snoop_dawg22 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 It's been a while since I've posted on LoveShack. I used to post from work but got restricted . Nevertheless I love this site, it's always been so helpful. So here goes.... My bf and I have been dating for a lil over 6 mos now. This is the first "real" relationship since my last LTR of 5 yrs ended. My new bf is great, there is just one thing that puzzles me. He's in school now getting his Masters degree. I really do respect him for that. The thing is that now he never has time for me. In the beginning we spent so much time together and he would say that he's squeezing in as much as he can b/c when school starts he'll be so busy to blink. I thought he was just being dramatic. Now we only see each other maybe once a week. Never on weekends. Been like that for the past 2 mos. A couple of mos ago he started a fight w/me over something that so small, he said he wanted to break up so I said fine. He didn't expect me to be ok with it. So the same night he comes back and tries to talk his way back. I accept. Since then it's been "well I have school" well "school this, school that" oh plus he has a 6 yr old that I haven't met yet. Whenever the mother wants to drop him off I have to leave. I ask why and he says he is not ready for the drama. Understanable. But here's the main thing. I'm kind of ok with not seeing him, well ok I'm not but now it's like he's too busy to even pick up the phone to call me. I'm kind of at a breaking point right now. I've asked to just date causally, he says no. Should I hang in there and risk being emotionally detached or just try and move on to someone who has and will make time for me?
BikerBeagle Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 For whatever reason, he doesn't have time for you ... Maybe a good solution would be to 'tell' (not ask) him that you want to continue seeing him casually, but because of his schedule, he can't expect you to sit at home and wait for him to divvy up his minimal time for you ...see how he reacts to that (he'll probably break up with you, but at least you stood up for yourself). Right now, he's just taking advantage of you being available whenever it is convenient for him.
Author snoop_dawg22 Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks for the reply Biker Beagle. I don't even try to make plans with him anymore. I go out and do my own thing. So it's like we're not together anyway. I'm not sure why he rejected my thought of just causally seeing each other. It's not like I want to date anyone else which was he first thought. I just told him I feel like he shouldn't be in a realationship right now. So hopefully I'll be able to TELL him this time, whenever we see each other again. I'm really light hearted about this because I feel that there is no other resloution and although I care for him there is just some things I've promised myself I wouldn't do just to have a realtionship. We'll see.
AlektraClementine Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 If things are really good with you guys, you'll learn to adapt and enjoy what little time you have together. That is only if he and the relationship are worth it. I've been dating someone now for a year who travels. A lot. We really liked each other and so we just dealt with the time apart. Not saying it's easy but it is doable. He traveled a good bit early in the relationship. Since August he's been home a lot more and I can say that I am very glad that I showed patience. Now that he's available, he devotes all free time to me. Now, about the kid. I have a 6 year old as well and I waited 6 months before introducing my boyfriend to my child. This is not uncommon where there are good parents. I've had too many relationships die inside of a few months. Children should never be subjected to boyfriends or girlfriends unless there has been a real bond established between the daters. Don't take it personally. Be patient with him and just understand that the child has NOTHING to do with his relationship with you until you have become someone he intends to be with for a long while. My boyfriend showed tremendous patience with me in this area. His only statement ever was "I'm ready when you are".
PrincessPeach Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Seeing each other once a week isn't all that bad, and for only having been dating for about six months I don't think you should automatically assume more than that. Of course this comes from my belief that seeing each other very frequently early in a relationship often can harm the longevity of the relationship. A relationship is something that builds and grows. You can't expect a seed to grow into a tree overnight. It takes time, care and nurturing to cultivate that seed through all the necessary growth stages before it becomes that tree. If the tree grows too fast, the roots won't have had time to develop and hold and the tree will be more likely to fall over. There is nothing wrong spending once a week with each other this soon into a relationship as long as you are enjoying the time you do spend together. However, if you are not patient enough to be in such a relationship, then you should be willing to leave it rather than complain about it.
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