Can I lose my job over gossip and dislike?

[tidalwave]

I have been working at my job for over 2 years now. i have the growing suspicion that sooner or later for some reason or another i am going to get fired. i recently found out that my sister (who also works with me) has been telling people everything about me: who i said was cute, who i didnt like, personal info, etc. she has even told my boss that i didnt like him, and bad mouthed me to HR, etc. i did tell some personal lies, but nothing having to do with work and i only told her and maybe another person. it was almost always dumb stuff like where i bought my clothes, how much i paid for my car, etc.

 

sounds stupid right? i have dated a couple of people there (big mistake) and those relationships are over and i didnt do anything during those relationships that would get me fired or anything like that. well since i have confronted her things have gotten worse. i have other pressing personal issues going on and with this and my personal situation my paranoia has gone up 1000 percent. my co-workers are now trying to make me paranoid. they laugh and whisper (so that i think they are talking about me) and do anything they can to get a reaction out of me.

 

even my boss is in on it. everything i do or say to my bosses has become public knowledge to the point where i have no secrets. the funny thing is my sister hates almost everyone and has said some really horrible stuff about our boss, our co-workers, personal friends, etc. it is almost laughable, but everyone seems to be on her good side while i am an outcast. i dont kiss any butt, and if i find out someone doesnt like me, or thinks negatively about me, i usually just dont say anything to them.

 

i can take the embarassment, but in these economic times, i just do not want to lose my job for any reason. i was wondering if my just not being popular can lead to me being fired, or if i simply dont say anything will i unevitably be ok? it is a great job and i am petrified that if i lose it i wont be able to find anything nearly as good; especially the way our economy is right now. so that means, quitting is out of the question... so what do i do now? it is so tough just walking in to work these days. any suggestions or advice?

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, that's brutal, to have a trusted family member, badmouth you like that. My only suggestion is that you look for another job. I don't know how you can reverse the thought processes of so many people, including the HR dept. and your boss.

 

Your sister is a witch. People can be so manipulative for what petty gain, who knows.

[tidalwave]

Wow, that's brutal, to have a trusted family member, badmouth you like that. My only suggestion is that you look for another job. I don't know how you can reverse the thought processes of so many people, including the HR dept. and your boss.

 

Your sister is a witch. People can be so manipulative for what petty gain, who knows.

 

 

the job is too good. i will start looking, but i will never find one as flexible or as profitable. she is supposed to be moving away on or about feb.; should i wait it out or get a new job either way? i dont mind being hated, i just dont want to lose my job.

[Kamille]

**** hit the fan at my job and while I don't want to go into details, all I can tell you is this: once I realized I didn't trust a single person I worked with, I focused on doing my job, taking pride in it. I refuse to participate in office gossip or even act like I'm part of any work alliances.

 

I was afraid for awhile about the consequences of being isolated and isolating myself, felt like I was hanging on to my job by a thread but a few people have noticed. The boss has noticed. I'm building new relationships with new colleagues. I feel like I have learned a lot, and I feel a lot more professional.

 

So I would suggest you do the same thing: ignore the negative vibes and focus on your job. (and believe me, I still struggle with ignoring them, especially when it's thrown in my face). Keep a strictly professional attitude. As hard as it may be, refuse to gossip about anyone work-related, either with coworkers or your sister.

 

And no, I don't think you can be fired for not being popular, as long as you remain professional.

[Trialbyfire]

the job is too good. i will start looking, but i will never find one as flexible or as profitable. she is supposed to be moving away on or about feb.; should i wait it out or get a new job either way? i dont mind being hated, i just dont want to lose my job.

Ride it out while looking for another job. When people get petty, who knows what they're capable of doing, especially just before they're leaving. People can be truly amazing in their capacity for pettiness.

[You'reasian]

I have been working at my job for over 2 years now. i have the growing suspicion that sooner or later for some reason or another i am going to get fired. i recently found out that my sister (who also works with me) has been telling people everything about me: who i said was cute, who i didnt like, personal info, etc. she has even told my boss that i didnt like him, and bad mouthed me to HR, etc. i did tell some personal lies, but nothing having to do with work and i only told her and maybe another person. it was almost always dumb stuff like where i bought my clothes, how much i paid for my car, etc.

 

sounds stupid right? i have dated a couple of people there (big mistake) and those relationships are over and i didnt do anything during those relationships that would get me fired or anything like that. well since i have confronted her things have gotten worse. i have other pressing personal issues going on and with this and my personal situation my paranoia has gone up 1000 percent. my co-workers are now trying to make me paranoid. they laugh and whisper (so that i think they are talking about me) and do anything they can to get a reaction out of me.

 

even my boss is in on it. everything i do or say to my bosses has become public knowledge to the point where i have no secrets. the funny thing is my sister hates almost everyone and has said some really horrible stuff about our boss, our co-workers, personal friends, etc. it is almost laughable, but everyone seems to be on her good side while i am an outcast. i dont kiss any butt, and if i find out someone doesnt like me, or thinks negatively about me, i usually just dont say anything to them.

 

i can take the embarassment, but in these economic times, i just do not want to lose my job for any reason. i was wondering if my just not being popular can lead to me being fired, or if i simply dont say anything will i unevitably be ok? it is a great job and i am petrified that if i lose it i wont be able to find anything nearly as good; especially the way our economy is right now. so that means, quitting is out of the question... so what do i do now? it is so tough just walking in to work these days. any suggestions or advice?

 

Can you lose your job because of gossip?

 

Probably not. If you do your job, keep professional and your actions speak otherwise the ***** that your sister is spreading shouldn't matter all that much.

 

Stay motivated and keep focused.

[amerikajin]

You can lose your job for getting on the wrong side of political fences for sure. However, I think the suggestion about keeping your head down, minimizing the amount of socializing with others, and just doing your work is an excellent idea. It's hard for a boss to find motivation to fire an employee who doesn't do anything except work.

[tidalwave]

You can lose your job for getting on the wrong side of political fences for sure. However, I think the suggestion about keeping your head down, minimizing the amount of socializing with others, and just doing your work is an excellent idea. It's hard for a boss to find motivation to fire an employee who doesn't do anything except work.

 

 

i am trying to do that but it is so damn hard. it seems like no matter what i do they try to get at me.

[Trialbyfire]

i am trying to do that but it is so damn hard. it seems like no matter what i do they try to get at me.

Unless it's directly work related, you don't have to respond in any way. You can say Hi and Bye and leave it that way, while being civil with work related conversation.

[amerikajin]

i am trying to do that but it is so damn hard. it seems like no matter what i do they try to get at me.

 

I don't know what you can do outside of that. If you are really concerned about your sister and co-workers saying things to your boss, you could talk to your boss but I don't think that's necessary. I think you should just try to focus on your job and nothing else at work. Try to block out the social network in the office. Over time, people will get the picture.

[Kamille]

i am trying to do that but it is so damn hard. it seems like no matter what i do they try to get at me.

 

Are they trying to get at you in any ways that affect your work? If so, really, management should get involved.

 

If not, IGNORE the comments. These people are just your coworkers. Be cordial. When someone taunts you with anything: smile or, if at all possible, try to laugh it off.

 

It's important to keep in mind that 'they' is a group of individuals, each with their own opinions. It is very likely that some of your coworkers aren't participating in the rumors or the bullying. Focus on building good relationships with people you know you can trust. Again, avoid talking about any of your coworkers. Base your conversations on other things (like say, projects you're working on, hobbies, the lack of healthy snacks in the cafeteria, etc.)

 

You might also want to look into joining an activity group completely unrelated to your work environment. This to remind yourself of who you are outside of a poisonous environment.

 

And last, I would suggests you talk to your doctor about the stress you are experiencing at work. I did and my doctor suggested therapy. I did cognitive-behavioural therapy and it has helped me a little. My doctor also forced a work leave upon me, which yielded the best results, and helped me rekindled with the non-paranoid non-stressed out side of myself. Any chance you could take a vacation soon?

 

You could also approach your boss about this, and about ways to deal with it. I know your sister alledgedly told him you hated him (is that true?), but he still remains the boss, and you one of his employees.

[tidalwave]

Are they trying to get at you in any ways that affect your work? If so, really, management should get involved.

 

well they just try to anger me, thats it. i do think my sister would think it was great if i were to get fired, but there is nothing they can personally do to get me fired, short of them making up some sexual harrassment crap or something.

 

 

If not, IGNORE the comments. These people are just your coworkers. Be cordial. When someone taunts you with anything: smile or, if at all possible, try to laugh it off.

 

that is easier said then done, especially when one of them is my sister and everything she says is taken at face value by them and taken as the absolute truth. the quieter i am the more they hate me, the more i talk the more they hate me, etc.

 

 

It's important to keep in mind that 'they' is a group of individuals, each with their own opinions. It is very likely that some of your coworkers aren't participating in the rumors or the bullying. Focus on building good relationships with people you know you can trust. Again, avoid talking about any of your coworkers. Base your conversations on other things (like say, projects you're working on, hobbies, the lack of healthy snacks in the cafeteria, etc.).

 

i cant trust anyone! they are all women who seem to live for this kind of crap. someone is always laughing, whispering, trying to do something to make me think they are messing with me when they aren't really saying anything (but they actually are because they are just trying to mess with me). my paranoia is my own worst enemy. my sister was one of my best friends and i use to always bounce ideas off of her and she would take my thoughts and share them with everyone else just to have a healthy laugh about it later.

 

i try to limit my conversations, but sometimes it is hard. my future ex wife and our current divorce causes problems for me at work too, my sister knows too much (not that there is anything really bad on my part) and my ex is of course not being honest so it gives my co workers what they think is ammo and justification for their actions. very difficult situation.

 

 

You might also want to look into joining an activity group completely unrelated to your work environment. This to remind yourself of who you are outside of a poisonous environment.

 

And last, I would suggests you talk to your doctor about the stress you are experiencing at work. I did and my doctor suggested therapy. I did cognitive-behavioural therapy and it has helped me a little. My doctor also forced a work leave upon me, which yielded the best results, and helped me rekindled with the non-paranoid non-stressed out side of myself. Any chance you could take a vacation soon?

 

i have been dealing with it well, but lately it has just sparked up more and made me even more on edge. i am very busy with that job, my own small business, my friends and my kids and dont really have time (besides posting on this site) or the money to take care of myself. i do try to only deal with people who care about me and do things that make me happy when possible. after this divorce is final i do plan on getting away without my kids, just me and another person - a reward for a very tough year.

 

 

You could also approach your boss about this, and about ways to deal with it. I know your sister alledgedly told him you hated him (is that true?), but he still remains the boss, and you one of his employees.

 

 

i dont hate him. the truth is she hates him for several good and not so good reasons. i did have an incident with him which was his fault (in my opinion) but i did not hold any ill-will although he thought i did. i have talked to him before but she was always talking behind my back so he never believed me before, etc., etc. i would prefer to just go in and do my work and leave without causing a scene or getting him involved. maybe later i will talk to him but definately not right now.

[Mary3]

Could you possibly be hypersensitive right now ?

 

Every whisper is meant for you ?

 

How much of this is real and how much do you think is imagined ?

 

Does anyone tell you to stop being so senstive ?

 

I think the trip is a great idea for you to have a break

[Star Gazer]

Without going into details, I'll tell you that my firm recently severed a tumor of gossiping, catty, clique-like assistants by firing them all in one full-sweep. Literally, an entire group of them. It's been the best HR decision I've seen my boss make to date.

 

So yes. I'd say you're in danger, at least if your boss is smart. But not just you, your sister and anyone else involved as well.

 

Ride it out while searching for a new gig. Bury your head in your work to CYA.

[tidalwave]

Without going into details, I'll tell you that my firm recently severed a tumor of gossiping, catty, clique-like assistants by firing them all in one full-sweep. Literally, an entire group of them. It's been the best HR decision I've seen my boss make to date.

 

So yes. I'd say you're in danger, at least if your boss is smart. But not just you, your sister and anyone else involved as well.

 

Ride it out while searching for a new gig. Bury your head in your work to CYA.

 

 

i have been ignorning all of it lately and i am happier. my work performance has even gotten better. it is baffling that they are still trying stuff and talking even though i am keeping to myself. it is almost like no matter what i do they will just keep messing. if i keep to myself, i am being mean, if i talk to everyone - i am just trying to impress people... i dont know which way is up.

 

i do not want to leave, it is a good job and very stable, especially in times like these. i think my boss, HR, and everyone has taken my sister's side (or will if it ever comes to that). even though she isn't a very good person she is phony enough and i am not. i am big and scary and she is nice as pie to everyone's face. one person looked at both of our myspace pages and says that she does portray herself as a great person and i seem like a "fun all the time" guy.

 

this person knows both of us and knows how my sister really is, but they were just telling me how it seems and the more i thought about it, the more i could see their point. it is all about perception, and i just refuse to play the game so i think i will probably always lose. i just dont want to lose that job!

[You'reasian]

i have been ignorning all of it lately and i am happier. my work performance has even gotten better. it is baffling that they are still trying stuff and talking even though i am keeping to myself. it is almost like no matter what i do they will just keep messing. if i keep to myself, i am being mean, if i talk to everyone - i am just trying to impress people... i dont know which way is up.

 

i do not want to leave, it is a good job and very stable, especially in times like these. i think my boss, HR, and everyone has taken my sister's side (or will if it ever comes to that). even though she isn't a very good person she is phony enough and i am not. i am big and scary and she is nice as pie to everyone's face. one person looked at both of our myspace pages and says that she does portray herself as a great person and i seem like a "fun all the time" guy.

 

this person knows both of us and knows how my sister really is, but they were just telling me how it seems and the more i thought about it, the more i could see their point. it is all about perception, and i just refuse to play the game so i think i will probably always lose. i just dont want to lose that job!

 

Again, I wouldn't worry about it. Be productive, be yourself.

 

Focus on what you need to do to be successful. That's all you need.

 

Secondly, delete your myspace page (unless its business related). I did and it frees up so much more time.

[You'reasian]

i recently found out that my sister (who also works with me) has been telling people everything about me: who i said was cute, who i didnt like, personal info, etc. she has even told my boss that i didnt like him, and bad mouthed me to HR, etc. i did tell some personal lies, but nothing having to do with work and i only told her and maybe another person. it was almost always dumb stuff like where i bought my clothes, how much i paid for my car, etc.

 

the funny thing is my sister hates almost everyone and has said some really horrible stuff about our boss, our co-workers, personal friends, etc. it is almost laughable, but everyone seems to be on her good side while i am an outcast. i dont kiss any butt, and if i find out someone doesnt like me, or thinks negatively about me, i usually just dont say anything to them.

 

Your boss isn't dumb. Chances are he's been around the block and can spot trouble makers and drama queens when he/she see's them. In the case you do lose your job, have a back-up plan.

 

Have a plan for handling damage control for your sister in the future as well.

[tidalwave]

Your boss isn't dumb. Chances are he's been around the block and can spot trouble makers and drama queens when he/she see's them. In the case you do lose your job, have a back-up plan.

 

Have a plan for handling damage control for your sister in the future as well.

 

 

what kind of plan for handling damage control? i dont have one and dont even know where to start.

 

and i hope i dont lose my job. i have not been doing anything, not talking to anyone and my job performance is back to the high level it was before all of this mess. i am trying to figure out how i could get fired but i cant come up with anything. i do not think i am doing anything that they could fire me over although they dont really need a reason, it is a right to work state or whatever.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

That is horrible that your sister backstabbed you to the boss like that, I can't even imagine...and then you're going through a tough divorce, that can't be easy.

All I can say is hang in there and keep focusing on work and not letting what your coworkers say about you or pretend to say, or whatever, just like several other posters have stated.

They are going to be the ones who look unprofessional if they keep up the snarky laughing, "gossiping", etc., don't care about what these losers think about you.

It could also be that you perform a lot better than they do at work and they are totally jealous, did you think of that? Let them be jealous and act like idiots, including your loser sister.

[You'reasian]

what kind of plan for handling damage control? i dont have one and dont even know where to start.

 

Let your employers know that your sole intention is to come to work, be a productive employee and make your bosses job easier. Your actions will match this.

 

Start by disclosing to your employer that you have a sister who creates alot of drama by talking behind other's backs

 

and i hope i dont lose my job. i have not been doing anything, not talking to anyone and my job performance is back to the high level it was before all of this mess. i am trying to figure out how i could get fired but i cant come up with anything. i do not think i am doing anything that they could fire me over although they dont really need a reason, it is a right to work state or whatever.

 

Focus on doing your job, not your sister.

 

If for some unseen reason you lose your job, make sure you've got documentation on your general performance, accomplishments and conduct.

[steveraves]

In some ways it sounds like you're being harassed at work. Your not gossiping at work and it doesn't really sound like your gossiping outside of work just stating your opinion.

 

I'd recommend googling * law forums * and post your questions their. Here's the one I've posted on before http://forum.freeadvice.com/ . That way you can find out if they could fire you and if you have any rights.

[RecordProducer]

I certainly hope that you will keep the job if you're a good worker. By no means should you lose self-control and let yourself be provoked.

 

On another note, my personal experience with people who listen to gossip is that these people are usually not much better than the one who spread the sh*t. Just consider them all a bunch of low-lives and don't work yourself up as to who, why, when, what, etc. It takes two to gossip. It sucks that your own sister betrayed you, but if she can do it, imagine how starngers can stab you in the back. Just do your job and don't try to explain anything to anyone, unless you have said something really hurtful (e.g. "John is stupid") - in that case you might think of ways to fix the damage.

[tidalwave]

I certainly hope that you will keep the job if you're a good worker. By no means should you lose self-control and let yourself be provoked.

 

On another note, my personal experience with people who listen to gossip is that these people are usually not much better than the one who spread the sh*t. Just consider them all a bunch of low-lives and don't work yourself up as to who, why, when, what, etc. It takes two to gossip. It sucks that your own sister betrayed you, but if she can do it, imagine how starngers can stab you in the back. Just do your job and don't try to explain anything to anyone, unless you have said something really hurtful (e.g. "John is stupid") - in that case you might think of ways to fix the damage.

 

 

thank you for the advice and help. i dont gossip. i have made mistakes in this situation thought, but i dont gossip and talk badly about anyone. i told a few lies; small stuff just about myself trying to make myself look better, but never about anyone or to hurt anyone. i might have said that to my sister that i thought this person or that person looked good, etc. but i thought that was in confidence but i found out that everytime i told someone that - she told them.

 

my position is that no matter what she shouldnt have told anything. her telling all of my true thoughts makes all of her lies seem true which have put me at a disadvantage when it comes to perception at that job. i dont try to hurt anybody. all of my mistakes are about me. i do give my honest thoughts on situations, but that's it - i dont hurt anyone. i hate gossip about me especially when it is not true.

 

i dont want to fix anything, i just want to go to work and go home but it seems like they dont want me to do that. i appreciate being able to come here and vent a little bit.

[You'reasian]

Wouldn't worry about it.

 

Focus on what you need to do to be successful at your job and ignore her attempts at spreading gossip, stay focused, be productive and be a good team player.

 

Worrying about it more and more and asking yourself what if will make you act out of fear.

 

Show your strength. If it becomes critical and interferes with your ability to do the job, explain to HR that your sister is acting against company policy.

 

Your sister is defaming you or harassing you at work.

 

Keep her closer...

[You'reasian]

thank you for the advice and help. i dont gossip. i have made mistakes in this situation thought, but i dont gossip and talk badly about anyone. i told a few lies; small stuff just about myself trying to make myself look better, but never about anyone or to hurt anyone. i might have said that to my sister that i thought this person or that person looked good, etc. but i thought that was in confidence but i found out that everytime i told someone that - she told them.

 

my position is that no matter what she shouldnt have told anything. her telling all of my true thoughts makes all of her lies seem true which have put me at a disadvantage when it comes to perception at that job. i dont try to hurt anybody. all of my mistakes are about me. i do give my honest thoughts on situations, but that's it - i dont hurt anyone. i hate gossip about me especially when it is not true.

 

i dont want to fix anything, i just want to go to work and go home but it seems like they dont want me to do that. i appreciate being able to come here and vent a little bit.

 

How's your job performance?

 

If you're at or near the top of your group in terms of productivity, a good team player, working to be a subject matter expert and attempt to make things easier for your boss, then I wouldn't worry about it.