to be friends with you?? YAWN. i think youre entitled to hit ignore for about the same length of time till you decide!! its causing you too much stress and anxiety darlin, if it was me id be hittin the ignore button too. actually i did one better i deleted facebook altogether!! ahh *breaths sigh of relief* , i still miss him but its one less way to fuel my heartache even further. bear in mind, no matter how nice these women seemed, they could also be fishin for info on you to report back...just a thought ive only been readin your posts a few weeks and i think you sound like an amazing person it certainly wouldnt take me a year and a half to let you know i wanted to be your friend! even if after the break up they had said , look ive really enjoyed your company & was lookin forward to building a relationship with you but i know this is an awkward and sad time for you so know that im here & if/when you wanna reconnect you know where i am! i bet you look just as fab as you sound too! no matter what we all "look" like if yove got a good heart - which you do - you cant measure it by waist size or leg length!! i would be selfish right now & look after myself! I quoted the whole thing because it's absolutely brilliant advice and I second every word. Especially heed this, Sedgwick: it took them a year and a half to figure out they want to be friends with you?? YAWN. and this: even if after the break up they had said , look ive really enjoyed your company & was lookin forward to building a relationship with you but i know this is an awkward and sad time for you so know that im here & if/when you wanna reconnect you know where i am! THIS is what someone would do who truly cared about YOU and who was worthy of your friendship. People send facebook friend requests all the time without it actually denoting any intent to be your friend in any true sense of the word. Your reaction to their requests is sincere and full of heart (albeit heavy heart), and imo they haven't done or said anything to demonstrate that their requests deserve that from you. Also in my opinion, this sending of friend requests with nary a personal message is just...tacky. I suggest you block these two women, and continue blissfully on with your life. One day it's finally gonna sink into that skull of yours that you're way more awesome than that stinky Joe ever could hope to be. Sounds like it's the same deal with you and these professed "friends" on facebook.
Author sedgwick Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks for the encouragement, guys. One of them did send me a very sweet note saying she missed me, and one of them has sent me two friend requests now. The first tours a lot so I can understand her not getting in touch sooner. I don't know what's up with the second, I just know she's in a band. She's sent me two requests now, but you're right, no note is really lame. I hope she'll maybe understand why I can't accept her and that I won't have to explain it. I just can't handle knowing anything about him. If I found out he was dating again it would totally kill me. I've been angry lately, thinking how stupid the breakup was and how lame he turned out to be. Part of me wishes he knew he was one of the two people in my life who have most crushed my heart. I want him to know I go to therapy three days a week and that I cry about 50% of the time I'm there. I wish he knew he made me unable to trust people and how badly he hurt me. I want him to feel like a real dickhead. A mutual friend told me six months ago that he did, but I asked her not to tell me anything else about him. The bottom line is that he doesn't get ANYTHING from me at all until he comes to me and apologizes and tells me he wants to get back together. That's the only way I would ever speak to him again. The other day my therapist said, "Joe's long gone," and it really hurt. I know that's the case. I know he left me because he wanted to find someone better. He's cute and charismatic and funny and smart, and I'm sure he's found her. It hurts a lot but ultimately I just want him to be happy.
Recommended Posts