msjules Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I had been 4 weeks NC. Was so proud of myself. Then, completely out of the blue I got a text message at 1:00 am last Saturday morning. His message was part of the lyrics to the song "Wintersong" by Sarah McLachlan. "And all around reminders of (us) are everywhere I go." We used to listen to that song as we slept last Christmas. It shocked me as I had written him off and thought I'd never hear from him again. The breakup still hurts badly. The next morning I got another text apologizing for the first one. Then an email that night pouring his heart out to me. I was pissed because it had been a month. How dare him! What made him think he could just start contacting me again? It seemed that all the progress I had made was down the drain. I sat on my heels for three days and maintained NC. Then I decided what the hell, I am going to give him a piece of my mind. And I did, I chewed him out really badly in an email. I got a lot of stuff off my chest that I had been wanting to say for so many weeks now. Three hours later he called me, having just read the and he was very upset. He broke up with me three months ago after losing his job. He said he wanted to focus on getting another job and work on some other issues on his own. There was no convincing him otherwise. On the phone he told me how badly he regrets how he handled things, how he wishes we had worked on his problems together, etc. He said he could not imagine his life without me in it. There was no mention of reconciling, however. More emails have followed. One of them was this morning and he wants to call me tonight. I don't know what to do. I love him like crazy, but in the time we've been apart I've gotten a lot of clarity about him and how much of a mess he is. My friends are totally against my talking to him and are begging me to go back to NC. But the past couple of days have been much more bearable because the pain of the breakup is lessened a little. We were best friends for years before we started dating. It is hard letting go, especially when he is still without a job and it's Christmas. I'll probably talk to him tonight. I wish I was strong enough not to. I know now that he isn't right for me, but I want him back anyway. Any feedback would be appreciated.
BikerBeagle Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 This might be bad advice, but I'd talk to him ...see what he wants, put your mind at ease one way or the other, get the closure if that's what it is. Don't ask for him to come back, don't say "I love you", don't agree to be 'friends' with him, don't even be necessarily 'friendly' with him - avoid small talk ...ask him what he wants, point blank. Worst case is, he wants to be 'friends' (in which case you can tell him to bugger off). I think everyone deserves a second chance if 1) they are willing to ask for it and 2) if a 3rd party wasn't involved.
Author msjules Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 I think it's good advice. He told me the other night that he still loves me and always will. I will ask him point blank what he wants like you suggested. Thank you. (I'm from Kansas, too)
BikerBeagle Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 He told me the other night that he still loves me and always will. ...but it doesn't mean he wants to reconcile anything more than a 'friendship'. (I'm from Kansas, too) Yeah? Whereabouts? I'm in Wichita.
Author msjules Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 Yes, I don't think he necessarily wants to reconcile. I'm from Topeka.
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