Iluvatar24 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Hello everyone, Around Thanksgiving my ex girlfriend said she wanted to stop talking to me for 6-12 months since she found a new boyfriend she loved, because she went to college of course(She goes to Rochester, NY and I'm living in Dayton, OH) and apparently everytime she saw me or talked to me it would hurt her because of the fights we would have yet we only faught about half the time we talked ever since she left for college. Our breakup was weird because the last night she was here, we made love and she told me she loved me and everything would be fine with us. About 3 weeks later she tells me she has a crush on this guy and then another 4 weeks later they're going out. So around Thanksgiving she blocks me from her phone, facebook, AIM, everything, and I believed she told her cousins and bother to block me as well because I lost them as well. And so on Sunday night I come home from work and see her on my friends list on AIM and I was like wtf? Well this is the message she sent me: "I know this is a cheap-ass way of doing this and there is a letter being composed in my head that won't come out in words, but I just want to say I'm sorry. Yah, I like that means a whole lot I know, but I have no words. I'm so sorry about your grandmother (I don't know if you got my text because my phone was being screwy but all it said was I'm sorry basically). I was very sad to hear that she's gone. She was so sweet to me and I'll never forget it. I'm sorry I was such a bitch (although I had nothing to do with my cousins/brother de-friending you). I know you weren't as awful as I made it seem with the stuff I said but I needed a way to break off... I can't explain. Maybe someday I'll find the words and the letter will be available to you to read, until then... Please just know I haven't forgotten and I'm truly sorry..." My grandmother died on December 4, and I didn't tell her because I couldn't contact her so I guess her mom did or something, and to add to that, she sent me a text message yesterday morning at 7 AM, one reason I'm guessing was because yesterday would have been our 2 year anniversary and in the text message she basically said the same thing "I'm sorry about everything, blah blah blah...I'm sorry" and then today she started the simple talk with me like how i was doing and how work and school was, and i tried to ignore most of it, but i answered her questions in the simplest way. and then at the end she told me that she and her new boyfriend were having: "A lot of little tiffs that seem so meaningless now but meant something then..." and i was like okay, I don't care and its none of my business and made her feel bad...after that we talked a little bit more and then she said she had to go to bed and wanted to talk more later, and I said ok, goodnight. Why in the world is she wanting to talk to me again? she told me before Thanksgiving that she didn't want to talk to me for like 6 months because every time she saw me or talked to me she would get hurt. not even 5 weeks in she starts talking to me again...btw she goes to Rochester Institute of Technology and I'm in Ohio, want any other info? just ask and I'll tell. But please tell me whats shes trying to do and what she's wanting because she's been a confused little girl/woman basically all her life and I don't know what she's want. Please help!!!!
confused_2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I guess this is basically a free bump so the love gurus can get to you, but isn't this as simple as things didn't work out/aren't working out with the new guy and she's falling back to you and checking if you're still interested? I mean she cut off all contact when she met him, right? You didn't really say if you broke up before she left at the end of summer or when she started seeing this guy because that might make a difference.
CaliGuy Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 IMHO she doesn't sound like she wants to get back with him. Sounds more like to me she is trying to shed some of the guilt off her back, that's all. I wouldn't respond to her at all. Let her stew and WONDER what you are thinking rather than tell her and remove all doubt. People think a lot more about you when they have to WONDER what you are thinking and aren't told first hand.
hereandnow Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I agree with CG, let her wonder what you're doing. Ever since I stopped being immediately available to my ex gf, it does seem like she's acting different. Not saying she wants to get back with me or anything, but the her attitude does seem like it's changed. I also had my ex feeling sorry for me right at first, you know, she'd give me that sad little smile when she'd see me. That's changed now since I started acting indifferent and happy, able to converse with her on a light tone. I sure don't need that ex pity!
Author Iluvatar24 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 I don't want her pity either, but I do still care about her and love her and I just don't know what to do. I know I can't get back together with her, she's eight hours away and I can't just handle that distance. Neither can her for that matter, she might just want to be friends right now but now I don't even know if I can handle that. She's trying to tell me things that I don't care about or want to need hear and she's trying to tell me. I mean if she ever comes back to Ohio and maybe goes to college here or something in the next year or something I might give her another chance. But it doesn't look at way and I'm not going to wait a couple more years or her or anything because that's just stupid. She's coming home this weekend and I don't know what to really do about her...any suggestions?
mark982 Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 she's just tring to ease her own mind. no more, no less. i sure wouldn't reply. let her stew in her own quilt.
Author Iluvatar24 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 so I should just ignore her and let it be? even if she tries to talk to me more should I not say anything? Please help me because I'm so confused on what to do and need help...
Davey McG Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Ignore it and block her otherwise her attempts at alleviating any guilt she might have will just end up hurting you more!
CaliGuy Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 so I should just ignore her and let it be? even if she tries to talk to me more should I not say anything? Please help me because I'm so confused on what to do and need help... Yes, the answer is to simply ignore her. I know that it doesn’t make sense to you right now as your natural reaction is to do just the opposite, but all that will do is cause more problems right now. Ignore her, have fun, enjoy your life. Trust me, that is the very best thing you can do right now.
samspade Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 The title of this thread says it all. You are letting her dictate terms under which you two communicate. The only way you can upset that is to ignore her, completely. Don't waste any more time talking to her, because you're just reassuring her that she's in control and you're not.
Phateless Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 The title of this thread says it all. You are letting her dictate terms under which you two communicate. The only way you can upset that is to ignore her, completely. Don't waste any more time talking to her, because you're just reassuring her that she's in control and you're not. Yep. She has all the power and she knows that if she asked you will come back. That's all she wants out of you. Don't block her, but don't talk to her either. Just keep it short and sweet. You're too busy for her.
BCCA Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 In my opinion... What does "im sorry" really do for you at this point? Nothing. She cant come up with the words to write a letter? Please, she took the easiest, bare minimum approach to try and relieve some guilt. I promise all she was looking for was an "its ok" or whatever from you so she doesnt feel like a complete b***h. Dissapear, bro. Dont respond at all. I still get spuratic texts from my ex, and I delete them without reading them. Screw that, dont give someone who walked away from you the power to cause you this kind of confusion. She doesnt want what you want, I can promise you that. There isnt a moment that goes by that shes thinking of moving home or getting back together. All she wants, ALL SHE WANTS, is not to feel guilty and to know you dont hate her. Dont give her the time of day. Like I told a buddy of mine, I would rather read spam mail than anything from my ex. Dont block her, but stop responding all together. Let her fill in the blanks herself.
BackonTrack2 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I dunno, CaliGuy and BCCA are champs at advice they are way smarter than me, but atleast your EX contacted you and said sorry. My ex left me long ago, never sent an hello or an email or text or nothing, I'm like damn, she never cared. U know what I don't know who left who anymore, my mind is all messed up when it comes to her, but would be nice to know for 100% certain she's sorry. That would be nice, but I wouldn't respond to your EX, I wouldn't talk to her, I would just feel better in my head knowning she's sorry and where things stand in her head, so atleast i wouldn't have to worry if she still remembers, hell she has to remember, not that easy to forget people, well not unless you found someone yoru really into, i dunno, u see i'm still messed up sort of. Atleast u know though but, I wouldn't talk to her, forget about letting her mind wonder or any sort of vengeful tactic, I been there, U can't do that to people. Just worry about u and just know, she played you like a sucker, lied about things to other people just so she could get her way, people like that.... are not really good people... shouldn't be around people like that... or talk to people like that.... they only bring you sorrow and heartache + its kind of crazy she thinks she can just talk to you or call u up like nothing happen, I guess in HER head she doesn't feel like she did anything that bad to even have the nerve to contact you. PS, why she even talking to you about her boyfriend? she still doesn't get it, maybe you should listen to the champs caliguy and bcca.
EmperorR Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 " I don't need your sympathy I don't need you thinking of me "
Author Iluvatar24 Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 She hasn't talked to me in 2 days now, I don't know if it's because she's been busy with school and packing and heading home or what. But I've decided to tell her that we don't need to talk to each other. She doesn't seem like she's changed at all even though she said she has and I need to her to change some aspects in her life if she REALLY does want me back in her life somehow. But yeah, I still don't trust her and she probably is trying to free her conscious or whatever. I just going to tell her flat out the next time she tries to talk to me, and if she really does want me back she's going to have to do some major changes in her life. Plus I don't see the point of being friends again. First off, me and her were never really friends, and secondly, she says that Rochester is so amazing and the people there are great and she has soooo many friends, I'll ask her why she needs me, specifically, to be friend if she has dozens of new friends there that seem to be better than me. I'll basically try and set a trap up for her and hopefully she'll fall into it, I'm sorry if it sounds mean but I have to be 100% sure and see what she's trying to do... (And to answer your question, I really don't know why she told me she and her boyfriend were having issues. Probably to get me to talk to her and give her a shoulder to cry on or something. I really don't know. I told her that I really didn't care about that and didn't need to know about it and made her feel a little bit stupid.)
samspade Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 But I've decided to tell her that we don't need to talk to each other. Don't TELL her. Just ignore her. There is a big difference. Telling her means YOU are getting roped into a conversation by her once again, and you're trying to gain an advantage over her by supposedly "rejecting" her. To her it will be apparent that you still care enough to go through the trouble, which is clearly more than she cares about you. I'll ask her why she needs me, specifically, to be friend if she has dozens of new friends there that seem to be better than me. I'll basically try and set a trap up for her and hopefully she'll fall into it, I'm sorry if it sounds mean but I have to be 100% sure and see what she's trying to do... Listen to yourself, man. You sound like the sorriest chump alive, trying to slight her and play games. Just drop her and move on with your life. You have nothing to gain through all of this b.s. You've already taken a step back by even communicating with her, don't make it worse.
Author Iluvatar24 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 okay...sooo she called me just now and basically said. I still love you and care about you and want to be with you somehow. I told her that I'm split in the middle and that we need to think about this more in the coming days.
samspade Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 okay...sooo she called me just now and basically said. I still love you and care about you and want to be with you somehow. I told her that I'm split in the middle and that we need to think about this more in the coming days. I admire your restraint. Do you have any idea what she meant by that? At first blush, it sounds promising...but there is a lot of wiggle room in those words. Remember: Actions speak louder than words. Not trying to burst your bubble, I'm just here as the voice of skepticism. She may want you back, after all, perhaps long term, perhaps for a few days. I still think you should eschew all of this and find someone new, for your sake.
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