Enternal Sunshine Of A Paranoid Mind

[tidalwave]

I am a very paranoid person. several things have happened in my life and people that i greatly cared about have let me down so much to the point where i dont trust a sole. i always look for the worst first, and i try not to let anyone get close enough to cause any more damage. i am seriously paranoid. the problem is that i am almost always right. even when i think something is going on and i am wrong about what is actually happening, i am right that something was happening, so that just feeds further into my paranoia... Get it?

 

i have been posting a lot on here and just wanted to know if anyone has any ideas on how to just let things go and not rack my brain so much. no matter if i am wrong or right i want to be able to have more peace of mind, and right now i just dont know how too. does anyone have any ideas?

[amaysngrace]

Did you ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy? Or that saying "the body achieves what the mind believes"?

 

I'm not saying that you were or were not right about your paranoia but maybe, just maybe, your paranoia made what you believed become a reality? Could that be possible? Not always but sometimes?

 

It's like thinking everybody hates you and then you behave so badly because you are paranoid that everybody hates you that your actions make that very thing happen. They didn't start out hating you otherwise they wouldn't have been around you to begin with. But somewhere down the line they changed their mind about you.

 

Does that make sense to you?

[Kamille]

An acquaintance of mine is extremely sensitive. Her attitude has greatly improved lately, but for awhile she was convinced that eveyone (and especially me) were contriving against her.

 

This made her incredibly difficult to deal with, mostly because it felt like she was always 'testing' our relationship. She would always try to 'read' into everything I said or did. Usually, she would end up 'proving' to herself that I was being manipulative and diong eveything I could to outshine her (which I wasn't.)

 

I wonder if you are stuck in the same thought pattern of trying to ascertain whether people like you or not?

 

As to peace of mind: I think step one is admitting you do not control other people's actions, or even what they think or say about you. And that in the end, it actually matters very little, as long as you remain true to yourself. You have nothing to prove to anybody. This might sound like obvious advice but : Focus on building relationships with people you feel mean you well. The rest? they don't matter.

[2sure]

Paranoia or Intuition?

If your always right, I would say you have good intuition. If you trust your intuition , you can acknowledge the fact that you are correct and at least stop the worry of wondering if you are.

 

Once you trust your intuition - you know that you can read people well, regardless of what words they use, or the persona they try to present.

 

These are good skills.

 

The problem lies with what you do with your intuition. Do you insist on getting proof?? Why? When your gut has given you the answer. Do you insist on presenting the person with their lie? Why? They will only continue to lie , or justify their actions. Maybe to them, their actions are ok. But not to you. Thats ok. Move on.

 

Is it possible you have been a victim because you did not heed what your intuition told you? But take heart! Develop and trust your instincts, reading people and choosing who we have in our lives is an acquired skill.

 

When you go with your intuition, and trust yourself, it relieves the anxiety of paranoia.

 

Unless your crazy. In that case, none of the above applies.

[amaysngrace]

Unless your crazy. In that case, none of the above applies.

 

What the.....?

[tidalwave]

Did you ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy? Or that saying "the body achieves what the mind believes"?

 

I'm not saying that you were or were not right about your paranoia but maybe, just maybe, your paranoia made what you believed become a reality? Could that be possible? Not always but sometimes?

 

It's like thinking everybody hates you and then you behave so badly because you are paranoid that everybody hates you that your actions make that very thing happen. They didn't start out hating you otherwise they wouldn't have been around you to begin with. But somewhere down the line they changed their mind about you.

 

Does that make sense to you?

 

makes perfect sense. on the other hand i dont do the regular things that normal people do. i honestly dont have a deep longing to be liked. for instance, some people put up with crap from their mother because "that's my mother" etc. I DONT. i feel like if someone does bad things to me no matter who they are they are treated the same. someone makes me mad i just dont talk to them. i have noticed that this pisses people off, especially if they are wrong.

 

i demand a certain level of decency/respect of myself and other people and when people dont maintain that level, i move on. for example, my mother did some really bad stuff to me when i was younger. my sisters ignore it and just act like it never happened; i on the other hand am honest about my feelings about it. i dont harbor resentment, i just dont pretend that everything is ok. i am civil and nice, but i just dont pretend to love her as others love their mother. most people think that makes me horrible, i think that makes me real.

 

i have found that the more someone is wrong the worse they get towards me. my wife cheated throughout our marriage, told me she thought she was beneath me, now treats me like absolute garbage and makes up the wildest stories just to make me look bad. on the other hand her mother treated her like crap and she goes the extra mile to try to earn her mother's love and attention - i dont do that. my point is that you might be right that i am manifesting it, but i am not sure how to change that. i like being honest and not letting people get away with things, especially when they have hurt me in any way.

 

do you understand what i am trying to say? sounds a bit convoluted.

[tidalwave]

When you go with your intuition, and trust yourself, it relieves the anxiety of paranoia.

 

Unless your crazy. In that case, none of the above applies.

 

 

LOL. Very funny

[Kamille]

I think the first thing to do considering everything that's going on in your life is assess when the feelings of paranoia started.

 

If they are a result of a failed mariage and problems at work, then I would say that your reactions might actually be healthy. The one thing to do is not to get trapped in the distrusts. Things will get better. They will eventually fall into place. But it sounds like you've been dealt a couple of hard blows, so of course you need a period of time to readjust.

 

I started feeling better the minute I was able to accept that all the negative emotions I was having because of my situation at work (plus a relationship falling apart), were actually healthy emotions. They weren't fun to go through, but how could you be expected to carry on as if nothing happened when stuff did happen?

 

Recognizing that these negative thoughts and emotions were a normal reaction to events in my life has helped me gain perspective on them. It took some of the pressure of me berating myself for feeling down and has helped me find ways out of cyclical paranoid thoughts.

 

 

If however you feel that you have always been paranoid and you don't see an end to feeling like this perhaps you should make therapy a priority.

[amaysngrace]

my point is that you might be right that i am manifesting it, but i am not sure how to change that. i like being honest and not letting people get away with things, especially when they have hurt me in any way.

 

do you understand what i am trying to say? sounds a bit convoluted.

 

It does sound convoluted to be honest. But if that is how your mind works then you can do something to stop thinking that way. I have struggled with insecurity and it's the same thing. Sort of.

 

I think it's good you know you do that, think bad things first. At least you understand the way your mind works. It's kind of like you have to psyche yourself out to balance it. When a bad thought pops up about someone or something maybe try to step back from the thought and see maybe if you are "doing it again". Try to stay focused on what's good rather than what's bad when thinking about it. And don't forget you have a problem with this. So maybe it could be you.

 

Start small. One thing at a time. If something or someone raises this challenge in you try your very best to step back and give it a fair assessment with all things considered.

 

Little by little you can get there.

[tidalwave]

It does sound convoluted to be honest. But if that is how your mind works then you can do something to stop thinking that way. I have struggled with insecurity and it's the same thing. Sort of.

 

I think it's good you know you do that, think bad things first. At least you understand the way your mind works. It's kind of like you have to psyche yourself out to balance it. When a bad thought pops up about someone or something maybe try to step back from the thought and see maybe if you are "doing it again". Try to stay focused on what's good rather than what's bad when thinking about it. And don't forget you have a problem with this. So maybe it could be you.

 

Start small. One thing at a time. If something or someone raises this challenge in you try your very best to step back and give it a fair assessment with all things considered.

 

Little by little you can get there.

 

 

i am trying really hard, it is just hard. i am paranoid but things are done to me so it is not like i am totally crazy. like i said before; most times i am right - i might be a little off but i am somewhere in the ballpark, which only sparks my paranoia more...

[amaysngrace]

like i said before; most times i am right - i might be a little off but i am somewhere in the ballpark, which only sparks my paranoia more...

 

Okay I get it. You like being paranoid. It helps you a lot. You are right about it so in that way it's a very good thing.

Why post that you'd like to change it then?

[tidalwave]

Okay I get it. You like being paranoid. It helps you a lot. You are right about it so in that way it's a very good thing.

Why post that you'd like to change it then?

 

 

hey. i am just thinking out loud and asking questions. i dont have the answers. i am not telling you that i am right, i am just telling you how i think. i know i dont like being paranoid but the fact that i am right is what detours me. i am just thinking outloud... i dont know it all... i barely know anything, and just want to get better and be happier...

[amaysngrace]

i am trying really hard, it is just hard.

 

i know i dont like being paranoid but the fact that i am right is what detours me. i am just thinking outloud... i dont know it all... i barely know anything, and just want to get better and be happier...

 

All things worth having are worth working hard for.

 

Well I still don't understand if you like it or you don't. It seems you don't or else you wouldn't be posting about it asking for help on how to change. But at the same time you are saying you like it because you are right about it.

 

So which is it? Are you satisfied with it or dissatisfied with it? Or do you like it just the way it is? So it's like it's a mixed opinion about it?

 

Bottom line...is it more good than harmful to you or more harmful than good? Only you would know.

[Just_A_Random_Person]

I understand how you feel... I have been in a similar situation, I believe. I think (maybe I'm wrong, I don't really know you) that you are a fairly sensitive person and since you've been mistreated so many times, you just don't want to go through anymore of that. Based on what you wrote, I feel I can relate to your experiences very well.

 

Me for example - I've been deceived and betrayed on several occasions, every time by people I've considered very very close and people I've trusted a great deal. It took me a great amount of time to swallow the bitterness, resentment and disappointment. Only the disappointment didn't really go away and trusting people in general, became an issue nearly impossible to fulfill. I'd always wonder if smiles were real and words and meanings genuine. There was a point in my life when I'd imagine people talking behind my back, people breaking promises, people trying to deceive me in every possible way etc. I'd always assume the worst. Like you, I expect to be treated as I treat and I hate falseness and hypocrisy. Unfortunately I’ve come to realize the world is not a happy place where everybody gets what they deserve. People are selfish beings who look after their own benefit first. You and me and everybody else is more or less this way. It’s in our nature. An instinct.

 

So… The how to deal with the paranoia? As they say, time heals. My paranoia has almost subsided with time. I try not to dwell on things too much, because it's not pretty. Definitely not healthy. When communicating with people I always maintain a certain level of distrust though. It’s a way of keeping myself mentally prepared for the worst, just in case. But it’s not as bad as it used to be. For example I no longer care about what people think/say about me. As long as I feel happy and fulfilled, as long as the people I care about are OK…

So all in all, don’t think about it too much, don’t over-analyze things! You are missing opportunities and positive experiences that way. Try to enjoy life, but don’t forget to trust and rely on your own self first and foremost…

 

And yeah... This is only my humble opinion. You don't have to agree with it.

Good luck!

[You'reasian]

Ieven when i think something is going on and i am wrong about what is actually happening, i am right that something was happening, so that just feeds further into my paranoia... Get it?

 

So you have the ability to pick up signals. Nice! Not many people have this gift.

 

Take it for what it is. Fine tune it. Try to use more critical thinking and testing to see if you can improve this ability to work FOR you.

 

Never act in fear.

 

Don't worry about what others are saying and doing, worry about what YOU are going to do. Something works against your favor and knocks you down, get up - don't lose any time and keep on doing what you were doing.

 

You will earn more friends, strengthen the respect of those who already are and even more respect (more attempts against you) from those who oppose you.

[tidalwave]

So you have the ability to pick up signals. Nice! Not many people have this gift.

 

Take it for what it is. Fine tune it. Try to use more critical thinking and testing to see if you can improve this ability to work FOR you.

 

Never act in fear.

 

Don't worry about what others are saying and doing, worry about what YOU are going to do. Something works against your favor and knocks you down, get up - don't lose any time and keep on doing what you were doing.

 

You will earn more friends, strengthen the respect of those who already are and even more respect (more attempts against you) from those who oppose you.

 

 

i am really trying to do better, and i have done better lately but it hasn't been easy. i am happy that i post here and have the opportunity to get some advice from people.

 

i do find myself being a lot happier lately since i have lessened my worries and focused only on things that make me happy. thanks for your advice.

[tidalwave]

I understand how you feel... I have been in a similar situation, I believe. I think (maybe I'm wrong, I don't really know you) that you are a fairly sensitive person and since you've been mistreated so many times, you just don't want to go through anymore of that. Based on what you wrote, I feel I can relate to your experiences very well.

 

Me for example - I've been deceived and betrayed on several occasions, every time by people I've considered very very close and people I've trusted a great deal. It took me a great amount of time to swallow the bitterness, resentment and disappointment. Only the disappointment didn't really go away and trusting people in general, became an issue nearly impossible to fulfill. I'd always wonder if smiles were real and words and meanings genuine. There was a point in my life when I'd imagine people talking behind my back, people breaking promises, people trying to deceive me in every possible way etc. I'd always assume the worst. Like you, I expect to be treated as I treat and I hate falseness and hypocrisy. Unfortunately I’ve come to realize the world is not a happy place where everybody gets what they deserve. People are selfish beings who look after their own benefit first. You and me and everybody else is more or less this way. It’s in our nature. An instinct.

 

So… The how to deal with the paranoia? As they say, time heals. My paranoia has almost subsided with time. I try not to dwell on things too much, because it's not pretty. Definitely not healthy. When communicating with people I always maintain a certain level of distrust though. It’s a way of keeping myself mentally prepared for the worst, just in case. But it’s not as bad as it used to be. For example I no longer care about what people think/say about me. As long as I feel happy and fulfilled, as long as the people I care about are OK…

So all in all, don’t think about it too much, don’t over-analyze things! You are missing opportunities and positive experiences that way. Try to enjoy life, but don’t forget to trust and rely on your own self first and foremost…

 

And yeah... This is only my humble opinion. You don't have to agree with it.

Good luck!

 

i am trying to enjoy life but that is hard. i hope time does help me out but who knows... thanks for the advice...

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hmmmm I understand your dilemna. You think you may be paranoid but on the other hand you think your paranoid thoughts and feelings may be the truth in which case, you want to remain paranoid if it brings you truth, but if your paranoia is nothing more than negative thoughts and feelings which lead to nothing, then you wish to be free of it.

 

So long as your paranoia seems to be true and right - then though it's difficult, its kind of safe right? Because it gets you the answers.

 

But you can't tell where your paranoia starts and ends. You can't tell what you are right and wrong about - until it happens.

 

Coming from somehow that suffers with anxiety, I can tell you that the body learns responses to things. If you are constantly anxious for long enough, your body begins to produce the hormones (or whatever it is!) to make you anxious. Your mental state begins to produce a reaction in your body which in turn makes you even MORE anxious.

 

I think its probably similar with regard to things like paranoia. That's the way your mind is or has become and eventually, it becomes so everyday to feel paranoid that it becomes a habit - just like blinking or yawning. But it is a conditioned response. Even being always happy and laid back is a type of conditioning but it's just a more positive one.

 

I think also as someone else brought up, it could be a type of self-fulfilling prophecy. Because you expect it, it's been proven before, you seek out situations or people, either consciously or unconsciously - to prove that you are right. Because it's safe and rewarding to be right. And more difficult and scary to be forced to achknowledge that its you that may be the problem. You may be self-sabotaguing. Also are you perhaps paranoid because you yourself are a big thinker/big worrier? Are you ever disingenuine...and so you expect this in others too?