Think i evaluated my problem.. from DSV tom

[kreens]

hi all

think i have worked out my issues. i dont think anyone read my earlier post about "messy break up with neighbour". i think it was far too long. But ive read alot of posts and gained great insight and advice.

after reading Dish's post i think i am somewhat similar (apart from th fact that i do have a mental illness)

i think i have not moved on from my divorce (it was very hard - we were 2gether 13 yrs) we separated 18mths ago.

I feel ive got huge co-dependance issues, and im attracted to men with issues with addiction or that are unavailable (ie one lived in Nepal). ive had 3 relationships in 18 months. Im scared to be alone... Ive broken up with 2 of the 3 - and tha last relationship i sabotaged so he dumped me. i really liked him - but once again he has substance issues.

Whats wrong with me. Im so scared of being hurt that i keep attracting myself to these men (my husband wasnt like this at all but we did have communication problems).

im co-dependant needy and obsessive. And im really ready to change all that

 

k

[alwayssme]

Maybe a therapist would help you sort out your problems?

[kreens]

yes i agree - i think you are right. i think i need to talk to someone for sure. Have ruined any chance of a friendship with my neighbour (ex) in the future. i know im not near ready for a relationship with anyone until i fix my issues. and im maintaining NC as i think that is the best thing. its hard when we live next door to each other!!!!!

 

Thanks for your advice

 

K

[2sure]

You know, it sounds like you are getting a handle on things. You certainly seem to be recognizing your issues and now you how NOT to deal with them. Thats a start right? After a divorce, and especially with now basically being a single mom - its a huge life change, in every respect.

 

Of course you are feeling insecure and needy! Of course there is comfort in affection...but face it, you just arent ready for that yet. You have a lot to offer someone, but you arent quite there yet. Settle down, work, stay with the kids, get your medication under control until day to day life is working for you and you only need a break once in awhile instead of relief from the pain.

 

Keep posting here, keep breathing, you are on the right track!

 

Soon, you will be able to go out on dates when your kids are with dad, and they will be fun and you will not feel so much like you must have someone else there.

 

Dating and new relationships are just more than you can handle right now. Its OK. Take a big step back and regather yourself.

 

Forget about the neighbor. He may think of you as a psycho, but you know your not. Dont worry about it, people can think worse!

 

Keep posting, I will watch for you!

[kreens]

2 sure

 

thanks so much for your response. just what i needed to here.

 

u r right im def not ready. i have 2 daughters that need me. A fulltime career as a graphic designer (and ive just recently gone back fulltime having workd part-time for 8 years for the girls)

 

im not a psycho. i do have alot to offer. but need me space

thanks again

 

k x

[2sure]

I hope you stay on here and keep reading and posting. There are several newly single moms on here also navigating their way through the day to day struggles, dating, depression, jobs, etc.

 

Its a very good idea to get perspectives here, ideas, and mostly just vent.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Glad I could help you my friend. You're on the right path now, walking towards a positive outcome. This is a good thing. It's always darkest just before dawn, you know what I mean? You are heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel.