AbbyConfused Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I can't believe how inconsiderate my husband can be of my feelings. We've been married for 5 years now, we have a wonderful 4 year old son. But my husband and I are constantly bickering and fighting. I need him to communicate with me... and I've been having no luck. Since the beggining I've known that he has a computer/internet usage addiction. Right now he's spending about 8-10 Hours on the computer a day (And that's after his full day at work.) He stays up until 1,2 and 3 in the morning on the computer. I'm not necessarily worried about what he is doing, but it does take time away from our son and I. I've tried talking to him about his time on the computer, I've tried in many ways, calmly talking, bitching, offering alternatives, just all sorts of ways. I've asked him to stop looking at porn so much... He can never admit that he has a problem, and he never apologizes. When I complain about it, he is mad and defensive at first, then he goes into a quiet mode and tries to comfort me by trying to be all lovey dovey (like holding my hand, trying to give more kisses)...In doing this he puts off a demeaner like he knows I'm upset but that he's in control and will not relent. So, I am stuck feeling like my feelings are not being considered and that I have no hope. Before when I confronted him about looking at porn he told me flat out that he would never stop looking at it no matter what I did. I have stopped smoking for him, I have moved 13 hours away from my family and friends to support his career, I have stopped some of my other habits or addictions for him and our little family. I suppose I was naive to assume that he would do the same for me? He is selfish, stubborn, arogant, controlling and inconsiderate. How do I get him to change before I leave him?
ReeWoo Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 What's his deal? Does he sit infront of the computer at home surfing pron, playing video games or what? That's the first item to determine. The internet in itself is not the addiction. I was addicted to computer games and really never realized it until I stopped. I had a large network of friends from across the world and we just hung out on the net using different programs to communicate about what we were doing. Determine what the major 'thing' is that he is sinking his time into. The internet is a large creature with millions of parts that draws someone in. If he surfs for that many hours only for porn . . . go to a local church that offers porn recovery or some organization that offers porn recovery and give him a flyer. Call your parents and let them know that you are having personal problems with your husband and may need a place to stay for a few days or a week. Give your husband a non-bitch, non-pushy talk (Tell him how the wind blows) and identify that if he spends 8-10 hours a day watching only porn that your family has a serious problem. If he's unresponsive then go visit your parents. <--- do this only if his only problem is porn. If he is doing something else on the internet then porn is only a side effect that this will not come close to doing anything positive, imo. First identify what the problem is, the internet is not the problem, narrow it down. Is iturfing pron, playing video games or what?
BikerBeagle Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Well, you could get rid of the computer ... Or, you might try bringing up the subject of leaving him if he doesn't quit (because, really, that's where this is going any ways) ...but you have to be willing to follow through if he doesn't come around; otherwise, he owns you. Addictions are a funny business and sometimes you have to shock the person into realizing that what they are doing is affecting other people.
pelicanpreacher Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 His type of mentality needs to see a parking lot made of his life before he'll pull his head out of his azz! Simply pack your's and your child's belongings, leave him a note, and move out. He'll soon come begging, pleading, and promising anything and everything to get you back but you stay firm and give him the cold shoulder until he is almost mentally, emotionally, and spiritually broken. It is only at this point of rock bottom that you make your demands known for reconcilliation and even then you only dole out measured dollops of your trust until you can confrim by actions that he has indeed changed from inside out before you bare your soul to him again!
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