How do you get your ex out of your mind-it's driving me crazy

[robaday]

Granted she was my first love, but still this is ridiculous.

 

I need her out of my mind, because it's still bothering me after she finished it in September-I know! plenty of time to get over it.

 

She doesn't want to speak to me anymore after numerous rows, and I just need to move on. There's was no contact for 2 months, then limited contact last month during which I told her I was suffering severe depression, and now no contact again.

 

There is no possible way we could ever get back together and I wouldn't be surprised if she hates me. Is this normal? the relationship only lasted a year. She dumped me twice, and I haven't seen her for ages nor am I ever likely to see her again.

 

I deleted her from Facebook after the break-up. She added me back a month ago. I try not to look at her page, I try and resist the temptation to phone her, but it's dificult.

 

I don't want to delete her from Facebook again, as don't want to cause anymore drama. I'm still in love with her after all the pain I've been through. I don't think I can ever be friends either, so why is this bugging me?

 

why can't I let go? why is she still in my head?

[FeedingOnFever]

I honestly feel your pain. She was your first love... it will not be easy, no matter what anyone says. You say that you've had since September to get over her, and that it should be more than enough time to move on.

 

Here's the thing though... logically, it makes sense that it's been long enough. But to your emotions, logic does not apply. The best advice I can give is that you really need to let yourself feel those feelings. They suck and it's awful, but it's part of your process.

 

I hope things start to look up for you.

[IcemanJB]

I feel for you man. I've had since mid-October to get over my breakup, and I'm not there yet either. I still think about her all the time; she was my first love as well. I'm going through all the facebook stuff as well; I went as far as to deactivate mine because I could not handle seeing any sort of update from her or people that we mutually know talking about her - also she admitted to "stalking" my page the last time we talked...yikes. SHE BROKE UP WITH ME.

 

Just be happy that she isn't contacting you. For the first 1.5 months after the breakup, mine was always texting me and she even asked me to meet up late one night. It was really really hurting me so I had to tell her to knock it off and stop contacting me. I'm on day 25 of NC and it still hurts. I dreamed about her all of last night.

 

I've come to the realization that maybe she just isn't good for me, but I STILL want to be with her. The chemistry and attraction and interests are all there, but we're still very different people at very different spots in our lives. Weird huh? We've both stated that friendship probably won't happen in the near future...I deep down would love to be her friend, but I just can't do it. Don't try to force friendship with your ex too early, it will only result in pain.

 

You're not the only one going through this! Hang in there! You'll notice that you'll go longer time periods without even thinking of her. I noticed it when I was hanging out with my friends a few nights ago; I went several hours without a single thought of my ex which was the longest I had gone.

[justletgo07]

I'm right there with you guys. It's hard to let go of every last shred of hope that she will come back, but in the end, no matter how things work out, it's best that we give up completely and start moving forward.

 

First, I think you should remove her as your friend on Facebook. You say it will cause drama, and it may, but you are putting her feelings before yours. What is worse to you, delaying your healing or making her mad? If she does get mad, it just means she is just not mature enough to understand your reasons for it. You have a right to feel better.

 

I would suggest buying the book "How to Fall Out of Love." One of the methods it talks about is Thought Stopping, and is actually really easy to do. First, make a list of things you enjoy and that truly make you happy that don't involve your ex whatsoever. Then, each time thoughts of your ex pop up in your head, say "STOP!" outloud and focus on one of those things on your list. I know it sounds dumb, but it will significantly decrease the number of times a day you think about her. Essentially you are teaching yourself to not think about her anymore.

[againstallodds]

Get real busy, workout, go out and have fun even if you don't feel like it. Try a little more each day. Think about all the reasons you don't like about her. You guys breakup for a reason. Work on yourself.

[robaday]

Well the last time I spoke to her, I told her I'd od'd on crystal meth, had been suicidal when I met her and generally tried to scare her off. I thought that would be the end of it.

 

After posting that yesterday she texted last night:

"sorry i haven't been in touch. Is your sister here? have you her mobile? m"

 

the m denotes her name as she knows I've deleted her number. I think women are crazy sometimes, I mean I have told her I've gone mad, she doesn't know my sister anywhere near as much as me and yet still gets in touch. You think life can't get any stranger, that you've scared someone off for good, and they still get in touch (I know I'm reading far too much into this)

 

Anyway bad traits, I love this part.

 

She can't deal with raw emotion

Commitment scares her

She uses people

Cat and string theory all the way-when I was miles away she was all over me, demanding to know what I was up to. When I got closer, she ran a mile

I told her I loved her, she freaked out

She's jealous, but when I ask her about her life she freezes

She likes being in control

 

My bad traits:

I smoke

I take drugs

I binge drink

I suffer from depression

I'm an introvert

I'm a little needy

I'm too honest-i.e. I told her everything about myself-some things should be kept back

 

A match made in heaven!

[smiiiley]

Rob, i feel your pain. it sucks...we'll get through this though

[confused_2008]

She's still in your head because you're letting her be there. Dude, ask her to respect your wishes and STOP contacting you. WTF is up with her asking for your sister's number if they hardly talk? I think she just wanted some contact with you. As for Facebook, tell her why you're taking her off your friends list and then do it. You need to heal and it will only make it harder seeing what she's up to all the time. If you have a lot of mutual friends and this is a big deal, you might have to ask them to take her off for a while too because she'll pop up all over. And, who cares about creating drama. She dumped you. She created a little drama there, huh?

[Ronni_W]

Anyway bad traits, I love this part.

hey, what's going on?