My Story

[Tmmm]

Here is my story. I'll try to keep from ramblings too much. I'm 24, male.

 

While travelling in San Francisco I met my now ex. She was from Thailand, doing an internship, and I was just travelling. I liked her but it was just a hook up to start as I thought since we're not from there nothing will happen. I was her first, and she was completely infatuated (she said love) with me from the start. Then I got sick, and she took care of me for a week and I stayed at her apartment. She's the nicest, sweetest girl I've ever met. Then I left.

 

I didn't want a relationship, but I did like her, and didn't have the heart to upset her at all. We talked on the phone a lot, and over the months feelings grew.

 

But then way too fast for me, she sends me a ring in the mail and proposes to me by mail/phone. I say no, way too fast (it's like 4 months only, mainly long distance).

 

She's devastated. We decide long distance relationships don't work, and at my instance we are good friends who care about each other deeply, but since we're so far away can't go out with each other. In the future maybe we'll be together but arenot in a relationship now.

 

We talk, e-mail, but not as frequently as I want her to move on. I don't see anyone else, and am not interested in anyone else but the distance is too hard for me, and I think she's just infatuated with me.

 

She's travelling all over, meeting new people etc, but still e-mails every now and then saying how much she loves me, wanting to be in a relationship. I shut her down, say the same tihng about the distance doesn't work.

 

Finally - she sends me an e-mail asking if she comes to where I live if we have a chance.

 

I'm going through a lot of other stuff. I write back I can't even think about it right now. The I do think about it, and realize she's all I could ever want. I was living with my parents, she couldn't stay with me there, so I move out and get an apartment for us and tell her to come and live with me.

 

It turns out she slept with another guy, a week after asking to come here. The last e-mail saying I couldn't think about it and she finlly gave up on me. It was the same day I put down the deposit on our place.

 

Anyways, I'm completely devastated. Can't eat for about a weak, throwing up, the whole works. I've been through break ups before but nothing remotely close to this. I'm generally unemotional. Don't have close friends to lean on cause I've never needed any before. She's the only person, family, friends, ex grilfriends included, I've ever been close to.

 

So yea, that's my story. I shoot her down for months, hurting her, then finally when I make up my mind I get hurt. Fate can be pretty cruel with the timing.

 

She's hurt too. I sent some really stupid e-mails, nothing mean just honest but I know they upset her to know how hurt I am.

 

The worst part is though she is now all confused and hurt about this new guy. It was just abviously just a hook up and he's ignoring her now. She's just an idiot when it comes to guys.. but I feel so bad for her, and responsible. She was so innocent and now is an emotional wreck like everyone else. =(

[hereandnow]

Tmmm, are you saying that the fact that she hooked up with another guy is what is stopping you from being with her now, or that the e-mails you sent have probably shut down any future relationship. I'm a guy so I can understand where you're coming from if it's the fact that she slept with another guy, but if it was me and you really want to be with her I think I could get over it.

 

From what you've posted, it just seems to me like maybe it doesn't have to be over. Please clarify if I'm missing something.

[Tmmm]

Hey - thanks for responding. Sorry if I was unclear.

 

She doesn't want to be back together with me, not now at least. I think it's for the best too. Long distance is brutal on me, I can't take the stress.

 

The guy she hooked up with she wanted to be in a relationship with but he turned her down then ignored. This is after she found out I do love her and wanted her back she still asked this other guy. Her feelings have changed. Maybe it was infatuation on her part all along. I don't know.

 

Right now the main thing on her mind is why did that other guy sleep with her, but then not want to see her after? Why did he say all those things before and then ignore her after. It's so bovious it was just to have sex with her.. but she is an idiot. No experience with guys and how they are.. it's a different culture over there, where sex and marriage go together always (except in tourist areas).

 

In the future, if we are together in the same place, maybe we will be together. I really can't imagine a better girl for me... in a whole lot of weird ways (like philosophical views no one has). Sigh. For now, I'm in an apartment I can't afford by myself wondering what I'm going to do with my life.

 

Edit: More info. She did say she wants me to go there though? Like now. Which confuses the hell out of me. I don't know if she means as friends now, or to see what'll happen or what. I don't like the idea of flying around the world to be rejected in person.

[hereandnow]

Huh. So she is in Frisco still, right? Are you outside of the US?

 

It does seem odd that she wants you to come visit now. I would think that her culture wouldn't be much into platonic friendships like that either. I mean, what I'm saying is I wouldn't expect you to get the "let's just be friends" bit from her.

 

Are you American? I'm just curious as to what kind of cultures we've got colliding here.

[Tmmm]

Hey thanks for replying to me.

 

I'm Canadian - Vancouver. Basically sae culture as you guys with stuff liek this. She's Thai. She was in san francisco for an internship, me just travelling. Then she travelled to chicago for awhile, then back to thailand, then in romania for a few months doing another internship - lots of going out, drinking,, new people etc which is hard fr a long distance relationship. It was with a guy she met there she hooked up with while travelling around europe after.

 

I don't understand her culture fully. But a lot of things are different, that's for sure. There isn't the hook up culture there. She still does have feelings for me, at some level at least, which I think is why she wants to be friends. She has mixed emtions about both of us and is confused. She said she doesn't want to go out with anyone right now because she's tired of all the pain, which makes sense but I don't believe it - i think she pines for the guy she hooked up with. She doesn't have any friends to even talk to for advice, as they're either virgins or married.

[hereandnow]

I see where you're coming from now. It wold be really hard to be with her long distance if she does all that traveling and partying. Hmmm. As opposed to going and see her, I'd keep the lines of communication open. Going around the world to get rejected would be brutal. You could also go no contact, and see if she tries to get back in touch with you and wants to start a relationship. Then you would know you're not forcing her hand.

 

But, hey, I'm just throwing some stuff out here man, I'm no expert. I have taken some of the advice people have posted for me on here, but I've also disregarded some of it, probably to my detriment, who knows.

 

Ya'll ride horses to work in Canada like we do here?

[Tmmm]

Not me, not in the city, but yes there are cowboys in Canada too.

 

She just sent me another message on facebook. Kind but general and not too interested. It's pretty clear how she feels. She's still thinking of this new guy... I do want to help her though. I think I genuinely care how she ends up, with or without me. And she needs help - advice from a guy about guys and how to be more careful.

 

Yea, thanks. I think talking to someone and posting is therapeutic. The writings on the wall.. I need to get over her for now at least.. and then, once I have my act together career/education wise and a bunch of other stuff, and once I've at least socialized with some new girls, see how I feel about her as time passes then if I want to maybe go there and see what happens.

 

Making her know she can contact me whenever, but me stopping contacting her is the best I think.. although I hope I won't check my email incessantly hoping something is there as I do now.

 

I'm such an idiot. Who does this.

[hereandnow]

A lot of people do that stuff, just read some threads around here.